Hello everyone! We're finally back! Took us a while to come up with this stuff, so sorry for the long wait!

(The title of the chapter is the name of a soap opera, but with squirrels instead of children.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, but it would be nice… And we don't own the song A Lil bit by 50 cent or Baby got back by Sir Mix A lot (we changed like two words)!

Mystikal Demon- The Anna Nicole Smith pose is from the Trim Spa commercial.

Pen Against Sword- No worries, how they made up was planned to be in this chapter!

They Had Kids!
Chapter Nine: All My Squirrels

((Begin))

"Biggo! Biggo!" Was heard as the cage was lowered to the middle of the room and Honoo was jumping up and down in the middle. Hikari was sitting there against the bars with a small frown on her face.

"Thank Kami-sama! They're okay" Botan exclaimed, sure that they were healthy. She turned a glare to Hiei, "No thanks to you!"

"Hn! It was the Kitsune's fault!"

"Oh, now it's my fault again?" Kurama's eyes narrowed in Hiei's direction and a small plant hit the fire demon in the back of the head.

"What was that for?" Hiei hissed and rubbed the back of his head. The edge of Kurama's pants "coincidentally" turned on fire.

Yukina ran between the two and put her hands up, "Please, you can't fight right now!" she pleaded and used her ice powers to stop Kurama's pants from burning all together.

"Oh, my sweet, love!" Kuwabara wailed, "You're the perfect incarnation of love and peace… fur shizzle!"

Shizuru huffed in annoyance and hit Kuwabara in the back of the head, "Not now, you moron."

Dawg came up behind the four and snapped his fingers, "Let da balla do his thing jizzle! Go on, keep on pimpin'."

Kuwabara nodded and started singing, "Damn baby all I need is a lil' bit... A lil bit o' dis a lil bit o' dat... Get crackin' in the club when you hear the shit…Drop it like it's hot when you're workin' that back... Girl shake that thing yeah work that thing, Let me see it go up and down... Rotate that thing, I wanna touch that thing when you make it go round and round..."

Hiei covered his ears and started screaming, "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, WILL YOU? I THINK MY EAR DRUMS ARE BLEEDING!"

Yukina's eyes widened in innocence and she looked around asking, "What do I need to rotate?"

Kariudo growled and threw her hands up in the air, "Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Just forget about it, he's an idiot!"

"No, I'm a retard! One of those half-breeds said so…" Kuwabara corrected her trying to sound astute, but it really kind of came out… well, stupid. Hiei, who'd uncovered his ears by then snickered and said, "You know, I'd have to agree."

"Yes, so back to the matters at hand, what do you want from us in exchange for the children?" Kurama said, suddenly turning serious, even if he was quite amused at the moment.

Kariudo snorted and waved her hand towards him, "Isn't it obvious?"

Botan stomped her foot and groaned, "Not on my life! Keep your hands away from my mate!"

Kuwabara's jaw dropped to the floor and he smacked his forehead, "They're fighting over you again man! How lucky can one guy get?"

Hiei smirked and turned to him, "Heh, you will never know."

Kariudo glared at Botan and told her, "Then you'll never see your kids again. And here I thought it was going to be a fair trade…"

Honoo looked down at all of this from the cage and blinked, "Biggo?"

Kariudo walked over to the cage and laughed diabolically, "No, no Biggo."

Hikari's frown grew bigger and her hand reached threw the bars and she pulled as hard as she could on the strands of Kariudo's hairs that she had in her fist.

"Go mini-shrimp!" Kuwabara cheered from the ground and started pointing and laughing. Kariudo yanked her head away and shook the cage. After taking a deep breath she turned to Hiei and Botan, "Before I kill all of you and stuff, how did you to ever get back together? I thought my plan was full proof…"

Hiei looked out the window and sighed, "Hn."

((Flashback))

Hiei's feet slushed through the mud as he walked down a path in the woods, looking for any signs that Botan may have come through. It was raining, and Hiei shook his head at the thought of a pregnant Botan walking alone down a path in Makai while it was pouring. It had been two months since the "event", and somehow Botan had found some way to avoid his Jagan Eye. It irked him to no end that his mate wouldn't even come near him, and she was pregnant in the Makai!

He was about twenty miles from the last town he had visited, which was his last lead on Botan. From an inn-keeper he heard that she was almost ready to give birth and even though he didn't want to admit it, he was worried. It was raining, so he couldn't even identify her scent.

The wind whipped about around Hiei and he growled. Botan shouldn't be out here when she was about to have their children! It was too dangerous! What was she thinking? Was she trying to get them all killed?

Hiei's eyes narrowed as he heard shifting along the road up ahead. Even with his demon sight, he couldn't see that far ahead, it was raining too hard. He quickened his pace, and broke out into a full run when his eyes caught sight of powder blue hair. He caught up to her in less than a second, but he didn't get to her in time before she collapsed into the mud.

Hiei knelt down and pulled her to his chest. He buried his nose in her hair and asked, "Onna, what's wrong?"

Botan wiped the mud from her face and looked up at him, "Hiei, get me to a town. With a doctor!"

Hiei's eyes widened. She was about to-… about to have his kids! Hiei quickly bundled her up under his cloak, although it was protection from the rain, it was still wet. He flitted off as fast as he could to the next town, which was a few miles away.

"Why did you come? Shouldn't you be off with your new mistress?" Botan hissed with hate laced deeply into her voice.

Hiei looked down at her and shook his head, "No. Onna, listen to me. We weren't doing anything! It was a trick, nothing more and nothing less. You're my mate, and it just so happens I like it that way."

"And I'm supposed to just believe you?" Botan winced in pain and shook her head.

"Onna, just do it for now. I'll explain after you bear the children," Hiei told her and raced forward. He could just make out a town a few miles ahead and was there within ten seconds. Hiei felt Botan squirming in his arms and growled. She was in pain. He hated that.

Hiei stopped a demon who was running to shelter and snapped at them, "Tell me where a doctor is, now."

The demon stuttered and pointed down the road, "J-just down that way, a-and then go left. You c-can't miss the place, there's a b-big raven on the d-door," after relaying the information the demon ran off in fear.

Hiei carried Botan where the demon had told him to go and went in through a door that he saw had a raven on it. An elder looking demon woman looked up from her book. When she saw Botan in his arms she ran over and started examining her, "Get her into that room there," she pointed to a door straight ahead, "and put her on the table."

Hiei ran into the room and put Botan down. The woman came in a moment later with all of her medical equipment and pushed him out of the way, "Out."

"What? No. listen here lady, these are my kids, you can't tell me what to do-" Hiei started, but was cut off by Botan.

"No, get out of here! I don't want you here!"

Hiei's shocked look didn't waver the doctor a bit, "Listen to the girl and leave. You're not supposed to be in here anyway."

She doesn't want me here while she's bearing our children?

The doctor pushed him out of the room and slammed the door shut in his face, promptly locking it. Hiei growled and sat on the windowsill. He still couldn't believe she didn't want him there…

He could hear her screaming through the door and he wanted so bad to just crash in there and… He didn't know, but he just wanted her to stop screaming. It was tearing through his ears and even his heart.

About two hours of torturing himself by listening to her yelling, it all stopped. Hiei sat up and fear struck him. What if… something went wrong? He wouldn't be able to live with himself.

The doctor came out with a small smile on her face and Hiei felt a wave of relief wash over him. She looked at him a few seconds before saying, "Twins," and walking off.

Hiei walked over to the door and stopped, staring at it. He wanted to go in… but if Botan didn't want him in there…

Hiei shook his head before opening the door. They were his kids too. Botan looked up at him and smiled brightly, with two small bundles in her arms. Hiei slowly walked over and sat on the chair the doctor had left for him next to the bed. (She'd moved Botan from the table to the bed.)

Hiei cleared his throat and asked, "Our kids?"

Botan nodded and whispered softly, "Our kids. A boy and a girl. I don't know what to name them still…"

Hiei almost chuckled. Baka onna still hasn't thought of a name.

"The boy," Hiei looked at him, "Call him… Honoo."

Botan also looked at the boy and smiled again, "Perfect."

"Hikari… for the girl, I mean," Hiei said and turned away, looking at the floor. What now? Would she take the kids and leave like she said? …No, he wasn't gonna let her do that.

Botan liked that name too, "It's beautiful… they're beautiful."

"Yeah."

"So now that they're here, are you going to go back to that mistress of yours? Considering she's so important that you couldn't keep your hands off her even with a pregnant mate?" Botan hissed, her mood changing quickly. If she had to, she could go back to Ningenkai or Reikai and have her friends help her. Although she was sure a bit of explaining would be in order.

"Onna, I already told you, I didn't touch her," Hiei said, trying to explain. But Botan wouldn't have it.

"It sure didn't look like it when I walked in on you two kissing!"

"I know what it looked like, but it wasn't what you're thinking. Onna, you're my mate. If I didn't want it that way, I never would have marked you. I wouldn't have came looking for you while you were carrying my own flesh and blood if I wanted some other whore. I wouldn't have come for you if I didn't… love you."

"Really?" Botan asked, with a small spark of hope shining through her eyes. Hiei… he never actually said he loved her before. Sure, he showed it and Botan never really needed to hear it… but how could she refuse him now?

"Yes."

Botan gazed at the two babies in her arms and then looked back at Hiei, "I love you too."

((End Flashback))

Kariudo gagged and started fake stabbing herself, "That was disgusting! Sickeningly sweet! Hiei, my love, how could you?"

Hiei almost gagged himself, "Your love? You're nuts if you ever thought you'd seduce me, even have a chance at seducing me. You make me sick."

Kuwabara came up and hollered, "You know what makes me sick? The fact that hamster legs has more girls fighting over him than me!"

Kariudo put her hand over her mouth and laughed out loud, "You know what makes me sicker? The fact that you're so delusional you think a girl would actually fight over your ugly face!"

Kuwabara growled and glared at her, "Yeah? Well you know what? Oh my god
Botan, look at her butt. It is so big.

Botan laughed and went along with it, "She looks like one of those rap guys' girlfriends. But y'know, who understands those rap guys?"

Dawg had an offended look on his face and cracked an acorn he was chewing on, "Hey!"

Shizuru smirked and started singing too, "They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay? I mean her butt, it's just so big. I can't believe it's so round, it's like out there."

Kariudo's face started turning red with anger, "Idiots!"

"I mean - it's so gross. Look, she's just so fat," Keiko finished up and held her sides laughing.

Yusuke, who Canary had secretly called to be brought in started hooting, "Yeah, Keiko! You tell that skank!"

Keiko blushed and put a hand to her cheek, "Yusuke, you jerk! …Wait… Yusuke!" Keiko cried out in happiness.

"SLAVE-GIRL!" Yusuke started shaking the bars and reaching his hand out to try and grab Keiko, even if he was suspended twenty feet in the air…

Keiko's head dropped and she clenched her fists. Kurama backed away from her a few steps and sweatdropped. It was so like Yusuke to ruin the moment.

"What. Did. You. Just. Call. Me?" Keiko growled and even Hiei was surprised she could pull that off. Yusuke immediately stopped shaking the cage back and forth and held onto the bars for dear life. He knew as soon as he got out of there, he was going down, "Yusuke Urameshi, YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!"

"Again?" Yusuke blanked for a moment and then a look of recognition crossed his face, "Oohh… um, is that a bad thing? Because, you know, it depends on how I'm dying," Yusuke raised his eyebrow suggestively and pissed Keiko off even more.

Kariudo, who was just fed up with everyone shouted, "Can I just get back to my plans to DESTROY YOU ALL?"

Yusuke had an anger vein pop up on his forehead and shook his fist at her, "Give me a minute, I'm screwing up my life, you slut!"

Kuwabara, who hadn't paid them any mind, scratched his chin and walked to the left of Kariudo, "You know, you're butt looks even bigger from this angle."

Kariudo lost it at that point. She pulled out a ningen gun and pointed it at Kuwabara, "SHUT UP OR THE MORONIC, BAD, UGLY RAPPER GETS IT!"

Kuwabara huffed, "Yo, dat's not cool, nizzle."

Kariudo cocked the gun and shot.

…

…

Kuwabara didn't go down and he blinked, "Huh… I must be superman! It didn't even hurt!"

Kariudo threw the gun to the ground in a rage, "You idiot! The squirrel took the shot for you!"

Kuwabara looked down at his feet in horror, "Y-you shot Dawg!"

Hiei almost shouted in glee, "Yes!" …but he contained himself.

Canary ran over to Dawg and dropped to her paws, shaking him, "N-no! Get up! I really did love you, even if I did sleep with like twenty-seven other squirrels… but you were my one and only! My star-crossed lover!"

Dawg slowly put a shaking hand on her shoulder, "T-tell the onna… she was r-really hott… and I loved her."

Hiei growled and grabbed his katana, "Would you just die already? She's mine!"

Kuwabara who was in denial started lightly kicking Dawg in the side, "He's asleep! J-just asleep! Wake up, wake up!"

"He's dead, you baka," Hiei said, an evil grin on his face. Botan hit him upside the head, "Show some remorse!"

"It was a squirrel, onna."

"So!"

"So, no."

Shizuru sighed with relief, "Thank god it's dead. Now I don't have to listen to my brother trying to be 'gangster' all the time."

Kurama nodded, "It was quite annoying."

Yusuke who had still been shaking the cage, broke the chain from too much stress and the cage started falling to the ground, "Gah! No, somebody help me! Keiko's gonna kill me! I wanna stay in the air!"

"Unca Yuu! (Uncle Yusuke)!" Honoo shouted and giggled, clapping his hands.

"Damn it, I get a nickname too?" Yusuke muttered right before the cage hit the ground. A loud thud was heard and Yusuke came out all disgruntled and rubbing the back of his, "Well, that hurt like hell."

"Unca Yuu, saf us! (Uncle Yusuke, save us!)" Honoo jumped up and down in the cage and Hikari just sat there looking to the side, "Hn. Saf us."

Yusuke figured since everyone was concentrated on Dawg dying, that it'd be much easier to save the two kids. So he calmly walked over to their cage yawning. Since there were kids in it, Kariudo didn't bother making it a strong cage, and Yusuke easily snapped the bars and pulled them into his arms.

"Yay, Unca Yuu! Biggo!"

"Hn."

Yusuke sweatdropped and walked over to the group with them, "So, what'd I miss?"

Keiko who turned around with a knife that popped out of nowhere in her hands to kill him, dropped when she saw the sight of Yusuke holding the two kids in his arms, "AWWWWW! You better be like that when we have kids!"

Yusuke grinned like a maniac, "Oh, I will. We'll be making kids all night long."

Keiko blushed to the roots of her hair and clenched her fist, about to pound Yusuke to the ground, "Ugh! You idiot! You sexual frustrate!"

"Hey, I'm no idiot!" Yusuke whined, very offended.

"Are too," Shizuru grinned and popped up behind the two.

Botan forgetting about Kariudo and Dawg, ran over to Yusuke and grabbed the two from him and started hugging them, "Thank Kami-sama!"

Yusuke gave her a thumbs-up and clicked his tongue, "All in a days work."

Kurama frowned at him, "What are you talking about? It was your fault they were left in the first place. If you hadn't ran off to find some squirrels…"

"You're blaming this on me?" Yusuke hollered and looked around at everyone.

Hiei threw the sheath of his katana at the back of his head, "Yes, we're blaming this on you."

"B-but it's the squirrel's fault, damn it!" Yusuke grumbled and kicked the sheath to the other side of the room.

Botan stepped into the middle of everyone, "We still have to defeat Kariudo!"

"I vote we shoot her!" Kuwabara put his two cents in and started looking around for a rifle or something of the sort.

"Works for me!" Yusuke shouted and pointed his Spirit Gun at her. She backed up into the wall with her eyes wide and full of fear, "SPIRIT GUN!"

A bright light flew through the room and hit Kariudo dead on. She fell to the floor unconscious.

"Finally over," Botan sighed and everyone just walked out, not caring. Leaving Dawg, Kariudo, and Canary in the room.

Hiei used his Katana to split the ceiling when everyone was at the other end of the hallway, having rocks fall in front of the door, leaving the three trapped in there. He flitted over to the rest and calmly walked out of the castle with the others.

"So," Botan started, grinning cheekily at all of the other 'couples', "When do you all plan on having your own kids?"

((End Chapter))

Okay everyone, this is the last chapter before the epilogue starts! And just so you know, I already finished the first chapterof the epilogue, which willhave a few parts. Thanksfor reading!