Times of the Past Alyssa's Story Chapter 9: Remus's Birthday, a harry potter fanfic

A/N: Okay, from now on, I'm not updatin unless I get at least AT LEAST five reviews on this chapter.. I know ya'll're readin it, so jus REVIEW! grrrr this'll be the last chapter I have until I get more reviews frown annnnnnnnnd here we go!

I hate when people keep secrets from me. I'm not much of a secret-teller/keeper myself, so, naturally, it annoys me.

And when people annoy me, I kick them.

So I kicked Sirius.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" he yelled, hopping around on his good leg. I frowned and pushed him down onto the couch.

"Why are you and the others being so mysterious?" I asked, towering over him (which is kind of rare, seeing how he's at least 5'8 and I'm only 5'2 with shoes on)

"We're not," he growled. He pulled me down beside him, then stood up.

"Bastard." I rolled off the couch and into him. Because he was still standing on one foot, I knocked him over.. and onto me.

"GET OFF M-"

"I'M TRYING, MY FOOT IS CAU-"

"Uhh, are we interrupting something?"

Shit.

I closed my eyes tightly, then looked up. James, eyebrows raised, looked as if he wasn't sure whether to be laughing or disturbed.

So, he settled on both.

"Sirius, you bastard, get OFF me," I yelled as James and Peter burst out laughing. Sirius was trying, but his foot was caught up on the couch.

"Hey- Oh.." Remus walked into the room with a surprised expression.

"REMUS," I yelled, knowing he was my only hope, "HELP ME."

He seemed to waver for a minute, then cracked a smile and walked over to us. After a few exclamations of "SIRIUS BE STILL," "THAT WAS MY LEG YOU DUNCE" and "Why is it always me?", Sirius was free.

"Shut up," I said moodily to the guys. Even Remus was holding back laughter.

Traitor.

I glared at each of them, then turned and stomped out.

"Do I even want to know?" asked Lily once I got up to the dorms. I flopped down on my bed and watched her apply her make up by the dressers when I realized I was mad at her.

So, I took off my shoe and threw it at her.

Perfect aim.

"Hey!" she exclaimed, "What was that for?"

I shrugged. "I can't remember," I said honestly. Then, just to make sure whatever it was that I was mad at her about was justified, I took out my wand and turned her hair neon green.

"ALYSSA!" She screamed, then looked at herself in the mirror.

"You know," she said, her face thoughtful, "That's not a bad color on me."

I let it go back to its original color, but not before rolling my eyes.

She grinned at me, then walked over. "So," she said innocently, "I heard you and Remus ha-"

That's what I was mad at her for.

I charmed my shoes to wack her upside the head.

"Make it stop!" she yelled, running around the room. She continued to run around like a chicken with its head cut off until she ran out of the room. My shoes followed her.

I heard her shrieks all the way down the staircase, and the guys' laughter.

I smiled.

I love revenge.

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I love when I have good ideas. They always seem to hit me at an unlikely time; such as when I'm doing homework, or -cough- cleaning my room -cough-. I always have to drop whatever I'm doing at the moment and instantly do my 'brilliant idea' right then, or else it isn't good anymore.

"Lyssa, what the hell is that?"

Unfortunately, not everyone thinks they're as brilliant as I do.

"Are you kidding me?" I stood up from my new purchase that I had set in the common room and glared at the guys. James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus all stared at me with the same expression -- the "Good God she really HAS lost it" expression.

"Well," I said wisely, handing the rectangular device to James, "this," I motioned to the larger rectangular object in front of me, "is what Muggles call a 'television'."

The guys all looked at me as if I had sprouted another head. I rolled my eyes. "And this," I said, taking the smaller object back, "is a remote-controller, or channel changer, or whatever you Englishpeople call it."

"What does it do?" asked Sirius, turning his "Oh my God it has two heads and an extra ear" gaze on the remote. I sighed.

"Don't ANY of ya'll take Muggle Studies?" Four heads shook. I shook my own in resignation.

"Okay, the remote controls the television, or TV." I strangely felt like I was in class. "You push these random buttons and different things pop up." I've always been an impatient person, and I could tell by their faces that they'd never understand.

Sure enough, they stared at it, the television, and me. "Nevermind," I said exasperatedly, picking up the T.V. "I'll just put it in my room."

Guys are hopeless.

"Remus's birthday is coming up," commented Sirius a week later. He looked over at me with a glint in his eye. I glared back.

"Sirius, I don't know wha-"

"Oh my God, it is? We should do something nice this year!" I turned my glare on Alice, who grinned at me sheepishly.

"Frank," I said evenly, "Control your girlfriend." Frank laughed and Alice, who had been leaning against him on the ground, sat up and stuck out her tongue. I flipped her off and turned back to the guys.

"Anyway," Sirius grinned, "I was thinkin, Lyssie Poo, what if you-"

"No."

He frowned. "But Lyssie, Re-"

"No."

As I stood up, Remus emerged from the portrait hole. After giving Sirius a pointed look, I smiled at Remus and walked calmly up the staircase. Okay, stomped. Whatever.

"Lily," I groaned as I flopped down on my bed, "I need to get drunk."

Lily stuck her head out of the bathroom, her hair wet. "Okay?" she frowned. She glanced back in the bathroom, cursed, and dissapeared.

"Alyssa," said our other roommate, Olivia Youngman. I gave her a cool nod, then went back to drowning in my own puddle of self-pity.

Notice I haven't mentioned Olivia throughout the whole story? Well, I guess I'd better tell you about her so you don't get confused as to why she is my all-time rival. See, when I was 13, Olivia began to hang out (or over, rather) the Marauders. I didn't think anything of it at the time; even I'll admit the guys have good looks.

Well, dear Livie here decided she was going to make a move on one of the guys; unfortunately, she chose Remus. Well, she and Remus were together almost a month when James catches her in bed with Lucius Malfoy. Soo, yeah, I haven't liked her since.

Not that the feeling wasn't returned.

Olivia hated the whole gang of us; Kylie because Sirius had had his eye on her from the beginning, Lily because James liked her, Frank because he rejected her, Alice because.. well.. she was Frank's girlfriend, and me because.. well.. I'm me. Remus seemed to have forgiven her, but the rest of the gang (even dim-witted Peter) continued to hate the ground she walked on.

"Now then, what's wrong?" Lily, her hair dripping, plopped down on the bed beside me. Olivia looked over at us curiously (or nosily, either works) but remained quiet.

Smarter than I thought.

"Sirius wants me to get Remus a present and I don't want to get Remus a present 'cuz that'd be too girlfriendish but I do want to get him something so he don't think I'm mad at him or anything and James and Peter won't say a word about it they just cheer Sirius on and its PISSING ME OFF." I said all this in one breath, and I'll admit I was impressed. I knew I had hot air in me, but never knew I had that much.

"So get him something small," said Lily wisely. "Don't get him cologne or anything like that, that's too Christmasy, but something like.. like a watch!" She grinned at her brilliancy (sarcasm intended).

"Yeah," I groaned, "Thanks, Lils." I'd just give him money. No, he'd think I thought he was poor or something which he's not.. um..

I banged my head on the bedpost.

Yep. I'm clueless.

"Happy birthday!" I yelled, tackling Remus to the ground.

"Don't do that," he yelped, his eyes wide, "you scared the shit out of me." I let my jaw drop. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it.

"REMUS SAID SHIT!" I screamed. Sirius and James heard my scream and scrambled down the stairs to the dorm room.

"What the hell-" Sirius started, but I grabbed his hands and swung him around and around.

"REMUS SAID SHIT!"

By now Lily, Alice, Frank, and even Olivia had came to see what I was going on about, but we didn't seem to notice.

"Remus said shit?" said James, frowning. I nodded and giggled. Yes, giggled.

"REMUS SAID SHIT!" Sirius joined in on my dancing and singing around a half-bemused-half-scared-half-confused-half-embarrassed-still-sitting-on-the-ground Remus.

"What's so good about that?" asked Frank, frowning. Helloooo!

"Remus doesn't cuss," I explained, "and he said the shit word." I giggled again. "This calls for a celebration!" I announced.

Sirius didn't need telling twice. He quickly ran up and got the Marauders Map and James's Invisibility Cloak. Yep, me and him definately have almost-siblings-ESP going on.

When we finally got to the Three Broomsticks, we wasted no time ordering butterbeer. Because we knew the owner personally, we knew we wouldn't get into trouble.

I love having connections.

We forgot about the fact that Dumbledore himself loves connections even more.

We were digging into the cake when he walked in. "Shit," muttered James. This reminded me of why we were there and made me giggle. Unfortunately, Dumbledore heard it and came over to us.

"Well," he said, raising his eyebrows at us. We glanced at each other, then I spoke up.

"Sir," I said, "We're here to celebrate Remus's birthday." He turned his gaze to me.

"Is that all?" he asked, and I wondered if he already knew.

"Well," I said, blushing slightly, "that and his.. um.. usage of a new word in.. his.. uh.. vocabulary?"

Dumbledore didn't miss a beat. "What word would that be?" he asked, a humorous glow in his eyes. I bit my lip. "Well, Ms. Kaufman?"

"Um.. the word.. uh..-"

"SHIT!"

We all looked at Remus, who turned instantly beet red. On his shirt and lap were what had been his hot tea (or coffee, or whatever). "Sorry, sir," he added meekly. Dumbledore didn't laugh, but his eyes were sparkling brightly. "So, Ms. Kaufman?"

Remus's outburst had loosened me up considerably, so I smiled politely. "Remus said shit, Professor."

Dumbledore smiled, "I'm aware of that Ms. Kaufman, but his new word was what?"

"No, Professor, Remus said shit."

"I said already, Ms. Kaufman, I'm aware of this fact. What was Remus's new word, however?"

"SHIT!" I was getting desperate. Old bastard needed a hearing aid! "Shit shit shit shit! He said shit!"

"His new word, though, Ms. Ka-"

"Shit! You know, shit shinola shit?" I thought maybe he couldn't hear, so I said louder, "SHIT!" drawing many glares from across the room. I shrugged at them. It wasn't my fault the old bat couldn't hear.

"I'm aware what the word means, I'm asking you, what was-"

"SHIT!" The guys were cracking up now, and I realized that Dumbledore was fully enjoying himself.

Bastard.

"Ms. Kaufman, I would appreciate it if you'd just-"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! HIS NEW WORD IS SHIT. SHIT. S-H-I-T. THE WORD THAT RHYMES WITH SPIT, HIT, AND QUIT. SHIT. THE BROWN GOOEY STU..ew. ANYWAY, HE DISCOVERED SHI-wait.."

Now my face was beet red, from impatientness. The guys were rolling on the floor laughing, (or leaning over the table, in Remus's case) and I shot them a hurt look before turning to leave.

I made it halfway there when a coat rack nearby snagged my shirt and caused me to first hit my head on the peg, then fall down and rip my robe.

"SHIT!"

"So, you're a big bad 18 year old." I sighed and leaned my head against Remus's shoulder.

"Not big and bad," he smiled, wrapping his arm around my waist. "More like scrawny and whimpy."

I turned to face him and looked him over. He wasn't scrawny, but he wasn't as muscular as James and Sirius, and certainly not as pudgy as Peter. His skin was naturally pale, but it actually had some color to it in the sliver of the moon's light.

"Nah," I decided, leaning back against him, "You're good."

I looked up at the moon and realized I hadn't given him his present. I wanted to wait until it was full-moon, but I figured now was as good as ever.

"I'll be right back," I said, scrambling up. We had been laying in our usual spot at the Lake, and I had to go all the way back to the school to get it. Or.. I could..

"Accio Remus's gift!"

I sat back down beside him as the small thing came flying towards me. After it attempted to take my head off (and nearly won, might I add), I handed it to him.

"I was looking.. and I dunno if its a quack or not but it says it should help the pain-" I paused as he unwrapped the thing to reveal a small labeled potion.

"Wolfsbane," he read aloud. I nodded.

"I asked Professor Slughorn about it, but he didn't know what it is.. It's probably a quack, so.. Accio Remus's other gift!" After the larger thing reached me, I gave it to him, "I got you this as well."

He unwrapped it and his eyes widened. "Where did you get this?"

I grinned. "I have my contacts," I said, poking the Invisibility Cloak in his hands. "James's won't hide eight people, so I figured I'd get you one to let us use." I stuck my tongue out at him, but he didn't notice.

"Lyss," he began, "I-"

"STUDENTS OUT OF BED!"

Shit.

"Lily, I don't know what to think." I was once again drowning myself in self pity, but once again I didn't care. We had the whole room to ourselves; Olivia was gone off somewhere, and our other roommate, Lena Raye, was downstairs with Alice.

"Well, Lyss," said Lily, "do you like him?"

I sighed, then nodded. I did like him. I couldn't help it.

"Then go fo-"

"Lyss!" Alice burst through the door. "Sirius wants to talk to you.. it's important."

I sighed and trudged downstairs. I was in my depressed-at-the-world mood and he knew it. When I got downstairs, Sirius was grinning at me.

"C'mon, Lyss, lets go to the kitchen!" I sighed as he grabbed my sleeve.

"Where's the other guys at?" I asked as he drug me down the hallway. Sirius shrugged.

"Remus went off somewhere earlier, James is with Lily, and Peter is hangin onto them." I half-smiled and began to cheer up as we entered the kitchen.

We pigged out on eclaires and cookies and everything else, then stuffed our pockets with more food. By now, I was actually smiling as Sirius did a wild jig to avoid tripping over the many house elves. Leave it to Sirius to take it upon himself to cheer me up. Almost-sibling ESP going on again.

"So," he said as we headed up to the common room, slinging his arm around my shoulders in that big-brotherish way, "what's going on between you and Remus?"

I shrugged, then looked curiously at the closet beside us. It was obvious there were people occupying it, and Lord only knew what they were doing. Sirius and I shared a glance, then, grinning, we swung open the door.

"GET A RO-" Sirius cut off suddenly. I felt everything go cold.

We had caught them in mid-kiss. His hand was halfway up her shirt, her hands were in places I won't even describe.

Sirius reached in and yanked the pair out. Olivia glared at me, but I didn't even look at her.

I was looking at her ruffled and flushed and guilty-faced partner.

Remus Lupin stared back at me.

I re-wrote the ending a billion times, so if I need to re-write it again, tell me! Remember : I'M NOT UPDATING UNTIL I GET AT LEAST FIVE REVIEWS. that's not asking for much, so DO IT ALREADY:D