17, October
Dear Diary,
Harry has been afraid to even get close to Ginny lately. I think he's afraid that something will happen to her. Perhaps he should be. I don't know what to say to him to make him feel better about the situation. I wish I had the right words, I wish I was able to comfort him, and Ginny. It hurts to see two of my best friends hurting.
I found Hagrid crying in his hut today. He wouldn't tell me why. "Ne'er ye mind, 'ermione. Ne'er ye mind. Jus being silly, I am. Nutin ter worry yerself about."
He didn't have to say the words for me to know he was mourning Dumbledore still. We all were, but it must be different for Hagrid. Dumbeldore gave him a chance when no one else would, trusted him with his very life. I supposed Dumbledore must have been something of a father to him. Maybe not. Maybe I'm wrong. Still, seeing Hagrid cry brought back such horrible memories of the funeral.
Things here will never be the same. I walk down the halls and know Dumbledore will never sit again in the Great Hall, smiling at us with his all knowing smile, nor will Malfoy call me a 'mudblood', nor will Professor Snape come billowing down the halls with his usual sour expression. Everything I have known, everything I took comfort in, has faltered, everything has changed. The war rages on outside of these walls, but these halls no longer hold comfort or the promise of protection. They can be breached so easily we have learned, and no where in this world is truly safe.
18, October
Dear Diary,
Sometimes I want to cry. Nothing here is the same. Nothing will ever be right again. I wish I could turn back time, stop this war somehow, stop everyone from suffering the way they are.
Fred and George came to school today. It was strange, seeing them walking down the halls again. "Here to talk to Professor McGonagall," Fred said.
"Wants our help," George added. "Using some of our...products as extra security measures. Just to warn people when there is an intruder in the school."
"Of course, there is the chance it will go off prematurely," Fred conceded.
I suppose it is a comfort, that not much has changed since they first were here. Still, do they think that they can help us? Do they think that these little inventions of theirs will keep us safe?
19, October
Dear Diary,
I feel as though I am losing my mind. I dreamt of Malfoy again last night.
He was in Slughorn's classroom, what used to be Snape's. He was leaning against one of the desks, watching me, studying me. His gaze made me uneasy. He had never looked at me like that before. Not with disgust, almost with fear, and worry, and something else, something darker that made me feel dirty.
He tilted his head to one side, his white blonde hair falling in front of his face. He cast a gaze around the classroom, settled his eyes back on me, smirked in that irritating way he always did. "You didn't listen to me, Granger."
I folded my arms across my chest, so much like his own arms, scowling at him. I didn't care that this was a dream, it was my dream and he had no right to just invade it like he did. "What are you talking about Malfoy?"
"I told you to leave Hogwarts, Granger. Its not safe for you to be here anymore. You must leave this place at once."
I let out an exasperated sigh, turning towards the door. "This is a dream and I do not need to listen to you. This is my dream, and I'm leaving." My hand closed around the cold doorknob, but it wouldn't turn. I tried again, casting a glance behind me towards Malfoy, then reached for my pockets. No wand. Right, no wand because it was only a dream. I turned back towards the Slytherin I hated so much. "What do you want, Malfoy?"
"I told you already, Granger. I want you to leave Hogwarts before it's too late."
"Too late? Too late for what?"
"To save you life, of course." He said it as though I should know that already. "You will die if you stay here, Granger. You will die in a most painful way, and then you will be no good to anyone."
"Why do you care, Malfoy? Shouldn't you want me to die?"
He shook his head as if disappointed. "You really know nothing, Granger."
"Malfoy, let me out of this stupid dream." Once again I was facing the door, this time banging on it with my hands. This was supposed to be my dream, meaning I should be able to control it. Maybe I could get someone's attention in my little dream world and be let out. "Hello! Can anyone hear me?"
"There is no one else out there, Granger." His voice was so much closer than before, and then his arm was around my waist, hauling me back and away from the door. "Do you want to die, Granger? Do you want to fail your friends?" There was a sharp pain in my back, my skin felt like it was screaming. "You feel that, Granger. I know you do. That pain down your back. It's gut wrenching, isn't it? Do you feel that? That's your blood running out of you. It's a strange feeling, isn't it Granger? To feel your life leaving your body, slowly, painfully. Your visions is blurring from the pain. Your knees are getting weak. If I wasn't holding you up you would be in a pile on the ground. There are spots in front of your eyes. You feel yourself dying, don't you? It hurts, doesn't it?"
He reached over to my face, lifted it up so my neck was starting to hurt. His face was blurry, but I could make him out. Barely. "This is your destiny if you stay here, Granger. This pain, this brutality. Its your destiny." Something about his touch became gentle, his thumb running over my cheek. "You can change your destiny, Granger. Leave Hogwarts. Save yourself. Do the best thing you can for your friends." His lips defended on mine, hard and bruising. I tried to protest, but I was fading out. I could barely hear, couldn't see, couldn't move. "Leave Granger. Please leave Hogwarts. Find me. I'll help you. I promise you, Granger. Just...trust me. Just this once."
Waking up felt was the biggest relief I've felt in a long time.
20, October
Dear Diary,
I can still feel his lips upon mine. Somehow that one feeling lingers. I can't seem to shake it.
Ron was more angry at than usual today. It seems that's all there is to him lately. Anger and angst and raw emotion he doesn't know what to do with.
Sitting in the common room, working on a potions scroll he grew frustrated. "Bloody hell! Damn thing!" He threw his parchment across the room, his quill following.
I barely glanced up, and shook my head. "Honestly, Ronald, grow up."
"Oh, shut up! This is stupid! It's pointless! There's a war going on!"
"Thank you for stating the obvious, Ron." Ginny glanced up at him through her bright red hair. "We already know that."
"So, what are we doing here then?" he asked. "We should be out there, fighting, not sitting here in this bloody school, learning stuff we don't need to know. What good will it do anyway?"
I glanced up at Harry. He was sitting as still as he could. There was a tension in his jaw.
I placed my hand on Ron's arm. "Ronald, sit down. Calm down."
"Do not tell me to calm down, Hermione!"
"I am telling you to calm down, and sit down!" I placed my quill down calmly. "You are not the only one worried here, Ronald, and to act like you are is to imply you are the only one who is worried, so do everyone a great big favor and shut your mouth before I hex you."
He turned to me, glaring. I returned the glare, casting a glance towards Harry hoping he would get the point. It took him a while, but he did notice it after a while. Sighing, looking now both angry and embarrassed, he gathered his things and headed towards the boy's dorm.
None of us spoke for the rest of the night.