Disclaimer: I do not own Veronica Mars. I'm not even affiliated with the show in any way. Which is pretty distressing considering I think I'd be a great addition to their writing staff…
He doesn't want to remember. Like sunlight peeking through morning curtains, however, the memories keep flooding back in shafts and snippets. Logan's lips on her alabaster skin, his fingers tangled in her hair…it's enough to make his stomach turn, even now.
"Hey Duncan." Her shoulders shook as she gazed at the lowering coffin, but she didn't cry. Didn't make a sound until his arms had wrapped around her shoulders. Her sorrow had seeped out then, and finally, the tears had exploded down her cheeks. She was safe, she was Okay, she was in his arms. Logan's. But not his-never his.
"Veronica." He responds quietly, only meeting her eyes for a second. Light is streaming in through the big picture window, and he doesn't miss the irony as it dances a halo around her hair. Veronica. The only answer to his questions, his one hope for salvation.
"I just-" He can pinpoint the exact moment Logan enters the library. Not through any semblance of friendship-they haven't had a conversation in months, but through her. Her lips part, and of their own volition her eyes soften. He can sense the love in them, and shifts his hands out of view so she can't see how tightly his fists clench. "Hey," She calls out to him, her voice hoarse-as if she isn't sure which tone to use. Her movements are jerky, and he wonders fleetingly if they are this awkward when alone. He doubts it. And all too suddenly, Logan is there, and he almost has to pull back, to put a wall between them because his presence is so overwhelming.
"Hey, man." He says, smiling tightly and reaching his hand out to form some sort of contact, but it falls to his side as Duncan unwillingly pulls back, stiffening. "How's it going?" He wants to scoff at this. How's it going. Possibly the most trivial greeting ever created. No one ever bothers to stick around and wait for an answer, and honestly if they were to, what would he say? Well, I'm doing great! My sister has been murdered and I'm in love with her best friend, who's also my best friends girlfriend and as an added bonus, my ex. But yeah, I'm doing awesome He wonders fleetingly what bothers him more, Lilly being gone, or Veronica and Logan. He feels sick, and a bead of perspiration explodes on his forehead. As he moves to answer, he can tell Logan's attention is riveted on something else. Someone else. She's playing with the spoon necklace around her neck, flicking the chain back and forth as she stares at the spot behind his left ear. He'd bet a million that her look of calm serenity is anything but, but he has no basis for it, will never unlock the mysteries hidden in her eyes. A bell rings somewhere in the distance, and inwardly he breathes a sigh of relief. Another awkward conversation averted, another day survived. He can't think of it any other way or he'll go crazy. He's going crazy, but no one notices. It's better this way.
"I have to-I should go." He stands so quickly that his chair begins to teeter, but he turns and straightens it quickly, no imperfections detected. He can see her heart clearly reflected in her eyes, her spirit is crushed, and absurdly he feels a rush of satisfaction at that. I did that, something inside him laughs, and he can almost swear he hears the sound ringing through his ears. "I'll see you later." He says as he turns back to face them, his own features guarded. He reaches towards her, his actions mimicking Logan's. He wants to touch her. To gather her in his arms and bury himself within her, but he can't. She's not his anymore. Maybe she never was.
"Well that was awkward." Logan has filled the vacant seat, and she has to blink because the differences between them are so drastic.
"On a scale of one to a million I would say it was the awkwardest." She responds, throwing a grin his way, but sighing as she takes his hand.
"And it could have been avoided, Ronnie, if you'd listened to me. He's not ready to talk to us. Give him time." She's still unaccustomed to listening to him as the voice of reason, but deep down, she finds she likes it. Knows she couldn't have survived the past few months without him.
"I just…I don't want him to be alone. Lilly was all he had and-" Not unexpectedly, her eyes fill with tears, and she has to break their contact in order to wipe them away.
"We all grieve in different ways." He replies, regaining his hold on her fingers, even tightening it ever so slightly and leaning over to lightly brush his lips across her knuckles.
"I'm sorry," She murmurs, cupping his cheek with her palm, her eyes meeting his and holding. "I know that-" He kisses the inside of her palm, and she closes her eyes, a tiny little gasp escaping from her parted lips.
"Veronica," He whispers, and she opens her eyes, glancing into his with a startling intensity. "It's Okay." After a moment of silence, she nods, fresh tears springing in her eyes. It's Okay. It's not your fault. She isn't dead because of you Once again she finds herself in his arms, sobbing quietly into the warmth of his shoulder, her shoulders shaking with the enormity of her grief. He glances up on impulse, surprised to see Duncan's retreating form. He'd been watching.
A/N: Okay children, I hope this cleared things up a little, although it was meant to be a little confusing so maybe not. I really hope you liked it, because I think this is one of my better chapters, but it's up to you.