"Anakin? Where are you?"
"I'm going to Tatooine," I reply stonily, "don't try to follow me."
"Why Tatooine of all places?" He moans, though he doesn't contradict me.
"I don't know. How's Leia?" I ask abruptly.
"She's obviously not in the best of conditions, but she'll live," he answers, "what happened to her?"
"She was shocked." I say shortly, "and he burned her forehead with his lightsaber."
I take his silence as acceptance of my explanation. He probes no further on the topic, instead wondering, "how did it go with the Emperor?"
"To his knowledge, I never left him."
I break off the transmission, not wanting to hear his reply.
I land my craft near a cave in the Dune Sea after about another hour. As I step out, a wave of sand hits me, covering my face and clothes and hair. The heat is suffocating. I stumble dizzily to the cave as quickly as I can and take shelter in the shade it provides.
I slump against the cave wall, pressing myself against the cool stone as I slide to the ground.
"Hello, Anakin."
In an instant I'm on my feet, my lightsaber ignited.
"It's just me, Anakin."
"Qui-Gon?" I ask cautiously, glancing rapidly about the small enclosure.
"Yes," he answers simply, rapidly materializing into the blueish, semi-transparent form of the man I knew over a decade ago.
"I'm insane," I mutter, pressing my hands against my ears and closing my eyes, "I'm insane."
"And why do you think that?" he questions, tilting his head slightly, "you may not have the best judgment in the galaxy, but as far as I can tell, you seen sane."
"No," I tell him quietly, turning off my blade and wearily sitting back down, "I'm not. You don't know the things I've done..."
"Yes, I do," he answers firmly, "I've been watching you all these years, Anakin.."
I look up from the ground and meet his eyes. "I'm sorry Qui-Gon. You should have just left me on Tatooine. I'm so sorry for everything. I didn't mean to do any of it. I didn't. I swear. I thought I was doing the right thing."
He regards me thoughtfully for a minute. "You've grown up so much since the last time we met, Anakin. I am proud of the person you've become."
"You shouldn't be," I say lowly, "I'm a murderer."
"No," he says, as though he is speaking to a small child, "I don't think you are. You have committed the act of murder, yes. But right now, today, you are not a killer, Anakin."
"There's no difference. I murdered people. I'm a murderer."
"No, Anakin," he says loudly, spinning around so his back is facing me, "you must understand, there is a difference. You once went through the act of apprenticeship. Does that mean you are still a padawan?"
"Obi-wan thinks so."
He faces me again, this time with a gentle smile on his face. "Well, Obi-wan's a special case. But you see the difference now. Just because you once killed, were once a murderer, does not make you one now."
"I think I might understand what you're saying," I admit slowly, "but that doesn't make me feel any less guilty about..."
"It's not meant to make you feel less guilty," he says impatiently, waving a hand, "because it doesn't take away any of the guilt. You are still to blame. What I'm trying to make you undertand is that even if you were once a killer you are not one any longer. Meditate on it."
"I will," I promise. Then I ask something that's been bothering me. "Qui-Gon--how are you doing this? Appearing here? How come you haven't joined the Force?"
"That's a very good question," he laughs, "I'll do my best to answer."
"Well...?"
"When I was alive, in the sense that I had a body, I would meditate frequently. So often, in fact, that my consciousness could stay whole when it left my body. I didn't need a physical shell to contain me. So when my body stopped working...I simply left it and slipped out. Most Jedi, most people, without a physical shell, fall upart, loose form...loose self. They disolve into the Force. Like pouring a bucket of water into a river, if you will. The bucket affects the river of course, but generally only by a small amount. But everything adds up, and if enough people die, it makes the river stronger. I believe you and Obi-wan noticed that before?"
"We did," I admit, "but I thought it was Luke and Leia."
"No," he corrects me, "if anything, that would lessen the affects of all the Jedi who died reccently. The birth of your twins causes some of the power now available to be siphoned off into a body. I predict that there will be many Forcee strong children born in the next few centuries. Possibly much stronger than the Jedi of today..."
He frowns, and looks off at something I can't see.
"Qui-Gon...how come you didn't become part of the 'river?'"
His eyes loose their glazed look, and his attention is focused again on me. "When I died, it was like dropping a water balloon into the same river. It still retains it's shape and form."
"Have any other Jedi managed that?" I ask curiously.
"Mace Windu has, and a few of the smallest younglings. They tried to talk to you," he admonishes gently.
"I know...I heard them. I didn't really understand. Do you know what it was all about?"
"Yes," he says soberly, "but I can't tell you."
I ball my fists in frustration and clench my eyes shut, breathing deeply. Why doesn't anyone see fit to tell me anything?
"Anakin...?"
"Yes," I say sharply, wrenching my eyes open, "I'm fine. I was thinking...why haven't you talked to anyone before"
"I tried," he says grimly, "no one listened. I tried to stop you when you were slaughtering that village, but you were too caught up in your own fury to listen. I tried many times to speak to Obi-wan, but he pushed me aside as his own thoughts or conscience. I tried to speak to both of you on Mustafar, but you couldn't hear."
"Can you teach us this power?" I wonder eagerly.
"Obi-wan--perhaps. You--I cannot."
"WHY?"
"I cannot tell you that either."
I stand up furiously and ignite my lightsaber. I stab at him, but nothing happens.
He starts fading away, becoming more and more transparent.
"Qui-Gon? Wait! Please don't go!" I shout desperately.
"There is no need for me to stay. I've told you all I can."
"Will you be back?"
"If I am needed..."
And then I am alone again.
A/N
Well...I tried to get it up when I said I would, but it didn't work out. Severe writer's block. Read and review, and take a look at this webpage, a newspaper article about a possible new SW. I can't figure out if it is a hoax or an unreliable paper or real. Opinions!
http/toronto.