A/n:I haven't done a YnM fan fic in a L-O-N-G time, and now due to my lost bet with Shonen-aigoddess, I've had topull out the old DVDs and watch again so I can get Muraki and Oriya's personalities down. It was in watching the last episode that i remembered the little scene betweenTsuzuki andhis child self. this is something along those lines. also to make this clear, i don't have the manga so this is based off the anime.
Why?
Tsuzuki sat in his dark room, merely reflecting.
This wasn't something that happened often, however ; for a reason unknown to even himself, todayhad been one of the toughest he'd had in a long time.
This solitary reflective confinement of himself wasn't brought on for the usual reasons though.
It wasn't any case he'd been on, and even Hisoka had been mellower than usual.
So what was it?
Subconsciously he rubbed at his right wrist.
He'd removed the watch hours ago and the area felt naked without it.
In the dark he could feel the scars he'd made.
A little voice in the back of his mind asked a question he hadn't heard in a while.
'Why?'
He sat there in silent contemplation for a while until he spoke the answer aloud, even though no one was within earshot.
"I wanted to die."
But again the child like voice of Tsuzuki's subconscious asked.
'Why?'
He wasn't sure he wanted to answer that; wasn't sure there was an answer.
"I didn't have anyone. I was alone."
And then the voice asked a different question.
"Aren't you alone now?"
Tsuzuki was beginning to get angry with this little voice, only half realizing that it was himself he was talking to.
"It...It's not that kind of alone."
There was a long moment where he and his mind were quiet while the clock in the living room chimed loudly.
"Twelve rings; I should sleep or Hisoka will yell at me when I'm late tomorrow."
Yet even while he thought this, his body refused to move and he heard that damn voice again.
'Hisoka will understand...he knows how hard a day it was today.'
Tsuzuki let his eyelids slide closed as his head dropped against the high back of the chair.
"Don't change the subject little Asato. It was partly you who made the decision. You were trapped in that body just as much as I was."
Before his closed eyelids, colors began to melt and create a place he'd been to once as a child.
A river, hidden from the world.
He'd run and run until his legs couldn't move anymore and he fell beside the wide river with a sob.
Back then his body didn't heal like it did today and the cool water felt good on his scratched face as he splashed himself with it.
Tsuzuki slowly walked up beside his child self and stared out at the autumn leaves.
The small boy looked up at him, tears streaming down his bruised cheeks.
"Do you love me Tsuzuki?"
He looked down and shook his head.
"I...don't really know how to love anyone. So how can I love you? Is it okay if I don't?"
The boy nodded.
"At least you listened to me this time...maybe in a little while you'll be strong enough to love me."
Tsuzuki smiled and nodded. "Maybe little Asato, when I can love myself."
Little Asato laughed as his older counter part sat beside him, slipping off his shoes and dipping his feet into the water.
"Silly Tsuzuki...I am you."
Tsuzuki nodded, staring now up into the darkening sky. "I know..."
''
end, please review.