Love.
I have never been able to define love in a true lover's point of view. I have love for family, for friends, for my country. But the love of a woman, nay, I never loved a woman until I loved you.
And if I was ever envious of love- I wish I wasn't. If I ever sought it- I wish I hadn't. Because now I know what it is, now I know why wars are won and why they are started. I know what I must be; I must be a man made to protect her, to live by her, and die by her. I must be something rather than nothing all for her.
Simplicity in life and in work is not an option because of that stupid, small, and complex word. Love. Love is like a decease that infects all reason and leaves a shell of protection. Love ruins the mind and burns away the pathways for any other thought. Love is insanity. I am insane for her. I will die for her; I will kill, plunder, and fight- for her.
I love her.
I love the woman who owns the hair of a pink blooming flower and the eyes empowered with the brightest shades green.
If I killed myself today, would the love pass with me into the afterlife? Could we meet in fiery pits or frothy clouds? Could our souls mend when reincarnated, so that we would always be together? Or are we destined to waste away our lives just looking for each other. If we had children would they have children who would have children in which we will be reborn, so that we could once again be together? Is there any logical equation in which could satisfy my worry! Could she always be mine?
"Would you be mine?"
When you look at me like that, so confused, I wonder if you love me as I love you. Are you bound to me like I am bound to you? Am I just the replacement for the time, or is this the true love? The love of a soul split at birth so that it can find it's other half. What fairness in this world would give you the bigger half of our soul, and leave me so utterly dependent?
"Can I hold you?"
Your sad eyes are worse than any wound I've suffered, worse than my sleepless nights, and worse than death ITSELF. I see those eyes flicker and glitter and move between moods. I see the confusion melt away into sad pity.
I hate the pity you always waft whenever you are around me.
I know that you think I need mending or saving, but you are all that I really need. I so insanely need you like the moon needs the sun. Like fire needs air to exist! I need you like my heart needs blood. Without blood, I pump and work for no reason, no purpose! You are my air, my sanity, my salivation from this abomination which manifests itself inside me.
"Can I kiss you?"
I can't stand being ignored. Talk to me, acknowledge me, and love me. Above all, love me!
"Would you return my passion?"
Please stop just looking at me and touch me, talk to me!
"Can you?"
Please don't close your eyes, please don't go yet. Say something, anything before I am left much less then the hollow shell you found me. My hand grasps yours so tightly that I am certain that I hurt you, but I need a reaction! Why do you deny me at every turn, every request! Why?
PLEASE!
"Sakura… please?"
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12/27/05- Published. 519 words.
11/09/12- Updated and edited. 608 words.
Truly, MoyE