The Stupid, Short Fanfic. . .
. . .now in 5 pimptasticly neon colors!
"Hello everyone, and welcome to the Lost City's favorite television show. . ."
"PIMP
MY
CO-WORKER!"
"Now broadcasting live, from the Sphere Corporation Headquarters, here's your host: Belzeber!"
A thin, blonde man with purple lips sat in front of a reception desk in a FANTASTICALLY platinum room with many SUPER FUN and slightly interested crack addicts-I mean, 4-D beings- standing behind them proudly sporting their purplish-grey work uniforms that they bragged about to the folks back home.
"Well hello, my fellow co-workers and all the viewers at home," Belzeber said peppily with no hint of homosexuality whatsoever. Nope. None. "Today we have a special request from. . .oh my. . . THE ENTIRE APRIS PROJECT TEAM! That's right, folks! From the people who brought you Dominoes and most importantly, the developers of the Eternal Sphere's Milky Way Galaxy!" The people behind him who realized what was going on cheered unenthusiastically.
"Well anyway, they requested that we make over one of the most. . .well. . . lovable characters on our staff! Please welcome the head of security himself- Azazer!"
A burly black man with a rocket launcher heaved a much smaller and very angry looking man with black hair and glasses over his shoulder. Ratings soared like a virtual bird, because there was nothing so biotic roaming freely in 4-D space.
"And here's our guest! Thank you, Berial, for bringing him this far. I'm assuming this is your first time on the show, Azazer?"
Azazer fumed in Berial's rather uncomfortable grasp. "Belzeber, when I get a hold of you, I'm going to-"
"SLEEP!" Belzeber screeched while knocking Azazer unconscious with a glass bottle. "We have a fabulous little outfit already picked out for our lovely, lovely friend. We will be back shortly! In the meantime, watch some spiffy commercials!"
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You loved her for her waffles, now fall in love all over again as she helps you shed the weight you gained from eating them! That's right- it's the Aunt Jemima Workout! 20 energizing songs on 19 Cds including the award winning "Dip it Into the Syrup, Baby," and "Spread That Butter On!" Call in the next 3.141527 seconds and get the classic "Can't Wait 'Till the Toaster Pops Up" absolutely free! Call 823-264-3468 NOW!
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Are your children bored of simulated animals? Do you think that all kids need to entertain themselves is an X-Box and a crack pipe? Do you wish that they would just shut up and go away so you can get a liposuction? Well too bad, you pathetically poor parental! But you can always entertain them with a different simulated animal! Now there's French Toast Zoo! That's right! The zoo where your kids can learn the wonders of raising French toast in the dark and damp closet space of their rooms! Comes in Lion, Emu, Thompson's Gazelle, Giraffe, Moose, and Zebra flavors.
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Do you begin to move violently at 12 in the afternoon? Does your tongue get hairy and spontaneously fall off on a regular basis? Do you have "funny" thoughts about a cow on the moon? Then you might be one of two people with GonnaherpasyphilAIDS. But now there is hope! It comes in the form of a tiny pill known as Warblibbles! Warblibbles effectively fights the effects of GonnaherpasyphilAIDS by attacking your brain. Ask your doctor about Warblibbles today. Warning! Warblibbles is not for everyone. People who are alive should not take Warblibbles. Common side effects include: vomiting, necrophilia, an Oedipus complex, voting, and repeated use of the words rhubarb, sassafras, and shindig.
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"Welcome back to:
PIMP
MY
CO-WORKER!
Now back to our host!"
Belzeber gave a wide, slightly evil smile to the camera (that could never be interpreted as gay). "We are all done with today's guest! So without further ado, allow me to present the NEW Azazer!"
A raging clown came out from behind a red curtain sporting a laser gun. Well, it looked like a clown, anyway. The formerly) distinguished and rather annoying man known as Azazer was dressed in a lime green tank top with a short fluffy pink skirt. His hair, which was normally neatly layered and spiked with exact measurements of the space between each clump as well as its width and height to maximize professional-ness (all of which took Azazer and extremely long amount of time in the morning, but that's not the point), was pulled up in pigtails with bright purple highlights. His heavily make-upped face scowled angrily, or at least tried to while he balanced in white go-go boots. "BELZEBER! YOU DIE NOW!" He yelled, chasing after the blonde host.
"Oh my, Azazer! Is that a THONG I see!"
"Shut up and slow down you fruit! I can't run in these stupid heals!"
The moment these words came from Azazer's mouth, every conservative in the Pangalactic Federation did the tango with a lemon and overdosed on space bee honey.
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Oh my. . .well, this is what happens when my brother co-authors something with me. I couldn't help myself though. And yes, I do think that Belzeber is gay.
And now for responses to reviews! Thanks everyone!
Valex- Thanks, dude! D
Blue Persuasion- Well, slap my behind and call me Debbie! Thanks for the nomination!
()- I wonder if any of the other characters have secret middle names they'd like to share. . . looks around at the cast, who looks rather uncomfortable