Disclaimer: I don't own the Power Rangers. So don't try to buy them from me. Please don't get all offended because I mocked your favorite Ranger. I try to mock them all. Besides, it's just for fun. I really do enjoy the show :). 'Hi" to all from AFPR…especially my fellow Psychos. Please let me know if I make any errors. I have no difficulty with receiving constructive criticism.

If you haven't done so, please read the first fifty stories in "When Rangers Meet." Thanks.

Wow, I can't believe I haven't written for over two months. Sorry about that, but I've been really busy with my class. Actually, I'm still a bit busy, but things are somewhat less crazy now. This is story number nine and it was requested by the one, the only, Dagmar Buse. I hope it's not too bad. I'm really out of practice.

Eric and Ryan

By

Eileen (Psycho Tangerine)

"I work alone," sneered Eric. He stepped back to study the effect this had. "Hmmmm," he said to the full-length mirror in his bedroom, "just a little less sneer and a little more glare." He then began to practice his intimidating poses. "Oh, yeah, I really look cool," he boasted to himself. Then he sighed. So, then why was he having such a dry spell with the ladies? He had been so excited when he had gotten his powers. Here was a great way to impress women, and yet, he still received his usual quota of face slaps. Maybe he'd have to rethink his current strategy of asking potential dates if they wanted to 'touch the morpher in his pants.'

"Ding Dong."

"Oh great," Eric groaned as he tossed on his shirt. "Wes!" he hollered as he stomped to the door. "I told you to stop bugging me all the time! I don't WANT to be your 'bestest buddy!'" He paused and then smirked as he suddenly recalled the special 'surprise' he had set up for the annoying Red Ranger.

"Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock..SPLOOOOSHH!"

"What the hell?!" spluttered a strange voice from the other side of the door. "Bird poop?! This wacko's spilled bird poop on me!" A second later, Eric's door was bashed in by an unfamiliar young man. His hair and shoulders were completely covered in guano.

"Uh oh, you're not Wes," stated Eric in surprise.

"How in God's name did YOU get to be a Ranger?" screamed an enraged Ryan. "Even the demons have more manners!" He stood there seething as Eric handed him a towel. Inwardly, he was laughing. What a great way for him to keep Joel from invading his room for girlie magazines.

"Uh, sorry about that," mumbled Eric apologetically. "I thought you were someone else." Belatedly, he realized his brilliant idea of saving up his birds' poop for such a joke had a major flaw. But then again, considering that absolutely no one but Wes ever came to his house, how was he to know that this one time, someone else would decide to visit him?

"Never mind," burbled Ryan who, having already tossed off his shirt, was now sticking his head under the faucet in Eric's kitchen sink. "Just get me some shampoo."

"Don't use up all my water!" cried Eric as he dashed to the bathroom. "That skinflint, Collins, barely pays me enough as it is!"

"Like I give a shit," snarled Ryan as he took the Herbal Essence from Eric. Then he snorted. "Get it? Shit? Oh, I've still got it!" He sniffed curiously. "Ooh, passion flower. Now I really feel pretty." He began to moan. "Oooooh, aaaahhhhh, oooooohhhh, aaaaaahhhh, ooooohhh…"

"Oh, very funny," said Eric. "It just so happened I had a coupon. That's the ONLY reason I got that brand." Well, that and the fact he had heard that a certain Pink Ranger loved that particular scent. He grinned in self-satisfaction. It wouldn't be long before he charmed Jen away from that idiot Wes.

"Whatever you say," replied Ryan as he picked up the towel and began drying his hair. "But you're still paying for my dry cleaning."

"Fine, I'll just go without heat next month," sighed Eric dramatically.

"Oh, just drop the 'impoverished' act," groaned Ryan. "I saw that fancy SUV in your driveway..."

"Well, actually that belongs to Biolab…"

"…Besides, I've come here with an important proposal."

Eric gazed at Ryan incredulously. "Hey, I may be desperate, but I'm not THAT desperate."

Ryan shook his head. Then he pulled a little black book out of his back pocket and tossed it to Eric. "I'm not desperate at all, in fact," he smirked, "I think I'm booked up 'til next March."

"So, uh what kind of proposal do you mean, then?" queried Eric as he quickly regained his usually attitude of feigned disinterest. He looked suspiciously at the other man. "Who the hell are you, anyway?"

"Oh, that's right. How absolutely rude of my not to introduce myself as that bucket of crap poured all over me," replied Ryan sarcastically. "Anyway, the name's Ryan, Ryan Mitchell. I'm the…"

"The Titanium Ranger!" Eric cried. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! You are THE Ryan Mitchell. You've been my hero ever since I saw you in the news." Eric was now bouncing around the kitchen in excitement. "Know what? Ever since I became a sixth Ranger like you, I've really been trying to emulate you."

Ryan looked askance at the other man. "Huh?"

"Sure, I've got that whole 'hate everyone and everything' down pretty much." Eric leaned towards Ryan. "I've even tried to kill that stupid Red Ranger once or twice."

"Are you insane?!" snapped Ryan. "I don't hate the other Rangers on my team. They're my friends. Hell, my sister's on that team."

"But, but I even stole my powers, just like you did."

"Hey, I had a reason to be angry back then. I got stuck living with demons as a kid." Ryan began to pace back and forth in irritation. "Do you know what it's like trying to survive off rock slime, toadstools, bugs, and the occasional bat? Do you know what it's like trying to teach those big ugly oafs to play something normal like baseball?" Ryan's face got beet red as he turned around and glared at Eric. "Do you know what it's like to constantly be angry at your father because if the idiot had just put my seatbelt on, I wouldn't have gone flying out of that damned truck and ended up dangling off his moldy shoe?!"

"Uh no, not really," replied Eric. "But, I've got good reasons to hate them, anyway."

"Oh, why, pray tell?" Ryan asked sarcastically. "Why do you think it's ok to try to kill a fellow Ranger? Your daddy didn't make as much money as Wes' daddy? You're pissed that his suit's the same color as yours? You hope that Mr. Collins will adopt you to replace his son so you can gain his inheritance?"

"Nah," Eric replied nonchalantly as he made a mental note to check on the legalities of being adopted at his age, "I just want to keep Wes from reporting any vital information to those aliens from the future he calls his teammates."

Ryan blinked. "Aliens? Future? Dear God, you are out of your mind."

"It's true," insisted Eric. "Conwing told me they're from the future and Jen confirmed it. And their Green Ranger has green hair and a gem in his forehead."

"So you have a punk with a fetish for bizarre piercings. Big deal."

"But…"

"Look, I don't have time for your hallucinations," interrupted Ryan. "As I said, I have an important proposal." He paused suddenly and began to feel his back in a sudden panic. "Serpie! No! I got shampoo in Serpie's mouth!" He began to jump around. "Get some water! I gotta wash out his mouth!"

"What the hell are you babbling about?" questioned Eric as he gawked at the other man who was now leaping around and brushing at his bare back.

"Water! Hurry! Please!" gasped Ryan.

Eric shrugged. He filled a cup with water and splashed it on Ryan's back.

"Oh, thank you. I thought Serpie was a goner. I thought….oh, wait, that's right," Ryan finally recalled as he redried himself. "My snake, Serpie's, not there anymore." He began to sniff at the loss of the only pet he had ever had. He didn't care that it had been a tattoo designed to kill him.

"I'd ask, but I don't think I even want to know. I suppose living underground with demons can really affect the brain," mumbled Eric.

"Do you have a shirt I can use?" requested Ryan.

"Uh, sure," replied Eric as he grabbed a t-shirt from the top of the microwave and tossed it to Ryan.

"Tha…ewww…" sniffed Ryan. "Don't you have anything that's clean?"

"Sorry, wash day's not until tomorrow." Eric grabbed a can of deodorant and began to spray the shirt. "Just wear it inside out so the stains don't show."

"Screw that!" retorted Ryan as he tossed the pungent shirt aside. "Titanium Ranger Power!" With that, he morphed into his Ranger Suit. "We'd better hurry, there isn't much time!"

"Not much time?" demanded Eric. "Not much time for what? Feeding your invisible back snake? Watching your demon buddies play a double header? Putting anti-fungal powder into your father's shoes? You still haven't told me what you came here for in the first place!"

"Oh, didn't you know? It's on all the major channels."

"Know what? My set's on hock at the moment."

"Both of our teams are getting ready to fight against Vypra and Ransik. We have to be there in less than five minutes in order to make our dramatic 'sixth ranger' entrances."

"Oh! The teamup! Why didn't you just say so in the first place?" asked Eric. With that, he silently morphed and followed Ryan outside. "I can't believe I almost missed it," he murmured as he let Ryan into his SUV. "Oh well," he sighed as he started the vehicle and began to drive towards the upcoming conflict. "Maybe I'll do better at next year's teamup. Maybe I'll even get a girlfriend."

"Not likely," commented Ryan from the passenger seat. "You're not a Red Ranger."

Eric just glared at him.