(… It's a little short, but I'm updating twice to make up for 5 months of me slacking… )
Chapter 8: Heartsick
"And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had, I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take, That people run in circles it a very, very, mad world. Mad world. Mad world…" Mad World - Gary Jules
It wasn't fair. But then again, nothing is. Every night, when I close my eyes, I see your face. Every time I dreamt, I dreamt of you, until I felt that it was time to put a stop to it… and I did. And then that girl… she reminded me so much of you that it hurt. And since then, I've dreamt of you every night. Every time I dream, I die. Because there you are, smiling, telling me that we're about to get married. But it's over, really. It's been over for a long time. I love dreaming of you… but once again, I have to put a stop to it. It's killing me…
It had been done, it was over, but the pain wasn't gone. He still had to work with her. As much as it hurt to see her, Sohma Hatori had to keep going, like it was nothing. He had to carry out this task. Of course, he had the full support of his two best friends, and that bubbly rabbit… But still, nothing could even compare with that woman's love. All hope for the future was lost. He wanted to fall off the face of the earth. And sometimes, he would completely lose his aloof demeanor and just break down, crying. Ayame and Shigure would rush to his aid, only to be swatted away with angry, guilty hands. The hands that could only cause pain to others, and now himself. His hands were tainted with memories he only now shared with himself. His Kana had been torn away from him, and he was the one to blame. He couldn't blame Akito… no… we wouldn't blame Akito… Hatori had himself utterly convinced that Akito had had every right to get mad. But now it was time for him to step up to what had happened. He had to fix what he had broken. He had to work with Kana until her internship was over, even if it meant keeping all this pain locked up, and all those happy memories frozen, like ice in his mind. He stood up, swatting away the four friendly hands that tried to help him and swallowed hard. As hard as it would be to cope with this, he had to, or else it would kill him slowly, like it had almost killed Kana.
"I had to help her…" he muttered to himself, ignoring Shigure and Ayame for the moment. They both had began to stare, only looking at the expression on his face, knowing that they would probably never see him smile the way he had before. Staring down at his hands, he closed his good eye and put his hand over the other. "I can live with one eye. But Kana… she cannot live with all that pain. I can handle it by myself. With no one else."
"Ha'ri?" Shigure asked, stepping a bit closer
"Haa-kun?" Ayame mimicked Shigure's actions,
"Her internship ends tomorrow…" Hatori muttered, "And then… maybe some of this pain will subside. I won't have to… work with her anymore." He paused, then muttered, "Go away, you two." Shigure and Ayame backed out of the room and Hatori kept his hand over his eye. "I refuse to forget her. The memories will not leave me. I will not let them bleed away… or fade into nothing. Kana…"