Emotions

Chapter 2: Mixed Emotions

Disclaimer: Starwars: KOTOR II: TSL belongs to Lucas Arts, Bio-ware, and Obsidian.

Atton's POV

I sat in the cockpit, fuming.

Earlier...

"Mical, you and Bao-Dur will accompany me today." Alanah said calmly in our usual group meeting held in the main hold of the Ebon Hawk.

"Of course, but wouldn't be better if Atton accompanied you, he knows Nar Shaddaa better than both Bao-Dur and I do." Mical questioned.

I saw Alanah frown and throw me a glance, "I already know most of Nar Shadda by memory now, so Atton won't be needed."

My eyes widened and narrowed, 'I'm some sort of guide!'

"And anyways," she continued, "This would be a good opportunity to train my two new padawans." She said, acknowledging Bao-Dur and Mical.

The three(four if you count the Remote) left the Ebon Hawk soon after and I was left behind.

Present...

So that was my real purpose to Alanah? I was just her damn pilot and a Nar Shaddaa tour guide? Then again, why would I think I was anything more than that to her. I admit, a small part of me was hoping I'd be more to her. More than her pilot, more than a crew mate, more than... just a companion by circumstances. I constantly wondered what she saw when she stared at me with those beautiful olive green-gray eyes of hers. I admit, I am strongly attracted to her. Hell, that was an understatement. I'm crazy over her. From the very moment I first saw her half naked self in Peragus. She was... is beautiful; in every shape or form, inside and out.

I smiled when I picture her in my head. She was fairly short, with a slim and petite, but curvy form. Usually, it was hidden under her Jedi robes. And she wore her jet black hair in that unique style of hers. It was like a wrapped bun with two braids sticking out and another pair of long braids that hung freely on the left side of her face. She wore little make-up, just what I assume is clear lip gloss and eyeshadow. She had this refreshing glow to her, it was... calming.

I loved everything about her; her sarcastic wit, serious nature, her outrageous courage, graceful fighting skills, and everything else. One of the things I loved the most... I loved hearing her laugh, maybe because she never did laugh very often. That's where I would come in and try to humor her. I would try to spark laughter from her, or even a giggle. Just to be able to hear it. The first time I truly succeeded to make her laugh was on Citadel Station, when we were under house arrest. I had just taught her how to play pazaak and she had just beaten me in her first game. I made one of my 'witty' comments, trying to flirt again. She caught my pick up line and laughed. When she laughed, she would cast her head down, close her eyes, and place her right hand almost over her mouth. She looked... very cute. When she finished, she looked back up a me, and I swear, I saw her eyes sparkle.

Flashback

Alanah looked up at me, her eyes almost seeming like they were sparkling. "I haven't laughed like this in such a long time, thank you."

I blushed a little and grinned, "Well, I'm glad my sad attempt at flirting amuses you so much." She laughed again. "You have a pretty laugh... you should laugh more often."

She stopped laughing and looking at me, blushing. It was my turn to laugh now, she just looked so cute. She soon followed suit, and joined me as we laughed. Together.

End Flashback.

I sunk in my pilot's seat and started to play a mental game of pazaak.

"Didn't I instruct you not to distract her?" I jumped up and out of habit, I pulled out my blaster, spun around in my seat, and aimed it at whoever the intruder was. I growled in annoyence to see it was only Kreia. I placed my blaster back on it's holder.

"Oh, look, it's my least favorite cryptic old witch. What the hell do you want?" I sneered sarcastically.

"You are a distracting her from the task at hand. I repeat, did I not specifically order you to not to cause her such distractions?" She sneered in distaste.

"Her? Oh, you mean Alanah. Listen, you old hag, if you're talking about last night, I didn't do anything! I don't even know why she was mad a me in the first place."

"Are you that ignorant? You are more of a fool than even I anticipated," She sighed frustratingly. "Fool, do you not even recognize how much your actions effect her?"

"What are you talking about? What are you saying?" I glared at her.

"Speaking to an imbecile, such as you, is a waste. So I'll warn you again, do not make any more unnecessary distractions for her." With that she stormed off, probably to meditate again.

"Schutta." I insulted under my breath as I returned to my game of pazaak.

Alanah's POV

Hours later

I frowned.

"General, it wasn't that bad." Bao-Dur reassured.

"How would you know? It's not like you had to do it." I threw him a glance and continued our way through the crowds of Nar Shaddaa, trying to get back to the Ebon Hawk.

"But, at least we did get some very handy information. And you did dance very beautifully." Mical comforted and tried not to blush from the recent memory of his dancing master.

"Not helping, Mical..." I sighed.

It had been hours since we last left the Hawk. The sky above us was already dark and filled with the faint glow of many stars. I stared one particular star... a shooting star. It reminded me of something.

Flashback

It was too late to go back to the Hawk or to Khoonda. So we, as in Mical, Atton, and I, decided to camp outside the the Enclave Ruins. There was no real danger here right now, we cleared out all of the unwanted beasts and we were taking turns as watchmen. It was currently Atton's turn on patrol, but it would end soon and be Mical's turn. It was the middle of the night and the glow of the fire still burnt brightly. Mical was resting up for his turn, but I couldn't sleep. Being here on the Enclave brought up too many memories, both good and bad. I thought meditating would help ease myself, but did nothing. So I just stared aimlessly into the fire. "Hey..."

I jumped slightly, looked behind me, and let out a breath of relief. "Atton, don't sneak up on me like that."

The glow from the fire allowed me to see him smirk. "This is a first, usually you sneak up on me." He made his way over and sat beside me. "Any reason why you're not getting a beauty sleep? Not that you need it anyways."

I giggled slightly, "You seem to find the most unappropriated moments to flirt with me, don't you?"

He chuckled, "Guilty as charged, but I can't help it." I smiled. "But, seriously, aren't you tired?"

"I can't sleep."

"Don't tell me, you don't trust me on patrol so you're going to wait til Mical's turn to get some shut eye." I was pretty sure he was joking, but I knew for a fact he didn't like Mical at all.

"Of course not, I trust you. I just have a lot on my mind." I reassured him.

"It's being here, isn't it?" I looked at him.

"Maybe.. it's just... I can feel the echoes here." I closed my eyes for a second and sighed, "Wait a sec." I stood up and went to Mical's sleeping form and waking him up. As soon as he was up and went to his patrol, I sat back down next to Atton.

"You grew up here, right?" he asked, looking at me.

I nodded, "I was born on a planet near the mid-rim, but when I was discovered to be force sensitive, I was sent here, to the Dantooine Jedi Enclave... I was only five at the time. Here, I learned the ways of the force, how to use a light saber, and eventually became a Jedi Knight. It was here, where I met Revan and Malak and joined them to fight in the Mandalorian Wars. And then, I was exiled." I sighed.

"This place holds a lot of memories, huh?" I hear him whisper. "You're really strong, you know that. To be able to confront your past like this."

"Yeah, well... it's kinda forced upon, you know. It's not like I have a choice."

"No, you do, Alanah. You're doing all this on your accord. You say the 'force' is guiding you, but in my opinion, you're guiding the force. You had many chances to turn back or stray from the 'light', but you stayed on this path, because you wanted to. You're strong... and very dedicated..."

"Atton-"

"Hey look!" Atton said, point up to the sky.

I looked up, "A shooting star..."

"Make a wish." Atton whispered and closed his eyes. I looked back at him and blushed. At that moment, I never realized how handsome he was. Maybe it was the glow from the fire or something, but at that moment, I looked at him differently. I really wanted to know what he was thinking right now, but his thoughts are difficult to read. I leaned to rest my head on his shoulder and clung onto his arm.

'I wish... I wish to stay strong... for you, Atton...' and with that, I fell into the first peaceful slumber I've had in years.

End Flashback

I blushed at the memory, 'I can't believe he has such effects on me.' But, thinking of Atton, made me remember something.

Flashback

"The male you travel with; he is not what he seems."

"Who do you mean?" I looked back at Bao-Dur and Mical, both had a confused expression on their faces.

"Not them. The other one."

"Atton? What about him?"

"'Atton', that is what we knew him by... Do not trust him... he is a murderer."

End Flashback

'Atton and I... have a lot to discuss about...' I frowned again.

As we continued our way back to the Hawk, I ignored the many gawking stares, various cat call from the local men, and lustrous offers from drunks/or perverts. It's not like I wasn't asking for it, walking through the city in this skimpy dancer's outfit. I felt so embarrassed, not only for plainly wearing this outfit in public, but for dancing for a hutt in this outfit. I felt so dirty! I remember the perverse look Vogga gave me as he watched my every movement before he passied out. I grimaced at the memory. Then I paused. I felt something... a disturbance. I notice Mical and Bao-Dur pause as well.

"Did you feel that, General?" Bao-Dur asked.

I nodded, "We have to get back to the Hawk, immediately!"

Author's notes: I'm leaving it here, a nice little cliffhanger for you to enjoy. Anyways, in this chapter, all I wanted to do is have the reader's try to understand Atton and the Exile's feelings for each other, right now. Atton admits to having feelings for Alanah(the Exile), while Alanah is still kind of figuring out hers, though it's pretty obvious she is quite infatuated with the scoundrel. I wanted to add a little fluff here too, before I let the real drama and action set in. Which is the explanation for all the little flashbacks. And, of course, some funny moments. I had to put the dancer's outfit somewhere. And don't worry, more dancer's outfit humor in Chapter 3, which will be coming soon.