Freddy groaned as consciousness kicked its way through his skull, with metal boots by the feel of it. He could also see the malicious face in his mind, and it looked like his mother. At the thought of her he picked up the nearest thing at hand, which happened to be a bottle. Surprised? He smashed it on the floor, and a few of the shards embedded themselves in his wrist. He brought it up to his mouth, instinctively licking the blood away, and shuddered as a thought occurred to him.
Smashing things. Destroying things. That was all he was good for. Throwing bottles across the room in anger, why always the anger? He was too dumb to have deep thoughts, that's what he'd always been told, and now he was believing it to be true. He couldn't express his thoughts any other way, and there was no way for him to let it out.
He wished he was like Zack, who had always managed to say exactly how he felt through his songs. Zack. He hadn't thought of that name for a while. And what about quiet Lawrence, how did he express his feelings? Freddy didn't know, because he'd never bothered to ask. And what about Katie, who had never kept her feelings locked up after Dewey came. Someone say something she didn't like, well, they'd soon know about it.
And what about... He punched the ground in annoyance, not being able to remember the name he was searching for. Oh, come on, he must know, he'd seen her only last night!
Thought I ran into you down on the street,
Then it turned out to only be a dream,
He remembered seeing her perfectly, he'd been walking down the street, hands shoved deep in pockets, head down, not looking at anyone, not seeing anything. He'd bumped into someone, and muttered an apology.
"Freddy?" she'd said, in amazement. "Freddy Jones?" He looked twice.
"It's you!" he'd said, and it was so good to see her again. "It's... it's..." He'd woken up, not able to remember the name, but the dream was still vivid in his mind.
I made a point to burn all of the photographs,
She went away and then I took a different path
He remembered every detail of his life with her in it, but not her name. He'd been best friends with her, and it had surprised him. He'd never thought that he could be friends with a girl, let alone best friends. And especially not with her, Miss Teacher's Pet. Oh, what was her name? But he had been best friends with her. For some reason, he could tell her things he couldn't tell anyone else. He knew why – all his other friends would sympathize, and pretend to understand, but she would tell him exactly what she thought, whether it was harsh, or mean, or simply honest. And he valued that.
They'd sworn to stick together, no matter what. She'd instilled a sense of self-control in him, and he'd encouraged her to loosen up a little. But then, one night he was working up the courage to ask her out, and she'd phoned him. She wasn't going to see him anymore, she said, she was going away with her boyfriend and going to get a nice little job and stay at home mostly.
She wouldn't listen when he said the boyfriend was bad news, he was controlling and manipulative. He was the type to think, if he couldn't have her then no-one could. He scared Freddy, and Freddy wasn't scared easily. So she'd gone, without listening to him, and Freddy – once again not knowing how to express his anger – had burnt every... single... photograph he had of her.
I remember the face,
But I can't recall the name,
Now I wonder how whatsername has been
It was really beginning to get to him, not remembering the name, and the face was still in his mind. Long dark brown hair, almost black, framing her pale heart shaped face. Her ruby-red lips, naturally that way as she never wore make-up, never needed it. Her small, up-turned nose and her greatest beauty, her eyes. Big brown eyes, with long sooty lashes, and just a hint of pain and sadness in them. That's what made them such interesting eyes, all the Populars who followed him around had such shallow eyes, with no depth to them, and fluttery eyelashes that reminded him of a Barbie doll.
What always amazed him – and shocked him – was the way she never thought she was pretty. He didn't know what she saw when she looked in that mirror, but it sure wasn't what he saw when he looked at her. Boring brown, she used to say, eyes and hair. He tried and tried, but he couldn't make her see, see the glints of gold and the faint traces of red and the gleaming colors that made up her 'boring' brown hair.
Couldn't make her see the levels in her eyes, the way her emotions could be reflected so easily if you just knew where to look. Couldn't make her see her inner beauty, the delighted look when he made her laugh, the way her eyes sparkled when he complimented her, the way...
Couldn't make her see that he loved her. Where is she? I have to see her, Freddy thought, I have to see her again.
Seems that she disappeared without a trace,
Did she every marry old what's his face
He'd tried, a few years ago. He'd searched the phone book for a... for a... for her name, but he couldn't find it. He'd known her name then, but not now. But he couldn't find her, couldn't find her anywhere, and he'd sat down and cried. She'd been his one last hope. He'd thought that if he could just hear her voice, her matter-of-fact tone, then that would be what he needed to pull himself back together. She'd give it to him straight, like before, and he'd quit the alcohol, get a job, and get back on track.
But he couldn't find her anywhere, and he'd sat down and cried. And he'd hated it, hated being like this. It wasn't him, but he was losing who he was. He didn't even understand it himself, all he knew was that he wanted to speak to her. And then he realized – the boyfriend. That's why he couldn't find her name anywhere – she'd probably taken his. And that made him angry.
I made a point to burn all of the photographs,
She went away and then I took a different path
And the only way he could express his anger was to burn all the pictures. He didn't need them anyway, he could picture her face perfectly, like he'd seen her the last time. Laughing, full of life, with her final wave before she got in the car and was away with him. The boyfriend. Maybe even the husband.
And before she went, when he'd been with her still, life had been good. They were planning to go to university, and then onwards. Freddy had been planning to be an artist, and at first he'd been shy of showing his paintings to – there it was again, the loss of name, it had been on the tip of his tongue. He guessed he'd just continue to call her her. Anyway, he'd been shy of showing her his paintings at first, they were so dear to him, he'd put so much of himself in them, and he didn't want her to treat them with the same harsh cynicism she did everything.
He'd been pleasantly surprised, however, like he was so often around her. She'd loved his paintings, said they showed real talent. "I must admit," he remembered her saying, "when you first told me you painted I thought it'd be all this trashy, modern, abstract stuff. But this, Freddy," she said, pointing out a picture called "Her", "this is beautiful."
"It's... It's about you," he'd stammered, the normally overly-confident Freddy Jones replaced with a shyer one. He'd regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth, but it was worth the embarrassment to see her face flush with pleasure.
But when she went, he dropped out, and turned to the only other thing that was still important to him – the drink. She went, and his life turned right around.
I remember the face,
But I can't recall the name,
Now I wonder how whatsername has been
Her face, her beautiful face was still fresh in his mind, and the name was still evading him, but her face took him through the troubles. He knew that he was bordering on obsession, but to tell the truth, he didn't care. He needed her, and he wondered if she needed him.
Remember, whatever, it seems like forever ago,
Remember, whatever, it seems like forever ago
There's no point, he thought roughly, it's too long ago, it's like another life. Is there any point in still knowing her, in still thinking of her? No, he told himself, of course not, but he still couldn't bring himself to let go, to move on. He'd tried before, and there was just no way he could do it. He needed someone, someone to stop him from going too far and having that extra bottle, that something more. And to him she is that someone, though she'll never know it.
The regrets are useless, in my mind, she's in my head, I must confess
The regrets are useless, in my mind, she's in my head, from so long ago
However much he told himself it was wrong to still think about her, that he must move on, there was no way he could. She was always there, like an angel, reminding him of everything he did wrong. She told him he could do the right thing, could get his life back together, could pick up the pieces, but he couldn't! Didn't she understand? She was his life, his all, but she was gone! And although she'd gone, she still never left him.
He clutched his head; he was going mad, he really was. Sighing, he sat back against the wall, his hand feeling empty with no bottle placed in it. Like he was missing a part, but all he was missing was her.
And, perhaps, his sanity.
And in the darkest night,
If my memory serves me right,
I'll never turn back time
Summer Hathaway. Her name was Summer Anne Hathaway.
Forgetting you, but not the time.
Green Day, "Whatsername".
This one is slightly different, because instead of just a few lines, I thought that the whole song was appropriate for this chapter. It is so hard to pick just one song, I could write a story/chapter about every single Green Day song there is. Anyways, I managed to pick, so until next time!
Reviews.
Unlikely-to-bear-it: Yeah, I don't think Freddy's like that either! Poor guy, however low he might be feeling, he wouldn't be driven to that extreme... I'm not sure yet if any other band members are going to be in it... He remembers them in this chapter, but I don't think they'll be in it. However, you never know, so keep an eye out! And you can't kill whoever she's dating... yet. Haha, I don't know, Freddy may or may not hurt him in some way later, but he will definitely get what's coming to him! Justice will be done... hehehe...
thesolitary-dragon: I always look forward to your reviews! This chapter is a lot longer. I was wondering whether or not to put Freddy and Summer together, to make the chapter longer, but I couldn't because with Summer I thought it was right to just leave it there, y'know? I don't really understand abusive relationships either, I just don't see how someone could do that to someone they say they love, it makes no sense to me. I didn't even know Summer was in an abusive relationship until last chapter. It seems like I have no control over my characters, they just do whatever the hell they want! I'm glad you find it realistic, I had no idea why someone would stay with someone like that, but then I thought, well, to her he isn't like that. It's good that you'd abuse him back, I say kick him where it hurts!
There's all Freddy in this one, but Summer's in it through his memories. I'm really glad you like this, I have no idea where it came from. It's not as... well, the first chapter was more of a riddle, in a way. The words were a kind of screen, so it was hard to tell what was going on, and that's what it was like for Summer and Freddy as well, they couldn't understand what was happening to them. Your review was not really short, it's the longest one I got! Mind you, compared to this one I see where you're coming from! I'm glad you liked the descriptions, it's like I see this picture in my mind and I just try and put it into words.
I was slightly worried about the fact that people might think Freddy was her husband, but it doesn't seem like anyone did, and this chapter should also clear that up. Originally the chapters weren't going to have Green Day lyrics in them, but it's what I'm listening to at the time so it follows through into my work as they just seemed to fit, this one especially. This was originally going to be the lines "I'm a user and a loser" from Dookie, but this song just... completely changed the entire chapter plan. It's better this way, though. Green Day are definitely my favorite band, along with I Am Kloot, Metallica, The Kaiser Chiefs and The Who right now. But Green Day are right up there on the top of the list. Billie-Joe has the best voice. There's this song on Nimrod, "Worry Rock" I think, where the music stops and Billie just sings "Another sentimental arguemnt and bitter love" and it's just like, ... wow... I just... every time I hear that, it gives me goosebumps.
Nirvana totally kick ass! Kurt Cobain's voice is only slightly rivalled by his eyes. "Heart Shaped Box" is one of my favorites, along with "Penny Royal Tea" and, of course, "Smells Like Teen Spirit". I don't care what anybody says, it's not over-rated it is just teenage punk personified. Whoa, this is a long answer... well, until next time!
Mracy Bayd: Yes, indeed they do, but it was a cliff hanger for me as well as I had no idea what I was going to put next! Well, this isn't as much of a cliff hanger, so I hope you like it!
Nanners-77: sings Vancouuuuver, Vancouuuuver, Vancouuuuuuuuuverrrrrrr! ahem Anyway, glad you liked it soooo much ('cause I know you did) and I forgot to ask, did you see Joey while you were in Michigan? And did you tell him exactly what we think of him (and his music, too)? Well, I'll move on from the fact that I've probably offended every single JGJ (Joey Gaydos Junior) fan out there... yeah, anyway, glad you liked it and I wiiish I was coming back to Torontooooooooo!
rockerchik777: Haha, I've made that mistake before! I'll be reading the answers and thinking "have they forgotten me? I swear I reviewed..." but I haven't! I'm not sure who Summer's husband is, I don't think we'll meet him until nearer the end. If there ever is an end. I might just get bored of it and decide to move on to something else, who knows? I don't even have anything to work towards, I have a vague idea for the next chapter but not much else. You're visiting London? YAY! Where are you from? When I say I live "near" London, I mean it's about a... two, three hour drive? shrugs Geography really isn't my thing...
i am not a chipmunk: Intense? Whoa, that's a new word! Very cool, too, I must say I'm honored that I was able to pull the Freddy-and-the-Carpet thing off, lol. I am human, although sometimes I wish I wasn't what with boys... Well, I wish that I was still six years old and saw boys as nothing more than just good friends. I don't know! I don't know what I mean anymore! You don't sound pathetic at all, I'm the pathetic one, fishing for compliments... hint hint... ;o) No, that was a joke, praise... scares me. It's like, argh! Flame me, for once! Yeah, that was another joke. I really need to calm down, don't I? And I'd love to bring a book out, but I just don't have the attention span needed. I have a really short one, you see, so I'd get bored of the book before it was finished. And I doubt "UnNamed" is a great name, y'see I couldn't think of one so I thought I'd leave it like that. Why is everyone threatening me? I'm too young to die! And no, I don't think it prosecutes... one way to find out, huh?
i am phsycopathic: I am really getting over-whelmed by all these good things people are saying! Haha, nice threat in there, they'll probably - probably, mind you, nothing's certain - meet next chapter. Creepy? Hmm, are you sure that's a good thing...? Ah well, I'll take your word for it, and this is the update so longed for!
dozengirl: in a sarcastic voice Oh yeah, I absolutely hate Green Day, can't stand them... lol, no, they kick ass! I love She's A Rebel, I also like (at the minute, bear in mind that this changes a lot) King For A Day, Ha Ha You're Dead, She, Don't Wanna Fall In Love and Poprocks and Coke. As well as the wonderful Warning. My friends say they like Waiting better, but it's Warning all the way for me! I was in an exam today, and the teacher said, "This is a warning..." and I was humming Warning all the way through the test! I've also had Maria stuck in my head lately, I just love the chorus! wanders off singing Mariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiia, Mariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaa, Mariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaa, where'd you go?...
That's all, folks!