"Cruel Kindness"
(AN: I don't usually do this, but I'm going to recomend some music for this chapter. For Cat's first flashback, I suggest anything loud, angry and heavy metal or rock. The first Matrix OST worked for me. Then later on anything kind of sad, or haunting. The song 'Wonder' by Megan McCauley (off Elektra OST) if you have it, you'll know where to play it. And obviously anything by Aimee Mann, particularly, 'The Moth'.)
4. 'Moth to the flame'
"The moth don't care when he sees the flame
He might get burned, but he's in the game
And once he's in, he can't go back
He'll beat his wings 'til he burns them black.
No, the moth don't care when he sees the flame
No, the moth don't care when he sees the flame."
'The Moth' Aimee Mann
Ken stared. Time had stopped. He stood for a solid minute, his mouth slightly open, his eyes disbelieving. His brain had shut down for a moment. He studied her. Her big, deep brown eyes, the black eyeliner around them, her long black eyelashes, and the shape of her eyebrows. He moved to her cute, upturned nose, then her lips, her soft, pink pouty lips. Her hair was all the way passed her shoulder blades, blond. She looked almost the same.
Finally his brain seemed to kick into gear again. His wave of shock was steadily morphing into anger. Fourteen years she'd been alive and never let Ken know she was okay, but now she decided to walk back into his life and she thought this would be okay?
She looked up into his face and said quietly, "Hello Ken."
He narrowed his eyes, marched to his door, shut it with a little more force than he had intended and marched back around his desk.
"You're angry." She stated.
He looked incredulously at her, "Fourteen years, Cat. It's been fourteen years and all you can say is, 'Hello Ken'?"
"What am I supposed to say?" she asked with a bite of exasperation.
Ken paused, not knowing the answer to that, because he had no idea what to say to her either. He had spent years dreaming of this day, thinking of all the things he wanted to ask her and tell her, but now that she was here, sitting in front of him, he was speechless.
Sighing heavily, he resigned to sitting down at his desk.
He wanted to ask her where she had been, what she had been doing, how she was, but the anger inside muted those questions. There was a long silence between them before he finally spoke.
"Aneko said you had information on the case for me." His tone was formal with a bite of iciness to it.
She crossed her legs and Ken was thankful that she was wearing a pair of tight blue jeans.
"So that's it, is it? You're just going to leap into formalities?"
"What am I supposed to say?" The question escaped him before he'd even thought about it and he closed his eyes when he realized what he had just said.
She smirked for a second before rearranging her face to look neutral.
Another minute of solid silence rolled by before she finally glanced at the photos on his desk.
"You married Yolei." She stated.
He nodded and absently played with his wedding band.
"That's good." She added. "Your kids are beautiful."
Ken nodded again.
"Your daughter," she began, "she's going to be a heartbreaker."
Ken looked up sharply and then smiled despite himself. They still thought the same.
"Look Ken," she sighed deeply, "I didn't come here to hurt you. It would have been better that I didn't come at all, but I needed you. You're the only person I trust and I need your help."
Ken leaned forward, feeling a surge of anger at her, but when he looked into her deep eyes, that feeling was instantly replaced with concern. She looked scared and he had never really seen her scared.
"What is it?" he asked.
She hesitated for a moment.
"Cat, I can't help you unless you tell me what the problem is."
"Ken, do you remember that day I told you about…about why I can't fall pregnant."
Ken leaned back in his chair, "How could I forget that day Cat?"
She nodded, "Of course. It was your first time." A nostalgic expression passed over her face before she looked back at him and continued. "Look, Ken, I told you that a teacher made an advance on me when I was thirteen and when I refused him and screamed, he stabbed me with a pair of scissors."
Ken nodded, "I remember…"
"Well, I lied, Ken."
He frowned, "Pardon?"
"I lied to you. Well, not really, but I wasn't completely honest with you."
"What are you talking about Cat?"
She looked away from him and he noticed as she spoke, she avoided looking at his eyes. She looked down at her hands, her feet, the door, the window, everywhere except at him.
"When I was thirteen, that teacher and I had an affair for six months. He was recently married with a baby. I think the baby was a year old when he and his wife were having problems and he came to me. I was stupid Ken. I couldn't believe the hottest teacher that all the girls were swooning over, was interested in me. Quiet, shy, innocent Catrina Harris. I was flattered and when he started getting serious with me I started falling for him and I said 'yes' to him. We slept together often, me thinking he was in love with me and that he was going to leave his wife and all that stupid crap. Then six months down the line, I fell…" she took a deep breath and tried to push away the lump in her throat, "I fell pregnant with his baby. Even though I was thirteen, I wanted to have it. I was in love with him and I was so happy and I thought he would be happy too…but he wasn't. When I told him, he told me I had to get an abortion. I couldn't understand why he was being so mean to me. I told him I wouldn't get one and he freaked out. He threatened me, said he would loose everything if this affair got out and that I was being selfish. I started crying and asking him if he ever loved me and he told me, "No, you dumb slut, this wasn't about love, it was about sex". So we argued and I tried to run away, threatening to tell his wife and the school board and he grabbed a pair of scissors and started stabbing me. I blacked out and when I came to, I was in the hospital. I'd lost the baby obviously. I had to tell the police what had happened and then everyone found out what happened and…well long story short, he got sent to a State Penitentiary after pleading 'temporary insanity'."
Finally, she looked up into his face; "Now he's out Ken. He got out last year. Then…after I got the call telling me he had being released, I got this in the mail."
She placed an envelope on the desk. Ken picked it up and opened it. He pulled out two photographs and a letter. His mouth fell open and his eyes widened.
She nodded, "I got the same thing for every victim and every note said it would be my turn soon. He's fucking with me Ken. He blames me for his messed up life and now he's going after every natural blond with brown eyes he can find and saying it's my fault."
Ken looked up over the letter at her. "Let me guess, he stabbed you six times."
She nodded.
A long silence followed while Ken digested the information.
"When did you start dying your hair?" he asked suddenly.
She shrugged, "Not long after I got out of the hospital. I sort of did a one-eighty with my image after that. Why?"
"No reason, I just never really thought of you as blond."
A flicker of a wicked grin showed on her face, "Come on Ken, you and I both know that I'm a natural blond."
He laughed and shook his head at her, she hadn't changed much.
"So that explains why he came to Japan, then." Ken commented after a moment. "He followed you."
He frowned, "No, that's not right, he was here before you arrived."
"He found out about the tour, obviously, it was advertised everywhere. He just got here before I did, got a head start I guess."
She dropped her eyes to the floor again and Ken watched her for a moment. He had only ever seen her this vulnerable twice in his life. Once when they had made love and again when she had almost being raped.
He took a deep breath and then spoke.
"Okay, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to take you to a colleague of mine, who will do a sketch of…what is his name?"
She glanced up at him, "Jason Riley."
"They'll do a sketch of Jason using your description so we can put out an APB on him. I'll give the detective running the case in LA a call and tell him what you told me. He can get a photo of Jason from the Penitentiary and send it to us, so we have something more concrete than a sketch."
"Then why do the sketch?" she asked frowning.
"It may take a few days to get the photograph and we need to catch this guy as soon as possible. Having his picture out there now, rather than later might be the difference in catching him and letting him get away."
She nodded.
"Anyway, after we get your statement, the detective running the case here will take you to a safe house."
"Can't you take me?"
"Cat, I'm just CSI, I don't…"
"Please." She looked at him pleadingly.
"Okay, I'll talk to him, tell him I'll take you there."
She smiled faintly, "Thank you."
A few hours later Ken pulled up at an apartment complex, Cat in the passenger seat. They unloaded the car and got into the elevator, which would take them up to the fifth floor. When the elevator 'tinged' to announce they were at their floor, they stepped out and walked down the corridor in silence.
Ken pushed in the key to the apartment and opened the door, standing aside to let her in first. She bowed slightly to thank him and took her shoes off, replacing them with white slippers. Ken did the same and they walked into the lounge area and put the bags down.
Cat looked around.
"There are cops on either side of your apartment, so if they hear the slightest sign of trouble they will be in here within seconds."
Cat nodded absently, "Good to know."
"You should be safe here. I've alerted your manager and band members as to your whereabouts but I've asked them not to come here. If they want to contact you and see you, you will go to them, escorted by a police officer in civilian clothes."
She nodded again.
A strong humming silence flooded the room as Ken stared at Cat from behind. She was looking out the sliding door at the view of the city.
"Where did you go Cat?" he asked softly.
She did not turn around to face him, but her reply was smooth, as if she were waiting for this question.
"To LA. I got on a plane and went home to LA."
"Why?"
She could hear the strain in his voice, even though he was trying to hide it.
"I needed to get away. I couldn't take everything that was going on here. Seeing you with Yolei…my parents…myself…"
"Your parents were worried sick about you. They came to graduation looking for you or to see if anyone knew where you might have gone."
"I know." She whispered. "I phoned them a week after I ran away. I told them I was okay and that I would stay in contact with them if they promised not to look for me. They agreed."
Ken narrowed his eyes at her, "Why would you do that?"
"I needed to be by myself Ken. I needed to sort my own life out. I think they understood that."
"So, you let them know that you were alive on a regular basis and what? You forgot that I cared about you? Did it not occur to you that I might just be worried sick about you too?" His voice had steadily gotten angrier and he was surprised to feel himself shaking.
Finally she turned to him, matching his anger, "Of course I thought about you! I thought about calling you every single day I was gone! But I needed to get over you, I needed to get away from you!"
"Me? Don't bullshit me, Cat! You left me, remember? You told me you didn't love me and then you threw yourself at the nearest-"
"I LIED!" she yelled, and then whispered, "I lied, you asshole."
"What?"
"I was head-over-heels for you, Ken. I didn't want to fall for you, but something about you…you made me feel like a worthwhile human being. You made me feel special, something I thought I would never feel again."
"Why?" he choked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because, Ken, I would have destroyed you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Davis was right about me, I would have ruined your life. I almost did. If I hadn't…"
"Wait a minute. Davis? What has he got to do with this?"
Cat suddenly realized she had said something she should not have. She hesitated and then tried to cover up her blunder.
"Nothing. Look…"
"No, don't lie to me again, Cat."
She sighed deeply, "He only told me what I already knew. That I was bad news, that I was ruining your life and he was right."
"Neither of you are the judge of that."
She threw her arms in the air and growled in frustration, "Oh for God's sake Ken! I got you hooked on cocaine! If your friends hadn't helped you get off it, who knows where you would be today! Me walking out of your life was the best thing for you. I knew it, Davis knew it and deep down inside you, you knew it!"
Ken stepped back and sat down on the couch.
"We had no future Ken. We would have destroyed each other…eventually."
"Or we would have healed each other."
"We did heal each other." She said lightly, "Just not when we were together."
Suddenly, Ken stood up forcefully and turned to the door, "I can't do this now."
"Ken, wait…"
Ken stopped at the counter and scribbled something down on a business card, "That's my cell number. If you think of anything else that will help with the case, you can call me anytime on that number."
"Ken, please…"
Without another word or a backward glance, he left Cat alone in the apartment, closing the door behind him.
Fuming mad, Ken peeled away from the parking lot and raced down the street to a popular restaurant. He parked his car, slammed the door closed and marched into the restaurant. It was closed to business but Ken wasn't intending on having lunch there. He walked right past the manager, who tried to call him back and straight into the kitchen.
He paused for a moment, searching through the kitchen to find the right chef and when he had, he walked forward, spun Davis around and punched him in the face.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" he yelled.
Davis stumbled backward and clutched his throbbing jaw, staring disbelievingly at his best friend.
"Ken, what in the hell…?"
"What gives you the right to tell the woman I love that she has to leave me?"
Sudden comprehension dawned on Davis's face and he asked calmly, "How did you find out?"
"That's not the point!"
"Okay, Ken, calm down, lets go out front and talk this out."
"Fine."
They walked out the kitchen together and into the main restaurant, where they sat at the bar.
Ken was feeling a little ashamed of himself, but more edgy than anything else.
Davis opened his mouth wide to stretch his aching jaw and Ken looked guiltily at him.
"Does it hurt?"
"Not that bad. Dude Ken, you went all Emperor on me back there. You really that pissed about this, after all these years?"
Ken put his head in his hand, "Why did you tell her to leave me Davis?"
"I just told her what she already knew. I just gave her the final push, that's all. And I did it for you. When you were with her, you were…different. You scared us sometimes."
"I was free when I was with her. I was myself."
"You were yourself when you were on coke?"
Ken looked up at Davis, "No. Okay I get it, she was bad news and would have ruined my life. Fine. Cruel to be kind, I get it. But why didn't you tell me you talked to her?"
"Um, Ken, did you not see your reaction to that news a few minutes ago? If I had told you back then, you probably would never have spoken to me ever again. I was just looking out for you, but I am sorry."
Ken nodded faintly.
"So how did you find out?" Davis asked after a moment.
Ken took a deep steady breath, "She's here. She came to my office this morning."
"Oh my God. Why? I mean, well…for a social call or something?"
Ken shook his head, "She's on tour here."
"Tour?"
"You know the singer, 'Charlie Jane'?"
"Sort of. Heard a couple of her songs on the radio, not bad, but what has this…?"
"She's Charlie Jane."
"Oh."
"Yeah, not only that but she's involved in this case I'm working on."
"The Brown-eyed blonds one?"
Ken nodded, "I can't discuss the details with you but basically she asked for my help."
"After all these years? Jeez Ken." Davis paused thinking about the prospect of seeing someone again, whom you haven't seen in years. "What are you going to tell Yolei?"
Ken turned to Davis with a frown and then looked down at the black bar top again. "I hadn't thought about that. Nothing I guess, not right now anyway."
"Dude, you sure that's a good idea? I mean Yolei…"
"I'll tell her, just not right now. I can hardly wrap my own head around this."
Davis nodded and let go of a deep breath while Ken stood up.
"I should get back to work." He turned back, "Sorry about your jaw."
Davis shrugged, "I'll live. See you later Ken."
Ken re-adjusted the glasses on his face as he stared down at the photograph of the latest victim. The longer he stared at the photograph, the more it resembled Cat. Feeling incredibly disturbed, he pushed the photographs away and pulled off his glasses.
At that moment Aneko walked into the office looking a little grim.
Ken looked up at her, "Bad news?"
She nodded, tucking her blond hair behind her ear, "Detective Miyazaki just informed me that our prime suspect is missing. He spoke to Detective Howard in LA and as it turns out, Jason Riley went missing two weeks after he was released. His parole officer and therapist saw him in the first two weeks and then never again after that."
"Figures. He'd want to keep a low profile I guess. Did he fax through a photograph of Jason?"
She nodded to confirm this, "He looks almost the same as the sketch, kinda creepy you know?"
"How so?"
"Well, you would think he would have aged a lot being in a penitentiary and all that, but he looks almost as young as he does in that sketch Charlie helped draw."
"Catrina." Ken corrected.
"Sorry?"
"Her real name is Catrina Harris."
"Oh right, sorry, habit."
"Well, that explains the benzodiazapine. He must have been prescribed them and is using them to drug the woman he kills."
Aneko nodded.
"He's staging the whole thing over and over again. Brown eyes, blond, six stab wounds with a pair of scissors and girls ranging from thirteen to thirty-two."
"Why would he replay something like that?"
"Punishment."
"Yeah, but for who?"
The rest of the day seemingly rushed by. Cat stood aside as a police officer opened her apartment and glanced inside it, before letting her in. She bowed her head in thanks and closed the door behind him. As she turned she saw Ken standing in the middle of the living area. She took a deep breath.
"I was worried when I found the place empty." Ken stated, "Where were you?"
"Rehearsal." She replied with a sigh. Then, "What are you doing here?"
"I thought we should talk." He shifted and gestured to the kitchen area, "I bought us some ramen and Sake."
"I don't drink." She replied off-handedly.
"Since when?" Ken asked with a hint of a laugh.
"Since I got sober." She snapped back, stung.
Ken looked at her amazed, "Sorry, I didn't mean to…How long?"
She sat down opposite him, "About eleven years now."
He followed her lead and sat down too. "Wow. That's…that's great."
"It was hard."
"I can imagine. Well, I mean, I had friends to help me out and I had only been using for a few months, but you…you were alone."
"Yeah. It was better that way."
Ken stared at her face and noticed the pained expression in her eyes.
"You want to know everything, don't you?" she asked, looking up into his blue orbs.
"It's one of the reasons I came here tonight." He confessed.
"What about Yolei? Does she know you're here?"
He shook his head, "I told her I was working late."
"I'm back in your life for five minutes and already you're lying to the people you love."
"It's not like that Cat. Come on, technically I am working."
She raised her eyebrow.
"Okay, well I had to see you. I need to know what happened to you."
She stood up and went to the counter where she picked up the bowls of ramen and handed one to Ken before sitting down again.
"I told you, I left and went to LA."
"And? What happened in those fourteen years Cat?"
"I had friends who would hook me up with a place to stay, food to eat, coke to snort. They were the ones who hooked me up in the very beginning. After about two years of non-stop parties and dealing I realized my life was a mess."
She paused and pulled out a box of cigarettes and a lighter from her white blouse pocket.
"You don't mind if I smoke do you?"
Ken shook his head.
She placed the nicotine stick to her lips and lit it up. She sucked in a drag and set the lighter down as she exhaled.
"It was this one night, where there were about fifty people all partying and stuff in our flat and I was completely high and wasted on I don't know what booze and what drugs. I tried to take some coke but my nose started bleeding."
Ken could feel she was becoming uncomfortable with telling this story, but he felt she needed to tell him, like it was extracting poison.
The loud angry music pulsed in her ears and head as she staggered toward the bathroom. She stumbled into the white and blue room, slipping slightly on the wet tiles. She giggled drunkenly at herself and caught the bathroom counter to steady herself. As she clutched the blue counter, she looked up into the mirror and saw blood running down her face. Suddenly feeling incredibly sober, she gasped and tilted her head back to try and stop the bleeding, but it didn't help. Cat coughed on some blood that had run back down her throat and looked around for some tissues. She couldn't find any so she grabbed a wad of toilet paper and tried to mop it up, but it still wouldn't stop. Panicking, she sat down on the floor, shaking and crying and looking around for help.
Suddenly feeling very alone and scared, Cat held the toilet paper to her face and searched her pocket for the one thing that would make her feel better, but she couldn't find it. Panicking even more, she started crawling around on the floor, calling to people and asking for help, but none of them cared about what she had lost or the fact that she was bleeding. They were more concerned with having fun and getting wasted. As she began to sob she saw a creased piece of paper under a couch. She rushed over to it and grabbed the piece of paper, sighing with relief. She held up the old photograph of Ken and held it to her chest, sobbing harder than she had ever done in her life.
She paused to take a long drag of her cigarette.
"A picture of me?"
She nodded, "I kept it with me always and when I felt lonely or scared, I would pull it out and think of your love for me. It saved my life that night."
"How?"
"I checked myself into rehab the next morning."
"Really?"
"They said a month, but I insisted on three. I remember when I was in juvenal hall the only thing keeping me alive was the fact that I knew the second I got out my so-called-friends would hook me up with a line again. This time I knew there was no one because I refused to get hooked on it again. It was the hardest three months of my life and I nearly didn't make it, but every time I looked at your picture, I remembered why I was doing this. I wanted to get my life in order, like you did."
Ken stared at her.
"So then what?"
"Well when I got out I didn't have much money and I wasn't going to start dealing again, so I rented this horrible little hole in the wall and got myself a job as a waitress at a small café. I kept to myself mostly and didn't make trouble and the manager liked me. After a few years of working there he gave me a raise and offered me the job of bartender."
Ken raised his eyebrows.
She nodded, "Yeah, I know. Big test. I didn't know if I could handle being in such a close proximity to alcohol. I told him the truth about me and he said he would keep a close eye on me. He said he trusted me. So I took the job and I did really well. Anyway then I think it was about three months down the line, one of the acts who was supposed to be playing that night didn't show…"
"Acts?" Ken interrupted.
"Oh, the café played live music every Saturday night. No one huge, just local bands and stuff…"
Cat stood behind the bar, dressed in smart black pants, a white shirt, her blond hair tied back in a neat braid. She seemed quiet and shy to other staff members and no one knew her very well, even though she had being working with them for a few of years. She kept herself to herself and didn't let anyone get too close. At first they thought she was a snob but then they soon learned that she had being hurt and was trying to heal.
She often kept her eyes downcast and her voice soft and quiet. She hid the fact that she had tried to kill herself hidden by wearing a long sleeve shirt, even in summer.
One night when it was particularly busy, her manager rushed over to her and, looking a little distressed, he asked her a big favor.
"The band who was supposed to play can't make it. I have no one to replace them. You play guitar right and you sing?"
She hesitated, "Yes…"
"Great, can you rush home and get your guitar, I need you to play tonight." He smiled hopefully at her, his big green eyes shinning.
"I don't play in front of anyone anymore…"
"Please, Charlie! I'll pay you the same fee that I would have paid for the band."
She rolled her eyes, "Okay fine."
When she returned with her guitar, the restaurant was alive with people and she made her way to the stage. She sat down on a stool in front of the microphone, said a brief hello and then began to strum her musical instrument and sing. She suddenly felt every face on her and noticed a couple clearly discussing her. She took her eyes off the audience and looked at the floor.
The crowd really enjoyed her and a week later the same couple came back to the restaurant and sat at the bar. They asked her why she wasn't playing again and she told them quietly that she had just being filling in. They grinned at her and then at the manager as he walked past. The young man grabbed her manager by the arm and said, "She should play here more often."
Cat looked down and tried not to smile.
Another week later, her manager approached her and informed her that she was to play every second week due to popular demand.
Cat took the job because it meant more money, but deep down inside it hurt every time she sung one of her songs. Every one was about her life with Ken, how he made her feel, or it was about him and their time together.
Two years later a woman in a business suit approached her manager looking for, 'Charlie Jane'. He pointed at Cat, who was behind the bar.
"Why Charlie Jane?" Ken asked.
"Charlie is my mom's name and Jane was just…you know everyday, no one would look at me twice."
Ken nodded understanding her meaning.
"Anyway," she continued, "I step forward asking if I could help her and she went into this explanation that her daughter was there last week and heard me play. She said she was from a record company and would like to hear me play. I agreed, she liked what she heard and signed me up."
"Wow." Ken replied, impressed, "That's amazing."
Cat nodded and tapped her cigarette so the ash would fall into the ashtray. Then she took another drag and exhaled in a long breath.
"My daughter, Takara, is a fan of yours."
She crossed her legs and leaned her elbow on her knee, "Really?"
Ken nodded, "Would have been quite a shock to see you on stage when I took her to the concert."
She looked away, "Yeah, I guess it would have been."
An awkward silence flooded the room and Cat found herself chewing her lip while Ken fidgeted with his wedding band.
"I can get you good tickets, front row." She added after a moment.
"That would be great. She'd love me forever."
Cat gave a half smile and nodded.
They lapsed into silence again.
"Were you ever going to contact me again?" Ken finally asked.
Cat turned her head to look at him and then pushed the stump of her cigarette into the ashtray. She stood up forcefully and walked to the sliding door, looking out at the city.
"To be honest Ken, no, I had no intention of contacting you."
Ken squinted his eyes at her back, then stood up, "Never?"
"Don't get me wrong, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of you but coming back into your life was not what you needed and not what I…you moved on. You have a wife and kids, who was I to walk back into your life and confuse you?"
"That's bullshit, Cat."
She spun to face him, "What…?"
"I moved on, yes, but there wasn't a day that I didn't think about you! I, even at one point, mourned you, like you were dead! I never stopped loving you or thinking about you, not once. I don't understand you."
She scoffed, "You used to."
"That was fourteen years ago."
She stepped closer to him, "Fourteen years and it's like no time has passed between us."
"What do you…?"
"I can feel you, Ken. Inside. I've always felt you and now…you being this close to me…it kills me because it's all 'look but don't touch'." She stepped closer to him.
He stepped closer to her, "Cat…"
"You should go." She took another step closer.
He mirrored her, "I…"
"Really. You should go."
They were horribly close to each other.
She looked up into his face, "Please."
As if coming to his senses, he nodded and stepped away from her. He gathered up his coat and walked to the door. He turned back to say something but words vanished from his tongue, so he opened the door and closed it behind him without saying a thing.
Resisting the urge to cry, she sat down on her couch and as she breathed in and out, she could smell him on the air.
Ken was driving on the freeway, intending on going home but he was dreading the moment he walked in the door, because he knew he was going to lie to Yolei and it wasn't fair to her. Lost in thought of the conversation he had had just a few minutes earlier with Cat, he almost didn't hear his cellular phone ringing.
He picked it up. "Ichijouji, hello?"
He listened to Aneko on the other end and sighed, "Okay, I'll be there in a couple of minutes."
He took the nearest exit and went in the opposite direction.
When he arrived at the crime scene, he parked his car and collected his kit. This time, the scene was a parking lot of an apartment complex.
He walked up to the yellow tape and ducked under it to meet up with Aneko and Makoto, who was taking pictures.
"What can you tell me?" he asked.
Aneko turned to him, "Victim is in her late twenties, possibly early thirties. Red hair and brown eyes. From the ring on her finger, I'd say she was married. Six stab wounds, strangulation, stripped and lain out here neatly for us to find."
Ken sighed and began examining the body and surrounding area.
"Her hair colour…"
"Dyed I'm guessing." Makoto interrupted.
Ken bent down and felt her skin. "She's still warm." He looked around and saw a young Japanese woman being questioned. From the look on her face, it was clear she was the one who had discovered the body.
"Aneko, do a perimeter, see if you can find our victim's clothes. We've never found the clothes of the victim before but he was here recently, so maybe he didn't get a chance to dispose of them properly."
She nodded and went off in search.
Makoto stood up and looked at the intensely deep thought on Ken's face.
"What are you thinking?" he asked.
"Aneko was right, he's collecting them." Ken stated.
"Come again."
Ken took a deep breath, "I was under the impression he finds them, watches them for a while and then kills them. Then he moves onto the next victim, but he's multitasking. He's finding a number of women at once, following them, waiting and then one after the other he kills them. That's why there is always a large gap between killing sprees."
"He's a busy man this."
"And very patient."
Makoto frowned at the body, "She looks familiar."
Ken glanced at Makoto and then studied the victim's face, "She's the barmaid from the club. We questioned her."
"I guess she thought if she dyed her hair, she'd be safe." Makoto mused.
"Poor thing, it was already too late, he'd been watching her for weeks."
Ken looked up and saw Aneko walking toward the crime scene, a large grin on her face.
"How much do you love me?" she asked.
"You found the victim's clothes."
She nodded, "He tried to burn them, but he was in a hurry, he must have dropped her blouse next to the rubbish bin where he was burning the clothes. Not only that, but I found trace evidence too. I found a couple of hairs and they do not match the victim's."
"Good work. Now lets get to the lab and process this."
Back at the lab, Ken, Aneko and Makoto were working tirelessly. Ken had given the lab technician the threatening letters, which Cat had given him to see if he could extract any DNA from them. As it turned out one of the most recent letters still held a tiny amount of DNA on the envelope so they compared the DNA from there with the DNA from the hair left on the victim's blouse. They found a match.
Not to Ken's surprise it belonged to Jason Riley.
Ken phoned the detective and informed him of their discovery, which allowed them to put out a warrant for Jason's arrest, however the problem was still the fact that Jason was missing. Every cop was out looking for him but Ken still felt like he was missing something.
Ken walked into his apartment feeling utterly drained and hung up his coat and slipped on his slippers. The apartment was dark and quiet. Everyone was asleep. He stepped into Sam's room and kissed him on the forehead, then he moved to Takara's room and smiled at how peaceful she looked. He bent down and kissed her on the forehead too before moving to his bedroom where he saw Yolei sleeping. As quietly as he could, he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He sat down on the edge of the bath and breathed deeply in and out. An uprising of emotions was swelling inside him and he couldn't press them down. After fourteen years, Cat still had the same effect on him.
The next couple of days went by in a blur for Ken. He still hadn't told Yolei of Cat being in town and he felt horrible about it. He hated lying to her but he had no idea how to tell her or even if he should tell her, so he just kept quiet about it.
The case had seemingly come to a dead-end but this had happened before so Ken wasn't too worried, though he was highly frustrated.
Cat had dropped off two tickets to her concert along with VIP passes for Ken and Takara, but Ken had not actually seen her drop them off. He hadn't seen her since the conversation they had had the other night and Ken felt this was probably best, but tonight he was going to see her with his daughter and every time he thought about it, his stomach seemed to rise up into his mouth.
Before he knew it, it was time to drive him and Takara to the concert. His daughter was dressed in blue jeans, a red top and her long indigo hair was scraped back in a smart ponytail. She looked like she was beaming, with her VIP pass around her neck. She had gone hysterical when Ken had shown her the pass and when Yolei asked how he had acquired them he shrugged and said that he had pulled some weight with the security.
The stadium was packed and Ken was surprised at Cat's popularity. He had no idea she was so well known in Japan and by the look on Takara's face, neither did she.
He remembered the stadium when Matt and his band had played there a couple of times.
They made their way down the isle and found their seats. After about half an hour the band started to do a little warm up improvisation and then there was quiet.
Cat, or as everyone here knew her, Charlie Jane walked onto the stage, dressed in tight black pants and a blue shirt, her long blond hair loose around her face, a guitar strapped over her shoulder. She stood in front of the microphone and began strumming on her guitar, much to the pleasure of the crowd.
"Midnight workings, weather down the storyline,
I try to find the truth between all the lies.
When Bleeding is feeling and feeling ain't real
Will I see you when I open my eyes?
Will I see you when I open my eyes?"
Ken watched her intensely and saw how her emotions poured into her music. She had such passion but each word meant something to him too.
Suddenly he was transported to a different time and place.
"Play me a song."
She looked up at him, holding the sheets against her. "Like what?"
"I don't know. I always see you writing down lyrics and stuff, I want to hear something of yours."
She smiled embarrassed, "You'll think it's lame."
"No I won't."
"Okay." She picked up her guitar and sang the very song Ken was listening to right now, though there was no back up band in the background, but it didn't need it. Ken knew the words were for him, about him and his heart nearly exploded.
"When Breathing's a burden we all have to bear
And trust is one thing we're taught never to share
Somehow you just seem to shine,
When loving means breaking and saying goodbye
And I can't help but wonder what it is you do
You help heal the pain, and the thoughts of the truth
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world
And somehow, when I'm with you, I never get burned"
Before she was finished, he took the guitar from her and set it down. A look of surprise was on her face and he grabbed her and kissed her passionately. She put her hands on his face and kissed him back, with such hunger.
"Caught in a trap of what we're taught to believe
When night overcomes day, life's so hard to perceive
And the clock keeps on ticking through night-shattered skies
Where the stars are all broken, and so are all the ties
But the one thing remaining is you.
When I'm broken and bleeding, you pull me right through"
She got close to him and their hands were all over each other, her nails scratching his skin, him attacking her neck. He picked her up and pushed her against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, still passionately kissing him.
"And I can't help but wonder what it is you do
When you help heal the pain, and the thoughts of the truth
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world
And somehow, when I'm with you there's nothing I'd rather do
Than be right there
To escape my own life and all my fear
And I can't feel
Am I really real?
Come and wipe all my tears
Come and wipe all my tears"
His hands were in her long brown and red locks; her fingers were running through his indigo hair.
It was wild, untamed, nothing held back. They fell to the floor in enthralling ecstasy.
"And I can't help but wonder what it is you do
You help heal the pain, and the thoughts of the truth
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world
And somehow, when I'm with you...
I can't help but wonder what it is you do
You help heal the pain, and the thoughts of the truth
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world
And somehow, when I'm with you, I never get burned"
If their passion for each other were flammable, they would have burned down the apartment block.
Ken jumped when the song ended and the crowd went crazy, Takara one of the loudest to yell.
He looked up at her on the stage, remembering that that day was just two days before she closed the door in his face and lied about not loving him. He should have known she was lying then. That day wasn't about sex at all for them. It was about letting go of everything. They had never felt so in tune with each other, so connected on every level. There was no fear between them, no thought of insecurity. He even remembered her whispering, "I love you" in his ear. He felt ashamed to admit it, but he could never be like that with Yolei. When they made love to each other, it was gentle and kind and unselfish. But when Cat and Ken made love, it was about giving and taking and sometimes it was wild and rough, dark and selfish, it was a release. When Ken was with her, he was the most honest not only to her, but to himself. She knew how to read him and knew exactly what he needed when he needed it. Yolei, as much as he loved her, never knew how to read him like that, because he never really let her.
Ken looked up when she stared singing another song, obviously another hit because the crowd went crazy. "The Moth don't care if the flame is real
'Cause moth and flame got a sweetheart deal
And nothing fuels a good flirtation
Like need and anger and desperation
No, the moth don't care if the flame is real
No, the moth don't care if the flame is real."
Ken couldn't help but feel that each song was directed at him, about him.
When the concert was over, Cat was called back onto the stage for an encore and she played one of her number one hits. She sat quietly on a stool and sang, the audience so quiet it was eerie.
Then the lights went down and Ken and Takara made their way backstage.
They passed the security guards and brushed past a lot of other fans, backstage crew, groupies, and band members and then finally Ken saw Cat's long blond hair from behind. She turned and saw them and began to walk over to them.
Takara could hardly contain herself and was clutching a poster and marker in her hands.
When they were face-to-face, Ken and Cat stood awkwardly for a moment and then Ken looked down at Takara.
"This is my daughter, Takara." He stated.
Cat smiled at her and in fluent Japanese said, "Hello Takara-Chan."
"Oh my God!" Takara gasped, "This is so cool!"
Cat laughed.
"Um," Takara began, "Can you sign this for me? I'm a huge fan of yours and I have all your CDs."
Cat grinned and took the poster from her, writing on it, 'To Takara-Chan, my biggest fan, thank you for all your support! I hope you always follow your dream and your heart. Love, Charlie Jane…(AKA Cat).'
She handed it back to Takara, who looked up and smiled, "You sighed with your real name."
She nodded.
Takara looked from her father to Cat, "So how do you two know each other?"
They both looked down at her surprised.
She scoffed, "Oh come on. Like I would believe that stuff about you pulling weight with security papa?"
Cat smirked at her, "She's smart this one. Just like her father." Cat looked down at Takara again, "We went to school together for a while."
"Really? How come you never told me papa?"
"I didn't know at first, to tell the truth. She changed her name." Ken confessed.
They looked at each other again and the world around them seemed to vanish for a second.
"Is it okay if I look around?" Takara asked bringing them back to earth.
Cat nodded and so did Ken, "But be careful, okay?" he added.
"Hang on," Cat said and called over a tall woman who Takara recognized to be one of the backup vocals, "Will you show Takara around here?"
The tall brunette nodded and took Takara's hand.
Ken turned back to Cat and she led him to a quiet corner where they sat down.
Cat stared after Takara long after she was out of sight and Ken frowned at her, wondering what she was thinking. As if feeling his eyes probing her mind, she turned back to him, tears in her eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asked taken aback.
"She's so beautiful. She looks so much like you."
"I…"
"When I was with you, it was one of the first times I was really sad about not being able to have children."
"Really?"
She nodded, looking at the floor. "I wanted to give you a future, a family…but…we would never have worked out…"
Ken wanted to open his mouth and say something that would make her feel better, but there was nothing. He knew how she felt because he felt it too, and no words could comfort him.
After a strong silence, Ken finally found his voice again.
"You were amazing." He breathed.
"Thanks."
"The first song…"
"'Wonder', yes…?"
"It was…the song you sang to me…"
She nodded, "I wrote it for you. It was a popular request at the restaurant and my first single. It went to number one. And it's still my favorite song to sing."
"All those songs…"
"They're about you or us, or my feelings about us or you…either way, they're all about us."
Ken hesitated and then put his hand on hers, but to his surprise she pulled it away.
"Cat…"
"I can't do this again Ken." She stated softly.
"Do what?"
"I see the way you look at me. You're still in love with me."
"And you're still in love with me." He replied.
She nodded and averted her eyes, "You're married."
"I know." He sighed.
"I want…I want you so badly, but it's wrong…"
Ken nodded, "It is…" as if trying to convince himself.
"I already ruined one marriage, I can't do it again. I can't fuck things up again."
"You're not going to."
"You don't understand Ken. My whole life, everything I touched was destroyed. Jason Riley, his life, then my friends, my life, your life, everything. I finally got it together and I was happy but…"
"Something was missing?"
She looked up and nodded.
"Are you…?" Ken hesitated, "Are you involved with someone now?"
She shook her head. "There was someone, but he couldn't deal with the fact that I…I didn't want to sleep with him."
Ken couldn't help but raise his eyebrows, "Really?"
She looked away again, "I was a nymphomaniac, Ken. Sex was just another drug to me. And when I ran away and was in LA, I spent days and nights so high I didn't know what I was doing or whom I was doing it with. I was so numb I just didn't care anymore. There was a hole inside me and I just kept trying to fill it but nothing helped. After I got out of rehab, I couldn't stand the idea of someone touching me and I kept having visions of that night in the bathroom at 'Moonbeams'. I kept thinking of how I asked for it. So I kept to myself for a while, I didn't get involved with anyone. I thought it was time for a makeover. I changed the style of my clothes, finally called my parents and let them know where I was staying. After all that time, a guy I work with asked me out last year and after always telling him 'no', I decided to go for it. We were seeing each other for about four months and he asked if he could stay over. I thought I was ready, so I agreed but when it came down to it…I wasn't. I started crying and told him to get out. He tried to get close to me again, but I told him to leave me alone and that I just wasn't ready."
"Cat…I don't know what to…"
"I know, it's pathetic isn't it?"
"No. No it's not. Cat, you'll find the one you're supposed to be with."
She closed her eyes, "I already found him, but I screwed up."
He fell silent and resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her.
"I'm scared Ken. I'm so scared. He's killing women because of me and he's going to kill me too."
"No he's not, Cat. I promise you."
Ken opened the door for his daughter and stepped aside to let her in first. She bowed slightly in thanks and rushed to take off her shoes and replace them with slippers. She raced to her mother who was sitting in the living area and showed her the poster. Ken dreaded this moment and so took his time to change his shoes.
He heard how Yolei said how wonderful it all was and then told Takara that it was late and she should get ready for bed.
Ecstatic, the eleven-year old rushed off to her room to fix the poster to her cupboard.
Ken entered the room and stood, waiting. Yolei faced him and said nothing. It was like a showdown between the two, waiting to see who would talk first.
Ken gave in, "I should have told you."
"You should have." Yolei replied quietly, "She looks almost the same."
Ken nodded half-heartedly.
"When, how long has she been here?"
"Almost a week."
"A week! So she did give you the tickets."
"Yolei, it's not what you think. She's involved in the case, she came to me with evidence and for help."
"I'll bet. And you welcomed her right back into your arms. Ken have you forgotten the pain she put you through?"
"No, Yolei, but you don't understand…"
"No, you're right I don't understand!" she yelled, then calmed down slightly and added, "How many times have you seen her?"
"Two, maybe three times…just to talk."
Yolei snorted, "Sure."
"I'm telling the truth Yolei!"
"Really? And why didn't you just tell me about her in the first place?"
Ken opened his mouth and sighed, "I didn't know how to. I didn't know what to say."
"Because you still love her don't you?"
Ken looked up sharply at Yolei and into her eyes. He was a little taken aback by the question.
"How can you ask me that?"
"Do you?"
"Yolei, I love you, I married you."
"Because she left, Ken. Don't stand there and tell me that if things were different, if she hadn't left that you and I would be married."
Ken shook his head and sighed, feeling incredibly incensed, "You don't get it do you? Even if Cat had stayed, we would not have gotten back together and if we did, we would have…we probably would have been the worst thing for each other. She had made up her mind that she had left me and that was that. You were the best thing for me, Yolei, not her."
"But you still love her?"
Anger licked the insides of Ken like a flame and it rose up into his throat and out at Yolei. He clutched his hands on his head, his fingers tightly gripping his long dark hair, "For God's sake Yolei why are you obsessed with that? What do you want me to say? Yes I still love her, I never stopped loving her but I love and married you! I had two beautiful children with you! Not her, you! I love her differently than I love you. I can't help the way I feel about her but yet you hold it against me…"
"Stop yelling Ken! I don't want Takara's night to be deflated because her parents were fighting."
"Bullshit! You just can't stand the sound of me yelling. And that's it isn't it? You're so afraid that I'm going to go all Digimon Emperor on you again, aren't you? God, Yolei, I'm not eleven-years old anymore. I'm a thirty-two year old adult who has a temper but never lets it show because he can't stand the sight of his wife flinching every time he does so!"
"Ken, calm down!" Yolei pleaded, "That's not what I…"
"Don't tell me to calm down. We never argue because you never forgot. You never let me forget either. I can't live my life under a microscope. It was a long time ago, let it go. I did, why can't you?"
"When did you ever get over that?" Yolei asked with narrowed eyes.
"When Cat taught me to express myself and to learn from mistakes."
"I should have known." Yolei hissed bitterly. "Like she was the expert on that. A drug addict and a slut…"
"Don't! Don't call her that."
"It's what she was and is Ken! How can you defend her?"
Enraged, Ken picked up his coat and his shoes and put his hand on the door handle.
"Where are you going?"
"Out. I can't do this…"
"She's been back in town for one week Ken and already she's tearing us apart."
Ken slammed the door shut behind him and marched to the elevator, which took him to his car. Automatically he got in and started the engine but he had no destination in mind. However he arrived at Cat's safe house and found himself in the elevator waiting for it to take him to her floor.
"But I love you…"
"Don't say that!"
"Why? Why can't I say it? You said it to me over and over again…but you didn't mean it did you?"
"You don't know what you're talking about Catrina. You're just a child."
"Just a child? You didn't think that when you were sleeping with me! I don't understand."
"Just get rid of it."
Horrified, the petite thirteen-year-old stepped back, eyes wide and shinning. "No."
"Get rid of it, Catrina!"
"NO!"
"If you don't get rid of it…"
"If you try and make me get rid of it, I'll tell your wife and the principle!"
"You're lying!" Jason Riley growled, but there was fear in his voice.
Her eyes were bright and fiery, and she tried to puff her self up to look bigger than she was. She had his attention now, she had the upper hand.
"You think I'm lying? Just try me!"
"You little whore!" in rage; he grabbed a pair of long stainless steel scissors with dark orange handles and swiftly rammed it into her lower torso. Consumed by pain, shock and fear, Cat doubled up and clutched her bleeding belly. But he was relentless. He kept coming until she could no longer stand or stay conscious. Her world faded before her eyes and the last thing she saw was the deep brown eyes and dark black hair of her English teacher.
Cat started, gasping for breath as she woke up crying. "I should have just died that day." She sobbed quietly to herself as she tugged at her red satin dressing gown.
She sat up on the couch where she had fallen asleep and glanced at the clothes she had dumped on the floor of the bathroom. All the touring was tiring but she hardly ever slept. She was too afraid of what she would see when she fell asleep. Or other times she just couldn't sleep at all. So it wasn't unusual for her to drop off when she sat down for a moment.
She stood up intending to walk to her bedroom and take two sleeping pills prescribed to her for insomnia, but something made her stop and turn to the door. Curious about the feeling, she walked slowly to the door and paused, resting her hand on the wood, as if trying to feel who was on the other side.
And just outside her door, Ken stood breathing deeply in and out, the last song she had sung, filling his head, his finger poised and ready to ring her doorbell.
(A/N)
Hahaha, and that's where I'm ending that chapter.
I changed the very end there so I could change the beginning of the fifth chapter.
The song 'Wonder' is taken off the Elektra soundtrack (after hearing that song and falling in love with it, I just had to put it in here and make it one of Cat's.) It's by Megan McCauley. And obviously "The Moth" is by Aimee Mann.
Not sure what else to say about this chapter, just that I obsessed over it for a really long time, sorry to make you wait so long for it.
Let me know what you think, what you hate, what you love, etc.
Oh yes, I proofread this chapter as many times as I could, but I just know I might have missed some mistakes, please let me know of them if you find them so I can fix it.
Just by the way, I hate these break lines, they suck and I'm sorry about them.