"Sins of the Father"
3. 'Falling in and out of place'
"And I can't breath,
When you cry,
But I'll be there to hold you tight.
And I would kill,
I would fight
To keep you close,
I'll keep singing the same way.
I won't live if you died
If I can feel you in the winds
And this is me,
This is my life."
(Hidden track on Year of the Spider 'Same old song') Cold
"Morning." Kouen mumbled to Ken when he entered the study. She didn't turn to look at him, but kept her eyes focused on the computer screen in front of her.
"What are you doing?" he asked interestedly and sat down next to her.
"Reading an e-mail from my mother." She replied bitterly. "She says congratulations on having Sam, adds I should send her a picture and then asks how much money I need this month." She sighed heavily. "Just once I wish I could read that she's coming to visit me. Sam is her grandson and she doesn't even want to see him! Just like she doesn't want to see me." She put her forehead in her hand, "God, I should have known. She doesn't want anything to do with me or my son."
"At least you know she still cares about you. She wouldn't send you money if she didn't." Ken reasoned.
"I don't want guilt money, Ken. What I want is a job so I can take care of my self and my son, but now that I have a baby to take care of, it's going to be even harder to find a job. The waitress job wasn't too bad until I got too heavily pregnant for the uniform." She rolled her eyes and then looked up suddenly at Ken as if seeing him for the first time, "What's wrong? You're up really early this morning and you didn't have to feed a baby."
He looked hesitant but plunged on; "There was a woman here last night, in my room."
"What?" she yelled sharply, "Who? Was she a reporter or something?"
"I don't know who she was, but I don't think she was human. And it didn't seem she wanted to ask any questions about us or Sam."
"Then what was she doing here?"
"I'm not sure, but she knew who I was, she knew quite a bit about me too. I think she came from the digital world, she used the port to get out the apartment and I'm pretty sure that's how she got in."
"You think she wants something from you?" Kouen asked darkly.
"I have a feeling she might, but I'm not sure what."
Kouen sighed, "I thought all this was over with, but I guess it's not."
"I'm heading to the Digital world soon with Wormmon to start cleaning up the mess I made, would you like to join us?"
A small smiled came to Kouen's lips, "I think Sam might like it. Let me go get showed and dressed and we'll be on our way."
Ken nodded and watched her get up and leave the room before going into the nursery to look at his nephew. He smiled down at the infant and then picked him up. He rocked the baby in his arms and then sat down in the living room with him. He sat there, unaware of anytime passing, watching the tiny innocent child sleep. It was only when Kouen cleared her throat that he came out of his revere.
She was smiling, "Are you ready?"
He nodded and passed Sam to Kouen. "Doesn't Shinsei want to come?"
Kouen shook her head, "I checked earlier, she wants to spend the day meditating."
Ken nodded his head and they picked up a bag from the nursery, (full of necessities for Sam) and then went through the port.
They looked around and Dark Towers seemingly covered the land like weeds among roses.
"We should have asked for the other's help." Wormmon sighed.
"It's not their responsibility." Ken said firmly and Kouen looked at him sadly but said nothing.
"You know," she said suddenly, "I could get rid of a lot of these with very little effort if I evolved."
"No." Ken stated, "This is something I need to do."
She nodded and sat down under a tree, "Well, we'll be right here when you're done."
He nodded and flew off on Stingmon's back.
------
"You know, we should have asked Ken if he wanted to help us fix the Village of Beginnings." Hikari said suddenly as she painted the wall of one of the small houses.
"He's got a lot on his plate right now, the last thing he needs is reminders of his mistakes here, along with his brother's mistakes too." Takeru replied.
"But maybe helping to fix things would make him feel better." Miyako insisted hesitantly, dropping her hand to her side. Clutched in her fingers was a photo of her and Ken years ago, a lifetime it seemed. It was as if their lives were divided into two parts: Pre-Kaiser and Post-Kaiser.
She was sure she wasn't the only one having nightmares of the torment she had gone through when Osamu was the Kaiser. For what felt like a lifetime but was only a few years, she had being held captive in the Kaiser's dungeon, treated worse than a slave and starved of affection and love from her family, friends and mostly, Ken, the love of her life. All to punish Ken for being Chosen.
She felt unsure of anything at the moment, considering the fact that she hadn't really seen Ken in nearly a year. After Osamu was overthrown, Ken retreated into himself and turned into the new Kaiser and ran away to the digital world, away from her. Right now she was wondering if they would ever be close again. It was ironic how the only thing that had kept her alive was the thought of seeing Ken again but now that she could see him anytime, she felt like they he was worlds away from her.
"Maybe." Takeru shrugged.
"Should I send him a message?" Daisuke questioned but no answer came his way for at that moment, a very small, but very powerful digimon came pelting at the group.
"Why is Thundermon attacking us?" Nefertimon yelled.
"Good question!" Halsemon cried after ducking the Digimon's attacks.
Suddenly Stingmon came out of nowhere and aimed a Spiking strike attack at the small digimon. Within seconds, Thundermon was no more; data flew in every direction and disappeared, as if the digimon had never existed to begin with.
Miyako's eyes went wide with shock. She spun around and saw Ken standing upon a roof of a small house, one they had just finished rebuilding.
"What did you do that for?" she cried at him.
He jumped down after Wormmon devolved into his arms. "He wasn't real Miyako." He stated.
"Yes he was!" she yelled, "This isn't a game Ken! You know that, that was a living creature!"
"Miyako, calm down and listen to me for a-"
"I thought you had changed," she yelled with tears in her eyes, "that you swore you would never be like the Kaiser ever again, but you lied!" she sobbed and turned from him.
His mouth fell open and his temper suddenly flared up.
"Fine. Don't listen to me." He growled bitterly, "You obviously have a formed opinion of me stuck in your head, who am I to try to convince you otherwise."
He turned to walk away.
"Ken!" Daisuke yelled to stop him, but Ken walked on and out of sight.
He sighed and turned to the lavender haired teenager, "What's wrong with you?"
"Don't start with me Daisuke." She spat at him, angrily wiping the tears from her face.
------
"What are you thinking about?" Osamu's voice filled her ears.
"Cutting my hair actually." Kouen answered absently and tossed her long locks over her shoulder.
"Really?" he asked taken aback, "Why would you do that?"
"For a change I guess."
"But you've been growing it for years."
"I know." She shrugged.
"You'll miss it." He stated in a warning tone.
"Yeah, I probably will."
He ran his fingers through it, "I'll miss it too."
"You will?" she asked sweetly.
"I love the way it falls around you when you sleep. You look like a goddess."
She smiled at him and rested her head in his lap, the two of them under a large tree in the human world. It was a perfect spring day, with birds twittering in the trees and the sent of fresh flowers in the air.
"Then I won't cut it. Not unless you want me too." She muttered sleepily.
He frowned down at her, "It's your hair Kouen, and you can cut it if you want. I don't own it or you. You're free to do what you want with it."
"I know that." Her voice was light as air, "But I love you and my body is yours, as is my heart. I want to make you happy, if you are sad, I am sad."
His face broke into a smile, "Then I'll never be sad, because I don't want to hear you cry, it breaks my heart." He sighed heavily and suddenly became very distracted.
She lifted her head and sat up to look at him. He had a far off look about him.
She frowned, "Osamu? What is it?"
"Don't you sometimes wish that you could just escape?" he replied distantly.
"Escape what?"
"Everything. This world, the pressures, everything."
She sighed and looked down, "Yes. I wish all the pain and suffering would go away."
He looked seriously into her eyes, "How is your father?"
"The Chemotherapy isn't working, they say it's spread too far."
"I'm sorry." He choked.
"Me too." Pearly tears flooded her eyes and she tried to keep them back as he wrapped his arms around her.
"Kouen?"
The redhead opened her eyes and looked up at Ken.
"You fell asleep." He stated and she pushed herself up and put her back against the tree.
She nodded, "The Electmon said they would watch Sam for me." She looked closely at him, "Are you okay?"
He shook his head, "That woman, the one who was in my room last night, I saw her. She's an evil digimon and she has the power to turn Dark Towers into digimon clones or something. I killed one in front of Miyako and the others and Miyako nearly had a fit and wouldn't listen to me when I tried to explain."
"Ken, she's just confused right now. Trust me, she'll come around. Things are just awkward for her right now and she doesn't know how to trust you yet or what to think."
Ken released a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding and put his hand in his pocket, "I really blew it didn't I Kouen? I pretty much got rid of everyone who cared about me. If it wasn't for you and Wormmon, I'd have no one."
"That's not true Ken."
He sighed and dumped himself next to her. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. Wormmon scuttled onto his lap and Ken absently stroked his head.
Kouen looked closely at him and then put her hand on his hand. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She had a deep seriousness in her green eyes. It seemed to tug at something inside him.
He frowned, "What is it?"
"Ken, you're not alone. You'll never be alone. Even if you tried to push everyone away, you would never be alone because Miyako and Daisuke and Wormmon and myself will always be there for you."
A flicker of a smile flew across his face, "How come you're so strong?"
"Between you and me Ken, I'm not. I'm just this scared little girl who doesn't know what she's doing with her life. She doesn't know how to take care of herself, so how is she going to take care of a baby?"
He shook his head, "You took care of me didn't you?"
Before she could stop herself the sentence flew from her, "Yeah, and look how well that turned out, I let you become a tyrant."
He looked slightly wounded at that and she gasped as her hand flew to her mouth, "Oh God, Ken, I didn't mean…I just…"
"It's okay. Anyway, you had no control over that anyway, not even I did."
A sudden look of revelation came to her and he squinted at her, "What is it? What are you thinking?"
"Something Ken said, the other Ken. He said that all this was happening, that it was slightly different, but it had happened in his world. What if, things are panning out the way they did in the other world? If that's the case, we can contact them and find out what's going on, who that woman is, who planted the Dark Seed in you and Osamu…"
He tilted his head at her, "Do you think it's possible?"
She nodded, "Ryo has the codes. It could save a lot of time and energy if we knew what we are facing."
He nodded and stood up, scooping Wormmon up at the same time.
"We should tell the others what we're up to." She stated, picking Sam up and thanking the Electmon for taking care of him.
"I suppose we should." Ken murmured, a bitter resentment in his tone.
------
"It's possible for me to get a port open to their world, but communicating will be a bit different to what you had in mind Ken."
Ryo sat in front of the computer in Kouen's apartment and clicked away at the keyboard. "You know it would really help if Koushirou were here."
"I tried to contact him, but he's on business somewhere and apparently he's in meetings all day." Kouen sighed and rubbed her temples.
She looked up at Ken, "Did you get hold of everyone?"
"I sent a message to Daisuke and asked him to pass it on." He turned to Ryo, "What did you mean when you said it wouldn't work the way I had in mind?"
"Instead of transporting the Ken from the other world here, we'll be able to talk to him as if we were talking through a web cam. We'll see each other through the ports."
"Well, that's fine I guess."
Ken shrugged and looked down when Wormmon scuttled into the room.
"Ken, Daisuke and the others are here."
Ken nodded and left the room to open the door for the Chosen Children. He bowed slightly and welcomed them inside but he avoided Miyako's eye and felt an odd sinking sensation in his stomach when he looked at her. It was a strange feeling of anger with her as well as shame and he didn't know how to react to it but before he could figure it out, she pulled him aside and tried to make eye contact with him, "Ken, I want to know what happened this afternoon. Why did you kill that digimon…?"
He sighed, "It wasn't a real digimon, it was a clone or something, I'm not too sure but it was evil."
"How do you -?"
"Guys, the connection is ready!" Kouen announced to everyone in the living room. She guided them all to the study where they all gathered around the computer.
"Hopefully this should work. I need one of you guys to open a port as if you were opening a digital port." Ryo said and Daisuke stepped forward to do the honors.
The computer screen lit up, then faded and the screen held what looked like the digital port but in the window everyone could see what looked like Ken's room.
"Hello?" Ryo said hopefully.
To their amazement, Ken's doppelganger stepped in front of the screen and sat down at his computer looking thoroughly bewildered.
"What the…?" he muttered and then squinted into the screen. "Ryo? Is that you? What's going on…?"
"Hi Ken. Sorry to bother you but we need your help." Ryo indicated to the others behind him and Ken's eye-line shifted to meet their gaze.
Ken looked a little awkward and then said, "Uh, hi guys. What can I help you with?"
"Well, I think you should talk to your doppelganger for this."
Ryo got up out the chair and let Ken sit in front of the computer so he was facing his double.
"Remember when you were here how you told Kouen that things were happening in a similar way as to how they were happening in your world?"
Ken nodded so his double went on, "Well, things might be doing that here in the order in how it happened in your world." He hesitated, "I, um, I became the Kaiser and made a digimon called-"
"Chimeramon." Ken finished for him.
He nodded, "And then last night, a strange woman was in Kouen's apartment, in my room… She was in my room and then spoke to me and then went through the digi-port. Then today I saw her turn a Dark Tower into a digimon. What I need to know is, what's coming Ken? Is this what happened in your world?"
Ken nodded, a grave expression on his face, "Yes. The woman who turned the Control, er, Dark Tower into a digimon, was she wearing a red dress and had long white hair?"
"Yes."
"That's Arukenimon, she might called herself something else in your world, I'm not sure but all the same, she's a digimon who works for a guy called Owikawa Yukio. Long story short, he's being possessed by Myotismon."
Ken went into a detailed account of everything that happened leading up to the point of Malomyotismon's defeat. He talked about how Mummymon and Arukenimon used the Dark Towers to create Blackwargreymon and how he tried to destroy all the Destiny Stones and how that led to a ripple in the fabric dividing the two worlds and digimon getting lost in the human world. He explained how while they were sending the digimon back to the digital world, Arukenimon and Mummymon were kidnapping children to plant the Dark Seeds into them so Owikawa could go to a world in-between the digital world and the real world, a world made of wishes.
"So basically if we find this Owikawa guy and stop him before he can do any real harm, things will be fine?" Takeru asked suddenly.
"I guess," Ken sighed, "but it's not that simple. How will you stop him? You can't kill him, he's human, being possessed by a digimon."
"Well, what if we stop Arukenimon and Mummymon?"
"You can try." Ken looked to Kouen, "But if they create Blackwargreymon before you stop them, don't kill him. He will be a key element in closing the rips and gates between the two worlds. But by all means, stop him from destroying the Destiny Stones."
"But surely if we kill Blackwargreymon, we won't need to protect the Destiny Stones?" Hikari questioned.
Ken sighed and caught himself. She was right, but he didn't like the idea of them killing Blackwargreymon. In the end, he had a lot of respect for the digimon and saw a lot of himself in the digimon too.
"I suppose, but he could be a great ally if you get him on your side. Just try to destroy all the Dark Towers as soon as you can, that should release Azulongmon."
"Okay, thanks Ken." Ryo said into the screen, "You've been a big help."
"No problem. Anytime you guys need help, don't hesitate to ask." He looked at Ryo, "So are you living there full time now?"
Ryo grinned, "I figured I would hang around for a while."
"Thank you Ken." His double said quietly.
"You're welcome, and Ken, it will get better, I promise."
Kouen stepped forward before anyone could say goodbye to Ken and asked if she could have a private word with the doppelganger. They all nodded and left the room, closing the door behind them.
She sat down in front of the computer and looked seriously at Ken through the port.
"How are you Kouen?" he asked solemnly.
She sighed, "I'm not really sure, yet. I just had a son, I named him Sam."
Ken smiled, his eyes becoming alight, "What does he look like?"
"I saw baby pictures of Osamu once, Sam looks exactly like him."
"Congratulations."
"Thanks."
"So I take it you wanted to discuss something…more important than this…?"
She nodded, "I'm worried about Ken. He's been through a lot over the past few years and at the moment, he's acting strong but I can tell he's in denial. He hasn't even begun to cope with it, start healing, you know? How was it when…when you…?"
"I can't tell you Kouen. I haven't gone through half of what your Ken has gone through. I blamed myself for Sam's death, I wasn't the one who actually killed him…in Ken's case, he did kill his brother. He went through hell before that and then he became the Kaiser? Right now I can only tell you the tip of the ice burg of what he's feeling."
She sighed deeply, "I'm trying to get him to talk about it…"
"Just be patient with him, Kouen. It will take some time and don't be afraid to be forceful with him. I remember when Yolei slapped me across the face once because I was feeling sorry for myself, it really brought me to my senses."
She nodded.
"And how are you doing Kouen?"
She looked a little taken aback at he question. People had asked her before but she had just shrugged and said that she was doing okay, getting by, surviving. But because Ken, a person from another world asked it, it showed that he truly did understand what she was going through. Suddenly unable to keep it all in right now, she broke into tears.
"I'm don't know. I'm scared…of everything. I nearly lost Ken and it…I just…I nearly lost it."
"That's understandable, Kouen. You just have to take it one day at a time. I wish I could say something that would make it all better but…well Davis is usually better at that sort of stuff."
She gave a small sob combined with a giggle, "Thanks Ken, just for listening."
He gave a half-smile, "Anytime. And anytime you need help with everything that's going on right now, don't hesitate to call on me."
She nodded, "Thanks Ken."
He nodded and she turned off the computer, wiped her eyes and then joined everyone in the lounge.
"So what should we do?" Miyako asked. She seemed to have forgotten the argument with Ken, or what had being said in the conversation between the two Ken's had given her some peace of mind.
"I guess we should go to the digital world and start destroying Dark Towers." Daisuke replied.
------
"It's late." Miyako said quietly as she walked along the street, the light of a lamp illuminating her face, "What are you doing here?"
Ken turned to her and then looked back at the Base. "I could ask you the same question I guess."
She stopped and stood next to him, pressing her lips together and then looking at the door of the large building.
"I couldn't sleep." She finally said.
"Yeah…me too."
"So you came here?" she asked gently.
He gave a nod, "I come here every so often, to try and figure things out. I guess I'm looking for some…answer as to why this happened to Osamu. What the Dark Seed really was…anything that will help me sleep at night."
She looked up and watched him run his hands through his hair, looking so broken and destroyed. In the light, his sleeve had shifted, exposing his wrist and she saw scars and recent cuts along the inside of his arm.
Frowning deeply, she grabbed at his wrist and pushed up his sleeve, staring at the self-inflicted wounds. He tugged his arm away from her and his expression was one of shocked embarrassment.
Her eyes filled with tears, "Ken…"
"Don't." he interrupted her and looked away, "Please, just…don't."
Finally, her old fire burned within her and she was awoken from her stupor. The man she loved deeply was dying inside and he didn't want to face it, so she would make him face it. She lifted her hand and before she had even finished the thought in her head, her hand had connected with Ken's cheek.
Eyes wide, he turned to her, rubbing the spot where she had slapped him.
"Don't stand there and tell me, 'don't'. I love you, Ken, but I will not watch you suffer alone. I will not stand by and let you destroy yourself and punish yourself."
"Miyako, you don't know what I've been through…"
"And you don't know what I've been through."
He looked up at her with a small frown.
"Have you forgotten, Ken? Osamu imprisoned me for loving you, he tortured me and starved me and worst of all, he kept me from being with you. How long was I in that hellhole? I was cold and tired and I didn't think I would ever see anyone I loved ever again. Every single day I felt like I was going to die, but that would have being kinder. You kept me alive, the thought that I would get out again and see you and be with you, that's what kept me alive." She paused for a moment, "I may not know what you're going through Ken, but the things I saw and heard and did in that dungeon…I went through my own personal hell and I had to deal with that on my own because you weren't there."
His eyes had filled with tears suddenly and he reached out to grab her hand, "Miyako, I…"
"I'm not finished." She snapped, "I love you, okay? And I know that what I went through is not your fault. But I want to help you, I will be here for you, but you have to promise me that you'll talk to me, that you'll let me help you deal with all this."
He stared at her for a long time, her words echoing through him and suddenly, he realized what an amazing young woman she really was. He nodded his head at her and then wrapped his arms around her, burring his face in the crook of her neck. But no tears flowed.
"I'm so sorry, Miyako."
"It's okay." She cooed and rubbed his back. Two lovers under a street lamp dealing with something no one, young or old should have to deal with, ever.
------
Kouen stood in front of her bathroom mirror, fixated on her body. She hadn't realized it but she had been transfixed for at least ten minutes. Her eyes were glazed over as if she were seeing passed her reflection and she was indeed seeing something else.
It had been a long day for Ken and the others, who were steadily destroying the Dark Towers, but Ken still insisted that she did not help. She knew it was because he was worried about her evolving after the last time she did it, but something in her knew that it was more than okay for her to do it now.
Suddenly without thinking, still in her trance like state, she picked up a pair of scissors and began cutting off her long curly hair. She hacked it off so all that was left was an uneven shoulder length head of hair.
Ken, who had just come back from his nighttime stroll stepped into the doorway to check on her and gasped.
"Kouen! What are you doing?"
She started and dropped the scissors. She spun to look at him and then grasped her hair looking down at her fallen locks on the floor. Suddenly she burst into tears and fell to her knees.
Ken ran to her aid and wrapped her arms around her. She was shaking and rocking back and forth. It scared him terribly because the last time he had seen her like this, she had ended up in a mental institution. Suddenly Ken realized that she was only wearing her underwear, so he pulled her bathrobe from the door and wrapped her in it. Then he led her to the bed and pulled back the covers for her. She climbed in and curled up into a little ball.
He sat gently next to her, "Kouen, what happened?"
"I don't know. I was seeing these images. Images of fire and wings and feathers and I could hear a voice but I didn't know what it was saying. And it felt like my hair was on fire." She began sobbing into her pillow while Ken stoked her head until she fell asleep.
He got up and closed the door behind him, walking into the nursery; he looked down at Sam. "I hope you never have to go through what we went through Sam."
He sighed and turned to see Shinsei standing in the doorway.
"You should get some sleep Ken, you have a big day ahead of you."
Ken nodded, not taking too much notice of Shinsei's prophecy, as he was used to her telling him things like this. He walked to his room and shut his door. He picked Wormmon up and lay down in his bed. Surprisingly he fell asleep rather quickly, even with everything that was plaguing his mind. It had been a very long day but strangely enough, his thoughts kept going back to one single thing. The conversation with his double this afternoon had sparked it. The Dark Seed. If everything went according to Owikawa's plan, then others would be infected with the evil spawn too. It made him sick to think about and when his nightmares awoke him with fresh memories of the day when he and Osamu had both contracted the Dark Seed he sat bolt upright and swore he would do everything to stop that from happening.
------
(AN) Okay, well, it's being a while since I've let a chapter of this story out and I did that for a reason. The entire story is finished but it's always bugged me. I've never being happy with it and as I've being editing it and proofreading, I just became more and more unsettled by it. So I held it back for a while and suddenly today I looked at it with fresh eyes and new ideas. Thanks to Akino Ame, who always inspires me, I sat down and found some more meat to add to the story. The chapters as still quite short but then, this is a filler story for 'Doppelgangland' and 'Cruel Angel's Thesis'.