"Thou art more lovely..."

Shinji lay against the gnarled trunk of the old tree and slowly closed his eyes. The searing autumn heat and his still tender bruise had combined to give him a splitting headache. Now it was lunchtime and all he wanted to do was rest. In an unusual stroke of luck, he had spotted the tree and decided to lie in its shade for a while. He had no food, so there was really nothing else to do. The day's activities had exhausted him and he welcomed the chance to rest. It was not something that came his way often.

As he lay there, Shinji's thoughts began to turn once again to his mother, as they invariably "If only I could see her once more, just once," he thought. " But I can't . And I know who to blame." Anger began to well up within him, at the unfairness of it all. What had he done to deserve this? What had he done to deserve having his mother taken away from him? All the rest he could understand, but this? There just seemed no point to it. Maybe his life really was meaningless. His anger gave way to depression.

"That's all I am, isn't it?" he thought sadly, "Just another nobody whose death wouldn't matter." The sudden thought that he could take his life right there and then occurred to him. Why not? Perhaps the happiness he yearned for lay in death. He wouldn't know unless he did it. Yes, he could die just like the leaves all around him, the broken leaves that were always blown away. It sounded so lovely...

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of a door opening. What an idiot he was. He had forgotten that the auditorium was nearby. Now someone was going to come out and unpleasantries were sure to follow. He only hoped it wasn't Suzuhara and his cronies. He didn't think he'd be able to last their torments in the state he was in without bursting into tears. And he certainly did not want that to happen.

He was surprised to find that only one person had come out. It was a boy, an upperclassman by the looks of it, which meant he was at least a year older than he was. He was carrying what looked to be a violin case at his side, though Shinji could only guess if it actually contained a violin. It wasn't until the boy had gotten closer that he could make out his face, upon which his breath was fairly taken away.

Nagisa Kaworu.

Tall. Possessed of a slender physique yet with an athlete's muscles. Lily white skin, unblemished and as pale as if it had never seen the sun. Hair the color of ash, grey as the cloudy days when the wind moans its secret song. And eyes of sunset, of the red sky that slowly sinks into night.

Shinji began to sweat, something he was sure was not even remotely connected to the heat. That Kaworu would be passing by him in a matter of seconds began to cause him worry. First and foremost, had Kaworu seen him sitting here? The thought that Kaworu might notice him was only slightly more upsetting than the thought that he might ignore him completely. Shinji wasn't sure which one he would have preferred, although the choice was out of his hands.

Relationships were something Shinji had seen blossom among his classmates for a very long time now. The mad rush to obtain a boyfriend or girlfriend was something he was fairly used to seeing, though it didn't make him any less irritated. Just the thought of being in that sort of relationship bothered him to no end. And up until a few months ago, he had dismissed the whole thing as just another idiotic display of his hormone-driven peers.

But all that had changed. It had changed so completely and utterly that Shinji still marveled at it. His illusions had been shattered one spring day when he had been preparing to go home. School was over, and as he lay immersed in his melancholy thoughts, walking through the hallways, he had wondered if his father would be too tired to attend to him that night. Hopefully, the stress of his new job had worn him out, though he doubted it very much.

And then, it had happened. As he walked, he had suddenly spotted three boys headed his way. Two of them were engaged in what looked like a very intense conversation, with the result being that the third was left out of the loop. It was the third that had attracted his attention. That boy had been Kaworu and he was more beautiful than anything Shinji had ever seen.

Oh, he was lovely beyond the describing of it! With his gorgeous eyes and stunning looks, Kaworu was perfection itself. And Shinji had been utterly taken aback. He had actually stopped right there in the hallway and gaped at him, mouth slightly ajar, to his everlasting shame and embarrassment. Kaworu's companions had taken no notice of him as they passed by, and it seemed Kaworu would do the same. However, Kaworu was not like other people, that he was not. It was to be Shinji's first lesson about the pale boy, for as Kaworu passed him, he had turned his head and, with a playful smile on his lips, winked at Shinji. Long after they had left, Shinji had found himself still standing in the hallway, his mind replaying the image over and over again.

Thus had begun his ill-fated crush on Nagisa Kaworu, not only the most handsome boy in school, but an upperclassman no less. He had fought long and hard for many days afterward to resist what he knew to be true: he liked Kaworu. Eventually, he had been forced to realize this and gave up deluding himself. But then he had been faced with the unpleasant task of having to deal with his unrequited love, the pain that was as sweet as honey and never ever went away.

There had been no more encounters with Kaworu after that, if you could call what had transpired an encounter. No, there had only been glimpses of the grey-haired boy, either walking to class or with one of his friends. Once though, Shinji could have sworn that Kaworu had looked straight at him, again with that strange smile on his face, looking as if he were rather pleased about something. But it had only lasted a few seconds, so he couldn't really tell whether anything was meant by it or not. But still...

And now his secret love was almost upon him. There wasn't much time. What should he do? Run away? But what if Kaworu should see him? No, he mustn't run away. He mustn't run away. He must not run away.

Kaworu had seen him. He could tell by the way the older boy was smiling, that special smile that he always seemed to have whenever they made eye-contact. And now he was heading toward him. Shinji dimly wondered how Kaworu could make their simple uniform, consisting of a short-sleeve button-up white shirt and black pants, look so appealing. In acknowledgment of the hot weather, Kaworu had left the top of his shirt unbuttoned, revealing an orange undershirt that barely concealed his pale flesh. It took all Shinji had to keep from moaning.

"Good afternoon, Ikari-kun."

Kaworu stood before him, smiling and not looking at all bothered by the heat. As Shinji wondered how Kaworu could possibly have known his name when they had never actually spoken, he realized that the other boy was awaiting his response.

Embarrassed, he softly returned the greeting. "Good afternoon, Nagisa-kun."

"Do you mind if I join you?"

Now Shinji began to blush. It was one thing for Kaworu to say hello to him, and quite another to request the pleasure of his company. Of course, there was only one response.

"No, not at all. But, as you can see, it's rather hot out here."

"I don't mind."

As Kaworu sat beside him on the soft and comfortable ground, Shinji thought to himself that perhaps death could wait for just a while longer.