Sheppard closed his eyes as Beckett wrapped up his chest tightly and put his arm into a sling. It was only when all of the fussing had stopped did he finally reopen them.

Beckett was standing across from him with his arms crossed, "You fell," he said with a shake of his head. Sheppard's resulting injury seemed somewhat unbelievable without the context of gun fights or wraith. To simply have fallen, in Beckett's book, was remarkably normal and slightly out of place for Atlantis.

Sheppard nodded and felt a twinge in his back, "Yeah, the floor gave way beneath me and.." he raised his good hand and made a downward motion, "Right down onto my back." He smiled, "Kind of embarrassing huh?"
Beckett rearranged some of the fabric on the sling, "Don't see why you were out that way in the first place. If you knew it was unstable and all."

Sheppard tried to move away from Beckett's hands, "Yeah well this is a major told you so," he said tilting his head down to the sling, "And it hurts like hell so I don't need the lecture."

"I'm not surprised you're in pain. You fractured a rib and dislocated your shoulder," said Beckett, "I can prescribe you some pain medication to help with that."

Sheppard groaned, "Its okay Doc I won't need them. I need to be clear headed at the moment." He shifted against the dull throb and found his eyes narrowing despite his attempts to hide his apparent pain.

"It can't hurt for you to have some with you," said Beckett picking up his chart and writing something down, "I'll give you some Percocet, and we'll see how you get on with it."

Sheppard nodded to placate the Doctor but he still had no intention of taking them.

"I know I don't have to tell you, but no alcohol with these okay?"

"Yeah Doc, I've heard it all before."

"I'm sure you have," said Beckett walking over to the meds cabinet and retrieving a bottle.

"Thanks by the way for not confining me to the infirmary," he said.

"You're injuries are manageable and non life threatening, provided you remain immobile."

Sheppard looked truly miserable and Beckett didn't think he would have to tell him twice.

"You figure out what that glitch was in my file yet?" asked Sheppard trying not to jar his shoulder.

Beckett walked back over to him, "No, why? Do you know something about it?"

Sheppard pursed his lips, "No." he moved to the edge of the bed, "So, am I good to go?"

"Aye you are, but I want you to rest regularly and refrain from taking part in any activity which will jar your shoulder. That means no one handed stick fights with Teyla, no touching gizmos for Doctor Mckay and definitely no going off world until this is completely healed."

Sheppard's feet hit the floor and he gritted his teeth against the aches and pains which assaulted his limbs, "I don't think I'm in any danger of doing any of that," he said shuffling towards the door, "Thanks Doc."

"Ah, Don't forget these," said Beckett jogging over to him and handing him a bottle of pills, "Only take one a day and only when you are in pain." He smiled and gave Sheppard a gentle pat on his good shoulder.

Sheppard was just about to go out into the corridor when he narrowly missed Elizabeth barrelling in. She stopped inches from his bad arm and she held her hands up, "I just heard, what happened?"

Sheppard looked down at his feet and sighed, "I fell down a hole."

Elizabeth looked confused and she looked over his shoulder to see Beckett's expression.

"You can't make this stuff up," said Sheppard dryly and he started to shuffle out of the room.

Losing Elizabeth wasn't an option as he could only move at a snails pace so he wasn't surprised when she fell into step beside him, "You mind if I walk with you?"

"Sure," he said as he continued to move stiffly.

"We've not really talked since…" she smiled and stepped out of the way of an oncoming soldier.

"Sir."

"Lieutenant," said Sheppard in greeting but it came out pained.

The Lieutenant gave him a strange look up and down and then walked on quickly.

"What was that all about?" she asked as she took up her place beside him again.

"Nothing," said Sheppard not meeting her eyes. He knew it was because of yesterday when he had lost his temper in the mess hall. That Lieutenant had been sat at the table and witnessed it all.

Elizabeth attempted to continue her previous line of conversation, "We haven't talked since the chair and I wanted you to know that I haven't been avoiding you."

Sheppard continued to walk, his good hand running along the walls to keep him steady, "I didn't think you were avoiding me."

"Well you've been avoiding me then," she said looking over to him and wiling him to look back, "Because we've hardly spoken."

"You don't have to talk to me about this," he said, gritting out the words.

"I don't?" she said seemed relieved.

Sheppard nodded, "I'm okay, really."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, are you?"

She didn't seem convinced by his answer but she also didn't want to answer his question, "So how did you get out of the infirmary?" she said changing the subject quickly.

"Beckett thinks I need space," he said.

"So you didn't moan at him until he let you go?"

"Well that too," he said.

-----------

Elizabeth had escorted Sheppard back to his quarters and on closing the door, the days events finally felt as if they were catching up with him.

He sat down on his bed making sure to keep his back perfectly straight and set the pills Beckett had given him to the side.

He didn't like taking the things. They often made you feel worse than you did before and he maintained that he wanted to stay clear headed despite the fact that if there was an actual emergency he would be as useful as a chocolate tea pot.

He was just lying back in bed when his door opened and Mckay walked in.

"I really need to get my locks changed, "Sheppard muttered whilst attempting to sit back up, "What do you want?"
"I just went down to the chair room," he said crossing his arms across his chest and jutting his chin out, "Do you know what I found?"

Sheppard rolled his eyes, "Mckay, if you hadn't noticed I've had a real bad day so could you wrap this up already?"

Mckay pursed his mouth to begin talking but then stopped and with a puzzled expression he said, "What did you do?"

"I fell down…I fell, okay."

Mckay's face returned to his previous anger laced expression and he held up a finger, "The chair was destroyed and the control crystals had been removed."

Sheppard raised his eyebrows and attempted to feign surprise, "Really?"

"Don't think I didn't see that look. Why did you do it?" he asked pacing back and forth.

Sheppard groaned and put a hand over his eyes, "You really have to ask?"

"Yes."

"You're just pissed because I broke your new toy," said Sheppard, "It was dangerous."

"The wealth of knowledge we could have gathered from it outweighed its-"

Sheppard snapped his eyes open and managed to get up onto his good elbow, "Say it Mckay," he said through painful breaths, "It outweighed the dangers? I don't think you would be saying the same thing if it had been you in that chair reliving Gaul's death."

Mckay's mouth gaped open and even in the dimmed light Sheppard could see the hurt in his eyes and paling features. Mckay dropped onto the chair beside his desk, "Well that was uncalled for."

Sheppard sat up again, cursing his inability to move with his usual ease and summoned the strength to talk, "Rodney, look. I'm sorry okay but I couldn't let you use it. I proved it's a bad idea from the start, and I know you. You'd get some other poor sap to sit in it."

"There was a lot of diagnostic equipment attached to it that you managed to shoot out. Did I mention we cant just materialise these things from the sky."

Sheppard eyed the pills on the side table and debated internally whether to take one. The throbbing in his shoulder was reaching epic proportions by now and he was dead tired. "I'm sorry. I had a bad day, I took it out on the chair." The words had to be forced out and Mckay didn't miss it.

He stood up and walked over to the pills, picking them up, "If you're in pain why don't you take one of these?"

"I don't want to take them," said Sheppard, "They make you feel like crap."

"Well don't you feel like crap now?" asked Mckay throwing them at him.

Sheppard caught them with his good hand but still managed to jolt his shoulder. He let out a little yelp and held in his breath until the throb had subsided.

"Son of a –" he murmured.

Mckay had gone and got him some water and was passing him a glass when he looked up to finish his expletive, "You'll thank me later," said Mckay.

Sheppard rolled his eyes and took out one out and eyed it with contempt.

"Stop being a baby and just take it," said Mckay with a sigh.

"Will you go then?"

Mckay nodded.

"Fine," and he popped the pill into his mouth and swallowed it down with the water, "You happy?"

"No," said McKay, "But don't think this is over."

"Night Rodney," said Sheppard.

As soon as Mckay had left Sheppard moved as fast as his injury would allow, into the bathroom, positioned himself over the toilet and hooked a finger down the back of his throat. The action caused him to wretch and his eyes to water but finally he threw up the recently swallowed tablet.

---------

He woke up in the middle of the night in agony.

It didn't help that his injured rib was on the side that his arm had to press down on and he was beginning to think that him convincing Beckett to let him recover in his quarters was a bad idea.

He rolled over and felt the pain ignite again as his nerve endings screamed out for relief.

Through the haze he picked out the pills on the side and groaned.

To think he could just breeze through his recovery was insane and it was clear that right now he needed medical intervention.

"Ah crap," he said resignedly.

He plucked a pill out of the bottle and swallowed it quickly.

He settled back onto his bed and closed his eyes as he waited to slip into medicated bliss.

--------------

The days up till the removal of the sling and his actual freedom were passing excruciatingly slowly and Sheppard had taken to wandering Atlantis's halls.

He stopped outside the gym and peered in. There was nobody there so he walked in, brushing his hands lightly over the various equipment and wishing he could use it.

He picked up a small dumbbell with his good arm and started doing a few repetitions. This small burst of adrenaline felt good and it was only matched at the moment by the percocet he took to cure his pain. It dawned him that if that was the only joy he was getting out of life at the moment it was pretty sad.

"Should you be doing that?"

Sheppard turned sharply and dropped the dumbbell to the floor with a clang. At the same time he had narrowly missed his foot, but the process of dragging it back had meant he bent and jarred both his shoulder and his rib, "Crap," he muttered as the pain drove him to dizziness.

Teyla walked over to him, and guided him over to a window seat at the corner of the room, "Is that better?" she asked as he got comfortable.

"Yeah," he said. "You took me by surprise."

"I'm sorry Major." She said and rubbed his back.

"That's okay Teyla. I know you weren't intentionally trying to scare the life from me."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Silence had never been uncomfortable for them and that was one of the reasons Sheppard liked her so much.

With Mckay if there was a lull in conversation and there was silence, Mckay would have to fill it and usually it would be with him talking incoherently about anything that popped into his head.

Sheppard continued to stare down at the floor. His mind drifting back over the passed week and he shook his head. Everything he had purposely tried to hide was now coming out into the open.

"You seem troubled."

"I do?"

Teyla touched his knee, "Yes."

"I guess I do have a lot on my mind."

"You know, the Athosian's believe that keeping emotions and secrets hidden is bad for the soul. It creates difficulty in death and can make the journey to the next level difficult. Perhaps it would help to talk."

"Sounds familiar. Unfinished business. Are you sure you're not just saying that to get me to tell you what happened?"

Teyla gave him a lopsided smile, "I admit to feeling left out lately."

Sheppard cast his eyes over her and wondered whether telling Teyla about his past was a good idea. He took in a deep breath and started talking, "Lets just say I made some mistakes. Back on Earth, War unfortunately is a big part of our culture. I messed up. I should have followed orders but I didn't and I dragged an innocent man into the equation."

"You got in trouble?"

"Yeah and this soldier, Davey, he couldn't handle.." he paused, "He killed some people he shouldn't have and he killed himself."

"You feel responsible?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"And you were there?" she asked reading his expression correctly.

Sheppard nodded, "One of the single most horrific things I had seen in my life. That is until I saw Colonel Sumner die." He rubbed at his face.

"And now everybody has seen it," she said touching his knee.

"To have your insides exposed like that," he shook his head and tried to ward away the memories of that particular day, "I thought I could keep it hidden."

"These people are your friends," she said with a soft smile, "And they have not spoken any different of you since that day."

"Yeah still saying how much of an ass I am right?" he asked.

"I think you underestimate them. I sensed even they were upset by what they had seen."

"Really?"

"Really."

Sheppard chewed on his lip thoughtfully. "What do your people think of suicide?"

Teyla stood up and started pacing, the subject matter obviously making her nervous, "We don't believe in it," she said.

"But it must happen," said Sheppard sitting up straighter to relieve the tension in his back.

"Rather than suicide it would be called sacrifice. To give your life for another for instance. But amongst my people we don't turn against ourselves. To commit suicide is considered an insult to those who die unwillingly at the hands of the wraith and to those that sacrifice themselves to save others against them."

"Well it happens on Earth still," he stood up.

"Then I am very sorry for you," she sat beside him again, "I am glad you told me."

"Well you got the censored version," he said.

"All the same. As a friend."

Sheppard stood up with a groan, "You eaten yet?"

"No."

"Fancy some?" he asked waggling his eyebrows, "I've just got to go to the infirmary to get some more of my pain meds. I'm sure McKay's hidden them from me."

Teyla stood up and put her arm in his, "I will walk with you."