You probably thought I was never going to update, like I just left and left this story hanging like a bunch of people did...Well HA your wrong! I would never do that to you guys, besides I would be breaking one of my rules and doing something I hate. Since we all hate it when we read a good story and the person that made it doesn't update, but doesn't put that they discontinued it either, and then after a year or so, your still wondering what happened and waiting for a update that will never happen.
Well have alittle more faith! I update at least two fics every month. I just couldn't get around to updateing this. So I'm very sorry if you had to wait forever, please forgive me and read and review!
'thoughts'
"words"
(SE)
And some thoughts won't be surrounded by 'these.
Disclamer: If I owned them, you would defently know. Because I would be shakeing it in your face and braging forever. Luckly for you I don't own them. Oh and before I begin the chapter, thank you everyone that reviewed the last chapter and the ones before this one. Your reviews kept me going!
My Will ch.9
(Oh and one more thing before we begin. My dear friend Lilly (flowersforSesshoumaru on this site.) passed away on July 28. Because of that, I dedicate this chapter too her and other people that have helped me become what I am today. People that have left and gone, and left a permemnt impression on me. Heres to you guys, even though you are no longer in this world. I also dedicate it to the people alive that help me too, like my friends and family. Thanks you guys...without you I would be no where.)
Leaning against the wall, Kikyou took a quick in take of breath. It seemed like even if she was now human, had gotten her life back in a bargin with someone long dead, and seemed to have more power then she did before, but she still couldn't get rid of that damn after effects of running!
It was like a damn disese! Incept not life threating, and annoying. But then again, weren't all illnesses annoying?
Sliding against the wall, she slid untill she was in a sitting postion. Trying to regain her breath seemed harder then before. But the question remained, what was she running from? 'It was stupid of me...'she thought to herself.'Why did I run? I should have stayed and did what Botan asked, I should have just gone to see Kurama'
Kurama had woken up two days ago, and she hadn't gone to see him. Botan had confonted her about it, and she had left. Just ran away from her and the topic, like she had been doing these whole two days up tell now. 'Damnmit!'she thought to herself as her breathing increased. It felt like her lungs were trying to beat themselves to death, or rip out of her chest. She put a hand to her heart as her loose black hair fell into her face. She had lost her ribbon somewhere between Tokyo and the Spirit world. She didn't think that she could run all that way, or get to the Spirit world on foot either. But she had, after all, this was where they had moved Kurama after she woke up. Didn't want the real world to find out about them after all. So now here she was, sitting in the middle of the room assigned to her, breathing like someone was chokeing her, and trying to hid from Botan and everyone else. Or maybe she was hideing from herself.
'Why does it seem like this is going on longer then before? It certainly didn't last more then a minute before I passed out last time'
"No."Kikyou said out loud. She shoke her head, she wouldn't think about that time. About the time she had colapsed from this and had woke up in Kurama's arms.
'Why can't I just forget? Its not important...I don't...care about him...do I?'she thought to herself. That was the question of the century. 'Why do all my thoughts turn to him? Even before I made that deal with Midoriko, and even before that, he was on my mind! Its driveing me mad! Just get out of my head damn you! Don't you just get it self? Can't you just leave me alone? I don't want to feel again, I don't want to feel those emotions again! So stop it'
Closeing her eyes and leaning her head against the wall she tryed to wait for her heart to beat normally, a voice inturputed her. "Kikyou?"it was Botan. Kikyou opened her eyes and turned her head to look at her. It was supriseing that she could keep up with her, she may have bad lungs, but she could still run fast. Even while wearing those modern garments that she was wearing now. Botan took a step into the room and closer to her. "Are you alright Kikyou?"
What do you think? Is what she wanted to say, but in between breaths she said. "No, I'm not. But I'll be fine. Just leave me alone for a minute, would you?"
Botan didn't leave the room, but instead took another step toward her untill there was only a few feet between them. "Kikyou, I just came here to hand you your ribbon, when you first started running, it fell out of your hair. Here." She left it on the floor between them instead of handing it to her. Most likely because she knew Kikyou wasn't in the mood for others to get near her.
"Thank you. Now would you please leave already?"asked Kikyou as she closed her eyes again. Botan shook her head, and looked back at her. "No. We need to talk, you can't keep avoiding Kurama forever. You could at least see him."she said to Kikyou.
"No. I don't think we need to talk, and I will keep avoiding him so I can give him time to heal."
"Time to heal?"asked Botan.
"Yes...time to...heal..."said Kikyou between breaths. After a minute she continued. "If you almost killed someone that was your friend, controlled or not, how would you feel?"
Botan looked down at the ground, it was true, he did need time but..."If I almost killed someone that was my friend, I would feel horrible. But if I almost killed someone I love...I would feel worse." After saying that, Botan left Kikyou to herself and the darkness of the room. Sighing then coughing, Kikyou closed her eyes and let the darkness of sleep take her.
At least there she wouldn't dream, she wouldn't dream about him.
"Why are you here?" said a small voice next to him. Looking down at his side, Kurama could see alittle girl standing three in a old faded childs kimono. Her earth colored brown eyes stared sadly up at him. It reminded him of someone he knew, someone that was crying.
"Why are you here?" The little girl repeated. A gust of wind blew across the field of Kikyou flowers they were standing in, it also made the faded with age bunny stuffed animal at her side, ears fly in the wind. Its yarn crisscrossed eyes seemed to stare at him also, the little girl put her thumb in her mouth and started chewing on the flesh. Kurama kneeled down to her height and smiled alittle.
"I don't really know why I'm you help me?" He asked her, it seemed like the question only made the girl sadder. She shaked her head no, her black hair flying around her. She looked at the right of her and Kurama stood up and looked to the right also.
To the right of them was a tree withered with age. A few flowers on the tree blew in the wind, mixed in with the trees leaves as well. Kurama stared at the sight, in a way this sort of reminded him of something. Looking down at the little girl he could now see that one of her eyes were missing and blood was all over her face.
"Why do you continue to stay here? What keeps you? Even in life, the dead cannot move on...You cannot change a person with you emotions alone. If you continue to stay here you will be lost also. Nothing good can come from my sister, trust me on this." The little girl said.
"What do you mean that nothing good can come from this? You know nothing. If I stay here, its on my by own will." With that Kurama turned around and started walking away to the right. "Wait! If you continue with this I'll curse you the same way I did her!" Her voice had turned older it seemed. Kurama turned to look over his shoulder once her reached the tree.
"Then curse me. See if I care, I'm not going to break a promise. I already broke one already..." Looking in front of him he stared at the tree.
"And this promise that you broke, this would be?" Said a voice that made Kurama turn around. Looking over his shoulder he saw Kikyou standing there. She was bloody and torn up, but she continued to stand. "Kikyou..." It seemed like that was all he could say. Kikyou put a hand to her heart and winced. Steping forward, towards him, she took her hand off her heart to reveal a gapping hole in it. It looked like someones sharp weapons, or claws, had ripped through it. "Why did you betray me Kurama! You no better then him! Die!" After saying that she took out a bow and arrow, that appreared out of nowhere, and shot the arrow at him.
Sitting up quickly, he gasped. The dream had seemed so real. Putting a hand to his head, he gripped his damp red hair. Sighing he released his hair, from the death grip he had on it, and layed back down. Just to discover that he had fell out of bed and onto the floor. Laughing a bit he tryed to stand up. His first attemp was unsucessful, becasue of the bed sheets that had gotten tangled around his body. On the second attemp, he stood up and tryed to put his bed back together. It seemed like one of the pillows had fallen on the floor and two were somewhere, he just didn't know where exactly. "Great thrid day awake and you trash the guest room."Kurama said to himself. He didn't laugh at his own joke, but set to the task of cleaning up the room. After putting the sheets back on the bed, he set out to find the missing pillows. He saw them behind some red flowers and stepped around the flowers and picked the pillows up. He was about to turn away untill he saw a picture that caught his eye.
It was the one he took with his mother before he got lost in the woods that day...his eyes turned alittle glassy.(You know, his eyes sort of had a far away look.) And he almost didn't hear the knock at his door. Turning around he saw someone come into the dark room before he could say come in. "Oh its just you Yusuke...you could have waited tell I said come in."
"Well I knocked didn't I?"
Shakeing his head Kurama laughed alittle then looked at the wall next to him. Laughing suddenly seemed like such a hard thing to do all of a sudden.
"So,"said Yusuke.,"wheres your girlfriend, Kikyou?
Kurama turned his head to look at him so fast, you wondered if he got whiplash from the action. "She is NOT my girlfriend! And is this what you came in to ask me?" Yusuke put two hands up in the air, in a sign of moke surrender, and grinned. "Ouch, you don't have to yell at me for speaking the truth. And I didn't know you felt so strongly about her, I can see you blushing even in the dim light of this room."
In truth, he was blushing, from wether it was because he was mad or because of the fact that there could be some truth to his words. "Goodbye Yusuke, go bother someone else." Kurama said to him.
"Alright, alright...,"Yusuke said by he was opening the door in the room and getting ready to walk through the door way.,"Just tell me when the weddings going to be and when you both have your first kids!" Luckly for him he closed the door and left before he could get hit by Kurama's whip. Kurama calmed down after a second or two, that and he saw the damage he did to the door, it was pure luck it was still standing. Sitting down next the red flowers he was standing by, he looked at his rose whip (Is that one word or two) and then turned to the flowers by his side. They were the same flowers that grew in the lake next to Kikyou's village, the sameones that Kikyou and Kurama had talked underafter he heard her sing the same song she had sung to him when he was little. The same song that had saved him in more ways then one, he still wondered why she changed the lyrics. Picking up the card next to it, he read it. It read:
Oh and I'm glad you remembered.
Kikyou
Looking down at the card Kurama wondered why he didn't see it before. 'So I'm fox boy now, huh? I didn't know she had a sense of humor. Oh course I would remember that song...I would never forget it, or the one that sings it...'
It was late at night now, alittle too late to be wondering the halls, but Kikyou just couldn't sleep. Besides, she had gotten pleanty of sleep earlyer that day.
Kikyou looked her left and saw a big steel door that she hadn't saw earlyer, it was too dark to make out the writeing on it, so she couldn't tell what the room inside was used for. Shrugging her shoulders, she stepped up to the door and opened the door. She entered the room and looked around. At first it was just a empty, huge, steel room. Then the room vanished and was replaced with a field endless field of grass and she was now standing on a large hill under the stary, moon lit, sky "Wow, this must be a illusion. But a good one none the less, I don't sense a demon...so I guess its safe to enjoy it for now." Sitting down on the hill, Kikyou looked up at the stars. It seemed like every constellation she had ever seen was out in the sky.
Impossible? But thats what she wanted, she guessed correctly that thats how the room worked. Sighing, Kikyou looked up at the sky and wondered if why she felt...sad...almost disappointed with herself.
"Maybe I should have seen him after all...Heh, this almost reminds me of the time I dragged Inuyasha out of his favorite tree, in the middle of the night, just so we could both see shooting stars run across the night sky..." It had been so romantic...and yet he didn't even make a move! He didn't touch her at all, just held her hand and looked up at the sky. While silently she was breaking, she had had so many doubts that night, it seemed like they would have moved beyond nothing incept friends. Untill the sun came up and he kissed her awake, she had fell asleep alittle before the sun rose. Wakeing up to him kissing her...that had been her first kiss.
Kikyou smiled at the memory and looked up at the moon. "I will never forget that night, no matter all the pain it has caused me since then...that was the night that I knew Inuyasha's feelings for me were real..." Kikyou looked down at the ground after saying that. "Well that was the night...that I thought they were real anyway..." Kikyou felt herself crying suddenly, standing up, she wiped away her tears. Now wasn't the time to be crying. She didn't want anyone to see her crying...what would they say? What would Inuyasha or Seshoumaru say.
"Oh thats right...I never saw you again either, and as for Inuyasha...what would he say? Nothing but jubberish I bet. I wonder if this room can make a illusion of people..." Looking in front of her, Kikyou closed her eyes after sighing, if this didn't work, she was going to feel very stupid. Opening she was suprised to see it had worked. (Okay, don't get mad! I know that not everyone likes Sesshoumaru/Kikyou, just like not everyone likes Kikyou. But if you flame me because of this part in the fic, I will rip your head off! Oh and please don't stop reading because of this part, its just a very small Sess/Kik part)
Standing in front of her, markings on his face and all along with his and his brothers white hair, was Sesshoumaru. He looked down at her and she looked up at him, knowing that he was a illusion. Smileing through her tears, she reached a hand up to touch his face. She held her hand in the air just a centemiter or two from touching him. "In real life I wanted to say something...I didn't really know how I felt...It was nice traveling with you. Near my death, after I saved Rin again from demons, and you said that I could be usefull in helping take care of Rin. Even though I knew you were useing me...it was still nice. Heh, I think I made your eyes alittle bit warmer, maybe in real life I wanted you to look at me the same way you looked at Rin."
(Flashback, damn I should have labeled when she was talking about Inuyasha as a flashback. Even though I didn't talk about the moment in detail, I'm just not good at writeing Inu/Kik. Well I hope I didn't sponge off anyone plot in Sess/Kik fanfiction. That and I did read on a Kikyou website that she saves Rin in the manga from a demon, I would check to see if thats true. But I'm lazy!)
Sitting outside watching the stars might have seemed boring to some people, but she liked it. Even if she wasn't really watching the stars right at that moment. She was thinking about her and Inuyasha, and maybe just alittle about Sesshoumaru. Kikyou heard a sound behind her and turned to see who it was. "Oh its just you Sesshoumaru...Is Rin asleep?"
"Yes. though I don't see why you have to ask. Unless you wanted to talk, if so, I'm not talking."he replyed. He stood behind her and looked up at the sky, while Kikyou looked down at the ground.
"Sesshomaru, what are you going to do once you find Inuyasha and finally kill him? What are you going to do with the sword?"asked Kikyou.
"I wouldn't bother myself with that question, you just worry about yourself for once."said Sesshoumaru. Kikyou looked up and turned slightly to glare at him.
"Whats THAT suppost to mean?"said Kikyou. She didn't like the way he said "worry about yourself". It sounded like he thought something bad was about to happen to her. Sesshoumaru looked down at her and for once in his life...laughed, he laughed in her face!
When he was finished, bended down slightly so he wasn't towering over her sitting form to much. And said: "You seem like your worryed priestess." Kikyou, who from his face close to hers had blushed sightly, was now blushing from anger. She yelled in his face: "You big jerk! The one time you decide to crack a joke and its on me! Don't you have anything else to do!? And stop-" She didn't finish the sentence since he put a hand over her mouth and stared into her eyes. Kikyou blushed again and sat still instead of jumping up and killing a person for the action like she usually would have.
"Stop yelling, you'll wake Rin and Jaken up. And I'm sure we have all had enough of him for today. Now get some sleep, you'll need it. Besides, you need your strength to be angry, and I'm sure in the moring you'll want to yell at me. Right?" Kikyou nodded and he took his hand off her mouth and walked away. Looking at his disappearing figure, Kikyou put a hand to her mouth. No in the moring she would use her strength to punch, kick, slap, and almost kill Jaken for being mean to her and Rin. In the moring she would probably think back to this night, and have to deal with more of Sesshoumaru's coldness.
But she didn't mind, because even if he didn't remember, she would always remember the moment.
(Flashbacks over, and sorry if I made Sesshoumaru too ooc.)
Kikyou stopped remembering that day and put her hand back at her side. "That was the first and last time that you made a joke and the first time I yelled at you too.,"She said to more herself then the illusion of Sesshoumaru standing in front of her.,"In a way looking back on it, I think you only said that because secretly you knew what was going to happen." She was silent for a moment and let herself think back to the day of her second death. Then after the memory became to painful and she stopped thinking about it, she looked into his golden eyes, remembering when Kurama was controlled by Naraku.
"I didn't really think about it then but, I was almost killed by another demon with golden eyes...in a way, Kurama almost reminds me of you. Or maybe he reminds me of Inuyasha...the only difference is that I can trust him. I couldn't trust Inuyasha, and I'm sad to say it but, I couldn't trust you either, I always had the feeling that you were going to use and betray me. But with Kurama, my doubts are different...with him I always wonder about how he feels, not if he's going to kill me or not. And with him...its much harder to say how I feel..."
Hearing a sound behind her she turned around to see Kurama enter the room that she was in. She turned back to look at the illusion of Sesshoumaru, just to find him gone. Wipeing away her tears and putting a fake smile on her face, she sat down on the hill and waited for Kurama to come to her.
"Kikyou...I'm surpised to find you here, I almost forgot that this place existed..."said Kurama by he stood by her side looking up at the stars. Kikyou looked up at him and smiled, even if it was a fake smile. It seemed easier to put on a fake face then your real one. Kurama looked down at her and their eyes met. "If you want,"Kikyou said to him.,"we could got to anywhere you want. Any place in the world, just you and me, even any place in the universe..." Kurama smiled and sat by her her side, Kikyou leaned against him. "Thats okay, I don't need to go anywhere. As long as I'm with you...I'm fine."
"Really, you don't even want a field of flowers? Or the wonders of the world?"asked Kikyou. Kurama smiled at her. "No thanks, I espesilly don't want a field of flowers, not after the dream I had. And I never really wanted to see the wonders of the world. Kikyou, in a way I'm glad you didn't see me these past days..." "Why?"asked Kikyou. She wanted to know if he would guess correctly that she had left him alone so he could heal and forget about what he had done to her. Even if he was controlled by Naraku at the time.
"Because, I wouldn't know how to act around you. I need some time to clear my head. To think about...us."replyed Kurama.
"Oh I see, you worryed you would attack me agian.,"asked Kikyou, seeing the look on his face, she guessed that he had worryed about that., "Don't worry, if we can hold on to ourselves we can hold on to anything. I knew that you weren't yourself that night, and that a part of you remained. Even if it happened again, and you did kill me-"
"I don't want that to happen! Maybe its better if I just leave, you can finish the mission without me..."inturupted Kurama. Kikyou put a hand to his cheek and forced him to meet her eyes.
"You didn't let me finish, if you did kill me, I would watch over you always. If I couldn't bring you back to me, I would wait for the day when you would come to me. I know now that you would never betray me, I've know all along really...so don't think to much about that night. Just forget it, don't place it true or close to your heart. I will always stay by you, and with me now being the true Priestess of the Shikon no tama, we can end this. Just stay by my side, you give me strength."
Kikyou leaned let go of Kurama's face and put her head on his shoulder. He blushed and didn't say anything for a few minutes, just watched a shooting star fall across the sky, then he looked back down at her. He was about to say something tell he saw that she was asleep. "Stay...with me..."said Kikyou in her sleep. Kurama put his head against hers and whispered to her sleeping form:
"Don't worry, I'll stay by you, I'll always stay by your side Kikyou. I'll stay here by my own will, because this is where I belong...by your side..."
The next moring.
"Has anyone seen Kikyou or Kurama?"asked Botan as she was packing her stuff in the room where she had left there bags. It was a small liveing room and Botan looked around it again. Sure enough, she was right the first time, Kikyou and Kurama weren't among them.
"Maybe,"said Yusuke.,"the're off makeing babies." Botan's eyes widened by Kuwabara started laughing. Hiei only coughed, he had chocked on the water he was drinking when Yusuke said that. It was just too funny! Too bad Botan didn't think it was.
She took out her oar and smaked him and everyone in the room on the head then yelled at them. "Your idots are going to help me find them or I will show you how two humans and one demon make a very messy milkshake!"
"Your going to eat us? And with ice cream?"asked Hiei sarcasticly. Botan kicked him and continued dragging him out the room.
After walking down a couple of hallways and looking into over a hunderd or so rooms, they came across the steel door that Kurama and Kikyou had come across last night. Botan dragged them all inside and let go of them as she looked shocked for a moment, then giggled.
"They make the perfeact couple! And they look so peaceful by the're sleeping!"she said.
"What did I tell you? They were off makeing babies."said Yusuke.
"Pathtic. Now lets wake them up and get this whole mission over with."said Hiei.
"I think we should take a picture, its a Kodiac moment!"said Kuwabara. While everyone was standing around and makeing comments. Kurama woke up from all the noise. He yawned and looked over his shoulder at the three standing near the door. "Oh moring already...I guess this place Kikyou created changes with the time...Hey why are you looking at me like that?"asked Kurama. "I didn't think you had it in you man! I thought for sure you were gay!"said Yusuke as he walked up to Kurama and patted him on the back.
"So did it hurt? Was she ruff on you, I think she's the type of babe that would be into that stuff."said Kuwabara as he walked up to Yusuke and stood next to him.
"Now come on you two, you know very well that Kurama's not like that! Besides, what happened happened, and its there business."said Botan, which made Kurama even more confused.
"Whatever, lets just accept the stupid fact that they might have had sex and move on. Its no big deal, through I hope that she doesnt'-"Hiei was inturupted by Kurama, who yelled at all four of them.
"THAT SHE DOESN'T WHAT!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS THINKING!? WE DID NOT HAVE SEX!! AND STOP ACTTING LIKE WERE MARRYED OR A COUPLE OR SOMETHING, OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL RIP YOU APART AND FEED YOU TO MY PLANTS!!!"yelled Kurama. After a few seconds he stood up and stomped out of the room. Kikyou sat up and yawned.
"Hey whats going on, moring already...yawn...I'm so tired...I guess I should have went to sleep earlyer...hey whats with you guys?"asked Kikyou.
"Nothing.,"they all said at the same time., "Lets just continue with our mission..."
Kikyou shrugged her shoulders. She stood up and started walking toward the exit.
Okay end of the chapter, sorry if some of the characters in this chapter were occ, and I think I went over board with Kurama yelling. But I thought it was hilarious! XD Feed to his plants! Now thats a fanfiction I would want to read, and I'm surprised Kikyou's such a sound sleeper, she didn't wake up at all during all that yelling. Plus who knew Kurama had that in him, I just it only goes to prove the already well known fact, don't mess with quite people. I've already proven that fact to alot of people by yelling at them too. Also, the whole illusion chamber...I got that from a old scifi show! I just felt like putting it in there, through don't ask me on the show I got it from, because I don't know! lol Well stick around for the next chapter! In chapter 10: Kikyou, Kurama, Botan, and the rest continue with their mission, but along the way they have to stop at the town where the Shikon no tama was made...and along the way Kikyou meets Sesshoumaru.
If you don't like men singing, or even for that matter Sesshoumaru singing, then I suggest you stay away from the next chaper. I wanted that chapter to prove that Kikyou isn't the only singer, through she does sing alot. But don't worry, no one else sings. And the next chapter is a must read, because Kikyou faces off against...herself.
And trust me! If you skip the next chapter, you will be lost in this story and miss a really cool battle scene between Kikyou and...well Kikyou! Even though I'm alittle bad at battle scenes so don't complain about the next chapter. And if you Sesshoumaru/Rin, I don't like that pairing though, then you will like the next chapter. Through don't expect alot of that pairing, since I don't like it and they don't have a big part in this story! lol Well read and review, and no flames alright? I haven't gotten any but I don't want any now, so review and be nice.
Oh and sorry if the're alot of spelling mistakes in this, I'm staying up late to finish this chapter so I don't have time to check it! That and because of stupid Arizona and the're whole, go back to school the 12th thing, I will no longer have time to write any updates for things untill weekends. Great, more traffic, no lunch breaks, screaming winying kids, horrible teachers, and hot weather. Gee, thanks Arizona, you dumbasses. Well enough already, just review.