Disclaimer: No own.

Warning: OOC-with-reason Hiiro.

Chapter 19

Angelight

…………………

The morning crept upon the night with no cease in lightening or thunder. It felt like evening when they departed the mansion; the sky remained a profound slate gray; the air was alive with the pitter-patter of rain.

Through the night Usagi had swallowed and tamed her fears so well that by 8:00 that morning, her aspect dawned shining and joyful as if it were a day in the middle of August and they were headed for a quick horseback ride followed by a picnic. That was clearly not the case and she imagined Hiiro and Minako thought her quite irreverent for smiling so.

She hadn't slept at all. Hiiro's words had trickled like cold water through her mind and down her spine all of the six or so hours Minako and she "slept". But Minako hadn't slept either. Even the booming thunder outside safe, protective walls failed to drown out the soft whimpers of a girl in the other room trying to hide from the rest of the house that she was crying. (1)

Looking back on it not even six hours later, Usagi almost felt like laughing at the perversity of Minako's crying. The perversity, the irony, and the harsh, hard tragedy of sunshine crying. Minako had been cheering her up for eons – or so it felt like it. Usagi had to admit, a bit embarrassedly, that perhaps she had come to rely a bit too much on Minako's emotional stability and ability to hope. In the end, it was just another instance of hope misplaced.

"Eat quickly. We have five minutes before we're due to leave," Hiiro ordered the instant Usagi walked into the room, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. His tone was already unrelenting at that hour of the day, and Usagi groaned to think how it'd worsen as hours crawl by. Today would not be an easy day for her.

She ducked her head and cringed into her glass of orange juice, instantly guilty for having thought such an unforgivable thought. If anything, today would not be an easy day for Hiiro. She could only imagine how well he'd slept through the night.

"Of course, Mr. Grumpy," she'd replied simply – almost flirtatiously – as she smiled a flippant smile. The cook, who'd decided to show his face this morning, shot Hiiro a scandalous look as if to say, in his heavy French accent, "My food eez not to be rushed through, Monsieur Yui."

The brief flash of anger over Hiiro's face was painfully short-lived before blandness overtook it and Usagi turned her attention once again to food with the taste of heavy disappointment at the back of her throat. Minako was already half a plate of scrambled eggs ahead of her and seemed ready to let up.

Through the night, between listening to Minako crying and turning the possible events of the next day over in her head until they were threadbare, Usagi's thoughts had inevitably turned to Hiiro. Not long ago, he had only been "the guy Minako foolishly (but nonetheless truly) fell in love with." But Quatre's charity ball had splashed cold water on her face, and Usagi had realized, with a hint of disbelief and shame, that the night before, while dancing with the hopelessly handsome Mr. Chiba, she had hoped to get some sort of reaction out of Hiiro. But there had been none and at that bitter note of defeat, Usagi understood something that mortified her beyond words:

She had effectively become the third and last "Relena Darlian" to fall in love with Hiiro Yui.

…………………

It wasn't until they'd boarded the plane that Usagi became aware that they were headed for Canada. The country itself wasn't so exotic that it inspired wonder – after all, she'd traveled everywhere from Africa to Tibet in her photographic journeys – but the fact that never once had Hiiro nor Minako mentioned it to her was vastly unsettling. It was as if there was something private going on between the two and that thought in and of itself made her sick with misery and something too close to jealousy for her to admit.

Hiiro had glanced over at her grimly as they bypassed security in order to board the plane and said, humorlessly, "Surprise."

She made a face at him and turned away.

"Don't worry. I also thought they'd've kept her in some tucked away little town but … well … Vancouver, here we come."

"I guess that shows how much we know, Minako," she laughed a little but couldn't continue because the falseness of every word she'd uttered choked her and made her nauseous.

Their flight was pushed back for a tentative hour to wait out the thunderstorm and by 10:30 that morning, they took off.

"I'm so tired of plane rides," Minako sighed after another mad scramble for the window seat which Usagi won (inevitably). She glanced once at Hiiro and once at Usagi. One was staring morosely straight ahead and the other out the window.

Minako decided this was one of those plane rides where sleep was the best option.

…………………

"You're stupid, Duo."

"Amen!" Wufei hollered from across the room. Quatre turned and shot the Chinese pilot an irate look and Wufei quickly looked down and pretended to be shuffling through paperwork.

"How can this possibly be the smuggler? How can he be a she and be no more than twenty-five? And how can she be anywhere but on L2?"

"Come now, Quatre. Have a little faith in me. My gut feeling tells me it's this chick. Not this guy we've been tracking for the last three weeks. Please. I'm almost positive."

"You have no factual backing." Quatre shook his head. "And almost positive isn't good enough." He started walking to Wufei's side of the room, to the computers. Duo followed him.

"Just look at this, Quatre. Have you even paused a moment to fully consider it? This woman is in Vancouver, the same city as you know so naturally she would know already that you know was sick. So Mizuno would understand that the girl she saw in the conference room was not you know. Do you remember what Mizuno said to Usagi? She said your presence is a surprise. Now how can it be a surprise when all the members knew who else was going to show? And the presence of Mizuno shows that this person – whoever she is – has helpers. There might be dozens of them. Who knows? We already know some of them are within the ESUN, clogging up the gears, undoubtedly."

Quatre looked torn and both Wufei and Trowa had looked up from their work to listen. "It's a tempting idea. Almost ludicrous. It'd be a hell of a story if it were true," Wufei grudgingly agreed.

"A too tempting idea," Trowa sighed. "I don't know. Maybe you are just stupid, Duo."

The American's face fell. "Come on, you guys! That was ages ago. I'm much smarter now."

Quatre had to smile at the childish words. "All right, Duo. We'll see. We'll investigate this Miss X along with our mystery man and see what we get. But that means staying up and working on the double."

"You won't regret it, Quatre."

Wufei smirked. "Who knows? If you're right, Maxwell, I might even stop insulting you."

"But don't bet on it, Duo," Trowa added with a small chuckle.

…………………

Two months ago she would have walked into that comfortable two-room apartment with a sense of awe and expectancy. She would've followed Hiiro meekly down the hall to the last door on their right and waited with bated breath for him to open it. She would've shrunk back at first when it did open and then slowly enter as if encountering the presence of some great god she'd long forgotten that deserved to be worshipped soundlessly.

But this was now and the Minako of today was not even half as timid or afraid as that of two months ago. Yes, she did hesitate before entering the room, but there was no awe coloring her words when she greeted the quiescent woman in the midst of heaps of pillows and blankets. The IV coming from her arm looked frail and lost under that mountain of covers.

Usagi followed her and they stood soundlessly, side by side, like brainless ornaments, as Hiiro approached and then knelt. The woman in the bed stirred and two slivers of dreamy blue widened until she was fully awake. How cognizant of events she was was another story.

"Relena, it's me."

It seemed that both she and Usagi cringed at the sheer tenderness of those three simple words as if they had too much to show – years of memories and happy moments that neither she nor Usagi could ever compete with.

"I brought them. The girls acting your part."

Relena Darlian's eyes turned toward them and she frowned a bit, muttering, "Twins?" She didn't seem to realize that they were twins in their likeness to her and Hiiro's downcast expression showed that he noticed this mental fallacy all too clearly.

"They are the girls acting as you."

Relena's eyes widened and she looked as if she wanted to sit up and take a better look but couldn't. Usagi inched forward and Minako followed her.

"What brave girls," she murmured. "What are your names?"

"I'm Minako and this is Usagi."

It started to drizzle outside.

"It's an honor to meet you, Miss Relena," Usagi added. "A great honor."

Relena smiled a wan smile which made her look sicker than ever. "They're beautiful. You have done an amazing job, Hiiro."

The look on Hiiro's face was so painfully loving that Minako had to look away and excuse herself out of the room.

Not a moment later, Usagi followed her.

…………………

For as long as he could remember, there was always something delightful about Relena's eyes. On the most physical level, their color seemed to match the soft blue of sweet Mary's most beloved garb and spoke of the same peace and warmth. But when he'd first met her, her eyes had danced with life and seemed to tell the whole world that they had seen gay and exciting things and will soon see gay and exciting things again. Her eyes seemed to tell the whole world that she loved all of it and cherished all of it as if it were her last breath. (2)

Hiiro had fallen in love with those eyes.

"I'm sorry for all this, Hiiro. Please forgive me," she said in a low voice, hardly daring to glance up at him. He had to lean forward just to hear her. Sometimes he wondered if she murmured just to get a person to lean toward her but even that taste of manipulation didn't make the gesture any less endearing. "I shouldn't have placed this burden on you and the others. And those two innocent girls."

"It's nothing," he replied shortly as if he were the only person she was apologizing to and then had to search for more words.

Last night words had come much more quickly and forcibly, nearly causing him to gag on their intensity and purity of desire. He had wanted to tell her everything – all the moments he'd mourned over her, all the thoughts he'd had of her, all the tenderness his heart had felt toward her – but when in front of her beautiful eyes and tired body, his words had shriveled in their impotence and superciliousness and fell like dead leaves from his eyes as the first tears came.

He pursed his lips and looked aside feeling so incredibly weak and exposed in her presence that it hurt and called forth more tears that he'd kept pent up for the last year or so.

She reached over and took a hold of his hand, pressing it to her smooth cheek. He knelt by her again and in one of the most impulsive moments of his life, covered her hand with both of his, kissed it, and bowed over it. She was cold; her fingers burned him with their frigidity.

"I love you, Relena." He didn't look up. Her hand trembled in his grasp and she gently retracted it. When he lifted his eyes, she was turned away from him, gazing out the window at the, by then, pouring rain.

He knelt there for fifteen minutes, but she never once turned back to him.

…………………

They were home by 9:00 that night from Vancouver. Hiiro hadn't spoken a word on the plane and this time, Usagi had ceded the window seat to him out of sympathy so he could turn from everybody else on the plane and be engrossed in his small rectangle of sunset. He made so tragic and beautiful a picture that the two of them almost didn't dare to look at him.

All lights were on in the mansion when they pulled into the driveway and the entire household staff seemed to have been waiting for them, waiting for the news of their beloved mistress that was too, too far away.

Hiiro had entered and headed straight for his bedroom, brushing aside all concerned questions of Pagan. The chef brought out a couple of simple dishes for her and Usagi, and they sat, uneasily. They ate quickly and out of courtesy for the trouble the chef went to and then headed for their rooms, muttering weak excuses about being tired and talking about it tomorrow.

When upstairs they glanced at each other and smiled small smiles. There was utter silence which assured them that at least Hiiro wasn't crying behind thin walls and the steady fall of the rain.

They parted.

…………………

It was not even two hours past midnight when Minako woke up and found that she couldn't sleep. The room – the whole house – felt stifling so she headed downstairs and toward the front door, into the night.

She stood there for a moment and breathed, eyes closed, heart thudding faintly. The heavy smell of rain overwhelmed her though it'd already stopped and water collected in small puddles across the driveway. She walked forward, crossing onto the lawn, and stopped short.

There was a figure there, dressed in white, alone, sitting on the wet lawn, with only the night and feel of rain in the air to keep it company. For a moment, her heart flew to her throat and she thought about turning back. But before she knew it, Minako was beside the figure and sitting down.

Hiiro barely glanced over as if her presence made no significant impact on him nor the night.

In front of them stood a pool of water in the middle of which was a series of fountains that were programmed with lights to flower and wilt to the beat of old Broadway tunes. There was no music but somebody had started the program and the fountains rose and fell joyously as if symbolizing the moments of each person's life. The heavy falling of water created a syncopated rhythm as if massaging the ears. White and golden lights spotlighted the show of water.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asked timidly.

No answer. Not even a stir.

Minako sighed and hugged her knees to her chest. "Well, I couldn't, either." It seemed a sacrilege to break the silence. "Neither Usagi nor I know exactly what to say to you … so so far we've said nothing. But I hope—" her voice faltered "I hope that you understand we're always here for you. Both of us. As long as you need us. Even if sometimes we'd strongly disagree." The silence resumed. In it, Minako shifted and felt awfully awkward.

"Maybe I'm just disturbing you. I think I'll go back to b-" Her words caught at her throat at the sight of his hand gripping her forearm.

Then that one word.

That one word that could make her give up everything and kiss his hands.

"Stay."

He still didn't look at her.

The wind ruffled his hair that looked almost black in the darkness. His pale skin stood out and Minako felt a sense of déjà vu back to what seemed like millenniums ago when she had gone out onto the balcony and he had followed her. Back then, she had been amused by his good looks and had laughed at herself for overlooking them but now … her heart felt like bursting at the sight of his long eyelashes, his sensitive and mobile mouth, the sculpture-like quality of his smooth cheeks and high cheekbones, the strength of his chin, the arch of his brow, the relaxed potency of his figure—

The sight of him was almost overwhelming; Hiiro Yui wasn't just handsome, he was beautiful.

But even that word seemed like blasphemy when she studied him that night with the golden fountain lights casting a candle-like glow on his features and with his eyes half-closed like that, his lashes millimeters away from brushing his cheeks.

He seemed to hesitate for a moment and then a well-defined hand reached up to rub the tiredness and grief off his face. "I have a favor to ask of you."

She waited for almost five minutes before he continued. "Will you…will you hold me for a few seconds?"

His voice was so timid that it finally called the tears from her eyes. There was not a single note of the characteristic imperiousness and self-reliance he exuded.

"Of course," she whispered as he laid his head on her shoulder and she encircled him with her arms.

He never once cried. Never once whimpered. Just kind of laid there with his eyes open, staring straight ahead at the rise and fall of water. But she cried for him, rested her head on his, and whispered her unhappiness to the world.

They stayed like that to the beats of the fountain, of life.

…………………

When Usagi exited her room she instantly noticed Minako's door was ajar and turned to peek in. The moonlit walls and carpet were mute and soulless without their occupant.

She hesitantly walked downstairs and tiptoed around, looking for Minako. She headed for the front door, not even bothering to grab a jacket.

…………………

He shifted, sat up, and for the first time that night turned to look at her, look at her as exactly what she was with her tear-streaked cheeks and quivering lower lip. And then tentatively, as if experimenting, he leaned toward her and kissed her.

He pulled away and rested his forehead on her shoulder.

"Why can't you be the one I love?" he murmured and Minako knew then that the battle was half-lost.

There was the snap of a twig that broke the steady rhythm of the fountain and both Hiiro and Minako jerked to turn around.

And there she was with crystal blue eyes wide and mouth slightly ajar. There she was with her cheeks rosy from the cold, her brow furrowed in a premonition of tears, and her fists clenching and unclenching at her sides. Minako stood.

"Usagi?"

Hiiro also got up and stumbled a bit without his usual grace, as if he were drunk from sitting so long in the same position. He took one look at Usagi, heard her silent accusation, her silence confession, and saw the realization dawning upon Minako; he headed for the house with neither Minako nor Usagi making a move – they stared at each other in the eyes as if trying to decipher just when the world had begun to lose coherence.

Five minutes later, as they stood on the lawn gazing bleakly at each other, all truths out in the open, headlights lit the estate and caught the slight drops of water from the fountains. There was the soft hum of an engine and a crunch of gravel, and he was gone.

The lights dimmed and the fountain murmured to a stop.

…………………

The writing of this chapter was very strange and depressing. I feel almost like a different person. xD; But I was a bit more serious, turned the poetics up a notch … too much perhaps. Towards the end it didn't seem moving any longer … almost overdone and theatrical and mawkish. :P But this chapter was pretty depressing. I felt depressed as I wrote it. I even tried to insert a tiny bit of humor to lighten it up in the beginning but gave up when it seemed hopeless. xD; So there you have it. The chapter that I begged Ashika to let me write. xD; And what do you know? A Hiiro pining for Relena. xD;

And the last bit with the "why can't you be the one that I love?" was Meteor Garden inspired. :D It was a touching moment in the show, to say the least.

I'm targeting Dearest next for update. :O It's been ages.

As always, thank you for reading. Yours, Angel.

Notes:

1. Even the booming thunder outside safe, protective walls failed to drown out the soft whimpers of a girl in the other room trying to hide from the rest of the house that she was crying. – Remember, Relena ordered that the house be designed to facilitate the traveling of sound through walls.

2. For as long as he could remember, there was always something delightful about Relena's eyes. On the most physical level, their color seemed to match the soft blue of sweet Mary's most beloved garb and spoke of the same peace and warmth. But when he'd first met her, her eyes had danced with life and seemed to tell the whole world that they had seen gay and exciting things and will soon see gay and exciting things again. Her eyes seemed to tell the whole world that she loved all of it and cherished all of it as if it were her last breath – the eyes bit and a paragraph or so later the murmuring bit was a bit from The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald). The "soft blue of sweet Mary's…" refers to the blue … ah … cloak? that Mary is often depicted in.

To you:

Jewels14: Ahahah. My definition of "soon." :D

Frosty: And the depression continues. ; I think I resort to CMH for my serious moments. And venting. Lol.

Iceprincesshime I'm glad you think so. In fact, I'm quite flattered. :D I hope nothing changes your mind … xD;

Dark Universe: I think I went a bit too far with that this time. . This chapter kind of makes me feel sick inside. I don't know if it's because I'm identifying with the characters or because it sickens me with its insipidness. ; But thank you very much:D

Ashika: Hahaha now why would I do that? xD; But yes, my motivation. That is caught up in games. You should get caught up in games more often. xD;