Diary of a Red Head

2nd of August

My Room

7:00 PM

I have successfully nicked a sandwich and some toast from the kitchen. Mum's going to have a fit when she finds out I've eaten them in my room.

7:01 PM

Today we are going to pick up Hermione. And when I finally fill my stomach (it kept grumbling in the night. It was really disturbing. Some people were trying to sleep, you know) I'm going to take the bathroom, or else I'll have to fight with Fred and George.

7:02 PM

They always clog the bathroom for hours. Merlin knows what they do in there. And they're in there together! I mean, okay, they are twins but that is honestly disgusting.

7:03 PM

Am trying not to think about Fred and George together in the bathroom ...

7:15 PM

I am in the bathroom first. Yay! I heard noises from Fred and George's room so I quickly entered the bathroom.

7:16 PM

There is a huge spider crawling over the toilet-seat. I tried to grab it with a bit of toilet paper but it jumped back and now it's crawling inside the toilet.

Ew.

7:17 PM

I heard snickering outside the bathroom.

They wouldn't dare.

Would they?

7:20 PM

Am satisfied with myself. Screamed my lungs out to Fred and George, because they had charmed the spider to make it haunt the toilet.

7:43 PM

Whoops. I just opened the door only to find out that the whole house was waiting angrily outside of the bathroom. Or so it seemed.

Is it my fault Fred and George charmed a spider to crawl up the toilet? When Ron heard that, he had his share of screaming and turning pale.

Mum wasn't pleased. She grabbed Fred and George by the ears and dragged both of them downstairs. Merlin knows what she's doing to them now.

8:00 PM

I don't mean that in a sick, perverted way, just in the friendly mother-sons way. Or how friendly my mum can be with the twins anyway, not sure if that's really the friendly friendly you're looking for.

Honestly.

8:02 PM

Am rambling. Decided to go change.

8:04 PM

Locked the door, just to be safe. I might just find another boy entering my room at a very inconvenient time.

8:40 PM

Decided to go downstairs to have proper breakfast. Nobody can resist my mum's cooking. Harry was avoiding my eyes. What did I do?

8:41 PM

Oh, right. I forgot. Anyway, we have to pick up Hermione now.

9:00 PM

We Floo'ed to Hermione's house. She has a really, really pretty house. Everything was decorated in blue and whites and it was all very clean.

Compared to our house, hers would have fit in 'Witch Weekly's Honourable Houses' right away.

Her parents were awkwardly standing in the living room, staring at all the red-heads and the raven-haired people that were standing there. My dad went off with Mr. and Mrs. Granger to the kitchen, because he wanted to see their glups. Or something. He said that's what powers the ekelecrity.

What happened next is too horrifying for words, so I won't write it down.

9:01 PM

I won't.

9:02 PM

Stop looking at me like that.

9:03 PM

You can't make me, you know.

9:04 PM

Have it your way, then.

But if this ever falls into the wrong hands, I will sell you to Malfoy. After I deleted all my entries, of course.

9:05 PM

Hermione greeted us and then went upstairs to get her trunk. I shuffled towards the couch and dropped myself on it. Immediately there was a plop and the large black box that was in their living room started talking.

Well, okay, not talking. Moaning.

And it had people on it, in a very, very sick way that I do not want to think about.

When it moaned 'Oh, Jim!' Ron turned faintly green, and when it also grumped 'Yes, Veronica!' I was ready to throw up, myself. Honestly, that was just sick!

9:07 PM

I uncomfortably shuffled a bit to the left and then there was really loud music on the screen. And dancing half-naked women.

Ron's eyes were bulging by now, while Harry was slightly red.

And than this guy comes in screen, talking. No, singing, I think. What was that tune again? Oh, right, I remember.

'Let's get it on,

Until the early morning,

Girl, it's all good,

Just turn me on.'

You don't have to be a genius to know what that means. I was sitting on the couch, still shocked and Hermione's parents and my dad came back from the kitchen. Hermione's mum's hand flew to her mouth and she was saying, with wide eyes, 'Oh my!' Dad and Hermione's dad were looking disapprovingly to the screen and back to us.

Then Hermione came in, dropped her trunk and hastily turned the box off.

9:10 PM

Hermione finds this whole ordeal really funny.

I, actually, don't find it amusing.

At all.

Now Hermione's parents are going to think that her friends are bonkers.

9:11 PM

Well, in Ron's case, I agree.

9:12 PM

Maybe I can blame it all on Ron?

9:14 PM

No! I have the most brilliant idea. When we are at Hogwarts and I'm allowed to use magic I will remove this whole summer from their memory!

10:35 PM

I looked it up in Dad's magical law books (he has tons of those) and it said that 'one found guilty of modifying another's memory is hereby sentenced to (18c) and (18d) and in case of serious damage see case (65b).'

Well, paragraph eighteen C and eighteen D blabbed about getting punished and having to pay a fee, but paragraph sixty-five B made me shudder.

10:40 PM

They are actually going to cut your foot off if you modify a memory.

10:45 PM

Well, my foot has a bruise on it, so they can have that one.

10:49 PM

I wonder what they do with all those feet, though.

I mean, you can't put them all in glass pots and write signs underneath them.

11:00 PM

I can't imagine my foot in somebody else's home.

Detached from my body.

11:01 PM

I'm think going to be sick.

11:03 PM

Thank Merlin that the law book dates back from 1896.

I shudder to think about what would have happened to my foot.

I might get violently ill every time somebody mentions the word foot in a sentence.

11:04 PM

Well, not that that causes any problems. I mean, nobody talks about their feet daily, do they?

11:05 PM

'My, my, how are your feet doing today?'

'Absolutely marvellous, thank you. I just got this adorable new nail polish and my nails are just sparkling blue. And my feet-'

11:10 PM

Never touch Witch Weekly again. Especially when it says hugely on the cover '10 Ways to Get Nice Feet', with a special of two feet specialists.

11:13 PM

Who wants to be a foot specialist anyway? You'd have to deal with horrible smelly feet the whole day.

12:00 PM

Decided to sneak into Ron's room to read The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle.

12:04 PM

It's really disturbing, Ron's view on Muggles, that is.

This Muggle, Martin, had discovered that his best friend, Philip Phantom, was actually a wizard and he tried to get rid of him. He had a momb or whatever the name is in his hand and he was standing outside the door of Philip, threatening him to come out. What was it he said again?

12:07 PM

I know!

He said 'I'll count to five, and if you don't come out, I'm going to drop this on your doorstep! One, two, three - er..er..err... ' (huge explosion – Martin was all black) , and then Philip opens the door, goes 'You forgot four and five' and closed the door again.

12:09 PM

Well, I have to admit, it was sort of funny.

12:15 PM

Okay, it was immensely funny.

12:30 PM

Fine, I rolled over the floor laughing!

12:45 PM

I'm not talking to you.

1:00 PM

You know, before I had you, nothing embarrassing happened to me. I think you're the cause of all horror.

1:40 PM

Besides, I read an article in the Witch Weekly about diaries. They said young witches who kept diaries turned out to be boring and had a zero percent chance of ever getting married, and that witches who kept diaries were actually pathetic and should immediately burn their diaries.

1:45 PM

Okay, they didn't write it that way, but I think you're the source of all evil. I'm never ever going to write in you again. Goodbye.

1:50 PM

Have you never heard the English word goodbye? It's what you say when you leave. And that's what I'm doing. I'm going to leave you.

2:00 PM

I said, goodbye!

2:10 PM

GOODBYE!

YOU KNOW, GOODBYE, AU REVOIR, AUF WEIDERSEHN?

2:15 PM

Go away. I'm going to hide you in my laundry clump.

2:20 PM

Hah! I outsmarted you.

2:21 PM

I'm still going to hide you, you know.

Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to my pink balloon. And my blue one. Oh, oh and my white one! And the green one!

P.S. No, I don't hate Ron.