Disclaimer: I don't own the Power Rangers. So don't try to buy them from me. Please don't get all offended because I mocked your favorite Ranger. I try to mock them all. Besides, it's just for fun. I really do enjoy the show :). Hi to all from AFPR…especially my fellow Psychos. Please let me know if I make any errors. I have no difficulty with receiving constructive criticism.
Reminder: If anyone still wants to put in a story request, you have until July 31. Thanks.
By
Eileen (Psycho Tangerine)
Jason stood in front of the bathroom mirror practicing his poses. This was his second week in Geneva and already he was attracting the ladies with his amazing muscles. Only that morning he had a group of Swedish beauties giggling in delight over his display. He wrinkled his forehead in thought. Of course, Zack had told him they were laughing at him because he had still been wearing his Snoopy boxers. Jason smirked. Jealousy could do that to people.
Suddenly, there was a loud BOOM in the bedroom next to the bathroom. Jason reacted instinctively. He centered himself on the bathroom floor and, looking as intimidating as he could, announced, "It's morphing time! Tyrannosaurus!"
Nothing happened.
"Tyran…oh damn," he groaned. Rocky had his morpher now. Dumb old Zordon had refused his request to let them teleport all the way from Switzerland every time Zedd and Rita attacked. He had blathered some stupid nonsense about the time delay possibly causing lives. But Jason was sure he had seen Zordon wink at his new favorite leader, Tommy. Too bad, because he needed some excitement to offset the yawnfests these peace conferences were already becoming.
As Jason was thinking this, he was also planning out a line of defense. Most likely, Goldar had found him and had decided on a final battle with him…him, not Tommy. At least Rita's goons knew who was the more important Ranger. As he hid behind the shower curtain, toilet brush in hand, Jason beamed in anticipation. Wouldn't Tommy be jealous when he returned to Angel Grove with the winged monkey's head?
There was a tentative knock on the door. Then it creaked open. "Hello?" came a female voice. "Is there anyone here?"
"Scorpina," growled Jason. Oh, this was going to be even better. Trini loathed the evil being for being more exotic looking than her. If he defeated Scorpina, well Billy would find all of his efforts to attract his former Yellow translator to have been for naught.
Jen sighed when no answer came. She opened the door all the way. There on the sink was HIS toothbrush, HIS shaving cream, and HIS soap scum. "Wow, I can't believe I'm…" Whump! She felt something wet and scratchy whack her in her face. A second later she realized what it was. "Oh gross! Is that toilet brush even clean?" She whipped around to glare at her attacker and stopped short. "It's you! I can't believe it!"
Jason stared confusedly at the brunette in pink. "Forget it, Scorpina, even plastic surgery and that awful hair dye job can't fool me!" He began to whip toilet paper balls at her.
Jen frowned. "You've got to be kidding me. Hmmm…maybe I've got the wrong person." As Jason continued to 'attack' her, she pressed a button on her communicator. "Hey, Circuit, could you show me that holoprojection of Jason Lee Scott again?" Two seconds later, Jason's image appeared above her wrist. "Thank you. No, I was right. That's him. I can't believe that he was the greatest leader the Power Rangers ever had."
Jason's ears perked up. "Ooh, I love the sound of that. Say it again."
Jen rolled her eyes. "The greatest leader the Power Rangers ever had?"
"Yeah!" Jason pumped his fist into the air. "Now say it in a sultry sexy manner."
Jen kneed him. "Forget it, buster. I may be a Pink Ranger, but I'm no pushover." She glared at Jason who was now doubled over.
"Pink Ranger? Who, who are you?" wheezed Jason. "What was that loud crashing noise anyway?"
"Oh, sorry about that. I think you'll have to replace your bed. I'm Jen, Jen Scotts by the way." She decided not to mention the fact that she had changed her last name from Fizzlewizzlemeyers when she was old enough. And who else to emulate than the one person from the past she admired the most? But, it would've been more than embarrassing to admit her bizarre obsession with whoever had produced Scott's Toilet Tissue.
Sufficiently recovered enough to walk again, Jason peeked into his bedroom. "What the hell is that humongous thing in the middle of my room?!" He noticed something else. "No! My karate trophies! You crushed them!" He glared at Jen. "No one, but no one destroys my babies without paying for it!" He posed again. "It's morph…oh damn it!"
"Oh, poor thing," said Jen sympathetically. "Did you want to do something like this? Time for Time Force!" She quickly morphed into the Pink TimeForce Ranger. Then she quickly demorphed.
"My powers!" sobbed Jason as he threw himself into his desk chair. "I…I…need them back! I hate it here! Hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it…" he sniffled over and over as he banged his head on the oak desk top.
Jason's head banging was getting to Jen. "Hey, cheer up, according to history, you'll get to be a Gold Ranger soon." She hoped there wouldn't be any serious changes to the future for that little revelation.
Jason looked up at her. "Nice try, but there's no such thing. Oh, my poor Red Tyrannosaurus Zord, in the hands of that idiotic Rocky. He's probably already destroyed it!" With that Jason went back to his head banging.
Jen crossed her arms in anger. "Maybe the history logs were wrong. Maybe Tommy Oliver was the best Ranger leader instead." She sighed. "I can't believe I defied Time Force law by coming here for leadership advice."
Jason perked up immediately. He sat up, smiled and flexed his muscles. "Tommy Oliver? Ha! If that old baldy Zordon hadn't been so enthralled with his long hair, he would never have given that upstart my position as leader. I mean, I took that loser in after he tried to kill me and he paid me back by snatching the spotlight from me!"
"Uh, yeah, so can you tell me…"
Jason looked at Jen questioningly. "So, why couldn't your Red Ranger come here for advice?"
Jen sighed at the mention of the man she still pined for. "Well, Wes is probably too busy with his Red Ranger duties. Besides, you'll get to meet…"
"Or did he think you needed something to do to make you feel more important?" Jason leaned over and patting Jen patronizingly on the head.
Jen snarled at him. "For your information I AM the leader of my Ranger group. In my time, Pink Rangers do far more than act as team cheerleaders and whine for their boyfriends!" Wes, oh Wes, why can't you be here to rescue me from this dolt? she pleaded in her mind.
"Fine, fine," Jason conceded, backing slowly away from the angry woman. This was NOT someone to mess with, he mused as his groin still gave an occasional twinge of pain. He hadn't seen a female this angry since one of Zedd's monstrosities had fallen on Kim's favorite mall store. "So, what kind of advice do you want anyway? Strategic? Morale? Looking good when leading the team in a morph?"
"Actually, I was hoping you'd tell me how you dealt with the death threats," replied Jen.
"Hmmm," pondered Jason. "Well, I guess it just comes with the territory. I mean, Goldar has tried to kill me numerous times. Oh wait; this is a leadership question, isn't it? Were your teammates threatened? Are they all currently quivering in fear like a bunch of girlie sissies? Well you just go tell them that if they don't get off their pansy asses and start kicking monster butt…"
"No, no, no! I mean how do you deal with death threats from your own teammates?" corrected Jen.
"Huh?" asked Jason. "Why would you think the other Rangers had threatened to kill me? They love me." If he had his way, this would be even truer of two of his former teammates.
"Really?" asked Jen. "Then I guess they didn't mind the all night marching drills?"
"The what?"
"…Or the expired army rations?"
"Eeewwww…"
"…Or the three hour long lectures after each battle…"
"We usually just went home to sleep."
"…Or having to do the obstacle course with hundred pound packs in the searing heat."
"Oh, now who would ever threaten you after all that barbaric torture?" asked Jason sarcastically. This woman was definitely unbalanced. The sooner he answered her question and got her out of his apartment, the better. Besides, Trini was due to come over in a half-hour and he didn't want to give her the impression that he wasn't available any more.
"Well," began Jen. "Lucas said he'd run me over with his racecar. Katie wanted to drop Lucas' racecar on me. And Trip told me he had reprogrammed his owl-computer. Circuit to deliver me a thousand jolts of electricity."
"At least they're creative," commented Jason.
"Of course they are. With all the genetic improvements of my time, I'm sure we outsmart you at the same rate that your people outsmart the Neanderthals." Jen frowned. "Wait just a damn second. What do you mean torture? I just want my team to be an effective fighting force."
Jason sighed. "Of course, you do. But couldn't you just go over the main points of your battles after they've rested?"
"But I was told if I did that, they would never learn…"
"Couldn't you let them do the obstacle courses in the shade? And what's the point of the full packs? Power Rangers don't use those. And we certainly don't march, so what's the point of marching drills?"
"Uh, buildup of character? At least, I think that's what he said…"
"Oh, and break out your purse and buy them some real food you cheapskate."
"But, but, but Alex said that it would toughen them up!" cried Jen. "He told me that the only way I'd rate as a great leader was if I made them do all that stuff."
"Alex? Who's that?" asked Jason.
"My jerky ex-fiance!" sobbed Jen. "I should've known he was angry at me for abandoning him for some look-alike who lives in the past and who therefore I can never be with." She sighed in rapture at the thought of Wes…particularly that one morning she had 'accidentally' barged in on him while he was showering.
Jason was puzzled. "Wait, you mean you broke off with this Alex for another guy who looked exactly like him, but who you couldn't stay with?" He shook his head in disbelief.
"Sure," replied Jen. "And when I got back from the Ransik mission, Alex told me that I hadn't been tough enough with the other Rangers. He said that if I did all that stuff, they'd perform better and then it wouldn't take us 'so damned long' to capture vengeful murderous mutants." She growled, "and all because of his jealousy."
"Ok," said Jason, looking pointedly at the Time capsule. "So I guess you want to go back now and teach that jerk a lesson, huh?"
"Oh, I certainly do." Jen looked at Jason with a gleam in her eye. "But, do you know what would really make him go wild?"
"What?" asked an unsuspecting Jason.
"If I returned with the famous Jason Scott as my personal lap dog!" A second later, she had grabbed him by the seat of his pants and shoved him into her time capsule.
"Hey! What the? Get me out of here!" shouted Jason as he pounded on the now sealed door. "You can't kidnap me! I'm the future Gold Ranger!" was the last thing that could be heard as the ship blasted off, making a new hole in the ceiling.