YondaimeUzumaki: Welcome to the 2nd chapter people! And as BlackMageRose13 suggested I'll bulk it up a little more and some more description.
"Whatever, said Itachi, lets just get this over with."
All sorts of shinobi of various ranks had filed into the "secret" hideout. Most of them had crossed out their village symbol on the forehead protectors already. There were shinobi from Konohagakure, Kirigakure, Iwagakure, Kumogakure, Sunagakure, and Kusagakure. The total number of shinobi was at least 95. They mostly consisted of Genin, Chuunin, and Jounin.
Juan arrived at the hideout soon after the other 95 did. He was surprised at the majority of ninjas there and the "secret" hideout itself. (Juan is an OC, not a main character. He won't be alive long. Something will happen to him involving Zetsu. hint hint)
"Finally, said Juan, I made it. Didn't think I'd escape those Hunter Nins."
Juan continued to look at the large group of ninja. Suddenly his eyes caught sight of Itachi.
"Whoa dude, Juan said in awe, it's the Uchiha Itachi!"
Juan continued to look at the S rank criminal until he spoke again.
"Alright noobs, Itachi said hastily, whose up first huh? C'mon!"
A large hand shot up in the air. The hand belonged to a tall, big handed Sand ninja who was jumping up and down giddily like an excited child who wanted a new toy.
"Oh me, pick me!" A Sand Jounin said enthusiastically.
"Whatever." Itachi said carelessly.
All the other shinobi sighed in disappointment because they didn't answer fast enough. Some gave the Jounin middle fingers right in his face.
The Jounin didn't care at all. Not even an ounce.
Another Sand Jounin came and put his hand on the shoulder of the other one.
"Well it was nice knowing you Baku." Said a sandy haired Sand Jounin patting Baku's shoulder. (Heh heh. Sandy haired Sand nin. Hahaha… Okay not funny) "See you in hell buddy." The Jounin laughed and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and began smoking away.
"Come over here." Said Itachi.
Baku began to walk towards the coffee machine.
"Not over there, baka.". Itachi said impatiently. "The table."
Baku walked toward the grey folding table.
"Alright you have any special jutsu?" Said Deidara.
"Yes I do lady, said Baku, yes indeed."
A vein popped up on Deidara's head as his left eye twitched madly.
"Wrong move." Thought Zetsu. "Maybe I'll get to eat him if he doesn't do anything impressive?"
Deidara suddenly jumped out of his chair, enraged.
"I'M NOT A LADY YOU DUMBASS!" Snapped Deidara. "DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO MY VOICE! IT HAS A MANLY TONE IN IT! YOU HERE ME! MANLY!
Everyone in the room was staring at Deidara, wide eyed and shocked.
Deidara sat down back in his chair, breathing heavily like a fat kid after a cross country race. His face was beginning to turn red.
"Whatever you say, lady." Answered Baku
Deidara's temper had just risen over it's capacity. Veins popped up on his temple making him look crazy.
"THAT'S IT FUCKER YOU DIE NOW! Screamed Deidara
The small mouths on Deidara's hands slowly started to open up.
(10 minutes and one dead Baku later)
Baku's corpse laid in his own blood on the floor, dead and blank eyed.
Deidara took out his anger on the poor fella by creating giant clay birds to beak and claw the idiot to death.
"Hmf, baka… yeah" Deidara said in satisfaction as he looked at the bloodied corpse on the floor.
Not one of the Akatsuki members had seen Deidara get this mad over being called a lady.
"I blame you stupid fansites for making people think I'm a lady!" Shouted Deidara. "Screw you!"
"Umm… Deidara?" Said Sasori (I had to let him say something). "I think you should take your anger outside." "To the Booth of Anger."
"Right, answered Deidara, just give me five minutes.
Deidara scurried out the entrance to release his anger in The Booth of Anger.
Soon after that a loud, angry scream of anger was heard from The Booth of Anger. Deidara returned five minutes later his face redder than ever breathing heavily. Then he sat down at his gray folding chair at the gray table. Deidara sighed and drank his Mountain Dew.
"God this is getting weirder every minute." Said Kisame finally recovered from his trauma.
"Umm… next!" Said Itachi
The second those words came out of Itachi's mouth, Juan pushed his way through the crowd of 94 shinobi.
"Okay, then you there with the backpack! Called Itachi.
Wohoo, yes it's my turn! Cheered Juan.
"Yeah, yeah whatever just shut up kid." Itachi said irritably.
"Okay kiddo, you got any special jutsu? Asked Kisame.
Uhh… yes? Answered the Genin
Show 'em.
Okiedokie Shark Man. Said Juan
Juan put his hands together to form the Tiger seal. He closed his eyes and concentrated his chakra.
"Ummmm…" Hummed Juan.
"Buddhist meditationnnn…" Imitated Sasori.
This ahem "concentration" continued for 15 minutes onward with the shinobi and Akatsuki members growing quite impatient.
"C'mon kid hurry up the damn thing!" Snapped a Grass Chuunin.
A fart suddenly followed those words. A loud fart. A five second long fart.
All eyes focused on Juan.
(Dead silence)
(Awkward silence)
(Itachi coughs)
"A gay has just been born." Sasori said breaking the awkward silence.
"What… the… FUCK WAS THAT YOU RETARD!" Screamed Itachi getting up from his chair. "You made us wait 15 minutes for a fart!
"But- I y-you don't understand-" Stammered Juan.
"I hope Itachi lets me eat him." Thought Zetsu. (Zetsu sure does a lot of thinking. Don't worry he'll start talking soon.)
"Zetsu, commanded Itachi, eat him!"
Itachi pointed at the stupefied Juan, as an insane smile spread across Zetsu's half black half white face.
"Alright, cheered Zetsu, c'mere you little piggy!
"Auggh! Screamed Juan.
Juan screamed again and ran out of the hideout for his pathetic OC life while Zetsu chased after the Genin, fork and knife in one hand & a bottle of BBQ sauce in the other.
"Okay while Zetsu eats the kid, said Kisame, lets call up a next person."
A murmur of agreement spread throughout the table with a "yeah" from Deidara.
"You with the sandy hair, called Itachi, your turn."
The Sand Jounin friend of the now dead Baku, stepped towards the table, straight faced and still smoking a cigarette.
"Name?"
Ichiban, Shinra
"Okay Shinra, started the Uchiha, you got a special achievement you've accomplished?
"Well, Shinra answered blowing smoke out of his cigarette, I killed off my whole clan except for my parents."
"Sweet, you did almost the exact same thing I did!" Cheered Itachi. "Except I left only my foolish little brother alive. Gimme some skin Shinra!" (Warned ya! OCC!)
Shinra and Itachi slapped a high five and a low five.
"Yo Itachi!" Said Kisame. "I think you might be forgetting something."
Itachi blinked. "Oh yeah." Replied Itachi. "You have any special jutsu?"
"Hell yes!" answered Shinra. "Watch me!"
The Jounin performed a few hand seals and shouted the words:
"Fuuton: Sand Spiral Barrier no Jutsu!"
The Jounin was surrounded in a spiraling barrier of sand. The impact was so great it caused so shinobi to be blown backwards. Some of the sand got into some of their eyes.
"Yahh!" Sasori screamed in pain. "My eyes!" My severely dilated Jewish eyes!" "Ahh!"
After a few moments or so, the barrier let up and the hideout became quiet again. Sasori and a few others were rubbing their eyes.
"Oh snap." Itachi said in awe. Normally it was quite hard to impress Itachi, but this was one of the few times he was actually impressed. "You're in Shinra."
"Hell yeah!" Shinra said gleefully.
"Here's your authentic, official Akatsuki cloak. Made of only the finest fabrics." Kisame said handing the Jounin the trademark flowery cloak the Akatsuki was so famous for. "These aren't the imitations you buy on eBay, these are the real thing."
"And here's your free box of a dozen donuts." Said Itachi. The Uchiha handed Shinra a large box of Crispy Cream Donuts with a sticker on it that said "imported from the US." "Congrats Ichiban!"
"Nice!" Said Shinra. "Thanks, I've always wanted to be in the Akatsuki!"
"Maybe this won't be so bad after all." Itachi said positively.