Chapter 5 - A Sad Goodbye
Demeter sat next to Bombalurina. She was the youngest of the older kittens, but she was much more mature for her age than she should have been. Today, however, all she wanted to do was snuggle up to Bombalurina's coat, hug her, and cry. Tears streamed down her face, and Bombalurina, trying her best to comfort her younger sister, couldn't help but cry herself. Whether it was a realization that hit her that day that Demeter had long been dreading, or simply the pain of learning a harsh truth of reality, she wasn't sure. But she bitterly let her tears fall from her eyes.
The Tugger and Munkustrap looked at each other as though they wanted to do something, but what could kittens do? They were only so much older than the two sisters. They knew just as much as them. Mistoffelees went up to Demeter and Bombalurina, nuzzling them both sympathetically, but Bombalurina pushed him away. Alonzo looked to Munkustrap to see what he could do, but there was no example to follow here. They both only knew how to forcefully protect someone you care about, with a show of strength and maybe words if it called for it. Really he had to deal with someone else's broken heart.
And he also had no idea how to deal with his own…
It began shortly after Little Macavity's assault on the beauty of Grizabella. It didn't hurt that much, she admitted, but it was her good looks that threatened to be taken away. And Grizabella had slowly convinced herself that her beauty was her save all. While it may seem a shallow take on life, it was, at the time, her fall back. For she had lost someone she loved, and harshly at that.
Her mate had left her long ago. It was, on the surface, a good relationship. But this strong-willed queen not only held on fast to a tom who's passions lied elsewhere, she also held on fast to the idea that he loved her with all his heart, and nothing could change that. She was blind to the fact that he was and had always been a restless cat. She had never considered herself a bad cat. Her judgment wasn't always in line, but her heart was in the right place. However, the day that her mate left, the only thing he had to say to her, (probably to make her finally leave him alone), was that she was an awful mate, and only stayed for some insanity on his part. And with a few more harsh words along those lines, he left her without a mate in the Jellicle tribe. She was hardly by herself, but she had never felt more alone.
After that point, Grizabella didn't know what to do. She was, after all, only feline. While she had a few resources to fall to – her father, her friends, her kittens – she chose her beauty to comfort her. As long as she was beautiful, she would find someone who could love her. The blow to her self esteem was damaging, and he assaulted the goodness in her character, but he had never told her she was ugly.
So when Macavity threatened to take away her safe guard, the final thread that held her sanity into place seemed to tear along with the damaged skin on her face. Hardly thinking straight to begin with, she began a method of irrational thinking.
"I've made a decision to leave the Jellicle tribe and go out into the human world." All the cats stared at her. She was in front of Old Deuteronomy's den, and her friends and peers, many of whom she grew up with, were lined up in a semi-circle, like a jury wishing to decide her fate. "I'm only going to be young for so long," she continued as no one had spoken up. "I want to go out and see the world. This junkyard…it's holding me back. I don't want to look back in life and regret never having lived it. There's a glamorous life awaiting me outside the junkyard, and I want to take the chance and live it!"
Old Deuteronomy gazed down at her, his aged face crumpled in concern and sadness. The others began to speak. "What about the kittens?" Jennyanydots started.
"It's too dangerous out there!" Skimbleshanks remarked.
"I've lived out there," Old Asparagus said softly. "But please don't be fooled by my stories of what it's like out there. I've lived in the theatre most of my life. I was well taken care of. Many cats…they aren't so lucky."
"This isn't your fault, dad," Jellylorum said, placing a paw on his arm. She then turned to Grizabella. "What are you trying to say?" There was fury in her question as she did her best to stare down Grizabella. She had many problems with Grizabella, but this was over the top. "That we're holding you back?"
Bustober Jones, who rarely had anything to say on the things that happened in the junkyard, simply scoffed.
"You can live out your life to the fullest here," Jennyanydots suggested, looking around to her friends for agreement.
"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into," Skimbleshanks said with a mixture of anger and pity.
By this point, Grizabella had taken to covering her ears and crying, "Enough!" It took a few moments for the cats to calm down. When she finally looked up to Old Deuteronomy, who's gaze had not faltered, she knew what she wanted to say. "No matter what anyone says, my mind has been made up! I don't belong here. This is no place for me to live out my life! I need to leave, even if you," at this she broke her stubborn gaze and looked to the rest of the cats, "All of you, don't agree. I'm not here to ask for your permission. I just thought you should know."
All eyes fell on the sorrowful Old Deuteronomy. With a sigh, he walked down to his child, standing face to face with her, and put a hand on her cheek. "I know you're hurt, my dear, but leaving your family will only hurt you more." At this, Grizabella felt she had been stabbed in the heart. Could her mate have been right? Was she an awful person? "You don't want to leave your kittens alone, do you? There are many regrets that can be avoided. Please rethink your decision."
"They've been raised enough by me," she said quietly to Old Deuteronomy. A strange look had overcome her face. She was holding back tears, anger, resentment, and understanding. "I haven't done ANYTHING wrong!" The way her friends were looking at her, with resentment in their eyes…she could practically hear their cries. 'You're a bad cat,' they seemed to say. 'You don't deserve what we give you.'
"I'm LEAVING, and that's all there is to it," and before the others could stop her, she raced away from the den and into the junkyard. Taking a quick glimpse back, she could see Old Deuteronomy staring after her with a longing to draw her back to the safety of his arms. Jennyanydots put a comforting paw on his shoulder. 'Stop it,' she thought in her head as she turned away from the scene. 'Stop trying to console him. No one ever did that for me.'
Grizabella absentmindedly ran back to her den. She curled up momentarily as though she had just outrun a Pollicle. Then, remembering what she was doing, she looked for anything important she would need before she left. Once she had finished, she turned to see Bombalurina holding Demeter by the paw, looking puzzled at her. It seemed Bombalurina had come to drop off Demeter as she usually does this time of day.
"Griza?" Demeter asked. The two seemed put off by her odd behavior. Grizabella hated herself for what she was about to do.
Taking a deep breath, she walked over to the two and gave them each a kiss on the forehead. (Bombalurina wasn't so quick to receive her kiss.) Then she got down on one knee. "I'm going to be leaving for a while. Isn't that exciting? I'm going to see the world!" She feigned a smile. The two stared at her. Then Bombalurina shook her head, her face falling into a horrified expression. Grizabella could have kicked herself. Is that what their mother said when she left?
"And you have to promise not to cry," she continued, turning to Demeter, who had a blank expression on her face. "You have to be strong. Like me." The contradiction demonstrated by Grizabella's words seemed to hit a nerve with the older kitten.
"Okay, Griza," Demeter said dumbly. Of course she wouldn't understand what was going on. But Bombalurina couldn't control herself.
As Grizabella passed them, the little red queen pulled her sister close to her and cried to Grizabella, "Why are you leaving? Aren't you supposed to love us?" Grizabella refused to look back.
The angry little queen felt her sister tug on her fur. "What's going on?" Demeter asked. Bombalurina's heart leapt into her throat. She had to protect her sister…
Other cats and kittens had gone out to see what was going on, as the cats had made quite the uproar in their proceedings. They watched as Bombalurina and Demeter jerkily followed the determined cat, not knowing where to go. Bombalurina's entire appearance seemed to have dull. She worked like a machine, jerking forward with her sister obediently following. "Why is she leaving?" Demeter asked her sister.
Skimbleshanks and Jennyanydots raced down to the two confused kittens and halted their pursuit. The moment Skimbleshanks lifted little Bombalurina off the ground, she started to cry. Demeter, looked to her sister, then to Jennyanydots who held on to the small gold queen like her life depended on it. "Let me down!" Demeter started kicking and shouting. She didn't like what was happening. Why was her sister crying? Why was her would be mother walking away? "Let me down! Grizabella?"
Munkustrap and Tugger popped their heads out of their hiding places and watched the beautiful queen walk off. The two were tempted to run after her, but neither dared move. "Where is she going?" The silver cat asked her brother dazedly.
The Rum Tum Tugger sneered at the entire scene. But when he looked over to his confused brother, his face reverted back to a distressed one. He had always caused such trouble for his brother, always gotten into scrapes his younger brother tried to get him out of. Somehow he had forgotten how young he was... The maned kitten put a paw on his brother's shoulder. "She's…leaving."
"When is she coming back?" asked Munkustrap. Tugger couldn't answer that.
Jellylorum raced after the fleeing queen, who seemed more determined than ever to leave the junkyard, her home. "Wait a minute!" she called after her. "Think about this. We wouldn't ask you to stay if it weren't for your own good!" But the cat kept walking. "You don't want to leave everything dear to you, do you?" she tried. In aggravation, the other finally called out, "You don't want to be like your mate, do you?"
At this, Grizabella spun around and took a swipe at the cat who was once her friend. The snarl on her beautiful face said it all. 'Stay away from me.' And Jellylorum broke her pursuit.
Just before Grizabella left the junkyard, hoping to never return to the place her very morals would be put into question, she was stopped by a familiar soothing voice. "We are your family, Grizabella. Some may hate you if you leave." Grizabella looked up to the sky rather than her father. The moon was quite visible that day, even during the day time. "But you will always be my child. I will never hate you."
Grizabella sighed, adjusted her things, and left only tears in her wake.
Thanks for the review AJNemo! I'm glad I get a bit of a giggle. I like making people laugh, even if this chapter was more serious. But I guess I was lucky I already had this planned out because I've been in a broody mood over these past two days, so it made writing this easier. Please keep reviewing people, I love feedback, and, well, could use some at times, heh. See what works and what doesn't.