Porcelain
Disclaimer: The lyrics used as the bases of this story belong to the song Porcelain by Moby and I hold no rights to them. The characters belong to JK Rowling. But the plot… that is all mine.
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Harry Potter awoke suddenly, grasping his chest, his heart beating, thumping, rapidly.
Another dream. Another nightmare. He couldn't escape the horrors of his waking life, even in the supposed sanctity of his mind. There was no safe place for him, no sanctuary.
Save, maybe, one.
This time Voldemort had come for him while he was out around the neighborhood, home for his last summer at the Dursley's. He was taken to the Riddle Mansion and thrown into some hell whole prison cell for days, bordering on weeks. When Voldemort came back to finish the 'all-mighty Harry Potter' he brought with him Harry's one saving grace.
Ginny Weasley.
In my dreams I'm dying all the time
As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind
Now awake, Harry allowed his mind to wander, something he seldom did.
Ginny Weasley.
His first love, perhaps his only love. But that match wasn't to be. She would never let him near her again. Not after the hurtful things he said, the hurtful way he acted.
Though his dreams may deceive him, Voldemort was dead, the dreams a constantly reopening scar of the war he fought.
The war took its toll on the Wizarding community. While now, after, it was healing… things would never be quite the same again. How could they be?
The war had been hard for Harry too. While he loved Ginny, he couldn't handle her trying to help, because if she helped than she was in the middle, and if she was in the middle… it could be her end. He couldn't stand to see her die. That would be the last straw. Seeing someone so vibrant and full of life drained of it. But she wouldn't be deterred. He resorted to ignoring her, to telling her to go away, until that final argument made her go away for much longer than he intended.
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
So this is goodbye
This is goodbye
He was all alone. He pushed everyone away. With out her, he didn't want anyone else. So he hardened all alone in his room, in his own world. He created lies to soften the pain, to make it not his fault. He convinced himself that she hadn't wanted him, instead of him hurting or pushing her away, she had pushed him away.
He would convince himself of anything, just to make the pain go away.
Tell the truth you never wanted me
Tell me
He loved his Ginny Weasley, even if it was only an illusion of his imagination that she was his. He would catch snippets of life outside, see her from far away, follow her home, and look through her window.
But he did that less and less now, because in reality she was very far from being his. In reality, she had Neville Longbottom, Neville who had always been kind and never turned her away.
It made him crazy, seeing her with another man. It made him feel insane. She was meant to be his! He was the hero! Why couldn't his life be a fairytale?
In my dreams I'm jealous all the time
As I wake I'm going out of my mind
He stumbled out of bed and crashed into his bedside table, holding his head all the while. He had no purpose, Voldemort was gone. He had no friends, having pushed them all away. He had no love, no love at all. And Ginny Weasley was to marry Neville Longbottom this time next week.
He couldn't take it anymore. There is no point to life if you have no purpose.
All he wanted was his Ginny Weasley.
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"Why don't you just go back to that god forsaken house of yours and take care of your own stupid family? There are plenty of them to look after! I DON'T WANT YOU. What part of that don't you understand? GO. AWAY."
"Why are you saying these things Harry? Why are you being so hurtful?"
"The truth hurts, babe. NOW LEAVE."
"I said I would love you forever. But I guess I have learned my lesson. Forever is an awfully long time, and nothing can stand the test of it."
…
"Goodbye Harry"
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But he would never have her back at his side.
His shaky hand lifted the heavy gun from its place atop his dresser.
He would never have her back at his side.
His trembling finger rose to the trigger.
All he wanted was to have her back at his side.
Going out of my mind
A spark ignited, traveled and combusted behind a tiny piece of lead. That tiny piece of lead lodged in Harry Potters brain was the end of the Boy-Who-Lived.