A/N: Thanks to all who left a review. I wasn't sure for awhile where I wanted to go with this, but your comments gave me an idea. Hope you enjoy!
I could now safely call myself an idiot. Brittney? Why the hell did I bring up Brittney?
The logical answer was that, by that point, I couldn't hold my anger any longer. But still, that did not bring any more reason to me.
It was feezing in the room. We were currently in another motel room. It was way past midnight, yet from sounds of the room next door, the night was just beginning. A woman's voice floated through the door. Then a man's. It sounded as if the woman was doing her best to get the man to go home with her. Soft laughter echoed around every couple of minutes. I was just waiting for someone to start music. I had no idea how Dean could sleep through all the rucas.
My mind drifted to the night before. When I had read that first journal entry, had thrown the book back into Dean's bag, and then proceeded to kick my duffel bag continiuosly, I realized how bad those words had affected me.
Dean came back shortly later and acted his usual self. I don't think he even realized I was pissed at him for at least an hour. Then again, Dean had his own world, and visited it quit often.
That had been a long night. Instead of sleeping I took a walk. There was a patch of woods behind the motel. Although I knew the kinds of things that lurked there, I needed the break. Being in a car, day after day, with the same person could really affect your mind.
The woods brought me a sense of calm. Not because I was caring a loaded gun and table salt, but because I was able to get my thoughts in order. For most of my life, Dad had picked on me. He expected me to fail, he knew I'd always come up short. But Dean. Oh no. Dean could screw an entire trip up and almost kill all of us in the process, and yet, Dad was ready to make him better. So why did Dean feel the need to write a journal about how deprived he was. Alright, he lied about the girls. They really didn't pay attention to him. That didn't make his life a living hell.
Those thoughts stayed with me the next morning throughout the carride. Sometime around noon, when I'd had enough of Dean's sorry attempts to make a conversation with me, I asked about Brittney. Why, I still had no idea. I suppose I just wanted to see how'd he react.
And boy, did I get a reaction. His head swiveled to face mine, not seeing the road, almost killing us in the prcess, his green eyes becoming large, mouth agape.
When he asked me about it, I shrugged it off like it was nothing. "I was just reading some of Jess's old text messages last night and saw one about her and a friend, Brittney, hanging out. Reminded me of your Brittney." I thought it was a pretty good lie, having to be created in just seconds. I just hoped the shake in my voice didn't give me away.
If Dean had noticed the shake he failed to mention it. Instead he sighed, faced the road again and let out a small laugh. I knew he wanted to make a smart comment back, but I wasn't in the mood to hear what it was. I'd gotten the satisfaction I'd wanted. To see him cringe. To make him believe for a few moments that his big secret was uncovered. Then see his face when I reassured him I knew nothing about it his beloved journal.
I turned my gaze to the bed next to me. There he was, sleeping peacefully. I imagined to what his chest looked like under his shirt, where the rock salt scars were still prominent. A sick part of me was content that I had kicked his ass at something.
I couldn't stand the stiff bed or the distant noises any longer, I threw my legs over the side and stepped out. While debating my options of what to do in the middle of the night in a foreign place, my eyes drifted to Dean's bag, lying at the end of his bed.
The bag. With the infamous journal in it. Although I was disgusted by what was written, I also wanted to read some more. To know what else was hidden in those words.
I heard a voice in my head saying, "Read it! Read it!" My legs agreed with the voice and started walking towards the bag.
Another voice was chanting, "Dean will kick your ass if he wakes up. He will tear you to pieces."
Unfortunatly, my body wasn't listening to the second voice. It wanted to know too bad. It hadn't gotten a nibble of what it held the previous night, now it wanted another bite.
The journal was difficult to find in the dark. Several times I dropped things, one being the picture of the bear we had seen at the building while hunting the Windigo. I didn't even want to think about why that was in there. Thankfully the floor was carpeted.
My hands found the object of interest. With the utmost care I picked it up and walked to the only place I could turn on a light. The bathroom.
Taking a seat on the toilet I opened the stupid book to the second page.
October 24, 1995
Wow, my luck might've finally changed. Shocker, isn't it. See, there's this total hottie in my, uh, my math class i think. I can't remember which class it is. Not that I pay attention. Anyways,supposdly, she actually realizes how good looking I am and wants to go out with me.
Not that she told me that. Not many people talk to me. And if they do it usually involvs the words, "crazy, bitch, and loser." You can piece together what it means. But yeah, this really huge guy, bigger than me, uh, Troy I think his name is, think hes even on our gay football team,keeps talking about Danielle (the chick) turning him down. I even heard him tell him bud that she has the hots for, "that freak dude. You know the one who is always reading those paranormal books."
Which, of course, would be me. There's going to be this huge Halloween festival at school, a fundraiser for some dumb ass club, but there'll be games and supposdly everyone going.
Now, usually that'd be night to help dad out. seeings that any creatures love causing hell on Halloween. and lets face it, when do I ever support the school. I hate it!
But I'd do anything to get closer to Danielle. Hell, I'd do anything to get close to any girl right now! I'm not picky!
I closed the book. This explained something I had remembered from way back. I wanted to cry when I thought about it.
It was Halloween night. I hadn't gone anywhere. I'd spent most of the night at home, talking to friends over the phone. Dad was on a hunting trip, pissed to no end that I didn't come along, but I wanted to stay home and pass out candy to the trick or treaters. Something all my friends complained about every year, but I had failed to do.
Dean had told me he was going to that Halloween party thing. I figured since he was so "charming" one of his ladyfriends probably wanted him there. It was the only time I'd seen my older brother turn down a hunting trip. Now I wished he hadn't. Even I could tell from the entry they were planning something. Dean could shoot a pistol at some out of the ordinary creature seventy five feet away and could do some harm to the bastard, but he couldn't see a group of teenagers up to no good.
Almost regretfully I returned to my reading.
October 31,
Those stupid assholes! I hate them! I hate them all! Every last one of them! I hope they all rot in hell. And if I have anything to do with it, I'll be the one to send them there!
They thought they were so funny. Troy and Danielle and their friends, April, Chrissy, and Tony. thought it would be hilarious to play a trick on me. Intentionally say stuff about Danielle when I was around. Convince me to go to the dumb party. Then get Danielle to flirt with me for awhile. Make me get to feeling really great about myself. Almost great enough to ask her out, then go around acting like some spirit or whatever. Making everyone there laugh and point fingers at me.
Then her, Danielle, running into Troy's arms, saying, "What a freak! He actually thought I was interested...in HIM. ha ha ha! Maybe if you and your daddy stopped pretending there were such things as ghosts!" She continued to get in a good laugh at me for about five minutes.
I just wish I didn't have to go. To school. To that place of misery. Its worse than any creature I've had to deal with. Sometimes I wish Mom was here. She'd make us normal. She'd tell me how to win the girls over. I miss her now more than ever. I wonder if she sees me, crying myslef to sleep. Crying for her.