Hello! Mmk, some author notes... I wrote this while watching Scary Movie 2. Rock on. That's about all I got.
Disclaimer (whichis a waste of time because we all know who owns Rent): I own everything and nothing. Song belongs to Reba McEntire.
Maybe There Are Angels After All
"Your eyes, as we said our goodbyes..."
It was the song I heard Roger sing and play most. Especially after Mimi died. She fell ill four months ago. What angers me most is how well she had been doing. She was off drugs and back at school. She was healthy for a little over a year, and waitressing at the Life Café. Roger's actually been taking it pretty well. I think maybe losing April prepared him for this.
"If I had only known..."
It's a change in Roger's playing that brings me from my thoughts. Still a slow tune, but new. The first new music he's written since he wrote "Your Eyes" almost two years ago.
This new song has more passion than anything I've ever heard Roger play.
"If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a lifeline to my heart
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain..."
The sweet sadness of the song brings tears to my eyes. Yes, maybe I'm overemotional, but this was so true.
"If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
I'd memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again..."
The sincerity of it is too much for me.
Oh, Meems, why'd you gave to leave him, us? He's dying without you. Maybe not on the outside, but on the inside. And when he goes, where do I go from there?
He doesn't know I'm here listening to him. He never knows. He's always gone and shut off from the world. It's like I'm a ghost; sensed, but not physically there.
Maybe he feels like he's the ghost. Like he's the one who's sensed. I want to reach out, to touch his face, and let him know that I'm here and everything will be okay. But I can barely move. I can barely breathe.
"You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware, I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away..."
There was an honest in Roger's shaky voice. But there was something else as well. Something I can't put into words. Nothing can explain it. It makes me feel like the heavens and Earth are combining. Bright light and happiness everywhere.
I watch as Roger puts down the guitar. But I can still hear the music playing. The window to the fire escape opens, and, despite it being quarter to midnight, there is a golden sunlight.
I'm questioning my sanity. A shadow forms... into her shape, then she is here. Mimi. Flesh and blood, I am not certain. She's in her perfect form. Her flowing gold gown accents her skin just right. She smiles at me, and Roger takes a step towards her, reaching out. He gently touches her face, tears shine in the two pairs of eyes before me.
I am astounded by what I am witnessing.
They hold each other's hands and they finish the song.
"If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you'd smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on
If I had only known
If I had only known
Oh, the love I would've shown
If I had only known."
The song ends and I don't hear anything anymore. Mimi is still there, smiling up at Roger. He opens his mouth to speak.
"Mimi, I-"
She stops him by putting her index finger to his lips. "We'll be together again," Mimi whispers. She moves her hand to cup his cheek. "I promise."
Roger puts his hand over Mimi's on his cheek. "I love you."
Mimi smiles again. She replaces her hand with her lips. She steps back from Roger, dropping his hands. As she begins to fade into light, she says "I love you" to him in an airy, echoic voice, then disappears completely.
I stand there, staring, even as the loft returns to its original darkness. Roger turns around, sits back down, and picks up his guitar.
I don't have any idea what just happened. My entire body is numb to the core. My brain is trying to make sense of what just occurred. A voice brings me from my thoughts.
"Huh?" I say, shaking the blurriness from my mind.
"I said, 'Mark, are you okay?'" Roger repeats. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Or an angel."
"What?"
"Didn't you just... She... I just witnessed... She was here," I stammer.
Roger sets his guitar down on the couch next to him. "Who?"
"Mimi," I answer. "She was here. Singing with you. She was dressed in gold, looking as heavenly as possible. Didn't you see her?"
Roger closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Then he nods. "I see Mimi everywhere."
"Everywhere." I repeat, sitting down in the chair.
"Maybe angels really do exist." Roger says, picking up blank sheet music and a pen.
I can do nothing more than nod. I sit there in silence as he writes the notes on the staff and fine-tunes parts of his new song. I know it was her who helped him finally finish his one song.
And maybe...
Maybe there are angels after all.
Thoughts?
