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Chapter 6: Learning to Trust

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Assignments were strained as tension filled the air on several levels. Not much was really said other than relating facts on various cases in the works. When the teams split to continue their respective cases, Grissom pulled Fayre aside.

"Where's Aidia?"

"She wasn't feeling well tonight. She asked me to pass along the message…" she said distractedly.

Sensing that she was treading carefully, he asked, "Fayre, is there something wrong?"

She hesitated, then looked up and sighed. "I don't want to be put in the middle of this… but you should really talk to Sara," she answered cryptically. "I don't know all the details, and I don't want to. But I do want her to be happy… and right now, she's not."

Her beeper went off. It was a message from Warrick.

"I have to go," she whispered, avoiding his eyes as she walked away.

When she arrived in the lab, Warrick was waiting for her. Seeing that she was upset, he simply pulled her into a hug and held her close until he felt that she was ready to talk.

"I have something that will cheer you up," he said with a smile.

"And what might that be?"

"Remember our elevator lady? Well, I followed our lead on the rope that tied her to the cables and it led me to a suspect. Want to help me carry out the search warrant? I'll carry your kit…" he offered.

"Sure," she smiled weakly. "Anything to keep my mind busy… My kit's by the door."

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Getting out of the Denali and walking to the lab parking lot after an exhausting two hours of warrant searches, Nick pulled off his vest and looked over to Catherine, who was doing the same.

"What's going on around here, Nicky?" she asked suddenly, mirroring his own thoughts.

"I wish I knew," he replied. "It's been all topsy turvy since Fayre and Aidia got here. Tensions have run extremely high and this thing between Grissom and Sara is getting out of hand… Did you see them at assignments?"

"Yeah. They wouldn't even look at each other and Sara looked like she was about to cry."

Nick furrowed his brow. "She looked pretty stern to me. Usual look of stone."

Catherine scoffed. "That was the point. That's the look she puts on when she doesn't want anyone to know that she's close to tears. She can't stand being vulnerable."

"You know her pretty well for someone who doesn't like her," he challenged.

She sighed. "I don't dislike her, Nick. We just butt heads. She's stubborn and idealistic."

"And you're not?"

"I didn't say that."

An astonished smile crept over Nick's face. "You're jealous, aren't you?"

"NO!" she answered, a little too quickly.

"Yes you are… You think she's stealing your best friend… What must Fayre think of you?"

Catherine glared. "And just what do you mean by that?"

"I heard what happened when you were in that storm drain with Warrick."

"And what does that have to do with Fayre?"

He looked at her incredulously. "Didn't you know he asked her out? I thought Ms. Queen of Gossip would've figured that out by now… Aidia and I had a double date with them last night."

"You're going out with Aidia?" she asked, disbelievingly.

"Yeah, but our big date last night was cancelled because the girls had some friend that needed their help."

"Shows what they think of you," she jeered, a look of contempt crossing her face.

"Stop it, Catherine!" Nick yelled. "What's gotten into you lately? Just 'cause you're pissed that things haven't worked out for you doesn't give you the right to take it out on them. Have you even taken the time to get to know them? 'Cause God knows they've certainly made the effort."

He watched as her face fell and her contempt turned to guilt. He sighed and continued, a little softer now. "Look, I know they have their flaws, but so does everyone else… I mean, Fayre's spent her life taking care of everyone else first, and Aidia's seen a lot of the same things that you have after working the dark side of Boston."

"Wait, Aidia's a dancer?"

"Was a dancer… and she's been going through all this crap too. So has Fayre. We're all on the edge here, so don't act like you're the only one."

"How do you know all this?" she asked, shocked at how out of the loop she'd become.

"By talking to them. You know, Catherine, they're a lot like you. You might be surprised at what can happen when you're not such a bitch."

"Look, Nick, I know I'm not the only one going through all this stuff," she huffed. "I just don't like change when it isn't necessary."

"Not necessary? Where the hell have you been?" he asked in amazement. Sighing, he softened his tone even more and looked her in the eye. "I, for one, am glad they came. They brought things up that should have been addressed a long time ago. It's like they've magnified all the problems that were already there, lying just below the surface. Maybe things will finally ease up around here."

Giving her shoulder a slight squeeze as he passed, he walked into the building, leaving her to her thoughts in the cool desert breeze.

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Grissom looked at his phone in indecision. He wanted to call her and straighten out their issues once and for all, but as his finger hovered over the "TALK" button, he felt the sting of her words the last time they'd spoken. He kept imagining a repeat of the slaughter of the night before, the vision of her pleading eyes burned into his memory. But he also heard Aidia's words playing over and over in his mind like a broken record, "She loves you." Finally, with all the courage he could muster, he succumbed to gravity and let his finger dial her number.

"Sidle."

"Sara… will you, uh… come into my office? We need to talk."

"Grissom," came her tired voice, "I just came out of the interrogation room… I'm done talking for the night."

"Please," was all the response he could manage.

The line was quiet for only a moment, but it felt like an eternity. He was tempted to ask if she was still there, but finally the reply came:

"Okay. I'll be there in a minute."

After they hung up, the minutes seemed like hours. He could sense that same feeling of nervous anticipation settling in his stomach that had shown itself when he'd announced the arrival of the two new CSI positions, only now it was a thousand times worse. He played over and over in his mind the words he most desperately wanted to say but hadn't been able to for the past few years, hoping he'd be able to say them now. But when she opened the door and took her spot on his doorframe, all the words evaporated, as they did nearly every time he saw her.

"What is it, Grissom?"

"Come in, Sara, please," he managed.

"Grissom, I'm tired, I just came out of the interrogation room where we arrested a guy for stringing up his girlfriend in the elevator cables of the Four Aces, and it's almost the end of shift. I still have to go home and check on Aidia before going to bed. What do you want?"

"I want you to come over here and sit next to me so I can talk to you."

Their eyes locked, pleading with one another. She stood in her place, every iota of her body begging to give into the magnetic pull between them, but at the same time, resisting for fear of more hurt and disappointment. The staring contest grew more intense, as she felt the pull grow stronger. She knew she couldn't hold out much longer, yet she stood her ground, leaning heavily on the doorframe for support, her senses reeling.

It wasn't long before she was drawn to his side, too weary to fight it anymore. Sitting in the chair next to him, she prepared her heart and mind for battle.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Now that he had her in front of him, he took a deep breath and looked for the words to introduce the topic that they'd both avoided for a reason. His silence filled the room until he was afraid it would consume them both.

"How are you?" he asked finally; only afterwards did he realize how lame it must have sounded.

"Oh, I'm fine, Grissom," she said, a sarcastic smile plastered on her face. "I've only recently discovered that the man I've loved for years really does care for me, but is too afraid to do anything about it. Other than that, life's just peachy."

He momentarily retreated into himself, saddened by the fact that he'd once again hurt her while trying to protect her. Looking up, he saw years of pain and frustration reflected in her deep, brown eyes. He hated himself for robbing her of her joy and silently resolved to end the hurt.

Taking her hands in his and holding them firm when she tried to take them back, he said, "I want to do something about it, Sara… I just don't know where to start."

"I told you that I knew what to do about this. You didn't trust me. Why should I trust you now?"

"I do trust you. I've always trusted you."

"Then tell me something about yourself."

Her demand startled him. "What?"

"If you trust me, then tell me something about yourself. No one here really knows anything about you, except Catherine, and I'll bet she doesn't even know whether you have any brothers or sisters."

"I don't."

"Don't what?" she asked, thrown off track by his response.

"I don't have any brothers or sisters," he clarified.

"Oh… Well, your parents must've had their hands full."

"Not really. Mother was busy with her art gallery. I kind of hung out by myself a lot, not because she was neglectful but because she was doing what she had to to take care of us."

"What about your dad?"

It was her turn to hold firm when he tried to pull back, his eyes changing to a light misty blue. She could see the pain eating him alive as he looked back into the past he wished he could forget. Anger colored his voice as he spoke the words he'd never told anyone.

"I never really knew him. He was never around. He worked in the 'import/export business' and was always away. Then, when I was five, my parents divorced and he left. I never saw him again. He died when I was nine."

"Oh, Grissom… I'm so sorry." She scooted closer in her chair and ran her hand up his arm for comfort, but he hardened and pushed it away with his free hand.

"Don't be. He traded with Communist China. He was a traitor and a criminal who loved his job more than his family… I was used to spending time alone. Growing up in a deaf single parent household, the isolation isn't so daunting. I guess that kind of stayed with me over the years."

Suddenly she let go of him and, getting up from her chair, sat in his lap and pulled him into a hug. Putting her lips near his ear, she whispered, "You don't have to be alone anymore…"

His hands instinctively wrapped around her waist as she leaned into him. His senses reeled… He could feel her heart beat… He could see her body begin to shake… He could hear her breath come in sporadic staccato gasps and sniffles… Wait, that wasn't supposed to happen.

"Sara, honey, what's wrong?" he asked, pushing her back to look at her face, his anger and sadness regarding his past melting away into concern for her present.

"I just can't imagine what that must have been like… to be so alone. I mean, I grew up in a B&B with potheads for parents, but at least I had my brother… But, you… It's like, the more I heard about you before, the angrier I got, but now the more I learn about you – your past – the more I understand you… and I hate what it's done to you."

He stopped her with a finger to her lips.

"I hate what it's done to you, too, Sara. I can't tell you how many times I've cursed myself for robbing you of your joy for life… But I want to fix that."

With a small smile, he surprised them both by leaning forward and kissing away the salty tear that trailed down her cheek. In that moment, he felt more alive than he had in his whole life and wondered why he had for so long denied himself this insurmountable pleasure. He lingered for only a moment but when he pulled away, he already felt the void left by their separation.

Sara's mind was reeling. She fought to keep her equilibrium as she opened her eyes to see him staring at her, as if waiting for a response.

"Is the room spinning?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

He nodded slightly and waited, not trusting his voice. It was a moment before Sara realized that he was waiting for her. Dropping her gaze, she said in a pleading voice:

"Don't let it stop…"

It was all the permission he needed. Leaning forward, he started with her cheek, and then slowly continued his exploration of her face, each kiss soft and sensual, gently brushing her skin. His hand cupped her neck, his fingers intertwining with her brown curls. He savored every moment, every touch, every sensation.

Sara was falling headlong into paradise. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up at his very presence, and every touch sent shivers up her spine. She drank in his scent and basked in his attentiveness, letting him make up for his mistakes. When he reached her lips, she could no longer hold back. She began her own exploration, determined to show him just how much she loved him, her hand still resting on his chest.

As the moments passed, they became oblivious to all around them, lost in each other. Their comforting caresses became hurried and passionate, their hands roaming from their resting places, pulling each other closer while their arousals became more and more apparent.

Suddenly he pulled back, cupping her face and staring deep into the eyes that had held him captive for years. He held her there for a moment and simply stared.

"God, you're beautiful," he whispered, so softly that Sara wasn't sure she was intended to hear.

Her heart swelled. The first time he'd called her beautiful, she knew she wasn't intended to hear; the conversation with Lurie was thought to have been private. But to hear it directed at her from the man she'd almost given up on pushed her past happiness and straight into bliss. She tried to lean forward for another round of passionate explorations, but he shook his head.

"We can't continue this here…"

"Why not?" she asked, putting on a pouty face.

He smiled. "First of all, we're supposed to be working…"

"I finished my case. I'm on standby."

"… Second of all," he continued, ignoring the interruption, "the walls are made of glass, and third, my door is still open."

"So what, Grissom? I love you, and I don't care if the whole world knows it."

"Really, Sara?" His face turned serious. "What about the whole lab? Because that includes Carvallo, and if he finds out, we'll both lose our jobs. This job is all I have left if I lose you, and to not have either one would kill me…"

She took his hand in one of hers and let her other cup his cheek, as she had so long ago at some now distant crime scene, to wipe away the single tear now finding its way down his face.

"You're not going to lose me."

With that, she kissed him softly on the forehead to reassure him, and then got up from his lap and left.

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