Chapter 36

Jack knew he should have never come back out here, or at least waited until daylight. However, he had attended this morning's private service fully aware he would need this time alone to say goodbye.

Earlier, the church had an ominous feel about it when the team walked in. They were together but missing one. More than the others, Jack couldn't believe they were there, saying goodbye to his best friend.

They'd been through so much together, and lost so many friends – Wes, Shep, others. Always they'd had each other…but now, Bobby was gone.

As he sat beside Tara and Sue during the service, Jack realized that he'd never told Bobby just how much he meant to him. He was more than just a friend; he was family, a brother. Jack's heart was breaking as he thought of never seeing him again, never having the opportunity to go to ballgames with him again, never being able to hear his laughter in the bullpen again.

A dark black casket laid at the front of the church like a beacon. It hurt him to think what was in it, but Jack made his feet move forward. He had to see him one last time.

The still form looked like he was sleeping, like Jack had caught him so many times at his desk and during late night stakeouts. However, he knew Bobby wouldn't wake up from this sleep. He was gone forever.

Now, a torrential rain had settled over the cemetery, but it just accented Jack's already sour mood. Stepping out of his car, he lifted his collar against the downpour and started across the soggy field towards the newest grave.

Every stitch of clothing, front his black raincoat and jeans inward, was drenched within seconds. Thankfully, the rain was warm, though inside Jack felt so cold as he walked toward the graveside where they'd laid his best friend.

Between the heavy deluge and the late hour, Jack could barely identify the petite form hovering over Bobby's final resting place. Wanting to give Tara a few moments to herself before interrupting, he lowered his gaze to the spray of fresh flowers covering the newly turned soil. That was when he heard her sad words.

We talked forever,
We were never apart,
But I never told you,
What I held within my heart,
I had a secret,
Always thought I'd tell you,
One day you'd know
What my heart was going through.
But I left it too late,
I never said it out loud,
I never stood up and told you,
I was too proud.
I waited for you,
To fall for me,
But the way things worked out,
'We' were never meant to be.
Now my heart is empty,
I'm all-alone,
My mind is searching
But the wind has blown.
You were my shelter,
My lover, my friend,
But I never told you,
And now it's too late;
We're at the end.

As Tara read the words from the rain soaked paper she held in her hand, Jack was drawn to her. He'd known of Bobby's love for her but didn't know until that moment just how much the two of them had missed together. Why did life have to always be so complicated? he wondered as he placed his hand comfortingly on her shoulder.

"Sorry," Jack apologized when she jumped at his touch. When Tara spun around, he could see the tears she'd shed mixing with the rain. "Tara, I'm so sorry," he repeated, pulling her into a tight embrace.

Tara clung to him as if her life depended on it, her sobs echoing into the night. Jack found tears springing to his own eyes as he rubbed her back comfortingly. For several long moments, they just stood there consoling and taking solace from each other.

"How long were you standing there?" Tara finally asked, reluctantly pulling away slightly.

"Long enough," Jack replied, struggling with his own knowledge of Bobby's own love for her. "You loved him."

"I never got to tell him, Jack," Tara cried, her sobs renewed. "I wanted to on Saturday, but Myles and Hannah showed up. We were going to on Sunday, but he got the call about the little boy. Jack, I never told him that I loved him!" Tara sobbed.

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, baby I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I Love You's
That's what I'd do. With one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, baby I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, baby I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

Leave me wishing still for one more day
Leave me wishing still for one more day...

"We all wish that, Tara," Jack wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close again. If only you knew just how much he loved you too, Jack thought. Maybe one day I can tell you.

(Poem: "At the End" by Cheryl)
(Song: "One More Day" by Diamond Rio)

Chapter 37

"Oh, my word, Jack, Tara," Lucy exclaimed when Jack brought Tara to her and Sue's apartment. "You both are soaked through and through."

"Sorry for the mess." Jack gave Sue a lopsided smile as Lucy dashed off to the bathroom to retrieve some towels. "I didn't know where else to go," he shrugged reluctantly.

"Never mind that," Sue waved him off. "I've been worried about her ever since the funeral this afternoon. Where did you find her?" she asked, noticing with concern the vacant stare on the petite woman's face.

"The cemetery," Jack stated, just as Lucy returned with the towels. Both women cast worried looks at each other before their gazes shifted to their friend.

"The important thing now is to get you dried off and warmed up as soon as possible," Lucy recovered first, handing Jack a couple of towels. Draping one over Tara's shoulders, she gently directed her towards the bedrooms.

"She can have my room. I'll sleep on the couch," Sue offered as she used one of the towels Lucy had brought to soak up the water on the foyer floor. "I'll get some tea started and then I'll be in to help you," she called after them.

"I'll just let myself out," Jack tapped Sue's arm to get her attention as she rose to turn towards the kitchen.

"You'll do no such thing, Jackson Hudson," Sue admonished, taking him by the shoulders and pushing him toward the bathroom. "You left your gym bag here a couple of weekends ago. Just give me a minute to grab that, and you can shower while I dry those so you'll have something to go home in. Can't have you catching a chill," she insisted as he pushed him through the bathroom door.

"But I…" Jack looked over his shoulder.

"Sorry, Jack, I can't hear you," Sue smiled shutting the door behind him before he could argue. Hurrying to the kitchen, she paused to look down at Levi who was lying on the floor by the couch. "Don't let us disturb you," she grinned as he raised his head high enough to cock it sideways slightly before dropping it lazily back onto his front paws.

With a weary smirk, Sue scurried around him into the kitchen to fill the teakettle and set it on the stove. Moving to the hall closet, she grabbed Jack's gym bag, returning to the bathroom door knocked softly.

"I'll just leave it out here, Jack," Sue called, dropping the bag outside the door as she tried not to think about what was going on inside the room. "Just leave your wet clothes out here and I'll get them while you're in the shower," she finished quickly before continuing down the hall to her room.

Rapping lightly, Sue pushed open the door slowly, peeking inside. Tara was wrapped in her light blue terry cloth robe with Lucy sitting behind her, combing her damp hair. The smile she'd pasted on her face when she came in quickly faded when only her roommate turned around.

SHE HOW, Sue questioned her friend silently, pointing to the petite blonde. She hated talking about anyone behind their back like this, but she was concerned about Tara. After learning of her feelings for Bobby just before his accident, she'd been extremely worried about the young woman's emotional state.

SHE SAME BEFORE SHE, Lucy sighed with a frown. SMILE, TALK, NOTHING. STARE STARE.

EYES SAD, Sue indicated sympathetically. LONELY.

MISS B-O-B-B-Y MUCH, Lucy signed sorrowfully. MISS SHE HIM I-KNOW-NOT

LOVE B-O-B-B-Y SHE, Sue replied, watching the heartbroken woman and missing the widening of her friends eyes at the remark.

WHAT, Lucy waved to get her attention. Her eyes were as wide as saucers. LOVE. WHEN, she questioned.

TX TELL ME SHE BEFORE ACCIDENT, Sue responded sorrowfully.

B-O-B-B-Y, HE KNOW HE, Lucy asked, looking from Tara back to Sue.

NO, Sue shook her head sadly.

The two women sighed despondently as they turned back to their friend. Neither of them knew what to do to help her. That could be me, Sue thought regretfully. There were so many times that Jack and I almost didn't have the chance to be together. What would I have done? She wondered.

Sue was about to go to the petite blonde, when she saw the bedroom door open out of the corner of her eye. Turning, she saw Jack standing there in sweatpants, carrying a tray with the tea and some mugs.

"The tea was done," he smiled slightly as if he had to explain his presence. "I thought you might want some," he offered, still standing in the doorway.

"Yes, thanks," Lucy jumped up from the bed when Sue and Jack continued to stare at each other, taking the tray from him. "Tara could use some to warm up," she mentioned, more to herself than anyone else.

"Actually, I'd like to take a shower," Tara whispered quietly, speaking for the first time since she'd arrived. Lucy and Jack both turned in her direction at her voice with Sue looking back and forth between them in confusion.

SHOWER SHE WANT, Jack signed as they all moved towards the still pale woman.

"Are you sure sweetie?" Lucy asked, sitting next to her on the bed, putting her arm around her shoulders comfortingly. "We've got some tea here. It might help you warm up a bit," she offered, pointing to the tray she'd set on the nightstand.

"I'd really like to take a shower," Tara repeated, keeping her eyes downcast, her voice just barely louder than a whisper.

"I'm done in there," Jack mentioned, trying to be helpful.

"Okay," Lucy glared briefly at Jack, before standing up to lead Tara out of the room.

"She doesn't need to be left alone," Sue stated worriedly, biting her bottom lip nervously.

"But she's still shivering," Jack mentioned, wrapping his arms around her. "Maybe the shower will warm her up."

"You didn't take one, did you?" Sue looked up at him with pursed lips.

"Uh…no," Jack admitted. "How'd you know?" he asked, gazing down at her.

"Because you're still cold," Sue responded firmly, pushing him away. Their brief laughter died as they looked at each other across the room.

"I feel like I owe it to Tara to take care of her," Jack admitted sadly, running his hand through his hair. "He was my best friend and he loved her."

"She doesn't need you or anyone taking care of her," Sue pointed out, shaking her finger at him. "She can take care of herself, but she needs a friend, all over her friends, and I love you for wanting to be there for her."

"I only hope I can be there when she needs me the most," Jack sighed, glancing out the door where Tara had disappeared only moments before.

Chapter 38

Tara stretched lazily in the warm water, the air filled with the jasmine scent of Lucy's bath oils. Once in the bathroom, Lucy had convinced her to soak in the tub. To placate the other woman, she'd agreed and tried to relax.

To an outside observer, it would appear that it was working. However, they couldn't see the turmoil in her mind, but if they looked closely, they could see the unspeakable pain in her eyes.

Frustrated, Tara slapped the water, sending a spray of water up into the air. This bath was supposed to help relax her as well as warm her up, but for some reason she couldn't stop thinking. Her mind just wouldn't leave her alone. She kept recalling all the times she should have told Bobby her feelings, all the lost opportunities.

It wasn't as if she hadn't been hurt before. This time it hurt more. Instead of the usual heartbreak Tara felt when a guy left her, it felt as though someone had ripped out her heart and force-fed her the still pulsating organ.

His death had taken her whole heart, and no matter what, Tara could never get it all back. Bobby had been different, and she never had an opportunity to tell him of her love.

Even though she knew deep down she had her friends, who were waiting for her to get out of the bath, Tara felt so alone. She didn't feel like she was needed anymore. If only I could be with him, she thought as she watched the water sparkle in the light.

I could just slip under the water and float away, Tara mused sadly, her heart hurting so much. There'd be no more pain. She told herself that this way she could die peacefully, and then she'd be back with him again. Slowly her body began to drop into the water, the warm liquid smoothed over her skin.

Just as her head was about to slip under, a picture came up in her mind. Bobby was standing before her as he did that day on the beach when she realized that she loved him. Tara could see the wind blowing the locks of his hair across his forehead while they ate their tacos. She could practically feel their kiss as he held her in the warm ocean water.

Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it's like you haven't been gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
And with all my heart I'm sure we're closer than we ever were
I don't have to hear or see, I've got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, Oh I believe

The ache in her heart started to lift as Tara thought of the many cases they'd shared together, the late nights at the bullpen, the all night stakeouts. Even with him gone, Bobby was still with her, in her memories.

Now when you die your life goes on
It doesn't end here when you're gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends and if I'm right
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe, Oh I believe

A melancholy smile slowly spread across her face as Tara thought of the day they teased him with the apartment listings, joking that Howie could become his 'organizational mentor'. Bobby had the most endearing qualities whether it was complimenting her on her abilities… The perennial bearer of good tidings. I'm going to stop watching the news and get my updates only from you…or trying to convince her to accept help… But we could be a team. You'll be good cop, I'll be bad cop… OK, you'll be bad cop.

Forever, you're a part of me
Forever, in the heart of me
I will hold you even longer if I can
Oh the people who don't see the most
See that I believe in ghosts
And if that makes me crazy, then I am
'Cause I believe
Oh I believe

Taking a deep breath, Tara closed her eyes again. She could almost feel his arms around her as they lay on the floor in the kitchen, when he caught her after her tumble off the counter. She could have sworn she smelled the fruity scent of his cologne wafting through the air. Then, the pounding of her heart, seeing him in nothing but his briefs the morning Sue and Jack showed up, sent chills down her spine.

There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, Oh I believe

Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And I believe

"I can feel you, Bobby," Tara whispered to the empty room. "I know I'm not alone," she smiled, finally at peace with her loss as she settled back against the side of the tub.
(Song: "I Believe" by Diamond Rio)

From Adventures in Babysitting Season 3
From Body Shop Season 3
From Bad Hair Day Season 2