A/N: I kept redoing parts of this chapter. It was derived from a character profile I did to try and understand one of the other characters better, and it just seemed to go with what I had later on in the chapters. But with all the revisioning I did in this, it makes sense to ME but that's only because I know what I meant to say. If anything appears unclear, please e-mail me about it. And that was confusing...Lol, just read. Don't mind me.

Chapter 29 – Collision of Past and Present

Demeter watched the cat who was patrolling the front of the junkyard. After the Macavity scare, everyone seemed a lot more agitated. He hadn't tried anything, not even any of his normal pranks that he used to do in the junkyard, or any of his more malicious acts. Yet many of the cats were aware of his presence. What had he been doing there? What was he so intent on getting? Was he there for Demeter again? Was he there to torture her with the memories of what had happened to her? No matter how she felt towards his intentions, she could only understand so far. She couldn't let the others think he was going to let them be, and had to warn Munkustrap the following morning of the hatred the cat had to certain members of the tribe.

The only problem was in order to tell him, she would have to talk to him. In order to talk to him, she would have to swallow her pride and ignore her embarrassment to do so. And that was what was so difficult. But while she had all these qualms, her feet had no problem walking themselves over to him. And though her mind screamed for her to stop, her heart seemed to be controlling all her impulses at the time. The feeling of her stomach churning as she saw his silver fur from afar had to be all her heart's doing. She felt like a kitten all over again, or one of Tugger's fan girls, (only for someone who was far more worthy of such attention.)

She watched him from a distance, remembering what it was like having him hold her in his arms. Oh, now, she couldn't get too far into this... But at night, when she was thinking about what Bombalurina had said, she found herself smiling (after her embarrassment was gone.) So, maybe when no one was there to catch them, to poke fun at them, she could stop and admire the tom who looked particularly good patrolling the area. Her sweet guardian…

Not that he was technically hers. But there were moments when she couldn't stand to be near anyone, in which cats who begged her to participate in their dances in the Jellicle Ball would surround her, and the feeling of claustrophobia would overwhelm her, and she would have to run off. Other cats began bothering her more than she meant them to. But he was always the one exception…

"Munkustrap?" she asked. A chill went down her spine as the cat's intense look went over to her direction. He looked her over for signs of trouble, before relaxing. If the situation were different, Demeter would have thought his reaction endearing.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, his fur tufted out in alarm.

"No, no," she smiled. "I just…wanted you to know I was here. I needed the company," she said when she saw the small grin creeping on his face. Neither of them mentioned the embarrassing moment for them the night before. The fact that she had even come to him with a smile on her face was proof enough that she had forgiven him. And though he was a little antsy at first, looking at her like he used to look at Bombalurina, believing she would cuff him at any moment, he soon seemed to calm down, and greeted her with a welcoming outstretch of arms. She bowed her head lightly, but kept herself at a distance. He had a job to do, anyway.

To her surprise, Munkustrap found a nice comfy place and sat down, patting the spot next to him and letting her sit near him. She sat near enough to touch, but far enough away as not to imply any meaning behind it. There was a bit of awkwardness in that small gap between them, wanting to either push them apart or together; a decision that could only be absolved by one or the other moving…which neither did.

They sat silently, forgetting all peril for one moment. What had she come here for again? How easily she forgotten… Demeter cleared her throat. Munkustrap looked at her as though waiting for her to say something, but she said nothing. He then looked off into the distance. Things were quiet between them for a while. Demeter wanted to say something, anything, but she had nothing to say.

Munkustrap stiffened suddenly, getting up, his tail twitching back and forth in anger. Demeter got up as well, looking around, sniffing the air for the thing Munkustrap had surely sensed. Was is Macavity? Had he come back for her again? For one of the other cats? She found herself pressing close to Munkustrap. "It's not him," he said to her, a strange stiffness in his voice. He pointed to the entrance of the junkyard. Demeter looked and saw something grey making its way to the junkyard. After sniffing the air for a moment, she realized she didn't know what it was. Queen or Tom? Jellicle or Pollicle? Good or Bad?

She stood and watched the creature come up. Munkustrap, being the proper sentinel he was, stood at attention, eyeing the creature that was limping its way towards them. The creature looked up, and saw them staring at them, pausing momentarily, looking as though it were going to turn and run at any moment. Munkustrap looked over to Demeter. She nodded and ran into a pipe, watching from the opening. She could sense a few other cats nearby, who had apparently smelled the creature and come to see what had happened.

The creature then began walking faster over to the defender of the tribe. "Munkustrap?" the female voice asked. The tom in question jerked up in surprise. "Is that you? Well…it is you, isn't it? You look so grown up."

"May I…help you?" he asked, obviously caught off guard. He then shook his head, before squinting at the queen addressing him. "Do I know you?" he asked.

The queen smiled. "My son," she said. Demeter felt her jaw drop slightly. Was that the cat she thought she was? If she were, Demeter certainly never heard the queen address Munkustrap in that fashion when they were kittens. (That cat always wanted little queens, not little toms…) Demeter was sure that queen calling him that was a slap in the face now.

Munkustrap must have thought the same thing, as he stood very still, watching the creature with shock on his face. Demeter snuck out of her hiding place and sat at the opening, staring in disbelief. "What?" he asked, obviously offended. Demeter had never heard that tone of voice from Munkustrap. "Grizabella? Is that you?" His voice was laden with disgust. "What…what have you become?" He seemed to be waging a war inside of himself.

Demeter knew this because she was waging the same war within herself. Shocked, surprised, and feeling hurt, she looked over this shadow of a creature. So, it took her this long to come back to what she once had? That beautiful creature she loved so much yet was loved by so little? And now, she had returned, older than she ever should have been, with painted face and nails, torn coat, and a scent that masked her own. She had a dark air about her, and Demeter had only think back to some of the queens she saw in Macavity's lair to guess what had happened to her. That walk of defiled pride made Demeter sick to her stomach.

"I've changed, I know," the cat said softly. "I can't pretend that what had happened hasn't. I'm…I'm just so glad to see you." The queen limped up to him and reached a paw out to him, but the silver tom stepped back. Grizabella's fragile smile fell. "I know I've hurt you," she said.

"Me?" asked the silver cat. "What about Old Deuteronomy? How do you think he felt when his own daughter left? Or my brother? How do you think he felt when he had to make me understand that my own mother was not coming home because she didn't want us anymore?" His voice was rising. Demeter looked around to see Alonzo had been one of the cats who came to aid Munkustrap. He looked on, baffled by the event, frozen in his spot. She also saw Mistoffelees, who looked very confused. (He probably didn't remember her.) And there stood Tugger, looking shocked and angry at the same time. Demeter scooted back a bit into her hiding place. This was not going to go well…

"That wasn't--" she tried to say, but was quickly cut off.

"What about Demeter?" he asked. The queen felt a knot tie in her stomach at having been mentioned. With the amount of anger in his voice at those words, Demeter could be spared her own anger towards the queen. "She loved you like a mother!" Munkustrap tensed slightly as he looked back to where Demeter was hiding. She looked away, not wanting to look him in the eye. Now she could feel all the eyes staring at her as her spot was given away. And she could feel tears beginning to well up in her eyes. She didn't want to cry…though she had all the reason to.

"You have every right to hate me," said the queen, after a long moment's silence. Mistoffelees had come down to where Demeter was and looked in through the hole she had lodged herself into. He had a quizzical look on his face, and seemed to want an explanation, but the teary eyes that met his made him sit and simply keep her company. Demeter crawled out and sat next to her childhood friend, chocking back tears. "You have to understand, I was young. I made a mistake and long paid for it, and much more."

"We don't want to hear your sob story," said the voice of Tugger from on top of a pile of junk as he looked down at Grizabella, his face screwed up in anger. (Anger didn't suit him.) "We get it! We weren't good enough for you. And now you come back here when you're down on your luck."

"I was wrong to leave, I know," said Grizabella pleadingly as she tried to explain. "But listen to what I've been through. I'm better now. I realized what I lost!" Tugger fluffed his mane and walked down the pile in a glorified sweep that made Demeter admire him for once. He walked down to the queen and looked her over in disgust. "You're a stain on this tribe," he said to her. He then turned to Munkustrap, who seemed as shocked as the other toms were, and said, "Get her out of here." He walked off, and when he passed Demeter, her fur went on end at the aura he was giving off. An angry Tugger was not the thing she thought she would want to see again…

Demeter remembered how much she cried on Bombalurina's fur when Grizabella left. Again and again, she felt left behind. Deep in her heart, she knew it would never happen again, but in her mind, she kept thinking, 'I hope it will never happen again.' Never wanting to leave her sister's side for fear that she might leave her, always thinking that if someone was mad at her, they would go away…all thoughts aided by the actions of this queen in front of her.

She realized Munkustrap was looking in her direction, and she quickly diverted her gaze and turned to Mistoffelees, who, in shock and instinct, let her hide her face in his black coat. "We don't want to see you here again," said the hurt voice of Munkustrap. "Get out of here. If you ever come back again, we will not be kind to you. You chose your path, now live it out like you were meant to. And leave us be."

Demeter peeked from the black fur to see Grizabella's crestfallen face look from each of the cats who were there at the moment. Her eyes stayed on Demeter's for one moment, almost begging her to tell Munkustrap to reconsider, as though she knew that he would listen to her. But Demeter slowly shook her head.

And with that, Grizabella chocked back her own tears, turned slowly, and straightening her curved back as much as she could. She took one last look around the junkyard before taking whatever dignity she had left away with her.

Mistoffelees was patting Demeter on the back, but while she knew he was trying to be comforting to her, he was very uncomfortable. And so was she. She didn't need to be mourning on some other tom's shoulder. She lifted herself off the ground and walked over to Munkustrap, who looked more hurt than she felt. When she was by his side, she brushed up against him, nuzzling him lightly with her head, before looking up to him. Munkustrap sighed as he watched Grizabella's form disappear.

Demeter stayed by his side, head against Munkustrap's arm for a while, as they watched their past walk away, dragging up every memory they had. "Remember when we were happy?" Munkustrap asked in a sad voice. "We were kittens, and we were happy. We had no idea that so much would happen to us. Before she left…before…" He didn't go on.

"When did we grow up?" Demeter asked, sniffling and rubbing her eyes. "You know…we were happy…but she wasn't." Munkustrap looked down at the queen. She looked up and shrugged. "I don't want that to happen to anyone…trying to find happiness where you will only find sorrow. Not realizing what's right in front of you. Let's not do that…please."

Munkustrap nuzzled her and hugged her gently. Demeter sighed and tried to let the feeling of love wash over her. It was hard to try and let go of her insecurities and everything that had happened to her, for one moment of happiness. (It was too easily taken away.) Looking into the future, she was trying to learn something she would probably never understand, and was wasting her time with. When she thought she had gotten the answer, it disappeared from her mind. All she could do was try and take the moment for granted.

She leaned against Munkustrap, who had started leading her off to Everlasting Cat knows where. She wouldn't let herself cry. Not for her. "Munkustrap?" her quavering voice asked. He looked down at her. He looked ready to cry too, but he was probably in better control of his emotions than her erratic mind could be. The two stopped. "Where...are we going?"

"Heh…I don't know…away from there?" he said, shrugging, looking a little frazzled. "I was just walking."

"I was following you," Demeter said, a little baffled. She then laughed lightly, Munkustrap following suit. "The blind leading the blind…"

"I think we would have gotten somewhere eventually," Munkustrap said, trying to save face. He managed a smile.

"Where we were supposed to be," Demeter finished, nodding confirmation. She looked up at the sky, where the moon was beginning to rise, showing signs of nearing full. "Like right here. Do you think that--" She turned to the silver tom. But her thought process was cut off when he nuzzled her, and licked her cheek. "Uh…" was all she managed to say at the moment.

"You were saying?" the tom asked, grinning. But Demeter went silent, hardly able to recall ever saying anything to begin with. "I'm sorry I didn't take you seriously last night," he said softly. "I thought you were…uh…"

"Overreacting again?" she asked, poking him in the ribs. The tom looked away, a grin on his face. "Well…hopefully that won't happen again any time soon."

"Let's hope not," the tom agreed.

"Are you saying I overreact too much?" Demeter asked.

"No!" he said quickly. "That's not what I was…"

"Shh," Demeter said. "You get yourself in trouble when you talk." Munkustrap rolled his eyes lightly and bopped her on the nose. Demeter crinkled her nose, before an unshed sob turned into a hiccup, and she covered her mouth, embarrassed. The silver tom was trying to keep from laughing, but he was convulsing slightly with repressed giggles. Demeter hit him lightly with his paw.

"What was that?" he asked, looking at where he had been hit. "I think a moth just bumped into me." Demeter scoffed lightly and hit him harder this time, making Munkustrap grin. "Good thing you have a home to feed you. I don't know how you'd catch mice with those claws."

"Hey!" Demeter said, forgetting she had ever felt like crying and shoving the silver tom playfully. "When did you get so mean?" but he shrugged. Just as Demeter lifted her paw to really 'hurt' him, they heard the noise neither of them wanted to hear at the moment.

"Munkustrap!" called Jennyanydots. Munkustrap's ears flattened, and he sunk down slightly.

"One moment, please," Munkustrap said, before turning to leave. But Demeter grabbed his tail, and the cat looked back, baffled. "I have to go see what she wants."

"No you don't," Demeter said, frowning. "That's not a 'Munkustrap, you're the only one who can save me,' call. Trust me, I know!"

"Why, you've called it a lot in your time?" Munkustrap asked playfully. The queen looked away, biting her lip. He then looked humbled, and put his paw to his mouth. "Never mind I said that." Again the older cat called, and Munkustrap looked over his shoulder. He seemed to debate whether or not to go, shuffling from one foot to the other. He then took her paw and raced off in the opposite direction. "Let Alonzo take care of it!"

"What are you doing?" Demeter asked, looking back, surprised the guardian had turned his back on his responsibilities. He was taking her past piles of junks, old thrown out furniture, decrepit appliances, and rusted old cars. But the tom smiled back at her, without answering, much to the gold queen's frustration. "Munku!" The tom laughed, and Demeter was put at ease, trusting his judgment.

When they had finally come to a stop, they were on top of a pile of junk Demeter was hardly familiar with. But from here, they could get a clear and uninterrupted view of the now risen moon. There were blankets, old clothes, and pillows thrown about. Munkustrap sat down and lay on his back. Demeter sat next to him, and looked down at the cat. "You've been here before?" she asked.

"Uh-huh," he said, smiling up at the queen. "I came here a lot before…but Jemima showed it to me. So it's not really my discovery… She should be with Jenny right now, I hope," he said. Demeter grinned and lay down on her back next to the tom.

"Why did you bring me here?" Demeter asked, stopping to whack Munkustrap's tail out of the way, as it was swishing around and hitting her. "Munku ignoring his duties? It doesn't sound like you."

The tom was quiet for a moment. "I thought I should pay more attention to you," he said finally, before putting a paw over his eyes. "That came out wrong." Demeter grinned. "I meant that I…owe a lot of my time to you…that sounded worse, I think. I think I'll stop before I hurt myself."

The queen laid her head against the tom's chest, purring softly, looking up at the moon. She liked him this way: being playful instead of serious. She so rarely got to see it. Only a few times could she remember him being this way, and she entertained the idea that he was only like this when they were alone.

But this was a bit out of the ordinary for the two… Perhaps he had the same epiphany she did? No matter. She didn't want to think about it, about her, about what once was and how things were now. She didn't want to think about anything. She just listened to the tom as they lay there, talking about nothing important, ignoring the rest of the world for once. It was amazing how talking about mediocre things became so much more interesting when with someone she cared about. Someone she loved.

Then she heard his heart begin to beat faster. "Demeter?" The queen perched herself on her arm and looked over to the tom. He seemed nervous about what he was about to say. "I wanted you to know…that I love you, too." He put his paw over his eyes. "Always loved you, too, I meant to say." He then looked nervously back to the queen.

Silence. What was she supposed to say? She already said what she was supposed to say earlier (though it came out in a burst of unexpected emotion.) Does that mean she was supposed to say it again? Was she supposed to say it again? But it was so hard the first time! And this wasn't supposed to happen now! She was supposed to be completely healed, or something…able to take the complications of emotions that came with all this…

But she was taking it fine right now…in a sense. Truly, she felt like she was going to just burst out crying again, but not out of sadness. (He certainly wouldn't take it that way, though…right?) A gasp escaped her mouth as she became weak. She closed her eyes and tried to stop herself. She should have been tired of crying by now, but it seemed she had only just begun.

She laid her head against his chest, not able to look at his eyes anymore. "I know," she said. What kind of answer was that! Of all the things she could have said… She grabbed onto the silver fur tightly in frustration. She buried her face into his fur, and just let the tears go. She couldn't hold them back any longer. She felt a paw stroking her head, and sighed with some relief, closing her eyes.

The small wonderment crossed her mind at how the past can help one's future at time. And none of it made sense. But none of it had to. As long as she felt right in the present, nothing else mattered.

A/N 2: The saga of the confusing Author continues...

Demo: Well, how can a chapter with Misto NOT be cute?
Satin: LOL, I've been called alot of things, but Macavity like? When I'm half asleep, I'm probably more vulnerable than when I'm fully asleep. I'm scary half asleep, lol, if that counts! I thought you'd react that way. You're so funny!
TigerLily: We mourn your not being with us for the end of the story. I shall miss your input! And I hope you get shortened grounding time, cause it's a long time until Christmas!