Previously…

"But before I prescribe anything…there are three theories about why we dream and some medicine is more suited to help for each theory. So," Kate tilted her head, staring at Elizabeth. "Why don't you tell me why you're really here?"

"Ex-Excuse me?" Elizabeth Weir sputtered at Kate's calm words. "I just did," she insisted quickly.

Kate exhaled and resumed leaning forward, her elbows resting on her thighs again as she addressed the other woman. "You walked in here because something was dreadfully bothering you, Dr. Weir," she stated, "I saw hide nor tail of you until now and I doubt that you would seek me out about nightmares before Wraith and impending doom." Elizabeth frowned, leaning back into the chair, her back stiff. Kate was completely right, of course. That didn't mean she liked it. Was she really that easy to read? It made her slightly uncomfortable that Kate had blown off her cover so easily. "If I'm making you uncomfortable…" Kate said suddenly. She sat up, perhaps sensing Elizabeth's uneasiness.

"No, no," Elizabeth looked down at her intertwined hands. "You're right." She glanced up at Kate, her eyes curious. "How did you know?" she questioned.

Kate smiled softly. "You know those three theories I was talking about? One of them is that we dream to work out unsolved problems. You've been nervous since you stepped in that door, even after you walked in, which shows you're not just nervous about your reputation."

"Well…" Elizabeth drew in a breath and then let it out.

"Your secrets are safe with me," Kate told her, her eyes displaying her honesty.

"For the past few weeks… I've been—sort of—involved with Major Sheppard. Romantically," she added bluntly, and winced at her own horrid explanation. "I…Uh…found this thing…and Rodney, he made it for me for Valentine's Day…"

"Dr. Weir," Kate said gently, touching the other woman's hand. Elizabeth's gaze snapped to Kate. "You don't have to tell all of the details," she said softly.

"Oh… Well, I…" Elizabeth sighed. Why was it so hard for her to tell this? It wasn't like Kate was going to spread any rumors. "I love John dearly…but I think I love Rodney, too." Her voice died on the last words. I think I love Rodney too… They echoed around in her head.

Kate paused for a moment, feeling for the woman across from her. What she really needed was a friend, not a psychologist. "Have you told John yet?" she asked.

Elizabeth nodded. "Yeah…" she whispered. "I feel so…horrible," she finished in a whisper. She took a moment to regain her voice and then went on. "When John and I first started seeing each other, it was great. I was so happy… He made everything okay. I could get through it all just knowing that he would be waiting for me at the end of the day with arms wide open."

Kate nodded, encouraging Elizabeth forward. "A couple days ago…" she paused and laughed bitterly. "How long has it been? It's seemed like years…" Elizabeth pursed her lips before continuing. "I…realized that Rodney had feelings for me too. He hadn't been himself lately, but I just…I just ignored him," she whispered softly, "I was so caught up in my joy that I didn't notice his feelings… I hate myself for that. We're close friends, what kind of friend doesn't notice that?" she asked, her voice spiteful. Kate was silent, waiting for more words to spew from Elizabeth's mouth but they never came. She knew that assuring Elizabeth that she really was a good friend would do nothing. What Elizabeth needed was a conclusion to all of this.

"What would you say if I said that Rodney was nothing but a callous, insecure egomaniac?" Kate questioned. Her voice didn't imply that she thought he was, but Elizabeth's eyes flared indignantly.

"He's not!" she said vehemently. "Everyone thinks that," she said bitterly, "They think he's just callous and he's all about ego…but he really cares for everybody. He hardly shows it, but he does. The sarcastic, egotistical…" she sighed, "It's a front, really, but it's a part of him."

"What do you guys have conversations about on the balcony?" For once, the rumor mill proved useful, Kate realized wryly.

"Just…everything. We talk about anything that comes to mind."

"You must be pretty open with him, then?" Kate observed.

"Yeah…" Elizabeth fiddled with her hands as she said that. "He makes me feel…accepted. Like my opinion is needed. And not the leader of Atlantis's opinion…just…mine. Everyone sees me as the leader, but he doesn't… He called me Elizabeth from the day we met," she said slowly, as if just realizing it.

"Do you ever have those deep conversations with John?" Kate probed, shrugging her shoulders. The transition between the questions was nearly flawless.

"Not really…" Elizabeth said, pausing. "We don't really…talk much," she admitted.

"Tell me about your relationship," Kate said with a shrug.

"I… I don't know how to explain. Just standing next to him I feel ten times better. He'll wrap his arm around me and I'll feel like I'm invincible," as she spoke, her eyes took on a faraway look. Inside her mind, she was mentally thinking about the comparisons between the relationships she had with John and Rodney. "We don't talk a lot. We just…understand each other," she furrowed her eyebrows slightly.

"Does your work supply any strains on your relationship?" Kate asked innocently.

"Once or twice it has…" Elizabeth admitted. "I don't want it to, but I can't…" she swallowed. "As a leader I need his respect and his cooperation and I have to have it. But as his…lover…" she winced at the word. She'd always hated it. The word was more often than not a synonym for mistress and it seemed to imply that the relationship had more a physical root.

"Is being able to talk to your—significant other—important to you?" Kate asked, again seemingly veering off topic. She waited for the answer, her eyes taking in Elizabeth's expression. She knew that she could not make the choice for Elizabeth, but she could help. Elizabeth probably wouldn't realize for quite a while that these questions were directing and organizing her thought flow. Kate smiled to herself.

"Yes," Elizabeth answered, seemingly coming out of her daze. "I mean…if you don't have communication, then you don't have—" she stopped, as if realizing what she was saying.

"What's the difference between John and Rodney?"

"John is…the hero type, I guess you would say," Elizabeth explained, unperturbed at Kate's broad question. "He had some black-ops training before we got here. He won't really talk about it… Well, he doesn't really talk about much. He talks more when we're not alone together, I guess. He's always bickering with Rodney or explaining some Earth tradition to Teyla…but we don't talk much. We only really talk when something is wrong." But that was wrong, Elizabeth realized. They never talked. It was always her, talking to him. Sure, he made sure she was okay…but that was really the extent of it. She hardly knew him. Elizabeth felt cold at the thought. It had to be wrong. You didn't just make a connection with one person knowing so little about them. She was sure that the butterflies that filled her stomach when he returned from a mission, the smile that claimed her face just thinking about him, the feeling that everything would be okay as long as he was there…she was sure that was love. 'I would stand in front of a gun for him,' Elizabeth thought, her throat dry. If anything, this conversation was giving her more of a headache than before. But now, she had some things to think about… "He's always there for me," she added, as if she had something to make up for.

"What about Rodney?" Kate prodded.

"He doesn't like people to see how much he cares for them. He's sarcastic and egotistical on the outside because he has a hard time expressing his feelings. Rodney…he opens up to me, though. We've talked about it a lot; how the scientists think so little of him—well, except for Radek and that petite Asian lady. He doesn't like to be hero. He does what he has to, when it comes down to it. He…" she paused, remembering when he stepped in front of a gun aimed at her. She swallowed tightly. Would she do the same for him? The answer was so immediate, so instinctive, it surprised her: she would. What would it be like, she wondered, if Rodney wasn't there? Elizabeth frowned. Rodney…he was always there to talk to. If she had something to get off her chest, he was there to be her sounding wall. With a sinking feeling, she realized how long it had been between the time that she started her fling with John and until she realized that Rodney, too, had feelings for her. And for all that time, she had hardly spoken a word to him. Was that why she'd had that feeling inside, that caged, claustrophobic sensation?

"Elizabeth Weir to the control room," Elizabeth jumped at the announcement over the comm. system and looked toward Kate.

"We'll finish this later…?" Kate said, her sentence dangling. Elizabeth nodded, distracted already by the stream of thoughts that overwhelmed her. "If the nightmares are still affecting your sleep, let me know and we can work something out," Kate added as Elizabeth headed toward the door.

On her way to the contorl room, Elizabeth pondered what had gone on during the conversation. The session had given her more than a few things to think about, but most of all, it had given her a feeling of hope. No matter how hard things were going to be for the next few weeks…it would be okay.

Still…the turnout would not - could not -ease the pain of what was about to come.

Author's Note: Wrote this right after I was done with the last chapter, just updating it now. Hope you guys liked it though! Thanks for all of the reviews and the great ideas! I might just steal some of them (with credit...which makes it not stealing...but you get the point!) Anyway, please review!

Thanks to szhismine, Beth-TauriChick, Margaret, aaobuttons, Dark Angel31, Fanwoman and PurpleYin for the reviews!