Disclaimer: Okay, I've decided that this disclaimer will not just stand for this chapter, but also for all those chapters that will come. I'm getting tired of repeating again and again and again that Dragonball Z doesn't belong to me and that I don't own any money with it! So, don't sue me, if you don't find a disclaimer in the following chapters!
A/N: *gulps* I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I know it took me awfully long to get this chapter out, but I first wanted to finish Until we meet again, so that I can concentrate more on this fic and on History of Takeo. And then there was the fact that I needed a well-earned break (I think) to study for this test I had, plus an awful case of writer's block… The hardest I've ever had in my whole 'career' as author… But I've said this once and I say it again: I won't abandon this fic! Hell, I'm even already having ideas about a sequel!
Oh, and before I forget to tell you… In this story, well, things won't go exactly like in the Dragonball timeline… I can't say much, just that things will definitely be different. Some things will happen sooner, some things will happen later, some things will never happen and some things are just different. I'll have to do that or otherwise you'll kill me or the basis of the sequel will be gone… It's an A/U, remember?
Chapter 15: "Lost Trust"
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Had everything just been a dream?
This was the first thought that came to her mind, as Bulma slowly started to wake up. It was still dark outside, making her wonder, why she woke up, but soon found out the reason. Who wouldn't wake up, when there's a stomping and cursing Saiyajin Prince in the room next door? Pressing her ear against the wall, she could make out some words. "Damn… imbeciles… Kakarotto… no sphere… just because… woman… killed when… chance…"
When she heard the word kill she instinctively flinched away from the wall. No, it hadn't been a dream. Something must've gone wrong on Namek, otherwise Vegeta wouldn't be that angry. Plus, the ship was moving again.
She plopped down on the flat pillow, noticing that it was slightly damp. Slowly everything came back to her. She had fled, saw Goku, but before she could really get his attention, Vegeta found her and brought her back to the ship. Tears threatened to fall again, when she realized that it hadn't been a dream. He had hurt her! And not just that… According to how angry he had been and obviously still was, she could be glad that he hadn't killed her then and there.
And she had thought that they had been warming up to each other. She had honestly thought that she had found a heart under his rough exterior, that the Prince of the Saiyajins wasn't as bad and evil as everyone thought. She had even thought that there had been something like trust between them.
But apparently she had been wrong… Or the trust had been there and was now, thanks to her actions, gone…
Whatever had happened, she was sure that the following days, weeks, and maybe even months wouldn't be pleasant ones. And as hard as it was to admit, it was her fault, too. She had a rather… well… enjoyable stay on this ship… Okay, Vegeta had not always been what could be called nice, or to be precise never, but he also had never hurt her and had even allowed her to go on the deck or to eat with him. That was until she made this stupid mistake and ran away. She should've known that Vegeta would eventually find her…
But she had been so close… So close to freedom… Goku had just been a few meters away from her… And now, her situation went from not so bad, skipping bad completely, to worse.
Thinking about that, she couldn't stop the tears from flowing anymore. She curled up into a small ball and started to sob, burying her head into her pillow. She wondered, if she would ever see her family and her friends again… Would she make it off of the ship alive or would the Saiyajins keep her as some kind of toy for their own pleasures… If she could chose between those two options, she'd decide to die, with her head high and not let herself destroy as whore of those pirates!
~*~
As soon as he had jumped over the rail, Vegeta made his way over to his cabin, just giving one small command to make the ship moving again to their next destination. Saying that he was angry would've been an understatement. He was furious! Not only made Nappa and Radditz a really stupid mistake, but this mistake alarmed Kakarotto and made it impossible for him to get this sphere. Now he could just hope that he would arrive sooner at their next destination than Kakarotto and his crew. Okay, he and his men had a small head start, since they were already on the right side of the island, but knowing that the whole trip would take about one month these few hours were nothing.
He finally arrived at his cabin and threw the door behind him shut. "Damn it!" He ran a hand through his wild hair. "Those stupid imbeciles made everything just worse! And thanks to Kakarotto I didn't get this sphere! Everything just because of this woman! I should've killed her when I had the chance!"
He sighed and sat down on his bed, resting his head in his hands. Even though he was saying it, he somehow knew that he wouldn't have been able to kill this woman. Of course he told himself that the reasons for letting her live were simple: As long as he held the woman as hostage, Kakarotto wouldn't dare to attack his ship. He didn't want to realize that the source of his reasons was much deeper. But he was Vegeta, the Prince of all Saiyajins, and he would never allow and show any soft emotions!
He laid down on his bed, eager to get some sleep after this day. His tiredness was most likely clouding his mind, letting him imagine he had any feelings despite anger and hatred for that weak Human female. But as soon as he had closed his eyes, he could hear sobs coming from the cabin next to his. He cursed under his breath. He had thought that she had cried herself to sleep after he had left again several hours ago, taken that she had been so quiet all the time, but he obviously had woken her up. But why was she even crying? It was her own fault that she was now in this situation. Her stay on this ship could've been much better, if she hadn't tried to run away. She should have known that she would have to bear the consequences of her actions and that even those consequences wouldn't be pleasant ones.
He buried his head in his pillow, trying to shut those heartbreaking sobs out, but to no avail. No matter how hard he tried, they still reached his ears. Growling he sat up and knocked against the wall. "Shut up, woman!" he yelled and much to his surprise, the sobs quieted down. He had expected her to shout at him… Well, maybe he had scared her more than he had thought.
Somehow this thought made him feel strange in the inside, but he quickly shook those emotions off, trying to think about other things, like his fight against Kakarotto. A fight he had to quit, because Kakarotto hadn't been able to fight with all of his power, because he had been blinded by his feelings. Vegeta smirked. But at least he gave him something to think about.
~*~
Son Goku was standing at the bow of his ship, staring out into the night sky. There was no cloud at the sky and everything was quiet. There was just the ship, the endless sea and the endless sky. But at that moment Goku didn't see the beauty of it. His thoughts were somewhere else. On another ship. With his friend. You've never let me down. She had told him that a few hours before the downwards spiral began.
And what had he done? He had let her down! Twice! In a short amount of time. First as Vegeta had kidnapped her and then two days ago, on Namek, where she had called out for him and he hadn't acknowledged it. She could be safe right now! But no! He had to mess things up. Even if she were able to forgive him that, he wasn't sure if he could do that. He had broken a promise to a friend, a friend who had trusted him.
He was sure, if he hadn't been at the palace at the time the Saiyajins came, everything would have gone different. Another guard would have surely been able to do something against them. He had been helpless… First they had his son and then came the sudden revelation of his true heritage.
But he had not just let his friend down. Because of him a whole city of peaceful Nameks burned down. He had no idea how many lives this fire had cost, how many people had died just because of him, of who he was.
Suddenly it came to him. As long as his opponents were the Saiyajins, no one around him was safe. Not his crew, not Piccolo, not Dende, not Gohan and not ChiChi. As long as they were with him, they would be in danger. But he needed his crew and Piccolo. They all were strong and knew how to take care of themselves. And he needed Dende. The young Namek knew things about the spheres, the Dragonballs, no one else knew. And he could be a great help in case someone was injured. But he was helpless. He was considerable weak and didn't know how to fight. That would be a problem.
But still not as big of a problem as the presence of Gohan and ChiChi, his son and soon-to-be-wife. Sure, little Gohan knew how to fight and he was even pretty good, but he was still a child. Even though the way he had attacked Radditz two days ago had been quite impressive, but it had just been a one-time thing. He couldn't count on that Gohan would develop this kind of strength again, when they had to face the Saiyajins again. Something must've triggered this sudden strength and he had yet to find out what. If he hadn't known better, Goku would say that in this small moment his son had even been stronger than him. But the boy was still just… a boy. And ChiChi… Well, for a woman, she was strong, but nowhere near the level of his men or maybe even Gohan. She stood no chance against the Saiyajins. For both, mother and child, it was simply too dangerous. And he couldn't protect them the whole time, not with the Saiyajins being there.
And last but not least was the fact that he was also a Saiyajin. He belonged to a race of cold-hearted warriors, whose target it was to take over islands, even though mostly smaller ones, and then sell them. They eliminated other races and people without remorse, but with fun. You can't deny it. You are one of us. You are a Saiyajin, and that with every fiber of your body. Vegeta had been right and Goku had even admitted it outright. You're right Vegeta. I am a Saiyajin. I admit that I have those feelings and that I welcome them. What if some day he can't control those feelings, making him one of them? What if some day the instincts were just too strong and he gave in without thinking about those consequences? He could hurt his friends, and even worse, he could hurt ChiChi and Gohan. In more than one way.
He had to make a decision and he knew it was a hard one.
~*~
ChiChi watched the man she loved worriedly from the door. She had waited for him to come to bed, but he didn't come, just like the two other nights. She didn't know what was going on with Goku. Since they had left Namek he had changed. He barely talked, ate, slept… He just trained or stood at the bow of the ship, staring into nothingness. She had to talk to him, to know what was wrong.
She silently walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder, getting his attention. She smiled lightly and looked at the sky. "You were right," she said softly, trying to start a conversation, "They are much more beautiful when I look at them from here…" She looked at him, but had to notice that he wasn't going to say something. She sighed. "Goku, what's wrong with you?"
"I'm sorry…" he just whispered.
"Sorry? For what?" she asked surprised.
"For not being able to help Bulma when I had the chance. For exposing you and Gohan to those dangers. And especially for being what I am."
"What are you talking about? This is just nonsense! You don't have to say sorry for any of this!" she said, but not without showing him how ridiculous his words were. "I don't understand this! It's not your fault that those Saiyajins had kidnapped Bulma or that Vegeta had found her on Namek before you could help her. And if I may to remember you, both Gohan and I decided to come on this ship by our free will. We both have known that this trip wouldn't be a holiday. And what do you mean with the last one? Why should you be sorry for who you are? You are Son Goku, grandson of Son Gohan, the man who would do everything just to save a friend, the man I love."
"You're wrong. My name is Kakarotto. I'm a Saiyajin. I belong to one of the cruelest races on this planet. In my veins flows the blood of killers," he told her.
Now ChiChi started to become really angry. She put her hands on her hips and scowled at him. "Listen Son Goku! I already said it once and I'll say it again. That's just nonsense! Okay, you may be a Saiyajin, but that doesn't change anything! You were raised as a Human and I know you Goku! You would never hurt anyone! You are not a cruel killer! Being a Saiyajin doesn't mean that you're evil. Hell, there are enough Humans, who could have done the same as the Saiyajins."
Goku sighed sadly. "I knew you wouldn't understand that, ChiChi. But that's the way it is. On my missions I've often tried to avoid killing people, but every time I had to do this, I had this thrilling feeling in my body. For a short moment I felt this blood thirst and I liked it, ChiChi, I liked it. I love the thrill of a fight and in the rage of a battle it could happen that I lose my head, letting this thirst for blood winning over. It all became clear two days ago and I started to understand it. No Human would feel those things with the intensity like I do. It's all related to my heritage, to my blood. I am a Saiyajin, ChiChi, I am one of those killers, just that I didn't want to see it. But now I do."
"But I trust you, Goku. I know that you can control those feelings," ChiChi said, trying everything to calm him, and even herself, down.
"That's the point. I don't trust myself anymore. And because of that I've made a decision. Until everything is over and I can finally settle down and live in peace, forget everything about fighting, killing and about the Saiyajin in me, I want you and Gohan to stay away from me. The last thing I want to do is to hurt you, and people will just get hurt, when they're around me." He waited for ChiChi to say something, but the woman was just too shocked by what Goku had said. So he just turned around and started to walk to the cabins. "You and Gohan will sleep in my cabin, while I'll bunk with Krillin. You will stay on the ship the whole time, in case we run into the Saiyajins again, when we look for the next sphere. Please understand me, ChiChi. I just don't want to hurt you, or Gohan."
ChiChi watched helplessly as Goku walked through the door, closing it behind him, slowly digesting what he had said. Tears ran down her face, as she wanted to run after him, but a voice stopped her. "ChiChi, don't." She looked up and saw Yamcha at the rudder, looking down at her with a sad look on his face. "Please, understand him. Everything has just been too much for him and he needs some time to sort things out. Give him a few days and maybe he'll come around…"
ChiChi just nodded slightly and looked at the closed door. "Goku…" she mumbled, "Please, don't do that to yourself…"
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Woah, finally… I thought I would never finish that chapter… But now I'm finally back! Hopefully without new writer's blocks!!!
Until then, please review, okay? Thanks!!!
Eternally yours
ChibiChibi