A/N Apologies if this is a wordy, talky, techno babble chapter but its imperative to the story. And the Afghanistan stuff will be revealed eventually but in small chunks.

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Sheppard had been aware of voices above him, movement, hands on his neck, lights in his eyes, pinches at his hand as an IV was put in and various other sensations that he couldn't respond to and only endure.

He didn't know how long he had been in a catatonic state before he finally felt the surge of another seizure and it was after this latest fit that he could finally move and vocalise his distress.

He felt hands at his wrists restraining him for the brief moment he convulsed and then, just as quickly, it was all over and he managed to open his eyes and suck in a lungful of air before scanning the room with unfocused eyes, "Beckett?" he called out.

"Aye I'm here," he felt the pressure on his shoulder and managed to focus on the solid hand there. He bought his own hand up and clasped it around his fingers to make sure it was real.

"What happened?" he asked as the bed was raised up into a more comfortable position. His eyes moved to the left and he could see that Mckay was hovering behind Beckett, his head turned towards them, but he wasn't saying anything. A trait which considered unusual to Mckay.

"You had a seizure," said Beckett, "I gave you some Phenobarbiton. How are you feeling now?"

Sheppard blinked a couple of times and sat up slightly as if testing his response to the drug, "Okay," he said flexing his fingers, "Uh Doc, before, I….. couldn't move."

Beckett nodded and looked at the screen beside his bed, "Its not unheard of that a seizure can leave you paralysed temporarily."

Sheppard nodded and wiggled his toes, glad he could now finally feel them.

"Is he okay?" Mckay finally asked walking slowly over to the bed. One hand was up to the back of his head and scratching nervously as he awaited Beckett's word.

"For now, but there's no predicting when you might have another episode."

Sheppard knitted his eyebrows together, "You think this might happen again?"

"Its possible."

Mckay put his hands on the bed rails and leant heavily against it, exhaustion tugging at his features, "You gave us quite the scare," he said with a sigh.

Sheppard readjusted his position in the bed in an attempt to make himself more comfortable, "Well I'm feeling fine now," he said.

"Mckay told me everything," said Beckett crossing his arms across his chest and getting into lecture mode. Sheppard knew this look well as he had been on the receiving end of it more often than not.

"He did?" swallowed Sheppard.

"I connected you to an EEG through the seizures and there's a significant spike."

"Mckay showed you the data from the chair?" Sheppard asked.

Beckett nodded, "The spike is similar to the one from the chair data and it points towards a significant event within your brain Major." He paused and picked up his chart, "Your blood work also indicates elevated dopamine levels."

Sheppard let out a shaky breath, unsure of the implications, "So what's the next step?" he asked.

"Well I can give you low doses of a drug which should prevent further seizures and I can conduct a test to make sure its not related to epilepsy but-"

"I don't have epilepsy. That's the first test they do when you apply to fly," said Sheppard crossing his own arms across his chest. He cursed when he remembered the IV needle as it pinched at his skin.

"Major, I think you are underestimating how serious these seizures are. They are unpredictable and can leave you with a number of side effects."

"Its connected to that chair," Mckay interjected and rubbed his chin with his thumb, "It has to be."

"Well it seems likely," said Beckett, "Its possible you leaving the chair before it had finished has in some way compromised your brain chemistry. Its created neural feedback."

Sheppard rubbed at his eyes wearily at the onslaught of information, "We have a mission in a few days. Finalising negotiation terms and I have to be there," said Sheppard.

"Not if you haven't stabilised," said Beckett crossly, "You'll be staying here overnight and if I see a reduction in the levels of dopamine and a regularity in your EEG results then I might consider letting you out of here."

"Beckett I need to work on the chair and I cant work on it if he's stuck in bed," said Mckay pointing.

"He's still here," said Sheppard, "And I told you, the chair help was a one time offer."

"Beckett it might hold the key to these seizures he's having. We might be able to reverse the effect the chair has had on him," said Mckay ignoring Sheppard.

Beckett was rubbing at his chin thoughtfully, "If the memory was particularly traumatic it might explain-"

"I'm not getting in that chair again."

"Perhaps if you spoke to Heightmeyer about what you saw it might help you to resolve any issues you have," said Beckett.

Sheppard who had closed his eyes, cracked one open and said, "No way," before closing it again.

"Major I'm exploring every avenue here. If these drugs prove ineffective we may have to seek alternative routes."

"Like the chair," said Mckay.

"Would you shut up about the damn chair," snapped Sheppard suddenly sitting bolt upright in the bed.

"Perhaps you should leave Rodney?"

"Fine, but I wont let this go Major. Until you deal with whatever it is you saw I wont leave you alone."

Sheppard pulled the blanket up and rolled over onto his side.

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Sheppard had been arguing with Beckett when he had watched Elizabeth walk into the infirmary. She stopped just inside the door and put her hands on her hips whilst she waited for the two men to stop bickering.

"Beckett won't let me go," said Sheppard crossing his arms like a recalcitrant child.

"Major, until I'm happy you're not leaving this infirmary."

Elizabeth walked over to the bottom of his bed, "I know its frustrating but you have to stay here," she said.

Sheppard shook his head and looked away from her, "I've been here for a two days. The seizures are under control now I'm on this medication and I feel fine, so I don't need to be sat around here."

Beckett looked over to Elizabeth and she gave him a look of sympathy, "Carson, have you made any progress with the chair?" she asked.

"We've been analysing the data but have yet to find anything."

Sheppard suddenly turned at this remark, his interest piqued by talk of the chair, "You've been in the chair?" he asked.

"I've sat in it, yes, to help Rodney."

"Did..you see anything?" asked Sheppard.

Beckett shook his head, "The main screen and its components were disconnected. Rodney just wanted enough power so he could look through the database."

Sheppard nodded, breathed out a sigh and then turned away again.

"Well I'll leave you to it," he said giving Elizabeth a pat on the arm before disappearing into his office.

"How are you really feeling?" asked Elizabeth on walking over to Sheppard.

"The drugs are working," he said looking at her.

There was silence between them and she didn't know how to fill it. There was some truth to what Mckay had said about Sheppard. He was different. Not in an overt sense but in a barely perceptible way. Something about his eyes told her he was haunted.

"Mckay told me that what you saw was Afghanistan." She paused and waited to see how he would respond.

With an eerie calm he turned to her and raised his eyebrows. His lack or reaction only seemed to prove to her that he knew that she would ask about it.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Sheppard shook his head and plucked at the covers, "No."

"I've read your file and it doesn't give specifics on what really happened but.." she paused and watched him closely, "If you want to talk. I'm here."

Sheppard was fighting inwardly with himself. He knew that she was just trying to help but for all her good intentions she wasn't. He desperately wanted to keep the two entities separate. His experiences on earth were supposed to be left far away and Atlantis was supposed to be a new start for him. One where he would never, ever, have to contemplate what had happened and ever feel the way he had back then.

"I appreciate the sentiment," he said turning to her and trying to force a smile onto his face, "But it's not something I want to go over again."

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Sheppard had been released from the infirmary after having been in it for three days and had wandered the base with no particular direction. He had needed to think and clear his head and yet he had ended up in the one place he was trying to avoid.

As he walked down the darkened corridor he could hear Mckay and Beckett arguing before he even entered the room.

When he did enter both men stared at him before both talking at the same time.

"We found something"

"You have to see this."

Beckett from his position in the chair shook his head whilst Mckay gave him an irritated look, "As I was saying, We've found something which can help you."

Sheppard hovered at the doorway, not wishing to go into the room any farther, "Help me?" he said.

Beckett stood up from the chair, "How are you feeling Major?"

"I wish you'd all stop asking me that," he said walking into the room," And then I could stop saying 'I'm fine'"

"Good to see he hasn't lost his sense of humour," snarked Mckay walking over to the two men with a data pad in his hand.

"What have you found?" said Sheppard.

"We found various journal entries," said Beckett before Mckay could speak. Although he seemed excited, both men kept looking at each other and sharing secret glances.

"And?" said Sheppard walking away from the two men and over to the chair. He ran his hand along the top of it and waited for one of them to continue.

"The chair isn't Atlantean," said Mckay.

"What do you mean?" asked Sheppard removing his hand from it.

"Its wraith," said Beckett looking to Mckay for support. Sheppard realised what their looks had been about.

"But it worked when I sat in it," said Sheppard.

"That's because they were trying to modify it with ancient technology to use as a diagnostic tool."

"Wraith," he said stepping away from the chair with disgust, "I knew I hated it for a reason." He looked at its design; it didn't seem out of place, "Where did they get it from?"

"Who knows," said Mckay.

Beckett studied Sheppard's face carefully before proceeding. "From what we can tell, the chair wasn't fully functional, at least in sense of it being finished," started Beckett.

Mckay elbowed him in the arm and took a step forward, "This chair was a prototype and definitely in its infancy."

"What was it meant for?"

"The journal says it was used for…… torture. They would apparently put humans in it and try to extract information about their home worlds to find new feeding grounds and if that didn't work they would use their own negative experiences against them to get them to talk."

"Just my luck," said Sheppard.

"I was right it the Ancients wanted it to be used as a visual tool to help with research, design ideas. I guess they liked the premise behind the torture….but get this, it proved unsuccessful. I mean this chair had a negative purpose, its not surprising they couldn't get rid of that negative element."

"Bloody stupid leaving it in here for anyone to sit in," said Beckett with a shake of his head.

"Yes," said Mckay with a roll of his eyes he continued, "Test subjects said it was very difficult to control what was on the screen when they tried to use it. It needed a high level of focus in order to project the images but-"

"If you weren't concentrating the chair would still pull out the negative thoughts to the forefront of the mind."

"I was thinking about…I mean I had been thinking about-" Sheppard paused and rubbed his eyes.

"This says that the chair wouldn't allow the user to leave it unless the whole image was viewed." Said Beckett.

"A number of people left before they should and experienced the same seizures. We think it was a measure by the wraith to keep the user in a perpetual state of pain, so they would have to view the whole image…before they could be free of the pain of it."

Beckett who had been silent for a while finally blurted out ,"Major, we're suggesting that….to stop the seizures you get back in the chair."

"No way."

"Its not something I would normally suggest but-"

"No," said Sheppard back-peddling to the door, "Its wraith."

"Modified wraith," tried Mckay.

It was too late, Sheppard was gone.

"I'll get him," said Mckay passing the data pad to Beckett.

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Sheppard walked out of the room and somehow ended up in the room where he and Teyla practiced their stick fighting. There were some sticks on the window seat and he picked them up and started to swing them around angrily, "Dammit," he swore.

"We've found a way to help you and you're just going to walk away," said McKay as he entered the room.

"Leave me alone Mckay," said Sheppard swinging the sticks lazily.

"Okay, aside from the fact the whole chair thing is….just downright creepy now we know its original purpose, we know this will work."

"I'm not doing it," said Sheppard.

"Just because you don't want to relive something that happened in your life?" asked Mckay angrily, "We all have crosses to bare Major, but this is your health we're talking about."

"The drugs are keeping the seizures under control," he said.

"You don't seriously want to take drugs for the rest of your life. Not when there a solution sitting down there."

Sheppard stalked over to him and stopped inches from his face, "When I was in that chair.." he turned away from him and found his hands shaking, "I could feel everything. Every sensation from that day. That bullet that ripped through my shoulder….remember?..I could feel that."

"So you're going to have to go through a bit of discomfort to get well," said Mckay.

"You couldn't possibly understand."

"If you told me I could."

"I left all that behind on earth okay," said Sheppard.

McKay watched the man before him and couldn't believe what he was seeing. Sheppard was willing to be in ill health just to avoid something from his past. Sighing he took off his jacket and threw it to the floor and picked up the stocks on the side, "That's it," he said moving his feet back and forth like a boxer, "Lets do this."

Sheppard turned around slowly and let out a guttural laugh when he saw Mckay with the sticks, "You want to fight?" he asked walking forward.

Mckay looked at the sticks in his hands with uncertainty and then back up to Sheppard, "Yeah, so come on, lets do this," he said again moving around Sheppard.

"I'm not going to fight you McKay," he said as Mckay circled around him, "I wouldn't want you to get hurt."

He felt an impact on his left arm and looked down to see an angry welt beginning to form where Mckay had struck him.

Mckay was smiling, still circling him and said, "Ah you didn't think Id do that, did you?"

"I didn't think you'd be that stupid." Sheppard sighed, gritted his teeth, "Don't…do that again."

He was answered by another stick hitting him across the back of his knee and he lost his balance momentarily.

Mckay was smiling, "See." He was going red with the exertion.

Sheppard finally irritated by Mckay lashed out and was surprised when Mckay bought up a stick to block him.

Sheppard raised his eyebrows, licked his lips and then move forward to strike McKay's left thigh. He struck flesh and McKay yelped backwards, holding his leg. "Touché," he muttered.

Sheppard thought he would give up, but instead Mckay stood up straight and ran at him, swinging the sticks out at him. Sheppard managed to block him the first time, but a stick caught him in the knee again and he grunted. He didn't have time to react because Mckay was hitting him across the back now and hitting harder with every blow. His frustration now evident in his face.

Finally Sheppard had had enough and whilst striking at Mckay left knee, he swept a foot under him and sent him to the mats. Mckay lay there still and silent, breathing heavily and sweating slightly.

Sheppard stood over him, "What are you doing?"

Mckay rolled over onto his side, letting out a little gasp of pain, and as he studied his bleeding elbow he said, "I'm trying to get you to fight."

Sheppard looked down at the man he considered his friend and held out as his hand. Mckay took it and stood up slowly, still panting.

"Why?"

"Because you're giving up."

Sheppard chewed his lip thoughtfully and then dropped his sticks to the ground with a loud clatter, "Come with me." He said as he walked out of the room.

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It was late in the day and when they approached Elizabeth's office they could see that it was empty.

"What are we doing up here?" asked Mckay looking around nervously.

Sheppard waltzed into Elizabeth's office as if he owned it and walked over to a large filing cabinet on the back wall.

"You'll see," said Sheppard and he smiled briefly when he saw Mckay standing in the door way and shuffling from one foot to the other.

"Elizabeth wont be happy about this," said Mckay scanning the gateroom.

Sheppard opened up the files, rifled through them for a further few minutes before plucking one out and saying, "Ah here we go." He closed the cabinet and passed Mckay the file.

"What's this?" he asked looking at the manila folder and the name across the side Major John Sheppard "Your file."

"Just read it," said Sheppard standing over him and crossing his arms.

Mckay opened the file and scanned the pages about his military career.

Sheppard growing increasingly frustrated, reached in and flicked the pages until he found what he wanted Mckay to look at and he leant back against the doorframe and waited.

Mckay read the file, Afghanistan…blah…blah…….Sheppard saved the two Rangers from the Afghanistan militia in direct violation of orders given to him by his Commanding Officer…yadda…yadda…..Mckay looked up, "This is your black mark?" he asked.

Sheppard nodded and before Mckay could look into the file again he took it from his hands and walked back over to the filing cabinet.

"You saved them," said Mckay, "So why don't you want to sit in that chair? What's so awful about that?"

Sheppard walked up to him and before passing him to walk on he said, "It says I saved two rangers," he ground out, "It just doesn't say what condition I bought them back in."

"Major?" asked Mckay watching as Sheppard walked off quickly.

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Sheppard managed to get to his quarters and to the relative safety of his room before he threw up. The medication he was taking to stop the seizures was making him feel awful, only he neglected to tell them all that. He'd been throwing up intermittently and had had a headache ever since the first dose, but he covered it well.

If they knew what happened out there they wouldn't be trying to get him into the chair again and at the moment he'd rather be physically sick than relive the nightmare of that day.

TBC

I'm evil sorry. Its obviously catching. I will reveal but I want to build tension so bare with me. Some action coming up and obviously all will be revealed.