Disclaimer: I don't own Red Dwarf, or Kill Crazy or anything, I guess you could say I own his back story, but that's beside the point.

Well Sian said to do more obscure character monologues and suggested one for Kill Crazy, so here it is, and yes it is very sad, angsty and violent, so all you weaklings out there - don't say I didn't warn you... It actually made me cry a little as I wrote it but that's because i'm just strange...

Kill Crazy's Monologue

I lay here, on my bunk, trying to chew my nails into points as all other potential weapons have been removed. I'm all alone because I'm classed as too dangerous for a bunkmate, but my head is filled with voices, mostly that of my family and the people I killed.

I wasn't always like this - a kill crazy moron who gets off on the suffering of others; I used to be a kind, caring, normal person… Until my mum brought 'Uncle Harry' home. I was just 12 at the time but he wrecked my life completely.

At first he seemed so nice, he treated me and my sister Janie like equals and seemed to be so intent on making our lives better after my real dad had died two years before, when he was rescuing a child from a fire – It was his job you see, but we never wanted financial wise because of the security bonds the state gave us.

Harry was a Physiologist who had lost his arm when a patient had attacked him a few years before he met my mum.

As I said before he was great at first and I was beginning to feel happy again, mum even let me be an usher at their wedding instead of a stupid page boy… But it all changed after the honeymoon, he became stricter and began to slap me when he said I was misbehaving, even if I just asked if I could change the channel on TV. He hurt my sister as well and if we tried to protest he would lock us in the cupboard under the stairs – like Harry Potter.

We would sit there sobbing for hours till mum came home, I remember laying there with little Janie who was only 9, hugging onto me whilst I dreamed of somebody coming to rescue us and taking us to Hogwarts like Hagrid did for Harry… Well anywhere would have done, I couldn't take it any more.

But when mum was around he was like the perfect parent again, and she never suspected a thing… Or maybe she just didn't want to, but I saw the looks, the resentment, and felt fear make my blood ran cold as he watched us.

I was always so afraid he would creep into my room and strangle me, like he had threatened on so many occasions, but he never did – He did something far worse…

One night I heard the landing creak outside my room and in fright I hid under the bed in case he came in, I waited for a few seconds as the creaking moved away so I thought he'd probably just been to the bathroom – it was just opposite my room, except I heard his footsteps walking left along the corridor – Mum's room was at the right.

I slipped out from under the bed and opened the door a fraction and peered round, but no one was there.

Then I heard a muffled sound come from Janie's room and it all clicked in my head. I ran down the corridor into Janie's room without a second thought… Not that I knew what to do, so I just stood there, watching Harry hold down Janie, I was frozen in terror, I could feel my heart pounding and my head throbbing.

Then he turned round and his steely eyes focused on me, he climbed off Janie and stomped towards me, I tried to run but found I could not move. Janie screamed and I expected mum to come running in but nothing happened except Harry grabbed me by the throat and lifted me into the air.

"Trying to be a hero? Like in those stupid books you read? You're nothing special, a human misfit like your sister that should be purged from the world!" He rasped, watching in satisfaction as I choked and spluttered in the grasp, even if he still had his other arm there would have been no need to use it to restrain my useless flailing body

Outside I could hear the church clock chime 3am and I could feel all life draining from me as his face grinned in a way that I've only seen in nightmares. I could distantly hear my sister still screaming, then a thud and a yell from Harry.

He released me and I fell in a heap on the floor. I opened my eyes and slowly focused on a terrified Janie holding her now broken Barbie lamp, some of the pot embedded in Harry's leg.

He stepped towards her and she ran under her bed to escape him. I forced myself to my feet and staggered down the corridor to get mum. I opened the door, still coughing and called but got no answer, I heard another scream from Janie and I shook my mum but she just laid there. Then I felt something wet on my hand, I raised it to the light and recoiled in horror at the blood, a knife glinting on the floor nearby. I took a deep breath and grabbed it before running back to Janie's room.

I remember yelling something to get his attention, but as he let go of Janie's leg and flung himself on top of me I forgot the power of speech in a second.

He wrestled me and I thought that this time I really was going to die. But somehow I managed to take advantage of his weakness and pushed the knife deep inside his stomach when I got the chance, almost been able to feel and hear the tearing of his flesh as I did.

His eyes became wide and unseeing as he fell on top of me in dead weight. I struggled out from underneath him a feeling of relief that I was safe washed over me… And one of enjoyment. Then I felt repulsed at myself as I hadn't felt disgusted by killing another living being but at the time I put it down to it being Harry, and I couldn't regret his death at all.

I crawled over to Janie and touched her leg that was sticking out from under the bed. I whispered that it was safe for to come out now, but she didn't. I lifted her out gently the noticed the rest of the lamp impaled into her chest. I gasped and began to sob loudly as I pulled it out, a spray of blood following.

I hugged her to me and just laid there crying for what seemed like forever till I finally had the courage to stand up and go back into mum's room where the only phone was. I stared in terror while I dialled the police, as if I expected her, Harry, or Janie to come walking down the corridor to get me.

I recounted briefly what had happened to the police and they came right over… but when they got here and inspected the house they took me to a young offender's place, imprisoned me there overnight and would not explain what was going on.

Next day I was charged on 3 counts of murder, and following a trial was found guilty – Harry had been planning that night for ages and had written many fake psychological reports on me saying I was violent and abusive and that it was only a matter of time till I hurt someone – He was going to kill mum, Janie and me and make it look like self defence against me… Only he had died and I still got punished for what he did wrong... And I'll never know why he wanted to carry it out in the first place...

I have been in prison all my life, been inside broke something inside me – My spirit to continue living. It gave me hatred for psychologists as well, I began attacking all the ones who tried 'talking' to me, then it was the prison guards and inmates as well as I heard them gosspiping about how I had been such an evil child and it was no surprise I was like this.

I'm been transferred to the most high security and top secret prison on the universe, which is why I'm on Red Dwarf… Everyone thought I joined the Canaries because of my love for killing others, but it wasn't, it was for my want to get killed myself.

That's partly why I reprogrammed Kryten, I thought surely when I was found out I would get 'accidentally' murdered by the prison guards – And if I got to see naked ladies as well – It was all good… Well at least the naked ladies part of the plan worked…

I can barely remember what Janie and Mum look like now, that's the worst things of all… Even worse than not remembering my name – Everyone calls me Kill Crazy, my real name just… vanished from my memory.

But I know I'm going to die now – The ship has been infected with something and us low lives have been left to rot, which suits me fine, I don't know if I can wait that long though, and it won't be long till my nails will be sharp enough to cut into my wrists and I can join mum and Janie, then I'll be happy again… Just like I used to be…

The End