Draknal: Wow, about time I got this updated.
Karla: -Whacks him on the back of the head- Bad! You made your reviewers wait for so long!
Draknal: Ouch… Thank you to all who reviewed! I'd like to see more people review!
Guy: You shouldn't make demands of your reviewers.
Draknal: Quiet you, or no chapter for you! Now, disclaimer please.
Raven: Draknal does not own Fire Emblem or any of the characters, only the plot.
Draknal: Role that fic!
> > > > > > > > > > >ATTENTION! ATENCION! ATTENTION! ATENCION! ATTENTION! ATENCION! ATTENTION! > > > > > > > > > > >
Draknal: Did that get your attention? Please read this part! It's very important! It concerns you the reader!
Draknal: Unfortunately I have to delay the fic a little. I felt I should say this now instead of at the end, since most people neglect to read the end after the fic...
Draknal: I am in a pit of a pickle, and I need some help from the reviewers! Yes! You! I need to figure out who the couples are in this fic! After you read my fic, review and in your review, tell me who you think looks best with these girls (for couples sake). I will take the average choice for each couple. What you list, will impact and possibly change this story!
Draknal: Here are the girls who need to be coupled! Lyn, Florina, Fiora, Farina, Rebecca, Priscilla, Nino, and Serra (shudders). For my good buddy Nightmare3, a special e-mail concerning the couplings is coming your way! I think you know what its about. ;)
Draknal: Now, on to the fic! ROLE IT! And, thank you for reading! (P.S- Isadora, Louise, Vaida, Ninian, and Karla are not mentioned above for a reason!)
Christmas Insanity!
By: Draknal
Chapter 3: French toast Fiasco
Eliwood was still with Ninian in Nils' room. He stayed on her request, just in case Jordan decided to come back to finish the job.
"What would make him act that way?" asked Ninian.
"I'm not sure… he's been under a lot of stress, and he said something about Nils and a conspiracy."
Nils was still unconscious, however he had returned to his normal color, since he was now able to breathe.
"Um, Lord Eliwood, I must leave for a moment."
"Oh, well allow me to accompany you Ninian," replied Eliwood.
"Well, I would normally ask you to join me, but it will not take long and I need someone to stay here, just in case Jordan comes back."
"I understand. No harm will come to him while you are gone."
Ninian exited the room. Like she had said it did not take long to do whatever it is she went off to do.
"Wow, that was fast. What were you doing?" asked an inquisitive Eliwood.
"Oh, just seeing to something. It's not important."
Out in the hallway, not too far away, Jordan the tactician was just waking up.
"Oh… I'm alive, thank Elimine." He decided to get out of the hallway so no one else would step on him.
It was obvious that people didn't bother stepping over him, as he had many footprints on him to prove it.
'I'll go look for someone to talk to who won't maim, murder, or curse me.' With that he was off.
Nils awoke soon enough.
"Please don't kill me!" he screamed.
"It's okay Nils, he's not here right now" said Ninian. "You're safe."
Nils looked around the room just to make sure.
He let out a sigh of relief.
"Nils, may I ask why he wanted to brutally strangle you?" asked Eliwood.
"Uh, something about me making fun about him…" the young Bard lied. "I swear I didn't do anything!"
"Are you sure you're telling the truth?" asked Ninian.
"Sis, I'm telling you the truth! I'm innocent of anything he said I did!"
Then he gave a sad puppy dog look.
Neither Eliwood or Ninian could resist.
"Alright Nils, you can stop now, we believe you" said Ninian.
Eliwood still had his doubts.
Later he was in the middle of a conversation with Ninian about her dancing, when he heard a strange noise coming from down the hall.
As it got closer it got louder. He was soon able to discern it as the young tactician.
"…aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh………..!" yelled the tactician as he ran past the room.
"What the?" asked a very confused Eliwood.
He peeked out the door to see what the tactician was doing when all of a sudden, a chair whizzed by his head. (when he leaned his head out into the hallway.)
Down the hall where Jordan had come from, Eliwood heard a 'SLICE!'. Then he heard another yell.
"YAAAAAA!."
This could only mean one thing… Karel.
Sure enough he looked down the hall and saw a psychotic Karel running after the tactician with his sword drawn.
'Jordan, what did you do now?' Eliwood asked himself.
Normally when Jordan was in trouble, Eliwood would help him out.
However he thought to himself, 'I like to help others, but I'm not about to commit suicide by getting in Karel's way.'
He did the only thing he could do to help the tactician.
"RUN JORDAN! RUN!"
Back to the furniture. Apparently Jordan was trying to throw things in Karel's path to slow him down.
It didn't seem to be working too well…
He threw a chair. 'SLICE' It ended up in two pieces.
A table… 'SLICE'.
A desk. 'How'd he manage that!' thought Eliwood. 'SLICE'
Erk. "YAA!"
'Ouch, that's gotta hurt…'
Yes indeed. Poor Erk. But fate had not let him off so easily.
"Elimine, why must you torture me in such brutal ways?" Erk thought aloud. "Just take me now!"
"I can see a bright light," said Erk. It was growing brighter.
'I'm going to heaven' thought Erk.
Then the light was eclipsed by the pink pig-tailed Cleric we all know and loathe!
"NOOOOOO!" screamed the mage. "I've been sent to hell! Make the devil go away!"
"Erk what are you doing lying in the hallway?" asked Serra in her annoyingly loud voice. "Are you hurt?"
"No, I'm just resting, and I prefer the hallway floor as opposed to a bed…" said Erk sarcastically.
"You're a strange person…" Then Serra noticed the torn cape and the -ahem- very badly mutilated hair…
Apparently all Karel's attack was meant to do more mental harm than physical, as Erk wasn't his target.
Karel had maimed Erk's hair, which now was missing a huge strip down the middle of his head. He had also torn his cape in a few places, just because he knew that was Erk's favorite cloak.
"Oh you are hurt! I'll just have to tend to you."
But! Instead of healing him on the spot, she grabbed his legs and dragged him off somewhere, to "tend" to him.
The last thing heard from him was a loud, "NOOOOOOOO!".
Eliwood turned his attention back to the tactician and crazed Swordmaster.
He saw them round a corner and decided to give chase, to see how this would turn out.
Jordan was cornered. Karel slowly advanced on him, with nothing on his mind but hurting the tactician, painfully, and slowly…
"Karel! Stop! What did I do to you!" screamed the tactician.
No answer.
Then, out of the corner of his eye he noticed something that would save his life.
Karel lunged at him and attacked with a downward stroke.
The tactician jumped out of the way and into the kitchen, which just happened to appear out of nowhere.
He grabbed a plate full of French toast and held it in front of Karel.
Karel lowered his word and stared at the French toast.
"Here boy! You want the French toast?" Jordan asked in the voice one would use as if asking a dog if it wants a treat.
Karel sat down and began to beg, much as a dog would.
"Jump!" he shouted.
Karel complied with the command.
"Stand!"
Again he followed the order.
"Play dead!"
"Don't press your luck…" growled Karel.
"Eep… okay. Here you go boy!" said Jordan as he threw the French toast.
Karel ran after it and began eating it viciously.
"Phew, glad that's over with."
"Uh, Jordan, you do realize that was MY BREAKFAST!" yelled a now infuriated Lowen.
Unfortunately for the tactician, Lowen was in HIS domain, the kitchen. He was armed to the teeth with knives, spatulas, spoons, and not to mention pots and pans.
Even Karel was afraid at this point in time, as he grabbed what was left of the French toast and snuck out of the kitchen.
"Uh, heh. Lowen? Lowen! What are you doing with that Spatula! AYEEE!"
When Lowen had finished his assault on the tactician, he stomped off to get something else for breakfast.
Jordan crawled out of the kitchen with some utensils and cooking ware in some very… strange and painful places.
Eliwood let out a sigh as he grabbed the tactician and dragged him off to his room. He helped him get onto the bed and then decided it would be best not to ask about the Karel incident.
But, he was curious so he did ask. "Jordan, what did you do to get Karel so mad?"
He was still prying things out and off of himself when he answered that question.
"How the hell should I know? He's a nutball! I saw him getting ready to fight Guy so I decided to stop him. I reprimanded him for attacking his student, and the next thing I know… Psycho!"
He rolled onto his stomach so he could put his face in the pillow and sulk.
"Why does everyone feel they have to maim me! Honestly! This makes, what, the third time I have been abused like that! I'm a tactician not a freakin punching bag!"
Eliwood began to snicker. Then when he couldn't hold it back any more, he started to laugh out loud uncontrollably.
"What in the name of Saint Elimine?" asked a now scared Jordan.
After Eliwood had regained control of himself, he told the tactician what was so funny. More or less, he demonstrated.
"I think I have found the problem," said Eliwood as he ripped off the tactician's cloak.
"Sweet gibly giblets! What are you doing! PERVERT!" screamed Jordan.
Fortunately he had decided to wear something under his cloak that day.
"Look," said Eliwood pointing to the back of the cloak.
"What the hell?"
"It's a bulls-eye. Someone painted a bulls-eye on the back of your cloak. And in the center of the bulls-eye, it says 'French Toast sucks'," said Eliwood.
"Who the! Nils… I'm gonna have to pay him another visit. He must have done this when I was unconscious!" yelled Jordan.
He was getting ready to run off and find Nils, when Eliwood stopped him.
"I think you might want this back first," said Eliwood, handing the tactician back his cloak.
He turned the cloak inside out and put it on.
"It's reversible!" he smiled.
"Jordan, it couldn't have been Nils. I was in his room guarding him the whole time."
Well who else would do this to me?
"Wait a minute," said Eliwood, now finally piecing two and two together. "Come on, let's go see Nils…"
"I just said that! And you said 'No' " said a very irritated Jordan.'
They walked down the hall, fortunately not passing by any of the girls in the group, as Jordan was still cursed.
When they reached Nils' room, Eliwood knocked.
"Who's there?" came Ninian's voice.
"It's me" answered Eliwood.
Ninian opened up the door to let in Eliwood.
"Oh thank goodness it's you Lord Eliwood, I was afraid it was-" she stopped when she saw Jordan there too.
She nearly let out a scream.
"Relax Ninian I'm not here to-" Jordan started.
"He's back to finish the job! AAH! Save me!" yelled Nils.
Ninian ran over and grabbed Nils.
"Run Nils! Run!" she screamed as she threw him out the window of his cabin.
"AYEIIIII!" Nils could be heard all throughout the ship.
His scream was followed by a 'SPLASH'.
"Oh boy…" said Jordan, rolling his eyes.
"Go save him!" yelled Ninian, as she threw Jordan out the window as well.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHH"
'SPLASH'
At this point Eliwood had run out of the room and onto the main deck, where Dart and Geitz were engaged in a conversation, with Wil listening to them.
"You guys!" said Eliwood out of breath from running.
"Ahoy Lord Eliwood. What's wrong?" asked Dart.
"Nils and Jordan were uh… thrown overboard. You think you could, oh I dunno, RESCUE THEM!"
"Aye, I suppose so," said Dart very calmly.
Dart walked over to the side of the ship and jumped over the railing.
Eliwood ran to the side to see if Dart was okay.
His jaw hit the floor.
Dart was walking on the water over to where Nils and Jordan were floating. Well, actually Jordan was using Nils as a floatation device.
Dart hauled both of them over his shoulders and walked back the ship.
Wil fired an arrow into the water with a rope attached.
After Dart was securely fastened to the rope, Wil, Geitz, and Eliwood pulled him up.
"Dart, how did? What the? You, water, walking…" stuttered a dumbstruck Eliwood.
"Oh ya mean you didn't know? We Berserkers can walk across the water, just like the pirates," replied Dart.
"I'm just gonna forget I saw that," said Eliwood.
Eliwood told Nils and Jordan that he needed them (all 3 of them) to talk to Ninian, but on the odds she would throw them out the window again, Eliwood went to the room to take care of something.
After he finished, he brought in Jordan and Nils.
On impulse of seeing Nils and Jordan in the same room Ninian yelled "Nils run!" as she grabbed him and proceeded to throw him out the window again.
However, Eliwood had foreseen this and had taken measures to ensure it wouldn't be the same as last time.
Instead of hearing Nils scream, everyone heard a loud 'THUMP'.
Jordan looked at the window and saw that Eliwood had nailed boards across it so nothing could get out of it.
"Ha ha ha ha!" laughed Jordan as he saw Nils land on the floor.
"Go save him!" screamed Ninian, not realizing the window was blocked (still impulse).
"AAAAHH!" yelled Jordan, as he was thrown against the boarded up window/wall.
'WHAM!'
Eliwood grabbed Ninian and said "Ninian, calm down, he's not here to hurt Nils, we just want to talk."
After she settled down, Eliwood started.
"Ninian, when Jordan nearly killed Nils, were you angry at him?"
"A little I suppose," she replied.
"Did you want to do anything to get back at him?"
"Of course not! I would never hurt our tactician!" she answered.
"Ah, but would you have someone else hurt him?" Eliwood asked.
She mumbled something incoherently.
"What was that?"
"I said, maybe" Ninian replied meekly.
"Well, did you-" Eliwood was cut off by Jordan.
"Did you paint a bulls-eye on my cloak!"
Ninian could stand it no longer.
"Okay! I did it. Yes I painted that on your cloak."
Eliwood seemed a little surprised, even though he already knew. "But why Ninian?"
"He nearly killed Nils!"
"And you nearly killed me!" yelled Jordan at Ninian.
"Then you're even" said Nils, finally deciding to speak.
Jordan and Nils shook hands as a sign of peace, for now…
"See Ninian, they aren't going to kill each other, at least not for a while…" said Eliwood.
"Okay," she replied, still not fully reassured.
"I've got to go see Canas," said Jordan.
Right as he was getting ready to leave, Karel walked by the door with a piece of French toast in his mouth.
He noticed Jordan in the room and stropped.
"You!" he said. "French toast hater!"
"M-me!" asked Jordan in a very scared tone.
"Yeah, I never got to finish with you" he said through a mouth full of French toast.
He drew his Wo Dao.
"NO! He's gonna kill me!" screamed Jordan.
"You will learn to respect French toast!" said Karel as he ran at the tactician.
Jordan ran over to the window and ripped off the boards, cartoon style.
"You'll never take me alive!" he yelled as he jumped out of the window.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh……."
'SPLASH!'
-End Chapter-Draknal: And I'm spent. Sorry it took so long to update, writer's block. It's contagious.
Guy: You said you'd include me!
Draknal: I did! Karel threatened you. We just didn't get to see it.
Guy: You lying bastard…
Karla: R&R please! He wants to see more people review! Click the button and type! Don't forget! Make a list of the couplings YOU want to see!
"Reviewer Responses"
Nightmare3: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you like the fic! And to answer your p.s, just read the next chapter!
FIREEMBLEMFREAK 252: I hope to make the next few chapters just as funny.
Gingy Mittens: I'm so glad you love this fic. I will try to add more of Jaffar and Nino when I can.
Darkness-Aura: Oh please, you flatter me! It's always nice to get a review as great as yours. If only there were more reviewers like you.
The Tactician's Brother: Ya know, sometimes its good to have an insane reviewer! If you read the fic, and give good reviews, I can accept that. Lol.
Arashisama: Thank you, I believe your review will greatly alter this fic, for the better of course! This chapter is different because of what you said. This is not what I had originally written! I changed it just for you.