Draknal: I have the second chapter ready to go!

Guy: That was fast…

Draknal: Yep, quickest I've ever done it. -grins like an idiot-

Raven: Okay, are you going to get on with it or not?

Draknal: Yep! But first, the disclaimer!

Karla: Draknal does not own Fire Emblem or any of the characters, just the plot.

Draknal: Role that fic!

Christmas Insanity!

By: Draknal

Chapter 2: Curse of Callow Oafs

'Oh my aching head…' Jordan began to stir. He could only faintly remember the events that took place not too long ago.

He sat up, and looked around.

'It looks like I'm in a cabin on the ship.'

But, no one else was in the room. He figured Nils and his "henchmen" would be torturing him some more.

Just then the doorknob turned.

'They're back! They won't get me this time,' He thought to himself.

He grabbed a pillow and waited next to the door.

Slowly it opened. Someone entered the room. Because it was so dark, he couldn't tell who it was.

He jumped at them, swinging the pillow wildly.

'You're not gonna get me a second time!' he yelled.

He landed a hit on his target and they were knocked to the floor with a yelp.

Jordan lit a candle so he could see who he had managed to get. He figured it was Serra or Nils.

Much to his surprise it was neither. The unfortunate victim of his attack was Nino.

"Oh my god! Nino, I am so sorry! I thought you were Nils, or one of his flunkies!"

She was on the ground rubbing her head where the blow had landed.

However, before she could speak someone else darted into the room.

He surveyed what was going on. He looked at Nino, who was on the ground, and then at Jordan, who was standing over her with a pillow in his hands.

'God no, why did she have to be the one I hit with the pillow…'

Jordanknew that if he stood around he would either be killed, or maimed beyond recognition.He hadn'teven fully recovered from the Florina incident yet!

The figure in the room wore a black cloak and had daggers at his side.

Oh yes, Jordan knew who it was alright. It was the infamous, overly protective of Nino, emotionless, Angel of Death, Jaffar.

"Okay, the beating him up thing, didn't go as well as I had planned. We need to try a different approach." Said Nils. "Anyone have any ideas?"

"Well, we could always blackmail him, there's no physical brutality involved with that," said Matthew.

"I like that, but we don't have any dirt on him," answered Nils.

"Oh no worries master, I'm sure Legault and I can dig up something on him."

"Very well then, get to it."

With hat the two thieves were off.

Canas stepped forward. "Nils, I believe I have an idea that will be just as effective."

"Oh really, then share your idea with us."

He whispered something into Nils's ear.

Slowly a stupid grin appeared on his face.

"Excellent Canas, get on it right away!"

"I will require some things from Sain though."

"Nils was still grinning like an idiot. "Yes yes, you have my full permission to use anything we have."

Jaffar turned his gaze from Nino, to the tactician, then back to Nino. He could only figure that the tactician had assaulted her.

Jaffar reached for his daggers.

"Jaffar wait! This isn't what it looks like!" Jordan was begging for him to hear him out.

Apparently he wasn't listening. He started walking towards the tactician, with rage, and death in his eyes.

'Damnit Jaffar, why must you be so protective of her!' Jordan thought to himself.

Right as Jaffar was about to reach him, Nino grabbed hold of him.

"Jaffar it's okay. He thought I was with Nils and those other weirdos. Besides it was only a pillow." Nino had better luck getting through to him.

He sheathed his daggers and motioned for her to go out of the room.

At the door she turned to him. "Aren't you coming Jaffar?" she asked.

"In a minute," he replied.

After she left the room he walked over to the tactician.

"Thanks for not killing me Jaffar, it was just one big misunder…"

His words were cut short as Jaffar grabbed him by the throat.

"Ugh… can't breathe…Jaffar…"

He stared into the tactician's eyes.

"Don't ever touch her again. Don't even think about it in the future… All you are ever going to do is give her battle orders, understand?"

The tactician let out a grunt as to signify that he had made his point.

Jaffar released his grip.

"I know what you were up to," said Jaffar.

"What was I up to? I was trying to defend myself from Nils and his group!"

"Sure you were… pervert." Jaffar turned and left.

Jordan was speechless.

His eyes were wide. OO

'He thinks I was gonna… EWW! She's not even that great lookin anyway! And besides, she's still just a child…'

He didn't dare say this out loud, lest Jordan want to risk Jaffar coming back.

'Well, at least I know my day can't get any worse than it has started off…'

Just then Serra came walking in the room.

'Oh, why do the gods hate me so… Elimine! What have I done to deserve this!' he thought to himself.

Serra was a bit miffed at him. "What are doing out of bed! How are you supposed to heal if you are up and about?"

He figured that he shouldn't mention his encounter with Jaffar.

"Serra, what happened yesterday? I remember Florina went nuts, attacked me, then dropped a huge desk on me. But then I blacked out."

Serra sniggered at the memory of seeing meek little Florina bending the tactician's legs and dropping furniture on him. "Well, we had to drag your body out of that room, down a flight of steps, and into this room. Then we applied various healing spells."

"Why exactly did you guys drag me?" he asked. "Couldn't you guys have gotten someone to carry me?"

"Well after that fiasco, everyone was comforting Florina from the shock of the event."

"They were helping her! She nearly kills me and they are comforting her! There is no justice in the world anymore!" He was fuming now.

Serra gave him a death glare. "Well she is afraid of men and she doesn't like violence! How do you think she felt waking up from that and seeing a maimed young man on the ground!"

Realizing he couldn't win against someone so stubborn, Jordan dropped the argument.

"Right, so anyway, what are you doing…"

'WHACK'

His words were once again cut off.

Serra had smashed him over the head with her heal staff when he had his back turned to her.

A few other people entered the room and put Jordan on his bed.

Then Canas entered. He pulled out a book and a small bowl. He began to mix ingredients in the bowl. He added things that, not even he knew what they were. He had gotten them from Sain. A lock of Sain's hair, some of his cologne, some magic powder (Canas's magic powder), and last but not least, a little bit of dark magic.

After he ground the mess into a fine dust, he began to chant. When the incantation was complete, he blew the dust onto the tactician.

"He knows not what awaits him when he wakes up." Canas chuckled to himself.

They left the room and closed the door. The tactician would be out for a few hours.

"Damn…why must everyone hit me over the head…" he was awake again.

He looked around. 'I'm in the same room. Other than my head hurting I feel fine.'

He decided to look around for some of the other people. Surely they were over the "Santa Fever" as he called it, by now.

He walked onto the main deck. Rebecca was standing by the railing.

Jordan figured he would just talk to her for a bit, and see if she was with Nils or not.

He approached her and was getting ready to talk, but before he could…

"Oh, such a beautiful flower as yourself should not be out here alone! Allow me to give you my company."

'Ugh', he thought. Sain must have been nearby. No one else would use such corny pickup lines.

He looked around to find him, but Sain was nowhere to be found.

'But then… where did…'

"Surely there is no other that could compare to your beauty! Oh how I would long to be yours and only yours!"

-GASP-

'No…'

Rebecca was blushing. "That's very sweet of you to say."

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

He realized the corny pickup lines… were coming from him.

'Rebecca! You have to help me! I'm not myself!' That is what he thought.

What came out was. "I can not help but be beside myself with joy! Being with you would forever make me happy Rebecca!"

'I have to get away from here. I-I need to be alone so I can figure out what is going on!'

He turned and started walking away, but before he went down the stairs, he couldn't stop himself from saying, "Until we meet again, oh wondrous Sniper of beauty!"

He was beat red after that. Just to be safe, he went to his room, closed, and barred the door.

"What is wrong with me! I just made a fool out of myself! Why couldn't I control what I was saying!"

He decided that he would stay in his room for a while, hoping that whatever was wrong with him would just wear off.

A knock came at the door.

"Jordan, are you in there?" It was Eliwood.

"Yes milord. Is there something you need?"

"I just wanted to talk to you for a bit."

Jordan figured it would be safe to let him in.

Eliwood sat down in a chair at a desk in the room.

"What did you want to talk about?" Although Eliwood was his lord, he kept in mind that he was working with Nils. "Do you have a message from Nils?"

"Well, I decided that what he was doing was wrong, so I am not going to help him anymore. Besides, I am supposed to be the responsible level-headed one in the group right?" Eliwood grinned.

The tactician was relieved to know that he had an ally now.

"Well, Rebecca said you were acting funny earlier."

'Twang'

"Oh, such a beautiful young lady. Surely no other could come close to her beauty!"

Eliwood was now very confused and afraid.

"Uh, Jordan are you okay?"

"ARGH! This is what is wrong! I feel fine talking to you right now, but earlier when I was talking with her I couldn't stop myself from hitting on her."

"Well, it might just be a one day thing. Who knows, maybe you like her."

"But that's just it! I don't like her, at least not in that way. I couldn't control myself."

"Well, I shall take my leave. I hope whatever is wrong with you wears off."

With that, Eliwood left.

'Okay, I'll just have to steer clear of Rebecca for today then.'

He left his room and went to get something to eat.

Before he went into the dining area, he peeked inside to see if Rebecca was there.

'Phew, she's not there.'

Jordan grabbed some food and took a seat with Wil and Rath.

"Any idea what awaits us on the Dread Isle?" asked Wil. "Other than Nergal and his morphs that is."

"I don't know. We have had plenty of surprises on our journey, so I wouldn't put anything past Nergal," said Jordan.

"…" said Rath.

While in the middle of a conversation on tactics involved with archers, Lyn walked by.

'Twang'

Jordan got up from his table and followed her.

When Lyn noticed she was being followed, she turned around to face her pursuer.

"Yes Jordan? Do you need something?"

"No Lady Lyndis, just being able to gaze upon your beauty is enough…"

'NO! What am I doing!'

"Are you feeling okay?"

"My heart, it aches to forever be by your side, but I know a way you can help to fix that."

Lyn's eyebrow began to twitch out of anger.

'SLAP!'

Lyn turned on her heel and left the dazed tactician on the floor.

"Something is wrong with you, you're starting to sound like Sain," she said over her shoulder.

'AH-HA! Something is obviously forcing me to act like Sain! But, what could it be?'

All he knew was that he had to avoid all of the women on the boat. That couldn't be too hard right?

Just then all of the women began pouring into the dining area to eat.

'Crap…'

'Well, if I can't see them, I can't hit on them!'

He closed his eyes and made a mad dash for the door. However, right as he was about to make it out, someone got in his way.

Jordan ran right into them and they tumbled backwards.

When he opened his eyes, he saw that he had run into Florina!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Don't hurt me!"

"EEEEEK!"

Jordan curled up into the fetal position and closed his eyes.

Eliwood walked in and saw what was happening.

A few of the people had to restrain Farina, so she wouldn't hurt the tactician for running into her sister.

Eliwood ran over to Jordan and helped him up, then took him back to his room.

After recovering from his close encounter, Jordan decided to tell Eliwood what he had found out.

"So, you think this has to do with Sain?"

"It must! I am acting like him for Elimine's sake! I have hit on just about every girl I've seen!" exclaimed the tactician.

"Yep, that does sound like Sain. You go and talk to him and I'll try to find out what I can from anyone else."

Eliwood and Jordan left the room both going their different ways.

Sain was in his room, talking to himself about who was the most beautiful girl on the ship.

"Sain, I need to talk with you for minute."

"Ah, master tactician, what can I do for you!"

"Has anything out of the ordinary taken place here? Has anyone asked for anything that might seem unusual?"

"Hmm…well Nils asked me for some things earlier today, and I haven't gotten them back yet."

'Nils… I am gonna kill him…'

"Thank you, that will be all."

He left the room in search of the bard.

When he finally found him, he couldn't restrain himself.

Nils was in his room talking to himself and laughing maniacally.

The tactician lunged at him, knocking him off of his bed.

"Ah! What are you doing!" Nils screamed.

He had his hands wrapped around the young bard's neck.

"Gonna…kill…you…" he said half psychotically half angrily through clenched teeth.

"What did you do to me! I am acting like SAIN!"

Nils, although being choked, had enough air to laugh.

"Ha ha ha! I had a curse placed on you by Canas! And you know how to have it removed. Just tell me…"

"NEVER!"

His grip on Nil's neck tightened.

"Must… kill… No one will miss you! You can't fight, so I won't feel so bad about this army being short one bard!"

Nils was turning different shades of colors in the face.

Right now he was about a dark blue.

Then out of the corner of his eye he saw Karla walk by.

'Twang'

'No, I must kill him!' one side of his mind said.

'But we cannot let such a fierce radiant beauty escape!' the other side said.

He could feel his grip loosening.

'I must kill!'

'Love is stronger!'

'But I'm not in love!'

'Your better half begs to differ!'

To compensate both sides of his feuding mind, he went after Karla dragging Nils by his scarf.

When he got into the hall she was gone.

'No! You see! If you had let him go, we could have caught her!'

'There areother fish in the sea! But there isonly one person I want to hurt badly right now!'

"EEK! What are you doing to my brother!"

'Oh boy…'

Ninian had come down the hallway with Eliwood when she saw the tactician strangling her brother.

"Jordan stop! You're going to kill him!" yelled Eliwood.

"He must suffer! He did this to me!"

Trying hard as he could, Eliwood managed to pry Jordan off of Nils, and not a moment too soon.

The bard had fainted due to lack of air.

Eliwood and Ninian took Nils into his room and closed the door so the tactician could not try to hurt him further.

'Damn! So close… oh well. I'll hurt him somemore later...'

He turned to leave. As he was going down the hall, Nino and Jaffar rounded the corner.

'Twang!'

'NOOO! I don't want to die!'

He turned around and started walking the other way.

Priscilla and Raven came around that corner.

'Twang!'

'Shit! Why did it have to be two girls followed by their over protective acquaintances!'

Both pairs of people were drawing closer and closer.

If he hit on Nino, Jaffar would gut him on the spot.

If he hit on Priscilla, Raven would ensure that he lost all bodily functions.

He had two options, but neither were very good. So, he picked the one that would hopefully ensure that he live.

'WHAM!'

Jordan slammed his head into the wall and fell down unconscious.

Priscilla and Nino each wanted to help the tactician, but Raven and Jaffar just told them to keep walking.

They stepped over him and just kept on going.

-End Chapter-

Draknal: Woohoo! Chapter 2 is done! I would personally like to thank two of my reviewers for suggestions that I put in the fic.

Karla: You put me in the fic, if only for s second.

Draknal: Well yeah, Raven has already been seen so I figured I'd put you in. Guy will be in the next one.

Guy: Yeah!

Raven: You're damn right about that guy hitting on Priscilla. I'd do more than just make him lose all bodily functions…

Draknal: -backs away nervously- okay…

Karla: R&R please!

"Reviewer Responses"

The Tactician's Brother: I'm sorry you interpreted it that way. I didn't kill him off! There would be no plot without him!

Mel, the Undercover Reviewer: Thank you, I hope you continue to read this fic.

Gingy Mittens: I loved your review! Thank you so much! I hope the rest of these chapters make you laugh just as much. I included you request this chapter!

Ardrsil: Thank you, I will.

Darkness-Aura: Wow! I didn't think I would get such a great review. I am really glad you enjoyed the chapter! If you have any suggestions for future chapters, let me know!

Nightmare3: Ah, my friend. Thank you so much. I used your line, if you don't mind. Further suggestions would be appreciated! Wait till you see what I have in store next! I might include authors as spectators later! Oops… shouldn't have said that…