Chapter 20 – An Unsure Thing

Macavity sat in Griddlebone's new accommodations. She suddenly had a new respect from the tribe, and her coat had never looked cleaner. Items were beginning to accumulate behind her. The ginger cat was sure that it was due to the cards she was shuffling in her paws. Macavity had heard of her skills, and decided to try a game of cards with her. "Well, well, well, the tribe leader coming to greet me? You should be careful…they already think that we're mates. Do you want to fan the flames?"

"You seem to benefit from that rumor," Macavity said dryly. As leader of a tribe, he had a lot of learning to do. When to fight, when not to. What he could do to keep the cats happy, and when he had to let it be. What actions would cause them to turn against them, and how to keep them in order. The only problem was that all Macavity knew was how to rule by fear and strength. He was fine when ordering them to take out his clever crimes, and they seemed to appreciate his mind like the Jellicle tribe never could. But after having killed a cat for the first time…though he had meant to do it so long ago that one night in the junkyard…he never knew it could feel so hideous. That act in itself had felt like he had stained his body for life, a stain he could wash and lick and try and tend to all his life, and wouldn't go away. The only way he could cover that up was by being more violent, covering up the old stains with a fresh splash of blood, but the scarlet color that stained his soul continued to grow darker and darker. And he couldn't stop.

"What have you come here for? Aside from losing a game of cards?" Griddlebone put a paw to her mouth, feigning remorse. "Perhaps I shouldn't say it like that. Word might spread, and no one would bet against me. Oh, wait…they're all too stupid to know the difference."

"Can it be called a game if we both keep cheating?" Macavity asked. Griddlebone considered this particularly funny and began laughing.

"It's not the game I'm used to. But two cheaters cheating against each other have their own fun trying to figure out how cheat their equal."

"You consider yourself equal to me?" Macavity seemed to growl.

"In wits, perhaps. In strength, not even close. In cheating, we shall see." Macavity appreciated this Persian. She was beautiful and clever. Perhaps she was too clever for her own good, but he found her good to have around. She was sane, unlike the others. (Or perhaps she was just as insane as he was.)

As she passed out the cards, she smiled at the ginger cat. "What made you come here? I've heard all the stories. You used to be the protector of your tribe until they exiled you for nearly killing our little calico. But what brought you here?" The cat glared at her. "Were you always so clever? So violent?" Macavity shot up and grabbed the queen by the neck. The state of his violent nature was a sensitive issue at the time, as it was slowly eating away at him.

The queen grabbed the paw to loosen it, staring up at the cat in some surprise. After a few moments, Macavity got control of himself and sat back down as the queen gasped for air. "Okay," she said after she caught her breath. "You don't like talking about your past. But you could have killed me easily, and you didn't."

Macavity stared at this queen who was so defiant against him. The challenge from her wasn't like anything he had to face before, as she fought with dialogue rather than bear her painted claws. This was a battle Macavity never had to deal with before, and he hardly knew how to handle it. "I owe you my life," he said to the queen.

"You're welcome," the queen said with a proud smile.

"I never said thank you," Macavity glared. The queen sank back slightly for the look in his eye. He soon got up and left, leaving the queen speechless in a room full of cold, unfeeling objects.

Despite what Macavity thought of the queen, he found her the perfect cat to play cards with, a game he missed. It was due to this that after many, many card games, the queen knew a little of the ginger cat's history. Macavity hardly meant to tell her so much, but the queen asked so many questions, he had to answer some to shut her up.

"So these two queens of yours that got you kicked out," she began one particular conversation with. Macavity's eye twitched at the topic. "You talk about them a lot."

"They are easy to spot in the junkyard," Macavity said. He then twitched his ear at the thought that he might have given away too much information.

"You spy on them," Griddlebone stated, suddenly getting interested. "Since when did you go from stifling pekes to becoming a peeping tom?"

There was a moment when Macavity seemed to stiffen at the accusation. True, he had been spying on the Jellicle Tribe recently. And while he despised them, there was something else there, something he missed. "I'm going back," he told her.

"You're going back?" Griddlebone asked.

"I'm going back," he said, very determined. He got up, left the cards where they were, and left.

Griddlebone looked down at the gold and black queen, as she was unconscious on the floor of Macavity's den. "Why is she unconscious again?"

Macavity seemed to be trying to get his answer straight. He opened his mouth, but closed it as he couldn't get the words out. He twitched his ear, thought about it, then tried to answer again. But the words refused to be spoken, and he—

"JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!" Griddlebone said impatiently. She bent down and touched the young queen on the arm, knowing full well it might have been the last caring touch she would ever feel. She felt it a shame that she was unconscious for it.

"She fell out of hypnosis," he said, as though that were supposed to explain everything. (This was the first Griddlebone had ever heard anything about hypnosis.)

"So you panicked?" she concluded. The ginger cat glared at her, but she was used to his glares now. "You don't just kit-nap a cat, Macavity," she said quickly.

"You never had a problem otherwise," Macavity spat back at the queen. Griddlebone liked it when she could get a rise out of him. She prided herself as the only cat to get him to argue with her like a normal cat. It was the only thing she could take pride in, though. He wasn't interested in her at all. She couldn't figure out why, though. She could turn her charms on for most of the toms, especially that Mungojerrie. But Macavity, she learned to treat differently. They made an odd pair.

"She's part of the Jellicle Tribe, Mac." He particularly hated when she called him that, but he learned not to attack her for it. Intimidation meant nothing to her. "From what I've heard and what I've seen, they're a very small tribe…gentle. Their leader has done a lot for the surrounding tribes." The look from Macavity told her that she was crossing a line she shouldn't cross. So she quickly changed her perspective. "A gentle tribe. She'll die here."

"She won't die," Macavity said quickly. "She'll get stronger." Griddlebone could see him stiffen at the thought. The Persian went on to elaborate, hopefully to get him to bring the queen back to her tribe, but he turned and left. Griddlebone sighed, looked at the queen, shrugged her shoulders, and patted her on the arm again before going back to her den. She had her own life to live, and if this new queen was going to become part of the tribe, she would have to deal with everything herself. No one helped each other in this tribe, and that's one lesson Griddlebone learned the hard way.

The white Persian went to see Macavity later into the night. When she saw the cat, he was awake, looking out the window to the sky. "What are you watching the sky for?" she asked. "Wishing on a star?" She smirked.

"The alignment of the stars can tell a lot," he said, ignoring the queen's comment.

"And what are you reading about DEMETER's future?" Griddlebone was a little peeved at the tom. "Demeter? That's the queen? She was so pretty, I thought her to be that Bombalurina. But no, it's Demeter. The one you talk about all the time. Well, when you talk about your old tribe, at least…"

"I've mentioned her three times," he said, walking over to his chair and jumping up on it. (Apparently, he slept there.)

Griddlebone could feel the jealousy weld up in her. "You talk about her more than any other cat in the tribe. I've talked to you a million times, and when I say talk, those are usually one-sided conversations. So someone mentioned three times when you've never even said my name more than once, if even that, is something." She stared at the cat, who stared angrily back. "You said there were two queens! Two! But you brought one queen back. You brought one queen here to live in this tribe. What is it about her? Why her?"

The ginger cat remained quiet, but that didn't keep Griddlebone from filling in the blanks. "You love to hate and hate to love. Hate is something you can understand, as it was easy for you. But love is too fragile, so you took pride in never having to feel it. It wasn't something a strong cat had, in your opinion. So I let it go. I thought you'd hate me too. But then I see you bring that wretched little queen here…What is it about both of us wanting what we can't have?"

Griddlebone wasn't one to cry, but she felt like she was getting to that point. When Macavity got up and jumped off the chair he sat in, the Persian saw this as a good sign. He walked over to her slowly, deliberately, in what the white queen assumed to be her getting through to him. When he reached out a paw to her, she felt a shiver go down her spine.

He grabbed the new collar around her neck and pulled it tightly, cutting off her air supply. She tried to gasp for air as she stared into the cat's eyes. He had that murderous glare he got when he stared at a cat that had crossed some line or another. "Whose collar is this?" he asked. She clawed deeply into his paws to make him let go, but he wasn't budging. Finally, she made to scratch at his face, but he pushed her away before she could. When she gasped for air, she started to cry as well. That's when he said to her in an ominous voice, "You're not above punishment just because you're you."

Griddlebone knew she would surely die. She didn't want to think of what the tribe would do to her. She was hated by them once. Then they were forced to "love" her, a card she played to its full advantage. Now that they would be given permission to hate her again, she could see them all attacking her at once. She didn't dare take that vision any further.

"Macavity?" A young female cat walked in, seeming very brave in the presence of a murderer. Griddlebone quickly got up, adjusting her fur and turning to wipe the tears from her eyes.

Macavity looked over at the female, who dared not look him in the eyes. "There is a cat that has been caught with the members of a rival tribe." (Really, all the tribes were rival tribes.) "We think he was looking to ditch. What shall we do with him?"

Macavity looked over to Griddlebone, who was breathing hard from her ordeal. He then looked back at the cat. "We'll punish him tomorrow in the afternoon. You know what to do." The cat nodded her head before leaving.

Griddlebone didn't bother to look up at Macavity. (He wasn't looking at her either way.) As she crept out of his den, she gave a jittery sigh of relief. "Thank the Everlasting Cat for redirection," she said to herself.

The Persian didn't go to watch the execution the next day. She'd seen too many in her life. And she hardly wanted to see the one that was meant to be hers.

Macavity thought back to Demeter. The look on her face when she saw his tribe execute one of their own could almost make him laugh if the situation had been funny. But no. He had enough of killing. But he certainly did not want to appear weak. So why was he feeling so weak all of a sudden?

He had just proven his strength against the other cats. He had again shown them his ability to lead. He had done this all a million times before. He was beginning to numb the feeling of taking a life. But why did he feel so weak now?

That look on her face could have been laughable. At least, it could have been if she thought him justified in his actions. But he knew she hated him for it.

Day after day, she came back to his den, never smiling. Every day she became meeker and meeker. Scratches and bite wounds accumulated on her body, and yet she didn't become what he thought she would become. And this bothered him. Why wasn't she becoming like him? Here she was, a cat who was never rescued by the members of the tribe that claimed to love her (as he reminded her every day), and still, she withdrew.

Maybe Griddlebone was right.

No, he was right to bring her here. She had to grow a back bone. She had to be here.

But why did he bring her here again?

He remembered the thought of wanting something more. But what was it? Many cats in this tribe spoke of having mates, but he had never taken much interest. The idea never really intrigued him, but now, the more he thought of it, the more appealing it seemed. But not just with any cat.

"Demeter?" Macavity began as the queen seemed to be wasting away on the window sill. She lifted her weary head and looked over to the cat, surprised he was speaking to her. "It has come to my attention that the other cats don't like you." The gold and black queen stared back, as though to say, 'You only now noticed?' "If they leave Griddlebone because they think she is my mate, then they should leave you alone if they know you are my mate. So…I've decided to make you my mate."

Demeter stared at the cat in shock. "What?" she asked.

"You are my mate," he said, going back to his long division sums.

"No!" the queen said quite forcefully, causing Macavity to look up at her in some bewilderment. "Is that why you brought me here? I've been here for months. I miss my family. I miss my sister. I miss…" She looked out the window nervously before turning back to the cat. "I want to go home. I don't want to be your mate! You kit-napped me! I want to go home!"

Macavity glared at the queen who would dare defy him. Demeter stared back in horror. She was thin, weak, bruised, scratched, bitten, but she didn't fight back. And now she decides to fight back? With words? "Let me get this straight," said the ginger cat in an eerie voice that made Demeter shrink back and curl into a tiny ball. He felt like a he had been hit in the stomach by the frail queen. "I give you an opportunity to avoid being attacked by the members of my tribe, by simply making you my mate, and you say you're homesick?" He slowly strode closer to the queen.

"You miss your family? The family that sent me out on the streets to die? You miss your sister? The sister that wouldn't save me from my fate? You miss…what was the last one you meant to say? Munkustrap? WAS THAT THE ONE YOU MEANT TO SAY?" At this, Demeter covered her head as the ginger cat towered over her. He whipped his paw out so fast above her head in an attempt to scare her that it broke the window she was next to. The gold queen shrieked and raced away from the window sill, but before she could leave his den, he blocked her way.

"He hasn't even come for you," he hissed at her. "Out of the junkyard, out of mind. And you sit here like the kitten you are and cry that you want him to come after you? You may never have liked me, but you always knew I was right, Demeter. I've always told you the bitter truth. That brother of mine won't come here to save you. He never will. And that sister of yours will leave you here to bleed. I'm you're only salvation." The blood was boiling as he thought of that wretched silver tabby that dared think himself a protector.

"Let me go," she whispered in fear, ears back and eyes wide and glistening with tears. "I can't take it anymore. Just let me go." Macavity looked at the frail form in front of him. Pathetic. Maybe she deserved to die from his tribe. Maybe he shouldn't have been so kind as to save her. Stepping aside, he let the sobbing form go.

It was after tearing apart his den, breathing heavily and shaking angrily that a strange truth seemed to wash over him.

He sat across Griddlebone, staring at her collection. He hadn't talked to her for months after the incident with her in his den. But now, he just needed the presence of another cat, as he felt the final string about to be cut on his sanity. The queen remained silent, but looked just as sad as he did.

It wasn't all too clear to him why he took Demeter in the first place. His motive was clear at the time: kit-nap the queen, as she was much loved in the tribe. The others would be hurt by this, and none more than Munkustrap. He could imagine his grief and worry, and reveled in finally having taught his brother a lesson. He could see Old Deuteronomy getting weaker at the thought of losing a beloved little queen he liked to think of as his kitten. And it would be the piece de resistance that the sweet little queen would not be able to be found. They would all lose in the end. They exiled him in exchange for losing the queen, Demeter. But he could have done that with most any queen. The only thing that made him more apt to take the black and gold in particular, as he convinced himself, was Munkustrap's obvious adoration of her.

But there was more, as he now realized. Surrounded by betrayal, disappointment, cold, unfeeling artifacts of his past crimes, and death, he had everything he ever wanted: power, respect, and the wave of a paw that could make any cat do his bidding. All this meant nothing. He was still numb. Why was he still numb?

Death does that to you. The taking of a life brings death to the soul, and he was trapped in a world of blood. But the golden light was supposed to save him. The warmth of a gentle cat he once knew, the reminder of everything he once had, was supposed to be enough to wash everything away. And she was supposed to cure him, be with him, forever and ever. Like a child greedy to keep his toy in his possession.

But she failed to heal him, and while he could blame the queen for it, he couldn't bear to hurt her again. Everything else made him feel numb. Hurting her made him feel anger…pain… He just couldn't hurt her again. But he couldn't let her go.

Not until the moment that that last string will snap. Not until the last candle dies out. She needed to live. And she needed to stay with him. If that light ever left him, he would surely go mad.

Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah:

OH MY GOD! Trying to type right now is very difficult...I have a wrist band on cause I over-typed this weekend. So it's getting in the way of my typing, and deleting things I don't want deleted! I need to take a break, lol. Oh, and I wrote ahead to chapter 22, and I have to warn you all now, it's kinda violent...You have been warned!

Demo: I'm sure that's not what you had in mind about Griddlebone and Macavity...And I hope you don't mind that it's violent. It will get...well...you'll see!
Krissy4: I'm glad you find it interesting, because BA-BA! Here's some more!
Enkeli: You like the kitty so much...you know what? Here... ((hands you the calico)) I don't need him anymore.
Tiger Lily21: Aww, thank you so much for reviewing! It makes me happy. And I took off the Ultra Special Blah x3 cause it got a bit much to keep writing over and over again. But look! Back by popular demand!

Thanks to all my reviewers...things were deleted once, so i had to rewrite my A/N...I was very annoyed...