Christmas

Rating: PG-13

A glance at the clock showed three AM. What a way to spend Christmas break, really. Ashton sighed, sliding out of bed and to the window. The storm hadn't let up, having started some time in the night, at some vague point in time. He absently wondered what Jean and Ed were doing right now, knees curled to his chest as he watched the world from his perch on the windowsill.

Snow was beautiful, yes, but the constant monotony of white was almost maddening. Being alone like this gave him too much time to think. He couldn't help but recall painful memories, the white reminded him of the hospital, the dark of the blindness in his left eye, the loneliness of the pain that split his skull every time he thought about it.

It hurt like hell, but he didn't scream or cry, tears would just burn the wound anyway. His mother did scream when she saw all the blood, nearly fainted, even. Ashton hated hospitals, hated doctors, they made him feel sick with an unexplainable rage. He'd be blind in that eye, the doctor said, but it wouldn't need to be removed. Maybe he should have pushed deeper.

'Who did this,' they'd ask. 'I did,' he would answer. 'Why,' they'd ask. 'I don't know,' he'd tell them. He'd been twelve then.

One hand rubbed his left eye absently and Ashton just dismissed the memory. To this day he wasn't sure what possessed him to take that knife to his face.

Everyone had teased him about it in school, until he nearly killed one kid for it. Even after that, he'd still worn a patch just to cover it. Until one boy changed that.

They were two weeks into ninth grade and god it was boring. There was one boy in particular who had caught Ashton's eye, and he couldn't help but feel as though they'd met before, maybe in some other life, if you believed in that shit.

''You're Ashton, right? What's with the eyepatch?''

He didn't even bother looking up. ''Fuck off, unless you want to end up like the last guy who made a big deal about it...''

''No need to get bitchy, I was just curious...''

Ashton spared a glance up to come face to face with one Edward Elric, in all his short-as-fuck, braided blonde, golden-eyed glory.

''... What? Hey, you okay? Uh...''

Realizing he'd been staring, Ashton have himself a mental smack in the face and looked away. ''Sorry...'' An insane thought struck him at that point, and he put on a grin. ''You're in bio with me, you wanna study for tomorrow's test with me later?''

Ed grinned and nodded. ''But you have to show me what's under that eyepatch!''

''Fine... Meet me on the roof after school then, I know a good spot where we shouldn't be interrupted.''

Ashton rested his head against the window with a sigh. The rest of the day had been impossibly long, he remembered, but the wait had been worth it. Ed's notorious curiosity had brought him to the roof, despite any bad feelings he might have had about it.

It seemed that curiosity couldn't wait as Ed stepped out onto the roof of the school building. Ashton watched as he approached, flicking the butt of his cigarette off the side. The blonde was obviously expecting him to have already taken the patch off, but Ashton wasn't going to make it that easy.

''Come on, show me! Then we can study for the test,'' Ed said, eyeing the cigarette but asking no questions.

A grin curved the corners of the redhead's lips. ''You want to see you have to take it off yourself...''

The blonde pouted in what he was probably unaware of was an adorable way, but it seemed that once more he ignored any bad feelings for curiosity's sake.

Ashton watched as Ed walked closer, forced himself not to move as hands reached up to untie the string at the back of his head. He let his eyes close at the slack he felt, only opening them again once the feeling of fabric against his face was gone. Emerald and white met troubled gold and stayed there, unable to look away.

Before he even knew what he was doing, Ashton had leaned down to place a light kiss on Ed's lips. In response to the look in the blonde's eyes, he'd said the first thing that came to mind. 'I know when I've found something I want, Edward...'

'Why?'

'Don't question it, just trust me...' he'd said. 'I can make you fly...'

There hadn't been any studying that day.

Ashton hugged his knees tighter to his chest. If he'd been the type to cry, now would've been the opportune time. He also could've used a cigarette, but the weather wasn't going to allow him opening up his window. It was because of Ed that he never wore that eyepatch again, because of Ed that he hadn't cried since that time, and undoubtedly wouldn't ever again if he could help himself. His eyes stung at the memory, but nothing more other than the ache in his chest.

''What the hell are you?'' Ed screamed, angry tears in his eyes and a nearly hysterical note in his voice that struck Ashton to his core.

''Ed I didn't mean it, I don't know what came over me!''

''You stay the fuck away from me you sick bastard!''

Something hard was thrown at him. ''Ed, calm down--''

''Fuck you!''

He vaguely remembered the feeling that his entire world was falling apart, the screaming becoming less and less distinct. Some vital part of everything was just removed and the technician in charge was out on break. Ed pushed past him and he turned to watch the light leave his world with no intention of coming back.

After that, he'd dug himself so deep that his past life nearly overwhelmed him. They'd come to Miskatonic by different routes, ended up put in the same room by virtue of something and Ed was furious. Ashton hadn't been able to keep his hands off the boy and they'd drifted even farther apart. Now Jean was in the picture and he was reminded more and more of what he used to be.

Ed had reunited with his once-lover and Ashton just watched from the sidelines, but things had started to change again and he wasn't sure how he would end up. After a while he'd begun to fight the die-hard instincts, and life re-attained some twisted semblance of normalcy, albeit painful.

So here I am, he thought with another sigh, curling up into a ball on the bed and clinging to his pillow. Merry Christmas to me... Everybody else had gone home for the holidays and Ashton had stayed at the University. Well, Ed had gone home with Jean. He wondered how that was going.

Luce's Halloween party resurfaced in his mind, Ed drunk as hell and a kiss he wouldn't soon forget, even though he wanted to. For Ed's sake, he told himself. The clock read 5:44 Christmas morning when Ashton finally drifted off to sleep.

•†•

Ed stirred slightly and peeked open one eye, then the other. He stared at the ceiling for a few moments, then sat up and stretched. Golden eyes blinked at the sight of a pair of stockings at the foot of the bed and he grinned softly. Yawning, he nudged Jean in attempt to wake him.

Jean groaned. "G'way," he mumbled into the pillow.

''Wake up, sleepyhead...'' Ed smiled.

"Make me." Jean wasn't about to wake up for Ed or anybody before the alarm went off at seven. He guessed in a sleepy sort of way, that it was still long before seven.

''Jean, it's Christmas...'' Ed leaned down and kissed the back of Jean's neck. ''Don't you want to see what you got?''

"Too early," Jean said, already drowsing off again.

''Come on...'' Ed nuzzled against Jean's shoulder. ''Please?'' He always had been the eager child come Christmas morning, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever grow out of it.

Jean cracked an eye open. Ed's pitifully imploring face met his worldview. He sighed, capitulating. "All right, all right..."

Ed smiled brightly, taking this one day a year to indulge his inner child.

"But you have to promise me one thing," Jean said, sitting up and stretching.

''What's that?'' Ed was already crawling down to th end of the bed to retrieve the stockings.

"Let me get back to sleep when we're finished." Jean's yawn nearly split his head in two.

''I guess that's fair enough...'' Ed crawled back up beside Jean, stockings in front of them. ''You used to get up early Christmas morning to see what you got, right? You can't tell me you never did...''

Jean yawned again. "I stopped after I realized that sleep is more important than candy canes," he remarked, nabbing the darker of the two stockings.

''Hah.'' Ed peered down at his stocking with a little smile. It made him feel too at home here, and he leaned slightly against Jean. ''What'd you get?'' he asked, watching the taller blonde.

Jean smiled to himself. "The usual."

'Whash th'ushul?'' Ed had gone straight for the chocolate and now had a coin shaped piece of it halfway out of his mouth.

Jean smiled. "Tell you later." He pulled a small stuffed toy from the stocking and curled up around it. "Night."

Ed frowned a bit, swallowing the chocolate and setting the rest of the stocking aside in favor of pestering Jean just a little more. ''You're no fun...''

A hand snaked out to poke Ed in the side. "What are you going to do about it? Sit there and gripe?"

Ed sighed and resigned himself to snuggling up against Jean. ''You're such a spoil sport sometimes.''

Jean grinned. "How am I a spoilsport?" he inquired, nuzzling Ed's ear.

Ed would have said that Jean had spoiled the mood with his laziness, but he really found that the happy warm and fuzzy feeling was still there, so he couldn't say that. Instead he just shrugged, not sure what to say to that and blatantly avoiding giving an answer by pulling Jean into a kiss that still tasted faintly of chocolate.

•†•

A few hours later, Paul leaned on the door to Jean's room, touched by the sight of his nephew and Ed curled happily around each other. He debated whether to wake them up or not.

Ed stretched and rolled over onto his back, eyes opening only once he determined that he wasn't getting back to sleep any time soon, and that he was hungry. Sitting up, he nearly jumped when he saw Paul in the doorway.

"Morning," Paul said pleasantly. "How are you?"

''Morning,'' Ed replied automaticaly, ''I'm good, a little hungry.''

"Pancakes or french toast?"

''Ooh, pancakes!'' Ed's eyes lit up.

Paul smiled. "Right, then. Wake up my slug of a nephew, would you?"

Ed looked down at Jean, almost sorry to have to wake him. Almost. He tried nudging the sleeping blonde, stifling a yawn himself.

Jean let out a growl, then knotted himself tighter around a stuffed animal. He was not waking up for anyone, even God himself.

Ed nudged harder. ''Lazy bum, breakfast is on the horizon.''

The taller boy mrrphed, then muttered sulkily, "Screw you."

''I'm sure we could get coffee in on the deal, too...'' Ed was tempted to use other bargaining chips, but he thought better of it.

"Screw that," Jean said sulkily.

''Why can't your uncle wake you up himself? He's probably better at it...'' Ed poked Jean in the side. ''You're almost depressing when you don't want to get up...''

Jean yawned. "Uncle Paul used to be in the military. You don't want him to wake us up, trust me."

''I said wake you up. I'm awake, in case you didn't notice.''

Somehow, Jean managed to stuff the slightly smug Ed under the covers. "I did notice, thanks."

Ed wriggled a bit until he managed to poke his head free. ''You might as well get up and come downstairs with me. You know I'll pester you until you do...''

"There's no way I can snuggle longer, is there," Jean asked pitifully.

''Well... I guess we could wait until he calls up down...'' Ed snuggled up against Jean a bit.

Jean groaned. "Call? You're kidding, right? More like drag."

''You asked...'' Ed shrugged. ''As long as you don't go back to sleep I see no real problem with waiting.''

Sighing morosely, Jean sat up and stretched. "I'm up, I'm up."

Ed smiled a bit and sat up as well, flinging his arms around Jean's neck and nuzzling his cheek. ''Merry Christmas, then. You want to go down now, I take it?''

Jean returned the embrace, kissing Ed. "Happy Christmas. I vote for a shower, then going downstairs."

Seeming to contemplate this, Ed rested his head on Jean's shoulder. ''Food should be ready before we both get a shower, though...''

"You could use the master bath shower. I'm sure Uncle wouldn't mind."

''I guess that works...'' Ed was still neglecting the part where he was supposed to let go of Jean so they could get that done.

"You sound so thrilled." For his part, Jean wasn't moving either.

''Yep...'' Ed was contemplating a nice, warm bath. After breakfast, and with Jean. He wondered if that would be an okay compromise, or if Jean would even go for it.

"Something on your mind?" Jean asked mildly.

''Well... I was thinking maybe we could get a bath after breakfast...'' Ed nuzzled Jean's neck a bit.

"Better be right after."

''I don't mind... If you don't mind us taking that bath together...'' Ed was aware that it would probably take longer to get clean that way, but he really wouldn't mind.

Jean blinked, trying to process what Ed had just said. "Works for me?"

Ed grinned happily and hugged Jean tighter for a second, kissing his neck. ''A bath it is, then!''

Smiling, Jean ruffled Ed's loose hair. "Brat. Let me get up so I can scrounge up a shirt."

Sighing, Ed let Jean get up, stretching and yawning slightly.

"Now who's getting sleepy. Yeesh." Jean hunted through his drawers, finally pulling out a worn tee shirt and yanking it over his head.

''I'm not sleepy, I'm waking up.''

Unconvinced, Jean made his way towards the door. "Come on."

Nodding, Ed slipped out of bed and following Jean out the door. ''We're having pancakes.'

"Good," was all Jean would say.