Dream-Induced Panic
Rating: PG-13 for language and some innuendo
†
Soul-sucking, migrane-inducing blackness. No features, no anchoring point except the strange non-feeling of his right arm and left leg and a heavy feeling across his thighs. He could remember panic, terror, and an overwhelming sense of melancholy. But those were muted still - nothing could touch him except the thing in his lap, which was an extinguished source of stability and control.
Something inside his head clamored for attention, demanding an outlet.
Ed woke with a start, head pounding. He looked around, eyes slowly coming back into focus. The clock said two thirty. What time had they gotten back again last night? He couldn't remember, he'd been extremely exhausted though, he did remember that.
He slid out of bed, careful not to wake Ashton as he threw on a shirt and some pants and left the room. A walk would be nice, clear his head. What the hell was that weird nightmare, anyway? He shivered at the thought of it.
Jean groaned, sliding off his mattress and hitting the linoleum. "Iden, crack a window, will you? It's so hot in here..."
His roommate glanced over at the puddle of Jean-goo. "That won't help in here. The ceiling fan doesn't work. Get dressed and take a walk if it bothers you."
Stretching a bit, Ed stood at the end of the hallway, looking out the windows that overlooked the lawn below. He sighed. Not a damn thing about last night made any sense. And it had started to piss him off.
Iden watched Jean ooze over to the window. "Honestly. You're acting like a two-year old –"
"Someone's throwing a party in one of the theme houses," the blonde remarked distractedly, trying to wrench open the window. "Be a dear and prop the door open with my calculus book, will you?"
Opting to get out of the dorm, but not walk so far as to get lost, Ed wandered off again. Before long, he found himself outside. With a sigh, he wandered over to the railing, now closer to the lawn below. Looking up, he noted it was a new moon. "Dammit...this sucks..."
Jean finally managed to pry the window open, hanging his entire upper body out of the building – no screens. "Jesus Christ, why is it about thirty degrees cooler out here?"
"I told you, go take a walk. If you keep annoying me, I'll throw you out the window."
A slight breeze picked up, and Ed shivered. Maybe he should've brought a jacket... Impulsively, he rubbed his right shoulder.
"Hey! Cool!" Jean climbed out of the window, perching on the wide portico on the quadside of the building. "Perfect place for shooting waterballoons!"
"You're not stealing a bra from some hapless woman, Jean!" Iden snapped, poking his head out the window.
"Damn right I'm not. I'll ask Ashton to nick one for me. Be back in a sec." He set off, wanting to see what was what on the outside of the building. He also wanted to see if he could cover the entrance to the Student Union with one of those big-ass waterguns.
Ed slid down the railing into a seated position, legs dangling over the sides between the bars. He tried to remember the nightmare, rummaging up bits and pieces.. He'd been able to remember almost all of it when he'd gotten out of bed, but now it was mostly a blur.
Jean got to the edge of the roofing, or about where it began to slope downwards. The kids over at the French themehouse were partying like no tomorrow, and it was giving him a headache.
He had meant to be careful. He really had. Just... roofs are slick when your head hurts. Luckily, he managed to jam his foot in the gutter and stop the slide. "I am a lucky, lucky man..."
Hearing mumbling, Ed lifted his head, glancing to his left. Upon spotting the unique mop of spiky light blonde, he blinked. "Jean...?" He paused, something stirring in his memory that he definitely didn't remember being there before. He found it rather odd that despite never having said the other's name before, it didn't feel at all foreign on his tongue. Quite the opposite, actually, and it was sort of freaky...
Jean ran a hand through his hair, peering through the darkness in Ed's voice's general direction. "Yo?"
"What in the hell are you doing!"
"Scouting out the territory for waterballoon and SuperSoaker sniping." He looked ruefully down at his foot. "And almost falling off the roof."
"Damn idiot..." Ed mumbled, turning back to face the lawn again.
Jean took his foot out, drawing his legs up. The night air felt good on his bare shoulders and chest. "So what are you doing out here, gopher-boy?"
"Nightmare kept me up..." Ed wondered absently to himself why he bothered to tell that to Jean. He also wondered why, like Jean's name, the term 'gopher-boy' didn't really seem as though it was misplaced. The idea hit him that he might just be saying it because Jean had told him why he was out here. For some reason, the term 'equivalent exchange' came to mind. Where had he heard that before?
"H'm. Yeah, I can understand that. Been there, done that, bought the coffee mug." Jean rested his chin on his knees. "Nightmares are hell, especially if you've already lived 'em." There was an old ache in his voice.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Despite the question, Ed felt like he understood.
"Ask me later. That's one thing that I really don't want to talk about right now. Hell, it hasn't even been six months."
"Watch me forget to ever ask again." Ed laughed a bit. It was starting to bother him how familiar just the sounds of their voices in the dark felt.
"Hey, I won't complain. Though..." Jean's voice became softer, more introspective. "I wonder if it would help if I talked to someone who understood..."
"Maybe..." Ed lifted his head, looking back over at Jean again.
"Gaaah..." The taller man scruffed up his hair in a boyish gesture. "It's too nice a night to be thinking about that!"
Edward just blinked. "I guess so..." It was curious, the more time he spent with Jean, the more something, somewhere, just felt like it was right. He felt more relaxed right now than he had all week, but he kept getting the feeling he was missing something.
Jean flopped flat on his back, wiggling at the touch of cold slate on bare skin. "Iden's probably going to be furious at me when I get back. He's already threatened to punt me out the window."
"I just hope Ashton doesn't find out I'm gone. He'd probably ask Iden, then find out you were gone too, and then make embarrassing assumptions..." Ed felt the slightest bit of heat rising to his cheeks at the thought of it. Yeah, Fawkes would probably tease him about--he shook the thought out of his head, a bit more flushed than he had been a few seconds prior.
"Iden may be pretty and blonde, but he's got one hell of a brain. He'd probably just say that I was in the bathroom or something." Jean got up. "Hey, you want to come back to my room for a bit?"
Ed blinked, dredging his mind back up out of his rapidly crashing and burning train of thought. "Uh...I guess so, it beats going back to my room, finding Fawkes awake, and being questioned as to who I was out having fun with at this hour..."
Jean grinned. "All right. Meet you back there." He got up and began feeling his way back to his window.
Standing up and stretching, Ed walked back the way he came. By the time he reached Jean's room, he'd drawn himself into a predicament. He'd assumed he would have to knock, but that might wake up Ashton, and what if Jean hadn't made it back yet and he had to explain to Iden just why he was knocking on their door at nearly three in the morning, and what if...
Jean climbed through the window, straight into a glaring Iden. "You went out. Without a shirt or shoes? You could have been hurt!"
"Oh, cool it. Ed's going to visit for a bit, by the way. He had a nightmare and I think he wants some time away from his roommate."
"Fine." Iden climbed into his bed, curling up like an offended cat. "If that's the case, he's probably already at the door."
Finally giving up on worries, Ed just knocked. Quietly, though. He seriously didn't want Ashton to wake up and...god he'd never hear the end of that...
"Come on in," Jean called, rummaging around for a clean shirt. The scar on his side would be difficult to explain – oh, what the hell. "Door's open."
Ed opened the door and slipped inside, careful to close it quietly. He absently took down his hair for a moment to redo the ponytail. That done, he glanced around. No, it wasn't any different, just the same room as he'd been in the night before. He fidgeted with the end of his ponytail a bit. "Ah...thanks for...uh...letting me stay for a little while...I guess.."
"Don't mention it. What are friends for, if not to take care of you." Jean was perched on his bed, still shirtless, a hand covering his left side from the hip up. "We have a futon and sleeping bag if you want to crash here."
Blinking, Ed shook his head. "I'd never live down the implications once Ashton found out..." Despite himself, he felt like he was most definitely blushing slightly. Dammit. One glance at Jean probably made the blush just the slightest bit worse, and damn was it hard to ignore. He abruptly sat, letting his bangs fall in his face. Dammit, what the fuck is wrong with me!
"Dear god, I'll just say I found you passed out in the bathroom and hauled you back here. Besides," he added, a plaintive note in his voice, "he won't hassle you with me, Iden, Aiden, and Aiden's roommate on his tail."
"As much as that is meant to comfort me, you don't quite know him as well as I do...he'd do it anyway." Ed rubbed the back of his head, then looked up at the ceiling, not sure what to say and feeling awfully out of place.
"I know that! And don't call me 'kid' I'm no younger than you are!"
"Actually, you're probably older," Jean said with a grin. He leaned over, digging out the futon from beneath his bed and scooting it into the middle of the room. He sat back, crossing his arms behind his head. "Sit down. You're running on adrenaline."
Wondering why he'd been told to sit down, when he was already sitting, Ed found he'd stood up again. With a shrug, he did as directed, flopping down on the futon and bringing his knees to his chest. Unsurprisingly, he couldn't think of anything to say.
"Good boy. You can follow orders. Now, let's see if you can get this one: get some sleep."
Ed managed a half-assed glare. "I'm not tired." he lied, his inability to hold back a yawn proof of it.
Jean just lifted an eyebrow.
Blinking, Ed just stared. "What're you lookin' at me so funny for..."
"Do I have to hit you over the head for you to get some sleep?"
Gazing up at Jean, Ed's expression softened into something a bit sad. An unfamiliar longing ached in his chest, and he wasn't sure why.
Jean shifted uncomfortably under Ed's scrutiny. There was something strange about those amber eyes of his, almost as if they knew something he didn't...
Realizing he was staring, Ed flopped down on his back on the futon, averting his gaze towards the ceiling. "I'm not that eager to go back to sleep and back to that dream..."
"Maybe you won't have it again," Jean suggested, tossing a pillow down. "Some nightmares are one-shot deals. Have you ever had it before?"
"No..." Ed caught the pillow, tucking it under his head and glancing at Jean again. "Maybe you're right.."
"Course I am," the taller blonde said with a grin. "You want sheets before I turn out the light?"
"Nah, I'm fine.."
"Suit yourself." Jean slid off his bed, padding silently over to the lightswitch. "Night, Iden."
"Sod off," his grumpy roommate said drowsily. "And turn off the lights while you're at it..."
Lights out, Ed continued to stare at the ceiling until his eyes adjusted again. "Hey, Jean?"
There was a soft rustle and slither as Jean slid back into bed. "Yeah?"
"Thanks again..."
"No problem, Ed."
Closing his eyes, Ed did his best to try and get some sleep.
------------
Stupid alarm... Jean groped blindly for his alarm clock, trying to shut off the annoying jazz music that WHIO insisted on playing at some ungodly hour of the morning. "Fuck..."
Having finally managed to doze off sometime within the last hour or so, Ed continued to sleep as if nothing was going on at all. It had mostly been too much to think about that had kept him up so long.
Jean finally managed to shut off the radio and slid out of bed. He began moving towards the door, only to be met with a rather... odd roadblock. "OUCH!"
Rolling back over onto his back, Ed mumbled something incoherent in his sleep, still out like a light despite the disturbance(and the bruise that probably left on his leg).
Jean spent a minute readjusting to the fact that one Edward Elric was out like a light on his floor and the fact that his side hurt like a bitch. Iden was still conked out (thank god). He struggled to his feet. Damn. Looked like his scar would have yet another lovely bruise to add. Staggering to the door, he made plans to stop by the medical center later.
Ed rolled back over on his side yet again, curling up in a ball. "Jean..." Rolling completely over onto his other side, he mumbled something else incoherent.
Jean paused, looking back. The kid was still dead asleep... the hell?
Ed sighed, settling on his back again, though his shirt had started to ride up from all the rolling. "Please...just this once..." He lapsed into incoherent mumbling again, though Jean's name popped up once or twice more.
Jean left. Really, really quickly. Ed's little dream/fantasy/thing freaked him out.
"You look like you've seen a ghost...or something considerably more explicit..." Ashton spoke up when Jean didn't even notice him standing just outside the door.
Jean jumped about three inches before he got himself reoriented. "Nightmare," he replied, angling the left side of his still half-bare body away from the prying man. "You know how those get."
"A nightmare involving Ed, perhaps? Would you like me to collect him for you?" A grin spread across Ashton's face, amused at the way he'd made him jump.
"None of your business," Jean replied shortly, eyes shading every so slightly to green in annoyance.
"Touchy..." The redhead purred. "I'll just have to talk to him later once he gets back then..."
"I'll be sure to tell him that if I see him." Jean edged around Ashton.
"Where you headed?" It was only natural that Ashton was going to follow Jean, whether the blonde liked it or not.
"Bathroom. I need to put cold water on something."
Ashton quirked a brow, grin not lessening. "Is that so..."
"Oh, for Christ's sake!" Jean stalked off, highly irritated. Yes, he knew precisely what Ashton was thinking. Bloody perv.
"I'm just fucking with you, you know that, right?" And there he was, still following him.
"I'll refrain from commenting," Jean said, voice tart. He pushed into the boy's bathroom, grabbing a washcloth out of his bath kit.
"So what time did you two meet up last night, anyway?"
"What do you mean?" Jean ran cold water over the cloth, then pressed it against his bruised side.
"It doesn't take a genius to know he's in your room, Jean..." Ashton rubbed his left eye. God it was being bitchy lately.
"Why the hell do you care?" Next time he was going to shove Ed underneath his bed – the gopher would be able to fit if he moved his trunk out of he way... goddamn, his side hurt.
"He's not supposed to be in your room... He's supposed to be in mine..." Perhaps there was a bit of a possessive note in the words, perhaps not.
"He'll sleep wherever he damn well pleases," Jean retorted. He suddenly felt protective of the other boy. "You want a toy, go find someone else."
That earned a chuckle, and Ashton shook his head. "He's not a toy, Jean... I've never once considered him such..."
"Well, that's one good thing."
Ashton shrugged. "I suppose... Why do you stand up for him, you've known him for less than twenty four hours now..."
"Again, why do you care? Scared that I'm subverting him or something?" Jean checked his side and made a face.
"I'm just curious, is all..." The redhead leaned back against the wall, watching Jean's every movement closely. "Why do you care about him?"
"Why not? He's not exactly complaining, and it's nice to have someone who understands you but doesn't interfere." He felt around the injury, wincing. Whatever he had fallen on must have been made out of galvanized steel or something.
"He's not usually like that..." Ashton winced, moving to the mirror to check his left eye. Felt like he got a grain of sand in it or something.
Jean watched him. "What's wrong with you?"
"Something in my eye..." Ashton blinked a few more times, then turned his head to look at Jean. "Is there a problem with that?"
"Just being nosey," the blonde said mildly, still prodding at his side.
Once he'd fished the tiny particle out, Ashton shook his head, letting his hair fall back in place, albeit covering his left eye a bit less than usual. "I noticed..."
"Another question for you, while we're at it."
"What's that?" Ashton, rubbed his eye a bit again, facing Jean.
"What happened to your eye? I noticed earlier that it looked a bit funky."
"Gang fight." Ashton shrugged. "And usually people say 'creepy' rather than 'funky'..."
"Well, excuse me for having a differing opinion," Jean replied, wringing out his washcloth.
Shrugging again, the redhead turned back to the mirror, looking at his left eye. "Personally I'm surprised they didn't just remove the eye...it just got a scratch on it so it's not like I can see out of it or anything.."
"Would you prefer to be walking around with an eyepatch for the rest of your life?"
"Even if they gave me one I wouldn't wear it. Having my eye sewn shut doesn't sound very pleasant, but it probably wouldn't freak people out as much as this white-eye effect."
"Since when did you care?" Jean asked sardonically.
"I don't." Ashton turned back to the blonde again, grinning. "You ever have your hair getting in your eyes all the time and it's only because you can see it that it really bothers you?"
"My hair's never been long enough to get into my eyes."
"Ah...well it's annoying, but now that I can't see it, the hair in my eye doesn't bother me like it used to." Ashton shrugged yet again. "So what happened to your side anyway?"
"Car accident. I just got the stitches taken out a week or so ago." Jean put his hand protectively over the injury.
"I see..." Ashton looked up at the ceiling. "You know, it's really weird that we're just standing around talking in the boys' bathroom."
"Your point?"
"Don't have one."
"All right, then." Jean tossed the cloth back into his kit and started moving off towards the door.
Silent for the time being, Ashton followed.
Jean sighed. "Are you going to follow me into my room, too?"
"Ed did, didn't he?" The redhead grinned.
"No," Jean said shortly. "He didn't."
"I guess it wouldn't be considered following you if you invited him in then..."
"I didn't invite anything. I merely suggested."
"Whatever you say, Jean.." Ashton just kept on grinning to himself.
"Why don't you believe me?"
"It's not that I don't believe you... It's more along the lines that I don't believe him."
Jean frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing really..." Ashton smirked slightly. "Just from his behavior last night I could tell something was up. He never acts that way around anybody, you know.. Maybe I just know him too well, or maybe I just pay too much attention to those sorts of things, but honestly I think there's something about you that's gotten him all confused."
"And that's why you're plaguing me constantly? Because Ed's acting a little funny? Throw the other one, Ashton."
"If I told you that you'd probably freak out."
"Try me. With some of the crap I've been through, I don't freak easily." At his door, Jean turned to face Ashton.
Shaking his head, Ashton looked at Jean. "I don't know...if you really want to know that, though..."
Jean's eye twitched. "Why are you being so goddamn cagey?"
"Fine...if you really want to know, I'll tell you..." Ashton stepped up to Jean, fingertips resting on the blonde's cheek. "I don't know what it is about you...you're different... You're an attractive man, Jean, there's no denying that, but it's something else about you that's just screaming for my attention..."
He leaned closer, almost to the point where their lips were touching, just shy of half an inch away, before turning his head the slightest bit to whisper in Jean's ear. "I know when I've found something I want..." With that, he backed off, opting to return to his own room for a while to wait for Ed to get back, turning his back to Jean. I've got the feeling he's going to get to you first, though...maybe he already has...
Severely creeped out, Jean let himself into his room to do some heavy-duty panicking.
"Told you..." Ashton chuckled, closing his door.
Jean slid down the door, head in hands. He noticed, rather distantly, that Iden wasn't there... must have gone off to get breakfast... "Oh, my god," he moaned. This can't be happening. It's a nightmare, I'll wake up, slam off the alarm clock and get yelled at by Iden...
Ed stirred slightly, rolling over onto his stomach and shoving his face into the pillow to block the light.
I'm waiting... The alarm clock didn't go off. Jean struggled to his feet, tripping over Ed in his halting move towards the window.
Ed grumbled something about killing somebody and pushed himself up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and blinking to clear his vision. The first thing he noticed was that Jean was still not wearing a shirt.
Jean aborted his move towards the window, instead opting to crawl under his covers and not come out until the world went back to normal.
Blinking, Ed pulled the pillow into his lap, turning towards the bed. "Uh...Jean? You okay?"
"NO!"
Ed cringed slightly. "You don't have to yell at me, you know... What's wrong?"
Jean burrowed deeper into the covers on his bed. "I'd like the world to make sense for a bit... Ashton... basically..." he cut off with a whimper.
Ed's brow furrowed at the mention of his roommate's name. "What did he do this time?" Ed felt the urge to comfort Jean, coupled with the rising urge to seriously maim Ashton.
"I don't know... that's the weird part..." Jean shivered, curling tighter around himself. "He's... out..."
Ed frowned. "Son of a bitch.." It bothered Ed severely to see Jean acting this way, even though he wasn't sure why. A little worry would be normal but this was a bit much. And he really wanted to punch Ashton in the face just for coming near Jean, and that confused him even more. He stood, reaching out and then hesitating, finally placing his hand on the taller blonde's shoulder. "I know how he can be...sorry to get you dragged into this..."