Woohoo! I'm back! And I have a beta! (Brings out beta and smothers in kisses, cookies and love) IcySapphire15! Loves you!
Oh! And I only just found out that my exam results come out on the 22nd, which means three days before XMAS! Agh! That means that if I don't 'perform' I suffer bad chances of getting presents. Reviews will make me fell better though. (Grabs her chocolate-scented bear Coco)
Can't you imagine Remus with a chocolate-scented teddy? Eee! Cute!
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Disclaimer: Me no owny, you no suey!
Warning: Slashy goodness!
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Remus was addicted to caffeine. There was no doubt about it. He could sit and drink cup after cup of coffee and/or tea without jumping around like a hyperactive bunny. Yet (and maybe it was his werewolf blood at work) he could go to sleep immediately after. It wasn't the same with Sirius, one mug full and he'd be up all night.
This was why Remus, strength utterly spent, had collapsed on Harry's bed and fell into a deep sleep, despite the 'magic' of caffeine.
While curled up on the sheets he dreamt of Sirius again. This dream was much the same as the others. The half-lit Department of Mysteries. The arch with the veil. Bellatrix's cruel laugh of triumph at hitting her cousin square in the chest with her spell.
Time slowed, every second like an eternity, every sound isolated, as Remus stared at Sirius' body falling, falling, falling…
He could see every strand of unkempt hair moving upwards with the force of the air. He could see every fold of material that was Sirius' cloak twisting into shapes seemingly of their own accord. He could see every bit of emotion in those blue-grey eyes, from the previous mirth to the surprise, and the over-protectiveness that led him to need to save Harry. He could hear the clatter of Sirius' twelve and a half inch wand as it hit the stone floor. He could hear the muffled thud of Sirius hitting the floor, just beyond the veil. He could hear the gentle whooshing of the veil itself, settling back into place as if it had only been stirred by the wind.
But he couldn't see all the other people around him. He could not see Dumbledore aiming his wand at the remaining Death Eaters. He could not see Bellatrix run with other cowardly followers of Voldemort. He could not see the jets of light issuing from wands. He could not hear the shouts and curses being shouted by both the Dark and the Light sides.
And then everyone, everything, disappeared, and it was only he and the veil.
A veil that looked totally innocent, but harboured a hidden power that you suspected not. A ragged piece of cloth that had apparently done away with his love in the time you took to breathe. A mock curtain that held the entrance to a world no one knew of, save the dead.
He was alone. So alone. James was dead, as was Lily, those years ago. Peter…thought dead but exposed to be alive. To Remus, he was as good as dead. There was no shy little mousey boy that tagged along for fun; there was only a greedy scared man who'd give up his friends for his life instead of the other way around.
And now Sirius. His last lifeline to the past, to a time he had actually felt safe and cared for. His first friend. His last love.
Remus was alone.
The last Marauder.
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When he woke up, the sun's rays had already started peaking in through the curtains. Yawning, Remus neatened up the green sheets before heading to the bathroom for a shower.
As he stood underneath the jet of hot water, bits of his last dream floated unbidden in his mind's eye. His fists clenched involuntarily.
'Why can't I forget?' Remus felt the anger building inside him, and before he could curb it he had punched the wall of the shower. The tiniest of cracks formed from where his knuckles had met the bathroom tile, blossoming out like a spider's web.
Sighing, he passed his now bruised hand over the fissure and repaired the tile. (1)
He turned up the water pressure, hoping the increase would help him calm down. And it did, the anger washing away gently, leaving him drained. He stepped out of the shower, and after drying himself, wrapped a towel around his waist.
Opening the wardrobe he (previously) shared with Sirius, the first thing he saw was Sirius' favourite shirt. A black tee with the Chinese character for 'Moon' on it. Without thinking, Remus took it out and pulled it over his head, enveloping himself in the smell of his lover. Also pulling on a pair of faded jeans, he marched downstairs and lit a fire in the grate.
He took a pinch of glittering powder from a pot on top of the fireplace and threw it into the fire. The previously orange flames turned emerald green. Remus stepped into the pleasantly warm blaze and uttered the name of his destination.
"Number 12 Grimmauld Place."
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You had to admit that after the war, Harry had made a good home out of the Black house. The portrait of Sirius' mother had finally been removed, as had most of the more… ghastly articles. (Including the severed heads of 'retired' house elves.) The whole house now had a cosier look to it, more fit to live in.
"Professor Lupin!"
Remus turned and smiled at the blonde walking toward him.
"How many times do I have to tell you, Draco, call me Remus." The werewolf accepted the hand being proffered to him and shook it warmly.
Draco Malfoy (2) echoed his smile. "A pleasure, as always. You're here to see Harry, I suppose?"
Remus nodded. "I wanted to ask him something, that's all. It won't take long."
Draco's silver eyes were wide. "Stay all you want, Remus. Why don't you go to the kitchen, I've just served up breakfast." Waving aside all protests, he continued, "I'll go get Harry from upstairs. For all I know, he's still asleep!"
Remus finally gave in and proceeded to the kitchen. Memories of countless Order meetings came to mind, out of each one he could pinpoint where exactly Sirius had sat in the room. The table had been replaced for a new, better varnished one.
He sat at the table, feeling an odd wave of nostalgia at being in the kitchen again. It had been a long time. But that had been his fault. He had taken every possible step to avoid coming into the house. Whenever meetings were scheduled, he came late and left as early as was deemed polite. He made excuses whenever Harry or Draco invited him over. Goodness knew he was good at them, having used excuses to throw James, Sirius and Peter off his trail in school. Not that it had worked in the long run, of course.
Sighing, Remus had just poured himself a cup of coffee when a sleepy-eyed and barefoot Harry Potter came into the room, followed by Draco. The ebony-haired man smiled when he saw Remus seated there. Remus stood to give his godson a hug.
"How are you, Remus?" The Saviour of the world sat down and smiled.
"Oh, the usual, Harry. The full moon comes and goes."
Draco started piling food onto Harry and Remus' plates. "Eat! I didn't slave over the stove for nothing, you know."
"Slave over the stove? Didn't you just magic these?" Nevertheless, Remus obediently picked up his knife and fork.
"I cooked it," the blonde replied proudly. "Harry's been teaching me."
"And a good student he's been, too," Harry said, leaning to the side and placing a small kiss on Draco's cheek.
Remus, seeing the totally innocent and loving gesture, felt a tinge of sadness deep within him. He and Sirius had shared kisses like that. A long time ago. He found himself being very interested in his eggs and sausages.
"So…you wanted to ask me something?"
"Huh?" Remus looked up. "Oh…yeah…I wanted to ask…did…did Sirius ever ask you where the best place to hide things was?"
The question appeared to throw Harry. Grief was clear in those emerald eyes, mirrored in Draco's silver ones. Harry averted his eyes to the table and blinked a few times, presumably to get rid of the tears. Draco squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.
Finally, Harry composed himself enough to give Remus a small smile and say, "Surprisingly…yeah, he did…some time ago…I think it was in one of his letters…and I told him that my best hiding place was the loose floorboard under my bed. Perfect for stashing things."
Draco frowned. "Why do you ask this now?"
Wordlessly, Remus handed him the first letter Sirius wrote. Harry read it over Draco's shoulder. After a while, they both looked back up at him, Draco carefully folding the parchment and handing it to Remus.
"I'm looking for another one of Sirius' letters, and he said- he wrote- that he hid it in a really secure location. And that you, Harry, inspired that location."
This time a tear managed to escape and trailed down his cheek. Draco reached out and wiped it away gently, almost automatically.
"I'm…honoured…"
Remus grasped Harry's hand and squeezed it comfortingly, giving the younger man a smile.
Draco cleared his throat. "Do you want us to come back with you and help look?"
Remus shook his head, smile still in place. "I appreciate the offer, I really do. But I have to do this alone…"
A smile. Draco placed his hand over Remus', which still clasped Harry's. "We understand."
Looking down at their stacked hands, Remus noticed something. "Draco…what's that?"
"Oh…uh…well…we were going to tell everyone in a few days…"
Remus lifted up the blonde's left hand and inspected it carefully. Inspected one finger in particular, to be exact.
Encircling the fourth finger was a ring. Three silver bands twisted and braided around one another elegantly and ended circling around a green gem set in the centre.
"I proposed last night…" Harry said, blushing.
"That's great!" Remus knew there was a wide smile on his face but inside his heart crumbled to dust. He and Sirius never got the chance…
His knife and fork clattered onto his plate, his breakfast forgotten, as he stood up and walked around the table to give Harry and his fiancé a hug. From the matching beams they sported, it was clear that they were looking forward to the nuptials. (A/N: Obviously. Sheesh.)
After conveying his congratulations, Remus said, "Sorry to cut this short, but I have to go…things to do…"
Draco grasped his hand again. "Bye, Remus. We'll see you."
The werewolf took a pinch of Floo powder and chucked it into the fire. Before leaving, he nodded to Harry. "Harry." Then he turned to Draco. "Future godson-in-law."
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The minute he got back home, Remus headed up to the room. He now called it the room, as opposed to their room, as he used to share it with Sirius. It hurt too much to keep calling it their room, as Sirius was…no longer there. Calling it his room sounded too selfish. So it was christened The Room.
Dropping to his hands and knees, the werewolf crawled forward until he was halfway under the bed. Hopefully no one would drop in for a surprise visit and receive an eyeful of his arse.
He started rapping on each of the floorboards, as they were all equally dusty. The first few sounded pretty much the same. Just when he was going to crawl back out and try another bed, he found it.
Digging his fingers into the edge of the floorboard, he pried it open, surprised at how easily it did so.
Immediately, a cloud of dust flew up into his face. Fighting back the urge to sneeze, Remus swiped at the air in front of him to clear it. As soon as it did, he pulled out his wand and lighted up the tip with a quick "Lumos".
A triumphant smile graced his features as he saw an envelope with his name written on it. But what was this underneath…?
Pictures. Stacks and stacks of moving pictures. And every single one was…
Tears flooded his amber eyes. Every single picture in the 'secret compartment' was of him. Sirius had obsessed over him that much.
With shaking fingers, he slit the envelope open, too anxious to read the letter to get out from under the bed.
So wadja think? Is this a great hiding place or what? Remind me to thank Harry. You know, I'm surprised how much that boy has grown…he's got a boyfriend and everything; you wouldn't believe how proud I am of him, Moony!
'I might have some inkling, Sirius,' thought Remus. 'And you'd be even more proud to hear that they're getting married.'
Anyway. From our encounter in the shower, you, sadly, did not see much of my naked body until…what was it? Fifth year? I'm not really sure…either way, it doesn't really matter 'cause I'm not gonna discuss that, there's another memory I would like you to receive this fine day.
Now, if only I can remember what it was…
Just kidding.
Your birthday. You little rascal, it took all three of us a year to pry that information out of you! Well, I did most of the work. But you gotta admit that you're a pretty good secret keeper person. I mean, sheesh.
But that party was a good one! You were totally unsuspecting. I applaud my genius in distracting you during the whole hour James needed to 'get the stuff ready'. Actually, it was the whole day! Or most of it, anyway. Haha. As I remember, it was a Sunday…
((Flashback))
Remus twitched his nose. Something was blowing on his face. Curse those fresh-air-loving people! He could feel his hair being stirred by the breeze that was assaulting him. He couldn't even enjoy his birthday in bed! Not that anyone actually cared. I mean, six years (now seven) of not celebrating his birthday had that kind of effect. (3) No presents, not even a 'Happy Birthday'.
He didn't even expect his friends to remember. He had finally confessed the date of his birth to Sirius last year, during a game of Truth and Dare.
Finally, he couldn't take it. His eyes snapped open.
"AAAAARRRGHH!"
Remus scrambled away from the…thing that had hovered over his face. In his haste in getting off his bed, his legs got tangled in the silk sheets and he ended up in a heap on the stone floor.
"Why, Remus, I didn't know you startled so easily." A grinning Sirius Black lay down on the bed Remus had just…vacated…and look over the side at the still panting werewolf.
"Very funny, Sirius! You bloody gave me a bloody heart attack!" Remus said, miffed that he had produced such a reaction. He started to disentangle himself from the sheets.
"Well, how else would I have gotten you to wake up? Kiss you?"
"Can't say I would mind," muttered Remus to himself.
"What was that, Remmy?" Sirius' head appeared over the lip of the bed again, this time looking quizzical. "I thought you said something."
"I didn't say anything, Sirius," Remus said quickly. It would NOT do well for Sirius to hear that one of his best friends fancied him. Not well at all.
Finally, Remus managed to stand up. "What time is it anyway?" he grumbled, already starting with his usual birthday grouchiness.
"It's nine. I'd have thought you'd be awake by six, as per usual."
"I…didn't feel like it today…" Remus averted Sirius inquiring gaze by rummaging in his trunk for clean clothes.
"Is there something wrong, Remus? Something I should know?" Sirius sounded genuinely concerned.
"No, no. It's nothing," Remus replied, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could. Unsurprisingly, he failed. Miserably. He straightened. "I'm going to change," he said, heading off toward the bathroom.
"Yeah, okay, but hurry up. Today's a Hogsmeade day! You have to come with me!" Sirius sat up on Remus' bed.
The brown haired boy looked at him questioningly. "Why don't you go with Peter, or James?" So I can spend the rest of my twelfth birthday by myself. As per usual.
"James is, er, sick."
"Peter, then? I doubt he's sick."
"He's on…a date!"
Incredulity was splashed over Remus' face. "What?"
Sirius laughed a little. "Yeah, I know, I couldn't believe it either. But he is. So I've only got you to turn to Remus. Whaddya say?" He pushed out his lower lip a little and made his blue-grey eyes wider, batting his eyelashes.
Remus groaned. He could never resist Sirius' puppy dog eyes. Merlin knows how he got so good at it. (A/N: Yes, we all wonder why…imagine what he could get Remus to do for him! "Remmy, could you please take off all my clothes, smother me in chocolate, and lick it all off?" Damn. That makes me hungry!)
"Oh, alright then!" Remus snapped, though not without affection. "Since I have nothing else better to do," he added bitterly, turning back to the bathroom.
"Yay!" Sirius exclaimed, acting like a little three-year-old. "We're gonna have so much FUN!"
Famous last words.
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"Merlin, Sirius, I should have never listened to you!" Remus found himself complaining two hours later.
After he'd finally changed and finished the rest of his daily ablutions, Sirius had dragged him off without breakfast to the awaiting horseless carriages that took them to the nearby village. They had visited Zonko's, as usual (you'd think Sirius would get tired of it.), the Shrieking Shack, and were going to get a Butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks when it started to snow.
"Well, you never could resist my charms could you, Remus? Stop, complaining, it's just a bit of snow!" Sirius smiled at the irritated boy beside him. "Besides, it's not like it can get any-"
"Don't say it!"
Sirius furrowed his brow. "Don't say it? Why not?"
"It's a…Muggle belief, I think. If you say…what you were going to say, then it would jinx us." Remus grimaced as soon as he said that, of course Sirius wouldn't understand Muggle superstitions.
Sirius brushed snow off his shoulder and said, "Well, I'm no sissy Muggle. So I'll say it anyway. It. Can't. Get. Any. Worse!"
Remus groaned, and looked up at the sky expectantly, as if anticipating lightning to strike him down where he stood. He stood there for awhile, motionless, while people hurried past him indoors.
Sirius exhaled impatiently. "Nothing's happening! Let's go, Remus!"
That's when it started to rain.
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They huddled together under a jutting roof, trying to keep as far away as possible from the sheets of moisture pouring from the heavens.
"God really hates me," Remus said grumpily, trying to draw his over-saturated cloak tighter around him.
"Oh, don't be so whiny, Remmy." Sirius flicked his hair out of his eyes. Some of his black hair clung to the sides of his face, and Remus found himself desperately wanting to brush them back to their rightful position.
"I am entitled to be whiny! You dragged me out here, and now I'm soaked, and I'm freezing, and-"
"Oh, you're cold are you? Well, come here." Sirius held his arms out.
Remus crept closer, frowning. "What?"
In a flash, Sirius had enveloped Remus in his arms, the smaller boy somehow fitting perfectly in his grip.
"Warmer?" Sirius whispered into Remus' ear.
The young werewolf just nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He was being cuddled by Sirius! Okay, it was to lend warmth, but the arms were still around him. Merlin, did the black-haired boy know what this closeness in proximity was doing to Remus?
"Let's go inside that shop over there. It looks quite deserted, and it's open. Maybe there's a fire you can warm yourself by, hmm?" Remus could feel the gentle vibrating of Sirius chest as he spoke. He nodded again, thankful that because of the cold whether, Sirius would mistake the blush spreading on his face for something else.
Steering the brown-haired werewolf, Sirius shielded Remus from the worst of the rain and managed to get them both into the shop in less than a minute.
It was mercifully warm, thanks to the roaring fire in the corner. Both of them hurried over to stand in front of it, while Sirius pulled out his wand for a quick Insta-Dry Charm. Remus smiled his thanks and rubbed his freezing hands together.
"Table for two, dears?" a pleasant voice from behind them asked.
"Yes, please," Sirius said politely, flashing the old witch a grin. She blushed, predictably. "And two hot chocolates, please."
"Right this way."
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After a few hours of chatting, in which Remus fought hard to keep down his blush, the two of them decided to head back to the castle. Or, actually, it was Sirius' idea. Remus found himself thinking that he'd rather sit in that small café with Sirius drinking hot chocolate all day even if it meant he'd be breaking his tradition of moping on his birthday.
As they trudged to the carriages, Sirius kept one arm around Remus' shoulder to make sure that the smaller boy wouldn't lose his footing on the slippery track. The werewolf shuddered from the touch that sent tingles down his spine, and Sirius, who mistook the action for a shiver from the cold, only tightened his grip.
When they reached the castle, Remus silently thanked all his lucky stars that he had not done anything…impulsive. (For example, not grabbing Sirius by the shoulders and kissing him senseless.) I mean, Remus had only come to terms about his sexuality earlier in the year, and with that his obsession over a certain black haired, blue-grey eyed twelve year old wizard. He also only entertained thoughts of him and Sirius in his head.
Nevertheless, he found himself lagging behind a little, if only to study Sirius from behind. (Authoress: ;;snorts;; more like to stare at his arse…) He was so into…studying Sirius…that he walked into the boy when Sirius suddenly stopped.
"What? Where are we?" Remus looked puzzled, seeing as they were not in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady.
"We are in Hogwarts. Duh." Sirius chuckled at his 'wit'.
"Not funny, Sirius. Seriously, (A/N: No pun intended!) where are we?"
"The Room of Requirement. Come on, Remmy." He beckoned Remus over with one finger. "You go in first. I, ah, forgot something."
"But why-"
"Go."
Not wanting to piss the larger boy off, and curious as to what lay on the other side of the door, Remus reached his hand out and turned the doorknob. He gently pushed the door open.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
The explosion of noise that met his ears almost hurled him backwards. Someone (Remus dimly recognized it as a smiling Lily) pulled him forwards as Sirius nudged him in the back. It seemed that all of the Gryffindors, as well as some Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws from his year had been invited.
"W-Wha…Why…" Remus found himself at a loss for words.
"When you let slip your birthday was today, we planned on surprising you, Remmy," said a grinning James.
"Yeah. It was all Sirius' idea," Peter said, nodding to the said boy standing behind Remus.
The werewolf turned to him, still unable to talk.
Sirius smiled at him, a wrapped package in his hands. "I'd figured it was the least we could do…for missing your birthday last year." He held out the package. "Here."
Wordlessly, Remus took the present and carefully unwrapped it. He did not want the wrapping paper to tear; he wanted to keep it forever, what with it being his first birthday present in six years.
With shaking fingers, he took out the present: a teddy bear.
"It's chocolate scented…and we all know how you love chocolate…" There was a collective laugh around the room. Remus was notorious for his love of chocolate… he was once sent to detention for eating chocolate in the library. Sirius continued, "It ain't much, but…I thought that you'd like it." He scratched his head awkwardly and scrunched up his nose (which made the female population of the room sigh dreamily), waiting for Remus' reaction.
The said blonde looked back into the blue-grey eyes. "Thank you…" he whispered. Then he burst into tears.
Surprised, Sirius took the boy in his arms, gently shushing him. Remus sobbed onto his shoulder, teddy bear still clutched in one of his hands.
"No one's…ever cared…so much," Remus managed to choke out. Sirius' only reaction was to wipe Remus' tears away.
"We all do, Remus. Come on. Let's enjoy your birthday party."
((End of Flashback))
You know, Remus, when you burst into tears I thought you hated my present. How mistaken I was. Haha. Hey, where is that bear anyway? Do you still have it? I hope you do, it took me days to find the perfect gift for you.
Did you ever know that sometimes I envied that bear? Whenever you went to sleep, you'd always have it in your arms. I wanted to be that bear so bad…
Anyway! On with business, yes? Four letters down, and who knows how many more to go! Hahaha! But the next one is in that photo album Lily and James gave us one year after graduation. Goodness knows you need to look at those pictures again…Ah, old times.
Till the next letter, love.
As always,
Sirius.
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(1) At his age, I'm sure all those simple spells like Reparo can be done wandlessly.
(2) Did you think I'd resist putting in my OTP? Huh? Come on, HarryDraco rocks!
(3) In my version of events, Remus got bitten around six…or five and a half. Doesn't poetic licence rule? If it was mentioned in the HP books, then I am sorry if I'm wrong, but I'm much to lazy to go look. Sue me. Or, rather, don't.
Ha…that was long…8 pages, sheesh. My usual chapters are half this length. Hope I didn't bore you people to death…my apologies if you don't like HarryDraco pairings, but I can't get enough of them!
Review!
Oh, and this chapter goes as a extremely late present for oOThe Skittle QueenOo! You rock, girl! Mucho sorrys for the lateness, but I haven't got around to typing this much. Heh.