Morning, Sunshine
Rating: PG-13
•†•
Ed yawned and looked around, still half asleep despite the fact that he'd been up for a good half hour at least. 'Coffee' was the only coherent word that came out of his mouth, no matter how many times he tried to form a sentence.
Jean just curled tighter around his not-Ed pillow. He didn't particularly want to wake up and face reality, unless there were massive amounts of coffee or some other stimulant available.
Ed poked Jean again, having remembered (for the fifth time that half hour) that they were out of coffee. "Mmrrrgg..."
Jean lifted his head slightly, eyes sleepy and half-focused. "What?"
"Coffee.."
"Why do I have to make it all the time?" Jean grumbled, slithering off the bed and into a pair of pyjama pants. "You know how to work the damn thing."
"Out..." Ed mumbled, the first coherent word other than coffee he'd said since he woke up.
Jean turned ever-so-slowly around to Ed. "What?"
Ed nodded grimly, well, as grim as he could get this time of morning without coffee.
Jean thumped to the floor in a pitiful, mewing heap.
Ed whimpered slightly in response.
"I don't even have decaf?" Jean made a spirited crawl towards the coffeemaker. Ah, for the love of coffee...
Ed just proceeded to smack his head against the floor to wake himself up.
"Nope. Ed, stoppit. You'll put a dent in the floor."
That earned a growl. "M'gonna get more..." Ed rubbed his head and walked towards the door, realized he wasn't wearing a shirt, and came back. Shirt donned, he proceeded to try to push the door open, remembered he had to pull it, and wandered off in search of caffiene.
"Hope he remembers to get me some," Jean grumped to himself, nabbing an old sweatshirt. Paul would be waiting right about now to be let in, so he hoofed it down to the lobby.
"Morning, sunshine," Paul said cheerfully as Jean let them in. "Al's here to pick up his stuff so we can get to the airport."
"When are you leaving?"
"At two," Al said, slightly glum. "I don't want to go."
Ashton absently flicked the butt of his cigarette off into the trashbin outside the doors, looking up as he stepped inside, only to freeze in his tracks at the man he saw in front of him.
Paul looked casually over at a flash of red, a brief flicker of consternation crossing his features. "Jean?"
"M'hm?" His nephew looked up from an unhappy Al.
"Who's that?"
"Oh. Ashton. He's Ed's technical roommate. He's a bit of a hardass."
"Bastard.." Ashton muttered under his breath, visible emerald eye narrowing.
Jean nodded to Ashton as they passed. "Why'd you ask?"
"Oh... he looked familiar," Paul said vaguely.
Ashton wasn't far behind, but he kept his distance, solely for the fact that he didn't really want to be anywhere near that man unless it was to choke the life out of him, and that wouldn't be such a good idea about now.
"I brought some books for Ed," Paul said once they were in Jean's room. "There's Dante's Inferno, Milton's Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained and a few books on ancient alchemy that I thought he might enjoy."
"Where'd you dig these up?" Jean asked, looking through an alchemy text. "And how would you know Ed would like them?"
"Antique bookstores abound in Arkham," Paul pointed out. "And call it a hunch. Ed's tastes may just be fulfilled with these gems. Call it an early birthday present."
"He already had one."
"Then it's a late present."
Ashton's left eye twitched slightly at the mention of alchemy, especially in a voice he was entirely loath to hear it in. Several curses were muttered under his breath at the thoughts rising up to the surface again.
"But Ed doesn't like religion," Jean said. "And alchemy was inherently religious at one point. I doubt he'd care to slog through vague references to things that he doesn't –"
"That's what you're there for. You know quite a bit about biblical references and ancient religion."
"I still think he's going to try to take the top of your head off."
There were too many questions in his head, and Ashton just tried to shake them off. His memory might've been better than Ed's and by far Jean's, but for some godforsaken reason he couldn't think of a single good thing about the man formerly known as Paul Fawkes, previously Delgardie. Every single thing he could think of was either painful, or sickeningly brutal.
Paul checked his watch. "Damn. Al and I have to get going, otherwise we'll miss our flight." He kissed Jean's forehead. "Take care, boya."
Al hugged him. "And take care of Ed."
Jean grinned. "I will. Go on, out with the both of you." They left, leaving the room just like it used to be. Except... Fawkes was haunting his doorway. Wonderful.
"Relations of yours, Jean?" Ashton asked, watching the two disappear down the hall.
"Yeah. Why?" Jean eyed the redhead warily.
Fawkes turned to face Jean for a moment. "That man is the reason for your death, you know.."
"No, he's not, he's my uncle." Ashton had now dropped down to 'madman' in Jean's estimation.
"That man was once Paul Delgardie, my father, the one who made me the monster I was... Incidentally, had he not, Jean Havoc never would have been ordered to kill seven abominations, and would not have died by my hand.." The malice was clear in his voice, and Ashton turned away, making a swift retreat to his own room to mull things over. Perhaps we're all just drawn to each other by forces beyond our control...
------
Ashton sighed, head in hands. What a weekend this turned out to be. I would've rather it not happened at all... He'd hardly gotten anything done at all, and what's worse, -that- bastard just had to show up... Paul was one person he could have lived without meeting a second time...
Lucifer ambled up to Jean's room, poking his nose in to say 'good morning.' However, the silly blonde had his nose stuck in a book and totally ignored him. Ah, well... Ashton's door was slightly open, so he stuck a hand through and waved. "Morning, Sunshine."
Ashton glanced up with a slightly foul look on his face. ''You're awfully cheery today, aren't you?''
Luce took that as an invitation to come in. "You're terribly grumpy. Somebody tread on your trousers?"
''The hell kinda expression is that anyway? Just a run-in with a rather hated old acquaintance...'' Ashton replied, looking at Luce. ''Anything in particular you came here for?''
Luce grinned inanely. "No, just to talk to you. I had a lot of fun with you in the museum, and Jean's absorbed in some book, so I decided to come pester you!" He lowered his voice. "I don't think he's gotten his required five cups of coffee yet..."
''I see...'' Ashton ran his fingers through his hair to get it out of his face completely. ''Anything in particular you want to talk about?''
Lucifer took out his glasses case and slipped on his spectacles. "You know me. I'm always prying. What's gotten you into such a funk? You're usually not like this, even around people you hate."
''A lot of things that really shouldn't concern you.'' The redhead slipped on his typical false, but usually believable, smile momentarily. I wonder if he remembers anything... He's been around Jean since they're relatives... And that kid seemed somewhat different, too... Then again, he was oblivious up to then, why would that change now...
Lucifer snorted, his facade gone. "Bullshit. You're a friend, and something's bothering you. What's wrong?"
Ashton looked away. ''You wouldn't understand it even if I explained it...'' I know some things about my previous life which in itself makes no sense in this world, and I just ran across my dear old dad from back then, except he's now my old obsession's uncle and I seriously have the urge to mangle him so badly that you can't even identify the body by dental records.
Luce barked out harsh laughter. "Try me, boyo. There's a lot of non-believable stuff here at Miskatonic. Trust me, you're not the first to be strange."
''Just a run-in with a hated old acquaintance, like I said... A really old acquaintance...'' Ashton couldn't help but nearly snarl at the constant reminder of his past life, almost chuckled at the instincts that came with it. Not going to do that again, Fawkes, remember what happened last time you lost it, you lost Ed too... The beginnings of a smirk faded from his lips.
"Like I said before, you never get like this when we run into someone you hate. Who was he?"
''More like who he used to be... A long, long time ago before this place was even thought of...'' Ashton moved to the window and opened it, pulling out a cigarette and his lighter.
"M'm... can I bum a cigarette?" A small smile graced Lucifer's lips. "And how long ago was this?"
''Sure...'' Ashton held out the pack after lighting his own. ''Too long to make sense to you, if I told you the date you wouldn't even understand it. Let's just say another life...''
Luce slid a cigarette out, producing his own lighter when Ashton offered his. "Ah. I'm assuming his was a close acquaintance in this 'other life'."
''If you consider hating somebody more than anything close...'' Emerald and white closed briefly. ''He was my father... Only by genetics, that man only treated me like an experiment from the time I was born to the time I killed him...'' At that, Ashton cursed himself mentally for letting too much slip, he really shouldn't have been talking about it anyway...
"H'mm... and why are you so mad at him now? Really, the man can't be nearly that horrible in this life, if you will. Unless..." Strange golden eyes bore down on the redhead. "Unless he's uncomfortably close to someone dear to you?"
This isn't a good direction to be going, dammit... Ashton tried to hide the twitch that caused.
Luce tapped a bit of ash from the end of his cigarette. He knew he was getting closer to whatever was bugging Ashton. "Ah. Guessing from pure, irrational basis, it has to be either Jean or Ed. Am I correct?"
Ashton couldn't help but nearly growl at that, hissing out a breath of smoke. ''Even if I tried to deny it, you'd know, wouldn't you?''
Lucifer's smile turned secret. "Of course. Which one?"
''Jean...'' Ashton focused out the window, trying to keep his head straight through all of this, though a small grin threatened to curve the corners of his lips. The past is going to be the death of me for sure... All that's come of it has been pain... The grin transformed into a tiny, sad smile.
"You are aware that Ed is almost unhealthily possessive of Jean and that he's not likely to share?" Luce asked, voice slightly worried. "Especially with you. Forgive me saying this, but some things that I've heard Ed say... well, I'm just surprised that you two haven't tried to kill each other yet. Though..." He stubbed out the cigarette, regarding Ashton like a scientific specimen. "You are rather fond of Ed, too, aren't you? But that's not what's bothering you right now. It's Jean you're worried about, isn't it?"
''I'm not worried about them so much as I'm worried about myself...'' Ashton remarked absently, reaching for a new cigarette even as he discarded his old one. This is a bad fucking topic, Luce... Really fucking bad... But you wouldn't understand that, would you...
One of Luce's eyebrows raised. "Oh? Now you have me curious. Are you worried about hurting one or both of them because you can't control yourself?" It was an obvious question to ask, considering Ashton's track record.
Fuck... ''It's a little late to worry about it...'' Why do you think they both hate me so much, other than the obvious? Surely you've seen that deep at least to know there's something up...
"No need to get snappy," Luce said, entirely too calm. "It's obvious that you've pushed Ed away, but I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about Jean – he avoids you like the plague, but you haven't really done anything that he can't handle. Is this about something else, like the 'past life' that you claim to have had?" Luce's tone wasn't mocking, just professional.
''I killed him.'' The redhead exhaled a steady breath of smoke, eerily calm.
''And he killed me.''
Luce almost laughed.
Ashton shrugged, rather detached. ''Are we done? I don't expect you to believe me, you know... I'd be almost surprised if you did, even...'' How can anyone understand it if they didn't live it, after all? Don't believe me you can ask Ed or Jean, they're in on it too, it's all just a farce anyway, right? Hah...
"Why did you kill him?"
''Because of the monster I was, because he turned his back, because I couldn't break him in the end... Who knows... I wasn't human...'' It was eerie, talking about what he'd only ever kept to himself, and Ashton found it oddly depressing from this point of view as well.
"Why would you want to break him?" Lucifer's voice was quiet and calm.
''He shone like a diamond among lumps of coal. I was obsessed and I wanted to watch him bleed, hear him scream, feel his eyes glaring hatred at me, at his own helplessness... I was sick...'' In spite of himself, Ashton couldn't hold back a tiny shiver of ecstasy at the thought. The feeling almost made him nauseous.
"Why" was the only question Luce could think of. If he was revolted or startled by Ashton's confession, he hid it perfectly.
''When you lived your whole life as an animal, you really don't bother with any reason other than 'I felt like it'.'' Ashton put out his second cigarette considered starting a third, settled without. ''I'm not like that here... I'm... Just a normal human being...'' If normal was the right word for it...
"You do realize," Luce said, almost absently, "that you and Jean are not the people you used to be. There are so many factors that go into shaping a person's psyche that none of it can be perfectly replicated. For instance, I'm willing to bet that the person who was your father is now related to Jean." He smiled at Ashton's visible shudder. "Ah, so I'm right. Who is it?"
''His uncle...'' Ashton had long since given up denying anything to Luce now. It was just too much of a hassle to do so.
This time, shock was scrawled clearly across Lucifer's face. "You mean Paul! But he's so sweet...!"
Ashton shuddered at the name. ''It doesn't matter to me what he is now, because I know what he was then, and that's not easy to forget...'' Bitterness was thick in his voice and his eyes narrowed, a genuinely insane smirk curling his lips. ''The only good memory I have of him is when I tore him to shreds...''
"You touch him or Jean with intent to hurt," Lucifer said, his voice dangerously quiet. "You will learn the hard way why my name is what it is. Just so we're clear." Gold eyes shimmered eerily.
The look of insanity fled and Ashton turned to gaze blankly out the window. ''I never asked for those memories... I'd gladly make them disappear if I could... But it's not something I can control anymore, there's no more buffer for it, and I doubt there ever will be again...''
"How do you know?" Luce asked, getting up to go. "Miracles do happen." He took off his glasses, looking at them pensively. "Did you know that phoenixes are songbirds?"
''I've already lost the only thing that could ever be a damper for this... The one thing that was different other than humanity...'' Now that which once was a damper is something else to contribute to the flow... His hatred... Ashton turned his gaze to the ceiling, looking but not caring enough to see.
''He's not coming back.''
"Fascinating things, phoenixes... no larger than a dove, but their song is beautiful. Sometimes they get confused with the mynah bird, which can imitate human speech." Luce tucked his glasses away. "Of course, you know what a phoenix really symbolizes, don't you?"
Ashton gave up. ''If I say yes you'll ask me what, and if I say no you'll tell me. If I say nothing you'll tell me anyway, so let's just hear it...''
"Rebirth. Hope." Lucifer smiled strangely. "There's always a chance kiddo. No matter what has happened or what might happen, there's always a chance." His mask was beginning to settle back into place. "You screwed up once, but there's at least three more tries left for you."
''Tell that to Ed and Jean, they'll get a laugh out of it...'' It'll be like pulling teeth to get even a second chance from them...
Lucifer laughed. "Jean's reading a book about alchemy right now, and there are several others scattered about his room. Why'nt you go ask about borrowing one? It'd be a step in the right direction, don't you think?"
''Maybe...'' Truthfully, the redhead loathed even the mention of alchemy now. And truthfully, he wasn't really worried about Jean anymore right now. There was a sinking feeling inside and he brought his knees to his chest. There was only more to think about now...
"You ever need to talk, I know where to find you." Lucifer grinned, bowing elegantly. "Just nab me sometime when things are getting bad. Until then, mon cher!" He waltzed – literally – out of the room, humming Corelli's pastorale to himself.
Ashton shook his head at the sight. Yeah, I'll nab you if I feel like another psychoanalysis... Truthfully, he felt worse, rather than better.
------
Jean ignored the noisy thoughts clamoring around in his head, picking up a book and determinedly sitting down to read it.
Ed wandered back in, juggling two styrofoam cups of coffee and a paper bag that contained their supply for the next week or so. "Hey, gimme a hand here!" There was a near-squawk as he almost tripped over a book.
"Huh?" Jean looked up at Ed. After taking a split second to absorb the situation, he lunged to catch a dangerously wobbling cup. "Woah! Don't spill the coffee, you klutz!"
"Sorry! Is it my fault that I was being hospitable and got one for you so you wouldn't have to wait on the coffee maker?" Ed put his cup down on the windowsill, already setting to getting more coffee made so Jean would have some when he was done with that cup. "What's with all the books?"
"M'mm... coffee..." Jean hummed blissfully, curling up around his cup. "The books are from Uncle Paul. Belated birthday."
"Wait what? Who's birthday?" Ed sipped his coffee and picked up one of the volumes. His eyes widened and he nearly choked, setting the cup down and flipping through the pages. "Where the hell did he get this!"
"Your birthday, and antique bookstores, apparently. That's what he said, at any rate." He waved the book in his hand. "They're really interesting."
"Interesting! They're priceless tomes of information! I've been wanting to read this one for YEARS!" Ed was already nose deep in the old book.
"Hey! I was reading that!" Jean made a swipe for the book, careful not to upset his precious coffee. "Read something else, you little peanut!"
Ed shot an entirely foul look at Jean. Boyfriend or not, nobody interrupted him when he was reading.
"Give it." Jean held out a hand. "I want to finish it." From weeks of practice, he ignored Ed's foul look easily. "There are plenty of other books for you to fangirl over."
Giving up, Ed scooped up another book, curling up on the bed to read, god help the man who disturbed him.
Jean snugged down into his chair, the book open and his coffee in hand. Yes, life was good.