Dear Monsieur Le Fantôme,
Having received your letter I was like totally freeking out for a while (I passed out, ask my roommate, Orlando Bloom). At first I was overjoyed (I mean come on! How many phans get to hear from the phantom himself!) But then I was like so ticked off! Since when are you like…ugly? And you COULD love another woman! I mean after all, Christine was just a little naïve freak! Just wait till you meet a REAL woman, like me! I mean in the future my abusive ex-boyfriend is going to kidnap me and make me do experiments with him and become his love slave but his laboratory blows up and I get transported back in time and I find you and you fall in love with me due to my great singing voice and beauty (I should know, I AM the authoress)! 'Cause I am like so sexy! So we would be like so totally perfect for each other! And I can like sing for you all the time (and who knows what else? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge)
You obedient servant (wink),
Starlet Blossom
P.S. Did I mention I'm coming to find you tomorrow?