Disclaimer: All I Ever Really Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten is a poem by Robert Fulgham. Absolutely no disrespect is intended, and all Harry Potter names are property of J.K. Rowling.
All I Ever Really Needed To Know I Learned From Harry Potter
Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned from Harry Potter. Wisdom was not at the end of such "worthwhile" novels such as Great Expectations or The Scarlet Letter, but there in the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.
These are the things I learned. Share everything except wands: you'll never get as good results with another wizard's wand. Play Quidditch according the rules. Don't attack when your opponent's back is turned. If you find a mysterious T.M. Riddle's diary, put it back where you found it. Clean up your own botched potion. Don't look through a Kwikspell envelope if it's not yours. Say you are sorry when you hurt somebody, unless that somebody is Lord Voldemort. Wash your wand after it has been up a troll's nose. Swish and flick. Chocolate is good for you. Have a balanced course schedule. Dump Divination and Muggle Studies: now you can have a normal school year without the use of a Time Turner.
Sleep in your own four-poster bed. When you walk around Hogwarts, watch for escaped Bludgers, Peeves lobbing water balloons, and stick together in the Forbidden Forest. Never forget Wizard Baruffio. Remember the tufty little plants growing in trays? They look quite unremarkable, but they are really small, muddy, and extremely ugly babies. Make sure your ears are completely covered.
And then remember the most important wizard of all, the only one Lord Voldemort ever feared: Albus Dumbledore! Every problem that needs solving, he has the answer. The most important role of the Ministry of Magic is to keep the magical and non-magical worlds separate.
Think of what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had Cauldron Cakes and pumpkin juice on every ride aboard the Hogwarts Express and then played a game of Exploding Snap. Or we had a basic policy not to practice the Dark Arts and not to tease Myrtle. And it is still true, no matter what year you are in, when you leave the common room, always know the password to get back in.
Author's Note: This is a direct parody of the poem All I Ever Really Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, which I recommend you read and then read my "version" again. Please don't hesitate to leave any comments in a review.