Emotions

Chapter 14: Hesitation Before Malachor

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that is related to Star Wars: Knights of the old Republic II. Kotor II respectively belongs to it's creators: Lucas Arts, Bio-ware, and Obsidian.

Alanah's POV

"Everyone brace yourselves!" Mandalore ordered from the cockpit of the ship. He shouted several more profanities at the Mandalorian pilot, demanding a smoother departure from the dying ship.

I braced myself; holding onto the armrest of the seats as I heard a mixture of Mandalore's orders, the roar of the engines, and loud explosions from the Ravager. I looked over from the corner of my eye at Visas, who had been doing the same thing as I.. The sound of the explosions grew louder, causing our mandalorian vessel to shake violently.

"Dammit! Get yourselves together and pilot this ship!" Mandalore scolded. The Mandalorian pilots replied with a quick, 'Yes, Mandalore.'

The explosions grew by frequency and volume, increasing the turbulence of the ship. Roars from the hyper drive hummed louder- indicating their start and our entrance to warp speed. I leaned back into my seat, closed my eyes, and listened to explosions of the Ravager growing faint as it slowly began to die. The intense dark energy that seemed to flow freely from its vessel, dispersed until it was nothing more than a weak distant echo of what it once was. And then, there was nothing.

A soft sigh of relief and exhaustion escaped my lips. My body ached painfully and I had only noticed until now. With everything that had happened- the confrontation with Atris, the attack on Citadel Station, and the battles upon the Ravager- I had little time to rest or even replenish The Force within myself. Around me, there was a mixture of proud, but unruly Mandalorian soldiers singing their praises; congratulating themselves for the recent victory over Darth Nihilus and his Sith fleet as Mandalore still continued giving out his orders and a few Mandalorian profanities, and the sound of the engines still rumbled the ship.

Yet, strangely, I felt almost at peace. It was comforting- this feeling. Like the calm before the storm, I suppose. Or is this more like the calm while in the middle of the storm? Like the few minutes of silence while enduring the eye of a tornado before it passes over and all hell breaks loose once again? What ever this was, I embraced it- for I already knew our next destination... and who would be waiting for me there...

Visas, Mandalore, and I had barely gotten off the turbolift when we were greeted by a familiar stern face, "It's good to see you didn't get yourself killed out there, Miss. Halo." Lt. Dol Grenn greeted. His face impassive as always.

"How is the current situation here on Citadel Station, Lt. Grenn." I asked, stepping out of the turbolift and glancing at a few soldiers that still lingered around, most likely on patrol.

"Citadel Station is currently in stable condition. Seems like we were able to find a last minute fuel source. A 'Vogga' sends his regards." he answered as he walked along beside me. I felt the corner of my mouth almost twitch in brief amusement. "Ma'am, I have word from Admiral Carth Onasi." He paused, "He would like to meet with you.

I stopped and turned to face the Lieutenant, "Did he state his business?"

The Lieutenant frowned slightly, "Vaguely. It seems he would like to discuss with you about a past mutual acquaintance, apparently."

'Past acquaintance?' I thought, bewildered. I sighed. Malachor will have to wait for now. I looked back at my companions, who had remained quiet throughout the conversation, "Please gather the rest of the crew and wait upon my arrival back at the Hawk. We will leave shortly after I come back." I ordered.

Both simply nodded and disappeared back into the turbolift that would lead them into the Entertainment area where the rest crew would most likely be in. I turned back to the Lieutenant, "Lead the way."

He lead me to a room in an empty apartment complex. The door was sealed with two Republic soldier standing guard in front of it. "Move aside, the Jedi that the Admiral wanted to meet has arrived." Grenn ordered. The soldiers nodded and moved aside as the doors lifted open.

I gave Grenn my thanks and walked inside the room alone. There in front the window, stood a man with red armor. I awkwardly walked closer to him until I stood a few feet to his right, "You wanted to speak with me Admiral?"

He stood still, his hands behind his back as he gazed outside, "Yes I did. But first off, I must thank you for your help." He gaze at the healing planet of Telos, "I wasn't able to save it the first time. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been able to save it a second time. You truly have my gratitude." He turned around to face me and extended his hand, "It's an honor to meet you, Exile. I'm Admiral Carth Onasi."

'Onasi? Somehow that name seems familiar to me.' I thought to myself. I smiled softly and shook his hand in return, "It is an honor as well, Admiral. My name is Alanah. Alanah Halo."

He smiled in return, "I've been hearing a lot of reports about you, Miss Halo. You stabilized the political issues of both Dantooine and Onderon, helped the refugees of Narr Shaddaa, assisted with the Telos Restoration project, and, of course, saved this Station." He chuckled lightly, "For someone with an army of Sith after them, you really don't know how to keep a low profile."

Atton's POV

I gulped down a shot of Juma Juice and gave out a long heavy sigh. "Seems like forever since I had one of these." I chuckled lightly.

Mira rolled her eyes, "Savor it while is last. I have a feeling we're in for something big once Alanah gets back."

"Well, aren't you just a little ray of sunshine." I commented, while signaling the bartender for another drink. "What makes you say 'we're in for something big once Alanah comes back', anyways?"

She stirred her drink solemnly, "Just a feeling, I guess." she answered before taking a sip from her drink. "Maybe I'm finally getting a hold of this Jedi stuff" she shrugged.

I chuckled lightly in response. The bartender droid finally delivered my drink and left to serve another customer. I was about to take another shot, but was interrupted.

"I don't think the General would approve of her only pilot drinking right now." Bao-Dur joked as he took a seat beside me.

"C'mon, two little drinks aren't going to hurt." I said, taking a tiny sip of my drink. "I think we deserve a little break before hell knows where we're going or doing next." The Zabrak smirked and signaled the bartender for a drink. I grinned and patted Bao-Dur on his shoulder. "See," I said over to Mira, "Least he knows when to lighten up."

Mira shot me a dirty look and rolled her eyes. She soon sat her drink down on the counter and looked over at the cantina entrance, "Happy Hours over boys." she commented as she pointed towards the entrance. Bao-Dur and I followed where she pointed and finally noticed Visas, Mandalore, and Mical walking over to us.

I frowned, noticing that Alanah was not with them. As soon as they approached us, I stood up and asked, "Where's Alanah?"

Mandalore scoffed sarcastically, "Well, well, isn't that just a pleasant 'Hello, glad you weren't killed.' greeting."

"She was asked to meet with the Admiral." Visas answered, "But, she wanted to inform everyone to wait for her back at the ship and ready for an immediate departure once she returns."

"Immediate departure?" Mira raised an eyebrow, "Just where are we going next?" She asked curiously.

"I'm curious as well." Bao-Dur stated after taking a sip of his drink.

There was a brief silence before Mical choose to answer, "Apparently, Alanah didn't say... but..." He paused and thought for a moment.

I crossed my arms impatiently, "But...?"

"Something tells me Alanah will go after Kreia next." Mical replied, looking distracted.

"That doesn't tell us where we're going next, Mical." Mira scoffed, as she tapped on the counter impatiently.

"It means she'll go where it all started..." Bao-Dur answered.

It took me a few seconds before realizing what exactly he meant. "You mean...? There?"

Bao-Dur's gaze was focused on his empty glass, but he nodded silently. "Malachor..."

Alanah's POV

"She said there were places where I could not go- places where she could not bring those she loved." Admiral Carth Onasi said as he gazed out the window. His voice trying to hide his sadness, but failing. "I've been waiting for her to come back for almost four years now.. It doesn't get any easier..."

"Four years is a long time," I commented, "but how do you know that she's even still alive at this point. There maybe a chance that she-"

"No!" He snapped. He turned his head halfway and stared warily at me. "I know she's not dead. I can still feel her- sense her!" He shut his eyes tightly, turned back around, and sighed.

I felt a ping of guilt hit me from inside, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, Admiral." I apologized.

"No, no need to apologize, Miss. Halo." he smiled sadly, "It's just... I feel like I would know." He paused for a brief second, "There's just this... this emptiness where she used to be. I would have done anything she asked. And when she told me to stay here, to try to keep the Republic strong, that was the hardest thing of all." he swallowed, uncomfortably rubbing the back of his neck.

"Did she ever explain why? Why did she tell you this?" I looked over at him.

He shook his head, "I don't know. I just know this was very important to her. I remember her telling me once, that she thought something else was behind the Mandalorian Wars. That it hadn't been the Mandalorians' true intentions to attack against the Republic."

'Something was behind the Mandalorian wars?' I repeated in my head as I stared down at the floor, 'How could she have been so sure?' I looked back at the Admiral, "Did she ever say what it was?" I asked.

"No she didn't, but whatever it was, I think she went off to find it- to put an end to it before it decided to try anything else." He answered.

I thought hard on this. What would make Revan go off- leaving everything behind- to the outer rims. Could this have been a possible new threat? But, if she were to go off and fight whatever this threat was, why would she foolishly go off by herself? I looked over to the Admiral and saw him gazing out the window once again. "Admiral Onasi?" I called out to him. He turned around and I asked him, "If you don't mind me asking, how did you come to know Revan." I had this strong impression that he and Revan had been close, which seemed strange to me. The Revan I had known, would have never formed such a close attachment. She was always the one telling me that an emotion such as love would only prove as a weakness to which there was nothing that could be gained from. Or to put it simply, a waste.

He seemed surprised that I asked this, but he answered anyways. "We met near the end of the Jedi Civil War. We were both in the Republic warship, The Endar Spire, as it was attacked and raided by the Sith. I was a soldier and she was a smuggler that had been recently hired by the Republic for her 'expertise'..." I listened to him tell his story of how he and Revan had met, the crew they had gathered, their journey in search for these Sith artifacts called 'Star Maps', how Revan had learned of her true identity, her final decision, and the final events that lead to the destruction of the Star Forge and an end to Malak. "...We saved the Republic. But it was like the war didn't end for her. It was at is she was at war with herself. She would keep remembering things that she had done, and it kept driving her. She couldn't let go of her past and she kept using it as a wall between us and pushing me away. And I think she finally remembered something terrible she had done during the Mandalorian Wars. And she went to put an end to it.

She left without warning. She didn't say where, only that it was to a place where she could not take anyone she loved." He stared at me hard, "And here you return, with her ship, without her."

"Her ship? Do you mean the Ebon Hawk?" I asked in slight disbelief.

He nodded, "Yes, that's right. We all traveled around the galaxy on the Ebon Hawk during the war. And when Revan left, she took the Ebon Hawk with her. Wherever she went to, your ships been there.

"I see..." I said with my voice trailing off. "I tried finding out the origins of the ship, like the planets it had traveled to, but the information is voice locked."

"I don't think it would matter anyways." He said disheartened. "I suspect that even if you return to those places, Revan would have been long gone." He shook his head and chuckled lightly, "She was never one to stay too long in one place."

I smiled gently, 'I know what you mean.'

"But," he looked at me again and I saw the longing in his eyes, "If you happen to return to those places... and somehow find any traces of her or even... or even if you encounter her..." He looked like he was struggling to find the right words.

'If I encounter Revan?' I raised an eyebrow, 'Why would he think that I would travel to the places Revan did, much less encounter her again.' In truth, I had no intention on meeting with Revan again. What I really wanted to do was to rebuild the Jedi Order. The one I had helped in the destruction of. I pushed those thoughts aside and opened my mouth, "Would you like me to contact you? Tell you what if I have found any clues to where she has gone? Or tell you where she is?"

He shook his head, "No, but, would you just tell her something for me?" He gazed back at the window behind him, "Tell her that, Carth Onasi is waiting for her."

Shortly after meeting with the Admirable, I arrived in front of the loading ramp the Ebon Hawk. I slowly walked up the ramp and enter the main hold. Inside, each one of my companions had waited for me. Each stood up and waited for my order. Even Atton, who would normally say something irrelevant and inappropriate at this point, stayed silent. I calmly walked over to the center computer in the middle of the room and stood in front of the monitor. I felt each of their eyes around me, simply waiting. I typed in a few keys until a map appeared in the holo-monitor. On that map was a lone planet.

"This is where we're going to next." I said, finally lifting my eyes from the monitor. I gazed around the room to impassive faces. All of their gazes glued to the holo-monitor before them.

"How do you know Kreia's there?" Atton was the first to speak up.

"Malachor was the initial start of everything." I said, my voice dripping with seriousness. "The Mandalorian Wars ended here, but with the end of that war, a new one started. This is where Revan and Malak influenced many soldiers to join them to revolt against the Republic. And that is when the Jedi Civil War began forming." I paused and sighed, "Malachor is also the place where I had lost my affinity with the Force." I waited for any other responses before I continued- there were none. "Malachor now teems with the deaths of thousands- Jedi, Republic, and Mandalorian soldiers alike. There is no doubt in my mind that Kreia is there- gaining strength from the death that surrounds Malachor."

"So you will confront Kreia there?" Mical asked.

A final confrontation with Kreia? To fight a once trusted companion and a former mentor. She was all these things, but I could not forget she was also the galaxy's current biggest threat. If I did not face Kreia now, she will kill herself. And in doing so, she will kill me and create an even bigger wound upon the Force- endangering the lives of many. Especially those touched by the Force. I gazed at the faces of my crew once again. "Yes..." I replied, "I will face her there."

Atton's POV

After the meeting, I followed Alanah to the cockpit. She stood in front of a computer terminal and starting typing up the hyper space co-ordinates to Malachor. "I'm surprised that you still remember those co-ordinates. Hasn't it been at least 10 years?" I commented as I leaned back against the back of the pilot seat. She stopped for a moment and just stared at the computer terminal. I mentally punched myself, 'Way to Rand, bring up those horrifying memories for her again.' I stood up straight and walked over to her, "Babe-"

"Don't apologize," she whispered. She looked up at me and smiled, "I just hadn't realized its been this long... and I still happen to remember the co-ordinates to Malachor." She looked back at the screen and continued typing, "I guess there are some things you just can't forget."

I stood awkwardly beside her. It felt like a long time since we were alone together. 'Actually, this is the first time we've been alone together since that day we...' I glanced at Alanah from the corner of my eyes. 'What are we exactly? After what happened between us, it felt like nothing has changed.' I glanced at her again. 'No... something did change... in fracking fact, she's been avoiding me for the past few days!'

"Are you ok?"

I snapped out of my thought and looked at her, "Huh?"

She stared at me with concern, "Is something bothering you?" she asked.

"Ehh..." Say something. Come on! Tell her, 'you bet your ass something is wrong.'. I frowned, "No, just thinking about something unimportant." Dude! What the frack?

"Oh... ok..." she glanced at the computer screen, " Well, I've set up the co-ordinates. I'll leave you to the piloting." She turned to leave, but I grabbed her wrist, stopping her. She looked back at me, "Atton! What-"

Before she could say anything else, I pulled her towards me, wrapped one arm around her waist, placed one hand gently on her cheek, and kissed her passionately. She didn't respond at first, which worried me. But, I felt her press her petite body against mine and wrap her arms around my neck. Soon enough, she began responding to my kiss with as much fierce. "Atton..." she moaned softly. She began entangling her fingers into my hair and ran my hands from her waist to up her back and down again. The lack of oxygen was beginning to get hard to ignore and I had to fight every damned temptation to continue our kiss. I pulled away slowly and opened my eyes to look down at her. She gazed up at me. Her face flushed and dazed.

I leaned down and pressed my forehead against hers. "Alanah," I said breathlessly. This is your chance... take it! "I- about-"

We both heard voices and footsteps that were getting louder. I growled in irritation, "Dammit." We silently pulled apart and waited for whoever to enter the cockpit. I scolded and crossed my arms in annoyance.

Bao-Dur walked inside, accompanied by his remote and T3-M4. "General, there is something I'd to discuss with you about. It's about Malachor."

Alanah nodded understandingly, "Of course, I know. Wait for me in the garage, ok. I'll be there in a moment."

He nodded and turned to leave with the remote and T3 following closely behind. There was an uncomfortable silence that lingered in the air. I sighed and walked over to the pilot's seat. "I'll take care of launch procedures." I said as I sat down. "With warp speed, we'll be able to reach Malachor in less than five days, at least."

She didn't respond. I almost thought she left to talk to Bao-Dur, while I had my back turned before se called out my name, "Atton..."

I looked back at her and smirked, "Don't worry about it."

Her face was still a bit red and I have to admit, she looked really cute like that. She walked over to me and smiled reassuringly, "We'll talk later" She leaned down and gave me a small peck on check before leaving.

"Yeah... later." I sigh as I began launch procedures.

Author's Notes: I apologize that this story took... eh... around three months to finally update. I'm truly really sorry. Thank you for the patience and those who kept hanging in there. I'm hoping the next chapter won't take as long to update. I'm giving myself deadline of February 22(which is my birthday) or sooner. But, no later than that date. School is just very stressing, so I have to set aside everything else for a while. Since, 'Reviewer Response' are no longer aloud, there won't be any this time. I will still respond to all future reviews using that 'reply to reviewers' feature, of course. But, I still want to thank all the reviewers who took the time to leave me a review. You guys rock massively! Especially, Ewanlover64, Trillian4210, and Kuramas Girl Angel. Stay tuned for chapter 15, which will deal with the final events of Malachor. Thanks for reading and see you all in the next chapter.