Boo.

I bet you all fell out of your chair in horror, didn't you?

Dear Santa,

Who the Hell are you? Why should I be wasting my time on writing a letter to some guy who doesn't even exist just to please my crazy captain? Because I can think of much better ways to do that.

...that sounded so wrong. I'm going to cross that sentence off when I finish this.

What do I want for Christmas? Honestly? I want to be free to walk down the streets arguing with that shitty chef without fifty million people saying "Oh, are they have a lover's quarrel?" or "Are they breaking up?" Or even worse, "Ah, young lovers these days..." For the last damn time, I HATE that fucking chef! I hope he chokes on his own food! Or that Nami finally slaps him heard enough that his head flies off all the way to All Blue!

And besides, I'm not gay! I'm as straight as the damn chef's eyebrow is curly! And have you ever seen that thing? It looks like a dartboard implanted on his face. Seriously, it does. But anyway, I am not gay! No matter how many times the crew says I am! Just because I don't look at girls that much doesn't mean I'm gay!

I'm asexual, I swear!

Just because Nami keeps on saying I stare at Luffy doesn't give any reason I'm gay, either! I'm allowed to stare, aren't I? Hey, it isn't my fault he keeps on tackling me every chance he gets, lately! You'd stare, too!

Usopp was reading this over my shoulder. He won't be able to see out of his right eye for a very long time. Oh, does that put me on the 'naughty list'? Well, you can just take that list and shove it up your...

Usopp is telling the others something. They're all smirking at me.

Ignore the bloodstains on this paper.

Anyway, I guess there isn't too much I want this Christmas. I have a family, or something close too it. My training is going fine for the day I finally meet Mihawk again... Nothing I really want, I guess. Except, maybe, for some beer. We're running out. And maybe an afternoon with just Luffy where no one is bothering us. I don't care what we do, I just don't want us getting bugged by everyone. Constantly. That's it, I guess. Merry Christmas, Santa.

And I get the feeling I was supposed to do something with this letter. Ah well. Time to give it to Luffy.

From,

Zoro

...Just a tiny bit of ZoSan bashing. And, um, maybe a few hints of ZoLu. But remember, this is a gift fic! And Digi happens to not like ZoSan, and she loves ZoLu.

Oh, and if you guys think they're acting OOC... well, I try to make then canon. And this is getting checked by a OP freak, so it should be fine. I got a few comments about that with Chopper, so I thought I'd mention it.

(Comments from the beta reader) Yes people, that's canon. Chopper often swears to try and make it seem like he doesn't like people when he really does, so yes, it was IC.

Until then, bye!