Wasted
Mac/Harm Shipper
Summary: Set within a flashback scene from "Four Percent Solution". This is what I thing should have happened after Mac left Harm's hallway the night she discovered him and Alicia having dinner. Inspired by Carrie Underwood's song "Wasted"
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THEM! I DON'T EVEN OWN A CAR!
I ran. Ok I didn't run. Running implies that I took off in the opposite direction and didn't stop to take one last look behind me. I did get a good look behind me as I made my way down to the bottom floor on the old antique elevator in his building. What I saw was my worst nightmare playing out right before my eyes, him closing the door. I wonder if he saw the tears in my eyes as the elevator slowly slid down to the bottom floor. Then I remember that he couldn't have because he had closed the door. And though he may think himself to be Superman at times, I don't think he has X-Ray vision.
I ran to my car, put the key in the ignition and went on autopilot. I didn't hear my cell phone ring and I don't remember hitting any red lights. I walk into my apartment and ignore the flashing light on my answering machine. I go into my bedroom and change into something to sleep in. Although I doubt I will sleep. Funny now that I think about it. I couldn't sleep so I get up the nerve to talk to him about it and what happens? I realize that my worst fears, the ones that have been haunting me in my failed attempts to sleep, are happening and there is nothing I can do. I can feel the tears slip down my face as I slip into the silk white night gown.
I just stand in the middle of my room willing myself to forget. I want to forget everything that has transpired in the last hour. I want to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow morning only to find out that I have been given a second chance at life; a second chance at a life with him. I hear a banging noise and realize that it is coming from my front door. Normally I would just ignore it, but for some reason I feel the need to go and see who it is. I don't even bother whipping the tears from my face or trying to get read of the black streaks of eyeliner and mascara.
When I open the door, I am surprised.
"Why?" is all I can manage. My voice is barely a whisper.
"How long have you been home?" he asks. There is fear and concern etched into his face.
"Long enough to realize that I lived my worst nightmare tonight. Long enough to understand that I am never going to get what I want in life. Long enough to take responsibility for my actions where you are concerned and take full blame for all of it."
I watch as he steps into the apartment and closes the door behind him. There is very little space between our bodies.
"What else did you learn?"
His voice is soft and tickles as it dries the tears on my face. My eyes never leave his. I Just hope what I am about to say will have some sort of impact on him.
"Sometimes love just slips away, and you just can't get it back."
I watch as he closes his eyes and slowly opens them again. I then watch a few small tears make their way down his cheeks. It's then that I realize I was wrong. I have made a terrible mistake. Damn me for jumping to all the wrong conclusions. I think that he has hurt me only to discover that my irrational thinking has hurt him. This lovely realization causes me to cry again.
So here we are, inches separating us from what we really want. We are crying. I can't take it any more. I launch myself at him and his arms quickly wrap themselves around me as he takes me into a strong and safe embrace.
"And now you know how I felt after Paraguay."
I pull back a little so that I can get a good look into his eyes. I can see that his words were not meant to be hurtful. They were merely said as a way to let me know he knows how I feel at this moment. I am grateful that he is being so understanding. The old Harmon Rabb would have shut down and ran. I guess I can thank Mattie for breaking him of that habit.
"I am so sorry. I…I…"
I don't know what to say. Sorry doesn't seem like it would be enough. I look down and stare at a random spot on his chest.
I feel him gently lift my head up so that he can look into my eyes.
"Don't be. I am going to set the record straight. I am not nor have I ever been involved with Alicia. Tonight's dinner was a working one. I wished you had stayed. Maybe she would have stopped hitting on me. And I could have used the help on the case. I realized not to long after you left the hallway that something serious must be going on. I tried to chase you down, but you were to fast. I tried calling you, but got no answer. I am just glad that you made it here in one piece."
The look on his face combined with the love in his voice is my final undoing. The dam breaks and I am crying, no sobbing, uncontrollably. He picks me up and carries me to my bedroom. He settles us both on the bed and holds me until I tire from crying. We are both exhausted and quickly fall asleep in each other's arms. A place neither of us ever wants to leave.