"I am my dear one's, and towards me is his craving"
He lay dying in the snow, alone under a desolate sky. The slow dance of the stars overhead did nothing to sooth him, for they possessed no warmth, being as cold as he was. All that remained was the darkness of night, empty and forlorn. It was slowly latching on to him, trying to close his eyes. But he would not.
There was no memory of coming here, only of awaking to snowflakes softly falling. For days he had lain here, alternately burning and freezing. That he could not move did not bother him in the least. What troubled him more was the fact that he could not find the voices all around him.
They were whispers, borne by the icy wind, of dark and secret terrors. All night long they would surround him, delivering the many messages he was unable to understand. To know what they said would require his memories, but they had all fled, leaving him with nothing but the present, the agonizing and endless now. How he hated them.
Once he thought he saw a rose, lovely and full of warmth, but it had been an illusion, nothing more. After all, roses could not survive in winter's realm. He had been foolish to think they could. But what of the figure that had stood near it? Had that been an illusion as well? He was not sure, but it had softly stroked his face, gently touching his forehead, its hands as white as the snow around him.
He had seen other figures besides that one, but they were not as pleasant. A cruel man had washed his hands in blood while a girl made of ice silently wept. A woman, unnaturally bright against the dark sky, had smiled at him, while an old man, covered with scars, struggled to reach him.
And so he waited, waited for the time when the last snowflake would fall and he would be no more. Already he could sense a change. Heat, of the kind only flames possess, was slowly engulfing him. He was sweating, burning as he had before, when there was no warmth at all. Something had happened.
Shinji.
His name. The word that signified him, the one who could not live.
Are you awake?
What was he if not awake? He did not understand.
Please get better.
He struggled to get up, feeling a sharp pain pierce his body, little more than frozen limbs.
Don't leave me all alone.
Wrenching open his eyes, he found himself in a dimly-lit room, wrapped in numerous blankets and sheets, while his head rested against a pillow damp with sweat.
"Shinji?"
It was him.
"Do you recognize me?"
Something to do with a violin, and sunset, and fierce kisses under shadowed trees.
"K-Kaworu?"
That lovely smile. "Welcome back, my love."
"What happened? Where am I?"
"You've been ill, my love, so much so that I seriously feared for your life. Fever was eating you alive, causing you to become delirious for three days, all of which were spent here, in my bedroom."
"I-I'm in your bed?" Suddenly the room got a whole lot hotter.
"That's right. Something wrong?" A grin played on his lips.
"No, no, it's nothing." The scarlet blush on his face said otherwise.
Looking decidedly more cheerful, Kaworu moved toward the bedside and sat down. He softly clasped Shinji's hand, rubbing it with his fingers. It felt good to feel skin against skin again. Leaning forward, Kaworu softly kissed Shinji, his sweet mouth tasting for all the world like honey, intoxicatingly pleasant.
Panting, Shinji closed his eyes, exhausted even after such a little kiss. He felt Kaworu kiss his hand lovingly before rising. As the older boy turned to go, he could not help but ask the question that had been bothering him since awakening.
"Kaworu?" The other boy stopped.
"I don't understand. How did I get so sick in the first place?"
There was a heavy silence. Then…
"The scar." The anger was apparent in his voice.
Of course. He should have known. God, how he must have been a burden on Kaworu.
"You are my love, Shinji. Taking care of you would never be a burden for me. So please don't ever feel that is. All I wish for is your happiness, nothing more."
Shinji softly sighed.
Kaworu smiled at him. "Get some rest. I need to go take care of something, but I'll be back soon. Sleep well." With that, he left.
As Shinji turned to sleep, he suddenly noticed a folded-up little note left near the bedside. Kaworu must have placed it there when they had kissed. When opened, there were only three words.
I love you.