Size Doesn't Matter
Chapter 2
A Kim Possible Teleplay
by Shawn Q. Evans
Summary - Kim gets really small. So how will she stop Drakken's latest scheme? And what about cheerleading? An original shrink story (cliché-free) where everyone learns - size doesn't matter! First in a series of 'real KP' stories - original stories written in the style of the TV show. It's like getting new episodes of your favorite show! Cool!
Story copyright Shawn Q. Evans, 2005
Kim Possible and related characters copyright Walt Disney Co.
Prof. Quizby copyright Shawn Q. Evans
Scene 5 - Drakken's lab. Drakken is experimenting with the doorknob. Drakken, wearing goggles, screws the doorknob onto a door.
Drakken: There, Shego! That should do it! Drakken's Dimensional Doorway should now be operational!
Shego: Drakken's Dimen-what? Why not just call it 3D?
Drakken: It's not 3D, it's...
Shego: Or Triple D?
Drakken: Triple D? Please! It's not some hip-hap artist!
Shego: Hop.
Drakken: What!
Shego: You said hip hap. It's hip hop!
Drakken: It's..oh, for the..mmph! Shego! Now where was I? Oh, yes! Drakken's Dimensional Doorway! That'll look nice on all my writeups!
Shego: It's a mouthful! Why not just call it the Door?
Drakken: Yes, fine! The Door!
Shego: What's it do?
Drakken: It allows one to travel between dimensions.
Shego: Then why not call it the Dimension Door?
Drakken: But that's what I was calling it, until you...
Shego: Don't blame this on me! It's your silly door! Call it whatever you want!
Drakken: Fine! I will! And it's not silly! With this door, we'll be able to travel thru other dimensions and come out anywhere on Earth!
Shego: Seriously? Anywhere? As in...Fort Knox anywhere?
Drakken: Anywhere! The problem with the door, that my genius fixed, was that, due to the constant shifting of the various dimensions that make up our multiversal reality...
Shego: Multi-wha?
Drakken: Bear with me, Shego! Anyway, one couldn't control where one ended up. But I've fixed that. If you go through that door right now, you will be in Middleton's Central Park!
Shego: Seriously?
Drakken: Seriously.
Shego: Okayyy, Central Park, here I come! Next stop - Fort Knox! Hee hee hee!
Drakken: Mwah ha ha!
Shego walks through door.
Drakken checks his equipment.
Drakken: Yes, Central Park of..15,000 years ago? That's not right.
Shego screams.
Shego: Ahh! Sabre Tooth Tiger!
Shego runs out the door, uniform trailing tatters, just ahead of a claw.
Sabre Tooth Tiger: Rarrr!
Shego: Drakken, you idiot! You sent me to a sabre tooth tiger!
Drakken: Hee. Calm yourself, Shego. The door is still experiencing a..minor flux. That's all. I simply need to find an anchor and then...
Shego: Fort Knox?
Drakken: Yes. Fort Knox. Acres of gold bars!
Shego: It's ingots!
Drakken: What? I don't got...
Shego: Ingot! Gold ingots! Not bars!
Drakken: Yes. Those too. And then the Doctor will be in...everywhere! Mwah ha ha ha ha!
Shego: Hee hee hee hee hee!
Shego leans in towards Drakken and flashes her claws.
Shego: Better be.
Drakken: Eeep!
Scene 6 - Cheerleading practice. Midget Kim (reaches other cheerleaders' thighs), Bonnie and other cheerleaders in uniform. Ron in costume as the Mad Dog mascot.
Kim: Okay, everybody! Let's do the pyramid!
Cheerleaders tumble, jump and form the pyramid. Kim sails to the top. She lands, spreads her short, stubby legs, wobbles and falls.
Kim: Whoa-whoaaa!
Kim crashes to the floor.
Kim: Ow!
Ron rushes over.
Ron: Are you okay, Kim?
Kim: Only my pride's hurt. It's my balance, my center of gravity! It's totally off!
Bonnie: Maybe you should sit this one out, Kim, until, you know, you recover your form?
Cheerleaders giggle.
Kim: Hilarious as always, Bonnie! But I can do this! It's like getting your sea legs, that's all!
Bonnie: Yeah, if you could SEE your legs!
Kimmunicator beeps.
Kim: Give me a good sitch, Wade!
Wade: Not the good news you were expecting probably, Kim! Drakken stole a dimensional transport device.
Kim: Sounds rad AND bad!
Wade: But I've tracked him to his lair!
Kim: Good going, Wade! Come on, Ron!
Scene 7 - Drakken's lab. Drakken with 2 Dimension Doors.
Drakken: There! I've managed to anchor the Dimension Door to one point by cloning the doorknob, so...
Shego: Did you just say 'clone'?
Drakken: It's not that type of clone! I duplicated the doorknob, so we can...
Kim & Ron arrive. Kim reaches Ron's knee.
Kim: Let the door hit you on the way out twice as fast?
Ron: Another zinger! Good one!
Kim: Yep, I still got it!
Drakken: What! A-a midget Kim Possible and whatsisname?
Shego: I get to fight mini me? Oh, this ought to be fun!
Shego attacks Kim.
Ron: You going to be okay, Kim?
Kim: Go. I can handle her!
Ron attacks Drakken.
Ron: You know how this ends! Why don't we skip the preliminaries and go straight to the finale? Give it up!
Drakken: Oh, I don't know. I'm thinking of a double bill!
Drakken puts his fist through one Door and it comes out the other Door next to Ron, and punches Ron.
Ron: Hey!
Drakken puts one arm and one leg through his Door. It comes out the Door near Ron and entangles him. Ron struggles with Drakken's limbs.
Kim gains some height by using her hair dryer grapple gun. She sails through the air towards Shego, then jumps and tries to fly between Shego's legs.
Shego: Not this time!
Shego drops to her knees and tackles Kim. They wrestle on the floor. Shego tries to pin Kim, but Kim's slippery and gets on Shego's back.
Ron stops struggling and stares at Kim & Shego.
Ron: Huh.
Drakken: What are you doing? Why did you stop fighting?
Drakken turns his head to see what Ron's looking at.
Shego and midget Kim are wrestling on the floor, rolling around, etc.
Drakken: Hmmm. It IS quite a spectacle, isn't it?
Drakken: Now back to our fight!
Ron & Drakken fight. They roll around. Ron puts his fist, then his leg, through the Door to hit Drakken. Arms and legs of the two alternate going through the Doors as they fight.
Ron and Drakken, though separated by the Doors, have their limbs entangled. Stalemate.
Drakken: Ha! I have you now!
Rufus: Mm-mmm
Rufus itches Drakken's nose with a feather.
Drakken: Ah! You hairless beast! I can't..scratch..my nose!
Ron: Way to go, Rufus!
Kim and Shego untangle. Shego throws Kim off of her.
Shego: Off!
Kim tries to jump onto Shego. She somersaults through the air and lands on Shego, but Kim can't get her short legs around Shego. Shego twirls and throws Kim off her, right into Ron, sending them both sprawling through the Dimension Door.
Kim and Ron are out of action for a moment. Drakken uses the time to escape with Shego and one of the Doorknobs.
Drakken: This isn't over! Come, Shego! We'll perfect our transport door yet! I know just the thing that'll work!
Scene 8 - Middleton High School. Sign reads "Sm l ch ols ar B tte S h ols
Go Mad Dogs!"
Letters are missing on the first line.
Kim, Ron and Monique in school cafeteria. Monique and Ron are sitting at a table with their food. Kim is only as tall as the typical person's shin bone (below the knee). Kim is sitting on the table with her smaller portion of food.
Monique: New attitude to go with the new look, Kim? I've never seen you sit ON the table before!
Kim: It's not as if they make chairs my size. Well, any chairs I would actually sit in!
Ron: Hey, don't bust on Kim! She can't help it!
Monique: I know. I'm just giving her a hard time. It builds character.
Ron: 'Builds'? Is that a short joke, Monique? For shame!
Monique: What? I wouldn't...
Kim: Guys, cut it out! It's okay. And being short isn't all bad. For example, I only got kiddie portions of that caf' food they serve.
Ron: That's my Kim! Always looking on the positive side of life!
Monique: 'Postive'? Is that a 'short' crack?
Ron: What? No? I mean, it's better than dwelling on the negative, I mean...never mind.
Monique: Uh huh. Thought so.
Kim: You two!
Kimmunicator beeps
Kim: Sitch me, Wade!
Wade: Got a hit on your site. A physicist, Prof. Quizby. His lab's been burglarized.
Kim: That's terrible, Wade, but I thought we were focusing on Drakken? He's still got that door device!
Wade: I think it's related. You'll see. Oh, and Kim? You'll love this - Prof. Quizby's an expert on miniaturization.
Kim: Great. More short jokes!
Scene 9 - Dr. Quizby's lab. Kim, in mission clothes, is slightly smaller (reaches midway between Ron's knee and ankle). They look around the burglarized lab. It's in disarray. Papers and books are strewn about. Microscopes lay on their side. File cabinets are open. There are green glowing marks on the walls.
Kim: Yep, I'd definitely say Shego was here! But what would Drakken want with a physics lab?
Kim: Professor? Prof Quizby? It's Kim Possible!
Prof. Quizby's voice (behind a desk): Kim Possible? Thank heavens you're here! They took it!
Kim and Ron look at each other, puzzled, because they don't see the professor.
Kim: Professor? Where are you?
Prof. Quizby: Below you! And please don't start with the jokes! I've heard them all, and I can assure you, the weather is just fine...
Kim hops onto the Prof.'s desk. She and Ron look at a short, dwarf size Prof. Quizby. He meets their gaze.
Prof. Quizby: ...down here. You're short!
Kim: Yes. Now about the burglary?
Prof. Quizby: I mean shorter than me! I've never met anyone smaller than me!
Kim: Yes, fascinating, I know. Now..
Prof. Quizby: Heh. She must be a real handful, eh? Snicker!
Ron: You have no idea!
Kim: Ron! What does THAT mean?
Ron: Nothing!
Prof. Quizby: Sorry. I've heard those jokes for years. I never thought I'd be able to use them on someone else! Where was I..? Oh, yes! You have to recover my experimental particle accelerator!
Kim: Drakken stole a particle accelerator? But aren't those usually miles wide?
Prof. Quizby: Yes. But the particle I was searching for is very small. VERY VERY small. VERY VERY VERY small. VERY..
Kim: Yes, we get it.
Ron: So you needed a small particle accelerator to find it! I get it. That makes sense. I think.
Kim: So what particle were you looking for?
Prof. Quizby: I call it the Quizby Quark. It's the fundamental building block of all matter in the universe!
Talk about science bores Ron. He wanders off and starts poking around.
Kim: The Quizby Quark. Ah. I see stature and modesty don't go hand in hand. Ron, what are you doing?
Ron: Hey, Professor, what's with the ant farm? Doesn't seem very physic-like.
Kim: Ron, will you stop that?
Prof. Quizby: It's alright, Miss Possible. And it's not an ant farm. It's a flea circus. It was a 'gag' gift from my colleagues.
Ron examines the flea circus through the top, which has a small opening with a magnifying glass below it.
Ron: Flea Circus? It doesn't look like a flea circus!
Inside, the fleas loiter about. One reads a newspaper. One leans against a wall watching the girl fleas walk by. Other fleas throw dice.
Prof. Quizby: Oh, sorry. They used to work in Times Square. CUSTOMERS!
Ron looks again, and the fleas are in full circus mode - Tumbling, jumping onto the end of a teeter-totter to launch another flea somersaulting through the air, balancing a ball on its feet while lying on its back, balancing a pole on its proboscis (nose) with other fleas balanced on top the pole, flying on trapezes, etc.
Ron: Oh! Cool!
Kim: Let me see!
Kim jumps up and looks through the opening.
Rufus rouses himself and peers through the opening to see the fleas.
Kim: Well, thank you professor! We'll try to recover your particle thingie!
The fleas notice Rufus.
Flea 1: Hey, is that a hairless?
Flea 2: A Mexican hairless?
Flea 3: A dog?
Other fleas: A DOG!
The fleas jump up and try to make a ladder to the opening, past the magnifier.
Rufus is alarmed and paralyzed.
Rufus: AHHHHHH!
Kim springs into action. She jumps up, somersaults through the air and shuts the flea circus opening before the fleas reach Rufus. Rufus wipes his brow.
Rufus: Wheww!
Prof. Quizby: Sorry about that. I don't know what got into them.
Ron: Rufus, buddy, are you okay?
Kim: That's alright, Professor. Besides, it gives me an idea about how to handle cheerleading.
Ron: You're going to give Bonnie fleas?
Rufus: Yeah!
Kim: While an interesting idea, no. You'll see!
Scene 10 - Middleton High School. Sign reads "S l ch l r B t ls
Go Mad Dogs!"
More letters are missing on the first line, and some of the letters are upside down.
Cheerleaders, in the auditorium, form a pyramid while the audience watches. The pyramid is missing the person on top. Enter Kim (who is taller than a person's ankles) holding a vertical board. Kim lays the board against the girl at the base of the pyramid, then jumps onto the end of the board. The board flips end over end while Kim is launched into the air. The board flips onto the side of the next girl up the chain of the pyramid. Kim lands on the end of the board, flipping it into the air again while she is again launched into space. This is repeated until the board flops down onto the heads of the two girls at the top of the pyramid and Kim lands on top the board, completing the pyramid. Kim's foot then triggers a switch and a giant magnifying glass shoots up from the board, allowing everyone in the audience to see Kim. The audience goes wild. Kim exults. Ron The Mad Dog whoops it up, spraying foam.
After the cheerleading performance, Kim (on a table or the bleachers) accepts thanks from classmates.
Classmate 1: Way to go, Kim!
Classmate 2: Awesome performance, Kim!
Kim: Thanks. Thank you. Although I never could have done it without Wade!
Wade on Kimmunicator: Thanks, guys. I try my best.
Ron: Wade, how did you get polished glass like that on such short notice? Ahem.
Wade: Oh, I make do with what I have on hand.
Cut to Wade's room.
Voice of Wade's mother: Wade! What happened to my car's moonroof?
Wade: What's the problem? I gave you an upgrade? A real roof!
Cut back to Kim and Ron talking to Wade.
Wade: Well, gotta go!
Kim: Bye Wade!
Enter Mr. Barkin.
Barkin: Miss Possible...
Kim: I know, I know, you want to give me awesome props for my performance, too! It's cool!
Barkin: Yes, well, that was fine, but I'm here to inform you that you're out of school until your condition..improves.
Kim: WHAT!
Barkin: We can't run the risk of someone, ah, stepping on Miss Possible! I'm sorry, but our insurance would never cover it!
Ron: You can't throw Kim out of school just like that!
Barkin: We're legally required to offer reasonable accommodation for differently-enabled students, but the only way to reasonably accommodate Miss Possible is if everyone was shrunk! And while that would make my dream of seeing a mountain of fudge a reality, it's a no go!
Ron: You dream of a mountain made of fudge?
Barkin: Good day and good luck, Miss Possible.
Kim: Oh man, I am SO doomed!