Shinobu's and Zekk's Excellent Adventure
Author's Note: It has come to my attention by one of my few reviewers that I should find a pre-reader. Now if you want to do me a huge favor, email me and I will send you a copy of the new chapter by email.
I know you're all anxious to find out who the enigmatic Madam is, but the truth will shock you.
DISCLAMIER: I don't own any anime or movie nor do I plan to make money off this. I do however own a cookie...wait...why is Zekk glaring at me like that? NOOOO! Give me back my cookie bastard! Oh... you're so gonna get it this time. You forget I own you! (Honestly, I do)
Chapter 3: Out of the jail, into hell
When we last left our less than dynamic duo, they had been saved by none other than Madam, the secretive leader of A.C.A.P or Anime Characters Against Perverts. Let us see how they are doing now.
Zekk was wishing he had stayed back at the local jail. Sure the food sucked and all those over-affectionate men were waiting for him to drop the soap in the showers, but it would have been better than this. Currently, he was sitting in an official A.C.A.P vehicle that was for use by only the Madam Director wearing a clean beige uniform with an ID identifying him as a member of A.C.A.P. The leather seating of the sedan was uncomfortable to say the least, but seeing as he was sharing the back seat with Shinobu, his impromptu partner that seemed to hate his guts for being an Author, made his ride even worse. He also was sure that today was the day he was to die, because the Madam Director had walked in the interrogation room just as he was calling her little. Now, the last time someone called her little or cute, she pulled out an assault rifle that was larger than her and wouldn't stop shooting until she ran out of bullets. Even then, she pulled out a broadsword that was twice her size and began chopping the unfortunate bastard into unidentifiable pieces. Rumor had it that the man who called her that was then served as a lunchmeat in the café. As he thought about his own impending funeral, his sweat turned into tears and he silently mourned the fact that he would never see his beloved again.
Shinobu tried ignore the fact that the sobbing man who she had the unpleasant duty to call her partner was moaning in a wretched tone, "My beloved, my beloved computer...my Rakion characters...why? I want to see you own last time...?" Failing that, she felt the urge to hurt him in a comical, but painful way. ' Why is he so damn emotional? It's not like he called Mada... oh...' Her anger dissipated and she felt an unusual feeling, not sadness, definitively not love, anger...not really. What was that feeling? She imagined the last man to insult Madam like that. 'Oh yeah, it's pity.' "Poor bastard." She said callously. He turned his bloodshot eyes toward her, pain radiated from them. 'This is what Sempai feels when I give him my puppy-dog eyes.' It was clear what Zekk wanted. And Shinobu felt great pleasure in saying, "No, I won't protect you from Madam."
'This is it.' Zekk thought gloomily as the torture he called the car ride to HQ ended as the car pulled into the parking lot made exclusively for Madam. He mentally made a will in his head. 'My suit I give to Goodwill, my PS2 I give to my cousin C. U. Inhel, and my manga I give to uncle G.O Tohel, and my computer...' Zekk's time was up.
"Operative Zekk, what were you saying back at the prison?" Madam's voice crackled on the P.A system. Sure Madam didn't need to use the P.A system to ask, seeing as she was in the front seat of the car the whole time. Whenever Zekk looked at her, that hair reminded him of his likely demise. ' I don't wanna die yet!' Zekk moaned in his head. He muttered something intelligible.
"Speak into the P.A system or I will remove that tongue to make sure that you never speak again!" Her harsh, biting voice sounded loudly throughout the whole HQ. In fact, some nameless flunky who was in a hospital bed with AIDS given to him by his ex-girlfriend who dumped him both for his best friend and his own nephew, saying that the latter had given her more pleasure than he did; had no money; was going to die with no one at his funeral; and had just discovered that he was recently castrated and kicked in the balls by his own mother, heard Madam asking what some guy said about her height and said right after having an epileptic seizure, "Unlucky bastard...wouldn't want to be him."
Zekk clenched his eyes and bit the bullet. Speaking softly into the P.A system, he said those fated words that would kill him in a most gruesome manner, "I said that you were short."
Time stopped in the HQ. The birds that heard those words fled as soon as they could, knowing that a blood bath was about to occur. No sounds were heard at all, the HQ ironically became what Zekk was about to need, a morgue. Interrupting the unholy silence was the P.A crackling to life again. " Operative...meet me in my office... NOW!" The car door slammed shut. As Zekk and Shinobu looked, they saw a small girl with red ponytails walking out, panting with rage. Madam looked at Zekk for a moment and Zekk felt as if Madam was trying to rip apart his soul with a wooden spoon. Why a wooden spoon? Because, a spoon is blunt so it will hurt more!
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2 minutes later
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Zekk was alone, waiting at the front door of the infamous Madam's office. It was an ominous place that few ever came out of...alive that is. The dark steel door was cold to the touch and Zekk could feel his soul freeze with the door. Picking up his last remaining scrapes of courage, he gave a mild tap to the door's frame. A tiny knock resounded. Zekk waited a moment and said with false hope, "Oh...I guess she's not here. I better go now." Zekk made a movement towards the exit of the hallway, but was stopped when the door he now had his back towards opened with a very menacing groan. "Enter." Madam's voice was cold. He turned around, and almost pissed himself. As he walked into the large, dark room, he felt deja vu. 'There's the empty room, except for the oversize desk. The System Sephirothica on the ceiling, and at the desk we have Madam steepling her gloved hands and resting them in front of her face and her second in command standing by her. Where did she rip this off from?'
In the Evangelion universe, Gendo was finishing his plans to make all of future mankind hate his bastard guts when he felt a chill. His second, Kozo noticed his discomfort and asked, "What's wrong Ikari?" Gendo looked entreatingly at Kozo and said in a sad tone, "I think someone is stealing my shtick."
Back at the A.C.A.P HQ, Zekk had managed to walk to the desk where the irate Madam was seated without shitting his pants. What an accomplishment! He swallowed what was left of his saliva leaving his mouth bone-dry. "You wished to see me Madam Director?"
The enraged red-head managed to stop contorting her face and reply, "Yes. I will not tolerate talk of me being short, cute, or babyish. In light of recent events, your ungratefulness will be" for the first time, a smile lit her face, an evil 'I'm about to kill you and then eat your decomposing remains to make sure you are dead' smile, "punished. Commander, you may begin recording."
Zekk tore his gaze from Madam, to the Commander. She was brown haired and brown eyed with a bubbly smile and dense eyes. "W-Why are you recording me?" Zekk didn't want to hear the answer. The Commander didn't seem to hear his mental anguished pleas. "Oh, because Chiyo-chan wanted to show everyone."
"Show everyone what?" Zekk hoped to hear a good reason. 'Maybe for laughs?' he hoped desperately. Instead, Madam Chiyo said, with the same evil smile as before, " For two reasons. One, to show Su how her new invention worked, two..." her smile became so evil, so diabolical, demons screamed in horror and Satan smiled contently and said, "That's my girl."
"What's the last reason?" Zekk knew now that he was doomed. Not even God could save him now
"The last reason is to show everyone why you don't call me little." Chiyo now sported a frown. "Commander Osaka, turn it on. I want to show him the fear of God." As her ditzy friend flipped some switch behind Chiyo's head, she asked airily, "Who's God?" Osaka also got out the T.V professional camera, the kind used on high budget movies, and started to record the show that was about to take place.
Chiyo switched back to her evil smile. Ignoring her air-headed friend, she asked the now frozen Zekk, "Do you like to dance?" Hoping to turn the situation around, Zekk said, " Yes, I like dancing but..." his mouth opened like a fish's when he saw that Chiyo's trademark hairstyle moved to turn towards him. His shock increased when he saw that said hair was removing the tips of the hairstyle to reveal a tiny barrel in each pigtail. A compartment also opened revealing a Tommy gun magazine clip holding what appeared to be live ammo.
Zekk had a warm feeling in his groin area. It was pleasantly warm. ' I'm being turned on by this?' He looked at his groin. Chiyo noticed this and asked annoyed that he wasn't afraid, " What the hell are you doing?" Zekk calmly said, "I felt warm near my crotch so I thought I had a woody, but instead" he looked at his pants again, "but I was wrong. I just pissed myself." He stated that in such a professional manner that Chiyo thought that he was giving a report.
Chiyo got her mind back on track. Turning her head slightly, she said the mantra of a Shinji Ikari, "Target in the center, pull the switch." Being the head of a major secret organization has its perks. ' I can plagiarize as much as I want'
"So you like dancing?" Chiyo asked. Zekk did all he could not to faint. Unknowingly, Chiyo copied the battle cry of Shinobu when she yelled at the top of her lungs with both gattling hair guns firing, "ALRIGHT THEN! DANCE FOR ME BITCH!" The rumbling of the rapid firing of both high-caliber weapons drowned out the cries for help and screams for mommy.
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In the Café
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Shinobu was enjoying a quiet coffee in the HQ's café. She had just finished calling Keitaro to tell him that she was going to sleep over at a friend's home. 'Sempai is so nice to me' she thought, 'if only he could leave Naru and marry me.' She was lost in her dream world, much like the innocent cook she usually portrayed. She picked up her coffee cup, drank a little and watched the display Zekk was making on the big screen on the café wall. She smiled and continued drinking. She couldn't help but think, 'Not a bad day so far.'