A/N: I'm soooo sorry about not updating as soon as usual. Ever had one of those weeks that tried to kill you with stress? Anyways, please, enjoy, enjoy!


Chapter 27- Let It All Out

The sun was coming down over the Jellicle Junkyard by the time the four cats came back. From a distance, Demeter could see Munkustrap and Jennyanydots sighing with relief upon seeing her. Inwardly, she wanted to race towards them and hug them for being concerned about her, but outwardly, she bit back a smile. Skimbleshanks, who had been trying to calm his mate down, also looked visibly relieved. But her eyes shifted to Munkustrap, who seemed to be having a similar inward fight over whether or not to race up to them and hug them. Her evaluation of the situation was interrupted by the Mungojerrie nudging the gold and black queen. His sister was grinning mischievously. "'Ey, do you think those two would get mad if we go up and talk to them?"

Demeter followed his gaze to Jennyanydots and Skimbleshanks. "Um, they shouldn't," she said, looking curiously between the two.

Rumpleteazer pulled her brother close and whispered in his ear, before he turned and whispered in her ear. She put her paws over her mouth to conceal a giggle before they smiled roguishly to each other and ran up to the tiger-striped tabby and orange and brown cat. The twins looked down at their own coats in a very deliberate fashion, before looking at the other two in the same fashion. They then swung out their paws and yelled at the same time, "Mum! Dad! We finally found you!" before bringing the startled older cats into a four-way hug.

There was a moment of silence. Then…

"What are you…LET GO OF US!" Skimbleshanks pushed the two cats away as Jennyanydots looked baffled. "Of all the idiotic things I've had to put up with…and I've put up with many--!" Skimbleshanks continued on his rant as the twins ran over and hid behind Demeter.

"I though' you said they wouldn' get mad!" Rumpleteazer said, winking at Demeter,

"I didn't think you were going to do that!" said the gold queen.

Jennyanydots was rushing over to the two, yelling, "Would you stop your silly antics? Mungojerrie has to rest! Are you listening to me? Come back here! He needs to heal!" The two raced off, Rumpleteazer nearly falling forward as she giggled and ran. "Oh, why doesn't anyone listen anymore?" The Gumby Cat turned and gave Demeter a stern look. "You go rest, too. I won't have you running around in this state…" She took a moment to think about what she said. She then hugged the young queen. "And we're glad you're up an about." She then took off after the fleeing patient, Skimbleshanks racing past, before stopping, turning around, and patting Demeter on the shoulder, then turning to catch up with Jennyanydots.

Demeter found herself laughing at the antics. She only stopped when she saw Bombalurina staring at her, teary eyed. "I'm sorry," the red queen said, turning and wiping her eyes. "I'm just so glad."

Demeter laughed nervously before looking around. Someone was missing. "Wh…where did Munku go?" she found herself asking. Bombalurina looked shocked before a gentle smile went on her face. She shrugged her shoulder. "I…kind of wanted to talk to him…sort of…" she admitted, looking off to where the cat was last seen.

"Going to apologize to him?" Bombalurina asked, taking her sister by the shoulder and leading her back to the old car.

"Apologize?" she asked more hotly than she meant to. "For what?"

"Well…for what happened when…you know…we found you." Still bitter, Demeter thought that technically she was the one who found them. But she tried to remember what Old Deuteronomy had said, and did her best to push those feelings aside. "I mean, he was pretty hurt."

Demeter looked up curiously at her sister. "About what?" she asked.

The red queen looked shocked. "You don't even remember? You know…when you said…" Demeter waited for her to continue, but it seemed that Bombalurina thought it would click in the other's head. It didn't. And they stared at each other, waiting for the other to continue. Finally, when Bombalurina realized Demeter had no idea what she was talking about, she continued. "When you told him you hated him."

"WHAT?" Demeter said loud enough to scare even herself. (Not that that was a very difficult thing to do as the queen had grown even more neurotic as time passed…) "When did I say that?" She tried to think back as far as she could. She remembered being behind the trashcans…and that terrifying paw coming after her. With a shudder, she tried not to think about that. But, that was all she could focus on, and not wanting to fall into a fit of shivers, she forced herself to stop. "Bombie," she said, looking up to her sister. "I never told him I hate him." (Or at least she never meant to say it out loud.)

"Oh, yes you did," Bombalurina said. "I was standing right there when you said it!"

"You were there?" Demeter asked. She felt a little bit of anger rising back in her, but now she had no idea why. What was wrong with her? Her emotions were all over the place! She had to do a better job of keeping them in check. She hardly wanted to alienate her family from her after fighting so hard to get back.

"He was so hurt," Bombalurina said.

"Yeah, I got that," Demeter said curtly. She didn't want to hear anymore about this whole ordeal. "I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't even realize I said."

"Do you hate him?" Bombalurina asked gently.

"What! How can you even ask me something like that?" But Demeter had to stop herself from saying anything more. (This could get out of hand.) Finally, after she felt that little ball of energy waiting to burst free calm itself, she sighed and said patiently, "I don't hate him. And he shouldn't think that I do."

"Well, he does," Bombalurina said, putting her paws on her hips. "Do you know what it's like to think someone you care for hates you? Well, I do! And let me tell you, it hurts! I think you should go apologize to him. Or not even that, just explain to him that you didn't mean it! Because he has been torturing himself over this since we found you, and I don't want you to hate me!" Bombalurina put her paw over her mouth, before putting it back down to her side and trying to regain her composure. "Him. I don't want you to hate him."

Demeter stared at her sister in surprise, before shaking her head. "No…no, Bombie. I don't hate you. I never have. I never could. I love you so much! I wanted to come back to you so much! Where did you get that idea from?" The red queen turned her head, not wanting to look at the other, but unable to bite back her tears. "Please, Bombie. I don't want to make you cry. If I ever did anything to make you think that, I'm so sorry. I…well…haven't been myself lately…"

The red queen tried to laugh it off, wiping her tears. "Of course you haven't. I'm being ridiculous…being so hard on my sister after everything you've been through." She put her arm around Demeter and laid her head against her, sniffling slightly. "You sure you don't hate me?" she asked in a squeaky voice that threatened to turn into sobs at any moment.

"I could never," Demeter said, hugging her sister back. Bombalurina smiled. For that moment, they were content in the knowledge that they really do care about each other, and never could hate each other.

Then Bombalurina grabbed Demeter's paw and dragged her along. "Now, you have to talk to Munkustrap," the queen said with a tone of finality, as the moon was beginning to rise.

Demeter looked up at the cat who was sitting by himself, staring at the moon. Realizing she was the one who put him up there by the words she couldn't remember telling him, she knew she had to be the one to bring him away from there. Why had she said that in the first place, anyways? She knew that wasn't true…

Losing her nerve, she began to walk back to where she came from, where Bombalurina was waiting for her, (or rather, where her sister was blocking her exit.) But as she walked, the gears in her head were turning. It wasn't his fault she was kit-napped by Macavity. And true, no one really knew where Macavity's den was. (She came from there not too long ago, and she still isn't sure where it was, herself!) Even when he was in the tribe, his den was all but impossible to find. But if he did know where she was, she's sure he would have come to get her.

So, she turned around to go talk to the silver tabby.

But walking towards him, she remembered how awful she felt. All those dreams about being attacked...and those of him not caring. When Bombalurina was missing, no one seemed to care at all! It was only her who was hurting so much, it seemed…

Angered by that thought and how bad it felt to know no one was looking for her, she turned on her heels to leave again.

That wasn't true, though. Munkustrap was looking for Bombalurina, and even Tugger was worried, though he didn't show it in quite the same way as she herself did. Maybe they were all being brave for Demeter's sake when her sister was the one who had gone missing. And, after all, those were just dreams that made her feel so neglected and frightened of being alone. They weren't proof of anything but her own inner turmoil.

So she turned back to where he was, not before being thrown into another pattern of thought.

Those dreams made her feel so alone. It wasn't the first time in her life she felt alone. Yes, her sister was always there for her, but what about her mother? Where was she? And Grizabella? She simply left the entire tribe, which was a slap in the face to Demeter. She was just a kitten, and twice, she was left alone! It seemed her life was filled with people she couldn't trust…cats who let her down.

With a trembling sigh, she turned to leave.

But not everyone couldn't be trusted. There have been many in her life she could always count on - her sister for one. Then there was Old Deuteronomy, who always had a warm heart. While she knew that he was the reason Munkustrap didn't go and find her, she knew he was doing his best. So why was she sitting and pacing about whether or not she should talk to the cat she once claimed to hate? He was hardly at fault here! True, hate was not an easy emotion to alter, but she knew she didn't hate him. That wasn't quite the emotion she was trying to get rid of. In fact, she was pushing away an emotion she didn't want to feel… An emotion she felt for the cat that had always been there for her, no matter how many times she tried to push others away.

He was always there….

So why was she pacing when all she wanted to do was bury her face in his beautiful fur and cry?

That thought ran through her like a lightening bolt. Why did she feel like that! Looking up at the cat who seemed to be as far off in thought as she was, she felt all these thoughts and feelings welling up in her until all she wanted to do was scream at the top of her lungs for it all to stop. It was too much in her still fragile state; a barely mending cat containing so much emotion. There had to be an outlet somehow that wouldn't cause her to break! But how was she going to go about that?

Demeter knew now that she couldn't go up to Munkustrap now. Her mission had been so clear in the beginning…apologize to him for saying that she hated him, and hurting him. She didn't mean it towards him. She hated being alone. She despised what she went through. She detested everyone in her life that abandoned her. But it was his unfortunate luck that he had to be the one to receive all that despair she kept bottled up inside. Why did it have to be the cat she cared for most?

Suddenly, she realized how ridiculous she felt, and groaned audibly to herself without realizing it. Oh, she was so stupid! How could she do that to him?

"Demeter?" The queen looked up to see Munkustrap looking in her direction. She realized that her noise made her presence known, and now felt even more ridiculous and stupid. There was only one thing she could do to keep her sanity and composure: keep her mouth shut! And for the love of all things catnip, she could not run! "Is something wrong? You look sick.." The silver tabby stayed where he was, looking down at her, the moon shining brightly behind him causing a shadow so she couldn't see his face.

Demeter opened her mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. Already, she almost broke her number one rule: don't say anything.

"I…wanted to talk to you," he said, his voice quavering slightly. (He seemed as nervous as she was at the time, but she knew he could hide it much better.) With very gentle motions, he climbed down from where he was and came to level ground with her. Realizing how much she missed being able to speak with someone on the same level as her was more comforting than she could have imagined, and she was momentarily at ease. But when she let down her guard, her tense body gave way to the overflowing emotions and caused her to begin shaking. "It's okay," his gentle voice said. "You're safe now."

Demeter let out an odd laugh, a mixture of relief of and quavering nerves. "I know I am," she said lightly. No! Don't say anymore. She could feel her emotions trying to come up. (Or was that vomit? She really didn't want to find out right here and now…)

Munkustrap stood where he was for a moment, staring at the cat. Now that the moonlight was working on lighting up his face, she could see how sad and tired he was. Demeter felt like such a fool. She was destroying him with everything that's happened to her, and wasn't doing a thing to make it better. Bombalurina was right…he needed her to come and talk to him.

"I didn't know where you were, Demeter," Munkustrap said quickly. The words seemed to be pouring out of his mouth. "If I knew where you were, I would have gone to find you, and gone to save you, and gone and killed Macavity, and I would never have left you there all alone. All I could think of was how scared you must have been, and I wanted to die knowing that I didn't save you before you were taken away. But I tried, I really did!

"Bombalurina was so scared, and every time I looked at her face, I felt I should be punished. I'm supposed to be the tribe protector, and I couldn't save someone I really care about. I would have given anything to have you back, and anything to know you were okay…anything to go through whatever they put you through, so you wouldn't have to go through it, but I couldn't. I couldn't protect you at all, and I was hardly any use to any of the cats here. I should have killed Macavity, but you told me not to. I should have strung him up on a string, tied him to the back of a car, and let him be dragged across England for what he did to you." Munkustrap stopped to breathe (though he seemed annoyed to have to take a moment to respire.) And while Demeter didn't want her feelings to come pouring out unchecked like they did with Munkustrap, he certainly did look a little relieved at his long confession. And she loved what he had said. She felt all the bitter feelings begin to wash away. And now she knew she had to do something about the look on his pained face, screaming, 'Please don't hate me!'

"I…" she began, before thinking about what he said. Then she shook her head in amazement. "I never told you not to kill him!" The other cat looked taken aback. "I mean, I'm glad you didn't, Munku. I don't want you to be a killer, and I certainly don't think he should be…well…dragged across London. Though that would be a little funny…" Demeter marveled at why he thought she told him not to kill him…(and at how her sense of humor had now considered something like that funny…)

"But…you said…" the silver tom stammered. "When we were fighting him, you said to stop! We all heard you."

Demeter shook her head, having no idea what he was talking about. Bombalurina certainly would have mentioned that, if that were the case. But this was becoming an odd conversation…she had more important matters at paw. "I don't hate you," Demeter said, before closing her mouth tightly. But the look of relief on Munkustrap's face forced the rest of the words out of her mouth. "I don't know why I said it. I was just so scared, and I never meant it, but I felt so horrible when Bombalurina told me I did say it, because I never thought I would say something like that. But in my defense, I thought I was going to die, and with Macavity turning so violent…he wasn't always that violent…I don't know what came over him…

"But all I wanted was for you to come and rescue me, and you did, and I had hoped for it for so long, and prayed for so long, it didn't seem real anymore. And I felt so betrayed, and I didn't know why. But it wasn't your fault. It was never your fault. It's not you who I hate. I could never, Munkustrap! I've always loved you!"

Demeter covered her mouth quickly. Where did that come from! And now she couldn't even pretend she meant it casually, as she tried so quickly to stop herself from saying anything else. (She knew she shouldn't have let herself say anymore! Now look what she's done!)

The look of shock on Munkustrap's face was all she would allow herself to see before she turned and raced away, a blur of black and gold fur. She heard the voices of Munkustrap and Bombalurina calling after her, but she had to go somewhere to clear her mind. She couldn't take this right now! She still had to come to terms with everything that happened in the past few months before allowing herself to feel anything more that could possibly destroy her.

Running past her den, she tried to find a place the other two would never look. She plunged into an old pipe and spun around to see if she was followed. Luckily, neither of the cats had followed her that far. (That was thanks to a combination of nerves and from daily outrunning all those horrible cats…and her own embarrassment carried her quite a ways more.)

She had to be alone for now. Her mind was too busy reeling. She knew she wouldn't get any sleep that night, let alone stop thinking of what she had done that night. While she would have loved to go back to Jennyanydots' and lie down and rest her aching body, (which had far overexerted itself over one confession), she knew she couldn't do that.

"I've always loved you," she repeated to herself, shaking her head. "Why did I say that?" But in thinking about it, of every time she'd smile just to see him, and every time she was glad to hear the sound of her name with his voice, she realized it was true. But she didn't want to hear his reply. She didn't want to hear whether he loved her of not. Because she just wasn't ready. Love always seemed so fragile…more so than she was at the moment. So she tried to let go of the feeling, of the uncertainty and vulnerability, and tried to forget it all, as she found herself crying for Everlasting Cat knows why.

All that talk about hate, and she ends it with love? If only she could be promised it wouldn't hurt her…

Another A/N: OKAY! I hope that was to your liking.

Oh! And I think it's funny. I didn't think the last chapter was that good, I thought it was a little weak, but all that reviewed seemed to love it. Did I torture the characters so much, you're glad something good happened? Lol! Anyways...Thank you all for your prayers for my little Rocio. She's doing fine right now, and hopefully will continue to get better.