Disclaimer: Not mine, but I wish it was.

Season: 2. Ford is gone but Ronan has yet to be met. Shep is still a Major.

Don't know where this idea came from but I'm going to run with it.

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He couldn't sleep. Everything was annoying him tonight, not least of all his hard bed, itchy sheets, tangled covers, and the starlight that invaded his room. Even his arms were getting in the way.

So in abject frustration he tore back the covers with exaggerated annoyance and pulled on his sweats before padding barefoot out into the corridor and towards the nearest balcony.

He needed to clear his head and he knew exactly why.

Every year, on this day, for the past two years he had awoken like this, in a hot sweat, mind racing with possibilities.

Of course, being him, he usually pushed back any thoughts of it, compartmentalised it and stored it away in a black spot in his mind. A place he never delved.

As he walked over to the balcony railing he breathed in a lungful of salty air and let the sounds of the oceans wash over him in a bid to calm his frazzled nerves.

He bent down, rested his head on his hands and sighed.

He looked up and swallowed against a nagging sensation in his stomach. Guilt.

"Two years," he said under his breath and let his head drop again onto his hands.

"John?"

The voice startled him into forced composure and he snapped his head up and stood up stiffly as Elizabeth approached him.

She had her arms crossed as she stood next to him and she looked out at towards the horizon. He wondered if she too was seeking solace here.

"Couldn't sleep?" he asked straightening up.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing," she said before looking up to him with a thin smile.

Sheppard returned the smile and looked down to his bare feet, "Well, I guess I'll go back to my room." He looked at her briefly before starting towards the door.

He had to get away from her before the swell of feelings inside of him took her away and drowned her too.

That's how it felt sometimes.

That misery could hold onto others and suck them in.

Elizabeth nodded, "Good night," she said as he almost ran through the door.

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They had been exploring the south side of the city for what seemed like hours and still they had yet to find anything that warranted a further look.

Sheppard was growing more and more frustrated as he stomped through the darkened hallways with his P90.

He rolled his shoulders and repositioned his weapon as he rounded another corridor which looked exactly the same as the last one.

"That's it Mckay, I'm calling it," said Sheppard as he threw a glance over his shoulder, "Mckay?"

Mckay was nowhere to be seen and he let out a sigh and returned from where he had previously come, "Mckay?" he shouted out again. He stopped, dropped his head wearily and listened for any sound. He was about to call out for the MIA scientist when he heard a voice from behind him that nearly made his heart pound out of his chest.

"Jesus Mckay," he said turning around and holding onto his chest.

"What?" he asked as he took a bite into the power bar in his hand.

"When did you get so…stealthy?" asked Sheppard walking over to him and eyeing the power bar longingly. His stomach was telling him that it was near lunch.

"Well if you had been paying attention," snapped Mckay as he turned and pointed to an open door, "…instead of staring into space."
"I wasn't staring into space," said Sheppard.

"Yes you were," said Mckay with a roll of his eyes.

"So where were you?" asked Sheppard trying to calm himself and appear semi-normal.

"Ah well, I found something," he said hooking his finger over his shoulder and shoving the last piece of his power bar into his mouth, "Its back here," he said and started to walk off.

"Cant it wait till after lunch," said Sheppard as he followed like a belligerent child.

Mckay snorted and entered the room.

As Sheppard foot touched the threshold everything lit up like Christmas and Mckay turned around with a big grin on his face.

"I feel used," said Sheppard as he walked into the room further and scanned it.

It was small, square and there were computers lining two of the walls. In the centre of the room there was a chair with a circular screen opposite it.

"Well if you will have the ATA gene," said Mckay as he walked over to one of the stations and started hooking up his laptop.

"You're just jealous," said Sheppard as he started poking at one of the consoles.

"Don't touch that," snapped Mckay, "You don't know what you could inadvertently activate."

It was Sheppard's turn to roll his eyes, "Fine, I'll go," he said and as he stepped out of the room the lights dimmed and Mckay let out a groan, "Major, just sit down, don't touch anything and let me work."

Sheppard walked back into the room, it lit up again, and he headed for the chair.

"Don't sit there," said Mckay as Sheppard backside hovered over the seat.

"You said sit, I'm sitting."
"Don't sit there."

"Mckay I'm sitting," said Sheppard and he touched down.

The chair immediately started to glow, tilted back very slightly and the view screen opposite started to fuzz. A light poured out from the screen and focused in on his head, making it difficult for him to move.

"What did you do?" asked Mckay scrambling to his feet and looking at Sheppard.

Sheppard had the urge to say ' did I do that?' as he got a severe case of deja vu and simply shrugged.

"I told you not to sit," groaned Mckay.

Sheppard went to get up.

"No, no stay where you are."
"You want me to sit, get up, stay down, make your mind up," said Sheppard.

Mckay looked at his laptop, "I'm not registering anything besides a power up," he typed in a few commands on the keyboard.

"What does it do?" asked Sheppard.

"Oh hang on," said Mckay, "Look it says right here, this chair does…I don't know. Just sit back and be quiet."

Sheppard remained sitting in a tense position, his fingers not quite relaxed, his toes pointing outwards. Afraid movement would do something, "Is it a weapons chair?" asked Sheppard.

Mckay looked up, "No its not."

Sheppard nodded, "Perhaps it's just an easy chair," he said smiling brightly, "And this is the television. Beer and my football-" he started to say as all of a sudden the screen in front of him started to crackle and a fuzzy image of his favourite football game started to play out on the screen.

"What is that?"

"I think it's the Malibu-"

"No not the team, how did you do that?"

Sheppard shook his head, "I was just thinking about that game and-"

"Thinking," said Mckay. He paused and unconsciously started chewing at his fingernail. "Think of something else."

"Like what?" asked Sheppard glancing over to McKay.

"Anything," said Mckay, "See if it shows us."

Sheppard's mind was racing as to what he could think of when suddenly an image popped into his head and he couldn't help to stop it. NO, No, not that, he thought and desperately tried to stop his spiralling train of contemplation.

Before he could stop himself an image of Elizabeth appeared on the screen in some skimpy looking lingerie, "No," he said.

Mckay turned bright red and turned away, "Stop thinking that," he said not quite covering his eyes.

Elizabeth was taking one of the straps down and smiling seductively.

Sheppard closed his eyes, "I cant…crap….."

"Stop it," said Mckay again, "Stop thinking."

"Don't think of pink elephants," muttered Sheppard as he fought to control his juvenile mind.

The screen suddenly went black and Mckay looked up, he was silent for a minute before saying, "Oh, so that's what you think about?"
Sheppard continued to stare at the screen, "I don't think about that…..I mean, I don't know where that came from."

"Oh I think I know where it came from. You're sick."

"It's your fault," snapped Sheppard embarrassedly.

Mckay looked down at the laptop and waved his hand dismissively, "You know this must be some kind of scientific tool. The chair in Antarctica had the ability to project images of the solar systems so we know its within their capability," he paused and started chewing on that damn nail again, "Think about it….I mean don't….you know what I mean…..its a lot easier to visualise some things rather than explain them."

"Like writing down a football play instead of explaining it," said Sheppard.

"I guess," said Mckay raising an eyebrow, "If they were trying to invent something or theorise this would perfectly emanate their thoughts. Intriguing."

Sheppard nodded, "Intriguing."

"Look wait here, I'm just going to go to my lab and get some diagnostic tools."

"Don't be too long," said Sheppard.

Mckay disappeared and Sheppard continued to sit in the silence. He folded his arms over the top of his P90 and let his eyes slide closed.

Last nights slip in his otherwise steely composure could now be forgotten and hopefully that night he would be able to sleep again.

Sheppard breathed in and held it when he suddenly started to hear something which sounded remarkably like Helicopter propellers. He swallowed and listened to the ever increasing rotations.

For a moment he thought it was his mind playing tricks on him or that he had slipped into a dream state. It was only when he opened his eyes and he looked at the image which was playing out on the view screen before him which made his stomach coil.

"No," he said and tried to stop his mind from continuing with the thought and carrying it like a snowball.

He was looking out of the forward window of the helicopter. He could hear the sounds of the blades above, and he could see the blur of the ground below him as it moved passed with haste. Ahead was desert, expansive and incredibly hot.

Sheppard watched with horror as he was forced to relive the time in Afghanistan he had put away. From within the chair he could even feel the searing heat he had felt in that chopper and he remembered the feeling of the cumbersome headphones which made him sweat.

Gun fire ahead seemed to point at him and he started evasive manoeuvres. Bullets ricocheted off the underside of his craft. His CO was screaming into his headset for him to stop and turn around, Davey beside him was telling him he was with him all the way.

Sheppard could feel the same rush of adrenaline he had then and the absolute conviction that he had been right. Two rangers were cut off and at risk of being captured near Kabul and he wasn't just going to abandon them, regardless of orders and supposed conformation of them.

"What's this?" asked Mckay all of a sudden returning from his lab.

Sheppard turned to the man, realising he had lost all sense of time, and said, "Turn it off," with forced calm.

Mckay rushed over to the chair and started tapping at his computer, "I can't."

Sheppard watched as he was landing the chopper. The Rangers had had engine difficulty themselves, most likely, the result of being fired at and Sheppard had known from their flight path that they must have gone down on this route.

Two figures ahead of him were running towards him, waving their arms.

"Mckay, turn it off," he said with more force this time. He went to move but Mckay put a restraining hand on his shoulder.

"Major, you cant move. Who knows what disconnecting will do."

Sheppard watched as events played out exactly as he remembered and he couldn't stop them.

Not now he was so immersed in his own painful history.

He could feel the bullet that took him off guard pass through his shoulder and as he stumbled to the ground ."Mckay," he shouted this time, "Turn it off!." He was being captured. Davey was being captured. The two Rangers were being shot.
"I can't," said Mckay, increasingly irate.

Sheppard couldn't let the view screen play out any further. He couldn't relive that all over again and despite McKay's warning he managed to wrench himself out of the chair, out of the light, and onto the floor.

The view screen was cut off immediately and it returned to its previous dormant state.

"Major?" asked Mckay running to his side.

Sheppard looked up at him from the floor, his eyes were unfocused and he seemed confused. He pushed Mckay off him and got to his feet unsteadily.

"Major?" McKay called out as Sheppard walked over to the door and out into the corridor.

Mckay followed him as he swerved through the hallway, using the walls as a means to balance, "What was that?" he asked.

Sheppard had his hands up to his head now and was walking blindly.

"What was that?" Mckay asked again.

Sheppard turned around and leant against the wall heavily, sagging under the burden of what he had just seen.

When Mckay looked at his face, he could see that his nose was bleeding steadily and that Sheppard was still looking unfocused.

"Leave it Mckay," he managed to rasp.

"I'm calling Beckett," he said and as he tapped his earpiece, Sheppard slid down the wall and lost his battle with consciousness.

TBC

PLEASE REVIEW and give me motivation. Its all the better when you know people are actually reading it.

What do you think?

Italics is what he sees on the screen if you're confused.