Recipe for Disaster

Rating: Hell if I know anymore. I'm going to balloon it up to R for blatant sexual references and also because I have a fairly good idea of what's coming next.

†

"So how are our two lovebirds this fine Saturday morning?"

"That's not funny, Aiden," Iden said, buried in homework.

"But it's disgustingly true, and we all know it." Aiden sat down, bullying Lucifer over into another chair. "Three weeks, almost to the day, since they met, and now Ed's like a goddamn pit-bullterrier whenever Jean's concerned."

"How do you mean?" the white-haired man asked, flipping over a card. "Ed seems rather quiet and pleasant – not as spiky as he used to be."

"Ha ha. Tell that to Fawkes."

"All right, so to Fawkes he's a right little terror, but still –"

"He gave Fawkes a bloody nose last night. And a really nice black eye."

Luce grinned. "Good for him."

"You're condoning violence? Isn't that against your religion?"

"Technically, it's against every religion, but I'll let that pass. Fawkes is a nice guy, until he starts bothering Jean (which naturally irritates Ed) or Ed. Even then, I wouldn't mind it so much, but..." he shook his head. "There's something between those three that I don't want to even touch. The dynamics are so strong that it would physically hurt anyone stupid enough to interfere."

"That's a load of shit."

"That was mean. But I'm serious, there's something going on between those three... Ed's the only one that's consciously aware of it, but I think Ashton has a vague idea. Jean, of course, is one-hundred percent clueless."

"He's always clueless. My god, he has no idea that half the dorm is trying to catch his eye; he's too busy trying to keep Ed in once piece." Iden looked up, closing his geology textbook. "For all the kid's insisting that he's fine, he's remarkably fragile."

"Another nightmare?" Aiden asked sympathetically.

"Poor thing woke up screaming a couple nights ago. Jean, being the dingbat that he is, blames it on himself. Unfortunately, Ed's not exactly helping that impression, but what can one do?"

"Not much, apparently. We'll just have to let them work it out themselves and stand by in case of disaster."

"And keep Ashton distracted," one of the twins said helpfully. He continued, "The way he leers at Jean sometimes makes me uncomfortable, and I'm on the other side of the room. It's obvious that he's done something to Ed in the past, which is probably why... oh dear."

"What?"

"Do you think – this sounds so horrendously melodramatic – that Ashton is trying to get to Jean to get back at Ed for something?"

"It wouldn't surprise me," Luce remarked, shuffling his cards. "He's such a manipulative bastard when he feels like it."

"But he's probably a very nice person once one gets rid of all the sexual bullshit that he seems to be buried in."

"Dear God, I hope so. Maybe we just need to get him laid or something."

"That's a thought. But the only people he'd be willing to sleep with are Ed and Jean. Ed won't voluntarily touch him with a ten-foot pole, and Jean's still a virgin. I don't even think he knows what sex is."

"Aiden, you underestimate him."

"Well..."

"Why, exactly, are we on this subject?" Iden interrupted, blushing furiously.

"Oops. Sorry, there. But while we're here, I have another question."

"Oh, no..." Iden moaned, putting his head in his hands.

"Actually if you look at it a certain way, it's really interesting. Are those two gay? I mean, everyone says that gay men are unnatural, but those two are just so right for one another that it's almost freakish. Besides, didn't Jean at one point have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, but she died. But having a girl doesn't necessarily mean that someone's straight. You ought to know that better than anyone, Lucifer."

"Don't even think about it, boyo." Luce began to flip cards over.

"Well... it was a thought."

"Ashton would take my throat out. He's so bloody protective of his boy toys it's scary."

"Never mind that it's totally involuntary."

"It's never stopped him before," Aiden commented. "Iden didn't mention exactly why Fawkes has the bloody nose and bruised eye. He was making a move on poor Jean when Ed walked in. That is something I will never forget, never mind how much I want to."

"What, the fight or the come-on?"

"Both. Fawkes has a major problem and we need to get him out of it."

"No shit, Sherlock. 'Major problem' is one hell of an understatement, especially if Ashton is feeling Jean up during Sociology and Ed during Bio."

Luce and Iden both turned a very delicate shade of beige-green. "... not something we needed to know," Iden said faintly.

The small group lapsed into silence. Cards clicked and shuffled, pages turned, a pencil scratched across paper.

"How's Jean's rugby conditioning going?" Luce asked at length, turning over the ace of spades.

Iden huffed an annoyed sigh. "He's coming back to the dorm bruised, bloody, and tired. He's sleeping too much, not eating enough, and he can't seem finish his homework before falling asleep at least three or four times. And the Ed/Ashton situation isn't helping any, either."

Luce grinned. "I see I hit a nerve there, mother hen."

Iden was on a rant now, and refused to be stopped. "The worst part of it is, he refuses to admit that he's hurt and keeps going out with Ed, even though sometimes I know it hurts him to walk!"

"Does Ed even notice?"

"No," Iden sighed, deflating. "Jean's such a good actor and liar that he can fool almost anyone after he cleans himself up. I doubt he'd let Ed even notice, considering the kid's so good at giving himself guilt trips from hell."

"Brutal, but true," Aiden commented. "Anybody know when Jean's first scrimmage is?"

"A couple of weeks from now. He'd better not break anything. I know that on Wednesday, someone hit him on his side and he was throwing up for hours afterwards."

"Why the hell isn't he going to the infirmary? That's what it's there for."

"Too stubborn," Lucifer remarked, flipping over the queen of hearts. "Admitting that he's hurt is like admitting that he's weak. And if he admits that he's weak, he's admitting that he can't protect Ed."

The twins blinked at him in unison. "What?"

"I think he's still guilty about the dead girl," Luce said frankly. "It wasn't that long ago, and heaven knows that guilt is one of the three most irrational emotions ever created by man. And damn, those two have it in spades. They need a proper kick in the ass."

"All right, add that to our to-do list," Aiden said sarcastically. "Number one: Keep Ashton away from those two. Two: Kick them in the ass. Three: Get Ashton laid."

"Not precisely in that order –"

"Hell, we may not have a choice."

"So, what do we do about him? Should we just stick somebody in his room, let him vent his sexual frustration –"

"I'm not cleaning up the blood afterwards," Iden commented dryly.

" – then set about patching up the other two?"

"Sounds like a plan. When do we implement phase one?"